Meanwhile on the set of Twilight.
Bella: How did you get in here?
Edward: The window.
Bella: Do you do that a lot?
Edward: Just the past couple of months I like watching you sleep.: Watching you sleep. It's fasionating.
Bella: That's fucking creepy!
Edward: No it's not.
Bella: Yes it is!
Edward: No it's not.
Bella: Yes it is!
Edward: ... You are my heroin.
Bella: What the hell are you!?
Edward: The embarressment of Robert Pattinson's actually pretty decent acting career.. But mostly a vampire.
Alucard (voice heard from other side of door): Bull-shit!
Edward: Who's there!?
Alucard: Oh you know.
Suddenly a rain of bullets blasts open the door, Alucard shoots his pistols so fast it's like a minigun. And Edward and Bella are both blown to bits.
Alucard: a REAL fucking vampire. (the intro scream for CSI-MIAMI plays)
Director: Cut.. That's not part of the scrip-
Alucard: (punches the director) YET YOU PUT GLOWING VAMPIRES IN THE FUCKING SCRIPT!
Director: I do what the kids wanna see.
Alucard: I'll tell you what they wanna see (bites the director and begins drinking him/her).
Producer: Camera man, you getting this!?
Camera man: Yes.
Producer: Good.
SOON AFTER:
Alucard (heard on Verona's speakerphone, assumably outrght "eating" the late director. So he/she won't become a vampire, or even ghoul): Things have been really quite sense than. (gross chewing sounds).
Verona: Alucard.. That's not what I sent you for.
Alucard (mouth full): Well I did the world a favor. (takes another bite).
Verona: Can you please just find the REAL demon.
Alucard: Fine.. But admit it. You were aroused when you saw it on the news!
Verona: Maybe a little. But we're discuess that later.
To anyone who read this chapter who actually likes Twilight.. I apologize.. Sort of.. Not really.. They are just stupid, so sorry NOT sorry..