Hey, all. I am back! No copy right intended.
Belle happily helped Mulder and me carry all the groceries inside, hopping and swinging the bags as she went. She ran to the elevator and pushed the button, looking back to make sure Mulder and I were still in tow. Once I unlocked the door, I set all the bags on the kitchen floor and then I began my work of putting them in the proper place.
"Scully, why don't you let me do that. Go help Belle put away her things, and get her situated," he offered.
I gave him a suspicious look. "But, you don't know where everything goes," I whined. I didn't want to have to come back and redo Mulder's work.
"Yeah, and I also have no idea what to do with little girl things. I have a better chance of survival doing this," he gestured to the groceries.
I caved. I had to. It was either redo the groceries or redo Belle's things. I opted to put away Belle's clothes, knowing damn well he'd mess that up more than the groceries.
"Okay, but Mulder, make sure you don't put the bananas in the freezer again. They were rock hard last time," I smirked.
He threw me a look and placed his heart over his chest, as if I wounded him. I rolled my eyes and left him to his devices.
When I went to find Belle, she was in the living room playing with her stuffed kitten, happily entertaining herself. I stopped to watch her for a second. She really was angelic, and I was so lucky to have her in my life. I couldn't imagine another day without her.
"Belle, I am going to go put your clothes away. Would you like to join me, or watch a movie before dinner?"
"Can I watch some cartoons, Scully," she quizzed.
"Sure, let's see what's on," I agreed, reaching for the remote.
Once I found the Disney channel, she seemed satisfied on whatever was showing. I had no idea what it was, but it looked harmless. So, I gave her a water, with a straw, and grabbed all her shopping bags, heading to the spare bedroom.
Luckily, my spare bedroom consisted of the essentials. I had a dresser and a twin bed. I was pretty sure Belle was going to need some new things. It wasn't, by any means, a kid bedroom. That's another thing we would have to do in the near future. But, for now, her clothes would be just fine in this dresser. She'd probably share a bed with me, until we can get her a proper sized bed.
I knew sharing a bed with her wasn't healthy sleeping habits. I figured she really didn't have the life of a normal child, at least, not right now.
Once I finished with her clothes and put away all of her essentials. I stretched out my body and headed towards the kitchen, so that I could start dinner. No doubt Belle and Mulder were getting hungry, especially Mulder. He ate like a growing boy. But, when I got to the kitchen, I saw something unbelievable. Mulder had pulled a chair up to the counter for Belle, and they both were making a salad together. I noticed the water was starting to boil, and Mulder had peeled the potatoes. I was impressed.
"Wow, look at you two! I hope this is something I can get use to," I made my presence known.
"As a matter of fact, Scully, Belle seems to be a great little salad maker, which is good for you, because that's all you eat. Me, I am going to have to find myself a steak maker. Do you know anyone who can cook a decent steak," he wiggled his eyebrows.
"Well," I said with a devilish smile, "I don't want to brag or anything, but I can cook a mean steak, or so I've heard."
"Well, why don't you put your money where your mouth is, and start on these bad boys. I am getting hungry," he joked.
I walked over to him, resting a hand on his forearm, looked him dead in the eye, and said, "thank you for starting on dinner, Mulder, and being so great with her." I gave him the best smile I could, and watched him soften. He was always a sucker for my smiles, which were rare, but hopefully not anymore.
"You guys are weird," Belle spoke up, making a gross face. I remember that face. I used to make that face when I watched my parents kiss. I thought it was the worst thing ever to witness, but now I understand.
"It won't be so gross when you're older and you and your husband are kissing," Mulder supplied a comeback.
"Eww! Boys are gross. I am going to live alone, with a cat, and have a super good job," she said.
"But I am a boy, am I gross," Mulder pretended to be offended.
"Well," she started, unsure of how to break it to him. "You don't really count. You are Scully's boyfriend, so I guess you are okay," she said simply, as if being associated with me made his gender acceptable. I froze, and I think Mulder froze too.
I looked at him, and we silently communicated that once Bells was in bed, we were going to have to talk.
"Alright, why don't you and Mulder go set the table. I will cook the steaks, and dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes. Go on," I pushed them out of the kitchen. I needed some alone time.
Fifteen minutes later, the table was somewhat set, and I found Mulder teaching Belle how to play Go Fish. Every time he asked for something she didn't have, she would say, "Gold Fish, Foxy," and it was the cutest thing I'd ever heard. I couldn't wait to watch him have a tea party with her. I can just see it now. I'd have to remember to buy a camera tomorrow, so we can start a photo album. I wanted to remember these days forever.
"Alright, kids, dinner is ready," I called.
After dinner, which Belle surprisingly ate all, even her salad, we decided she was going to need a bath. Mulder suggested that I should go on and give her a bath, while he did the dishes. I suspected he wasn't sure how to run a bath and help her take one, so he went ahead and called dibs on the dishes, which was fine by me.
After bath time, we dressed Belle in her new pj's, and headed towards my bedroom, where she would go to sleep, except not really.
Once, I got Belle to bed, she was like a dehydrated little terrorist. When we first got to bed, she stated that she forgot to give Foxy a good night kiss. So she had to run out to the kitchen, to give him a series of hugs and kisses good-night. I was totally okay with that. So, we tucked her back into bed. Then, she claimed she needed a glass of water. Fine; I went and grabbed her water. We tucked her back into bed again. Then, she remember that she forgot Cuddles, which was her stuffed cat. I ran to the living room and retrieved Cuddles. We tucked Belle in again. I thought that was it.
"Scully, think I have to use the potty," she said. I brought her to the bathroom. She didn't need the potty. But, I thought it was best not to tempt fate. We tucked her back into bed. I was sure we were done. I was wrong.
"Will you read me a story, Scully," she asked. And I wanted to cry. Thankfully Mulder walked into the bedroom. He walked over towards me, and put a hand on my shoulder.
"The dishes are done. How about I tell her a bedtime story, and you go do whatever it is you do at this time of night," he smiled at me. Fine. Maybe he could do better, but I couldn't wait until she pulled those moves on him too.
I went into my master bathroom and decided to run a bath. After adding lavender bath oil, I threw my hair up with a clip, and began to undress. I was upset with myself for getting so easily frustrated with Belle. I knew these things were going to happen, but it still bothered me. Maybe bedtime isn't going to be my expertise. Maybe I should leave that to Mulder. But, I wanted to be able to do it all for her. Maybe she was testing her limits. I heard a knock at the door.
"Come in," I said, making sure the curtain was closed tight. I didn't need Mulder seeing me naked.
"Hey, she's asleep," he said from the other side of the curtain.
"You're kidding," I said, surprised.
"Scully, don't take it to heart. She was just pushing your buttons. It's okay to be frustrated. Tomorrow you can try again. Next time you'll be prepared. It's also okay to be a little firm with her," he suggested, easing my fears. How did he know I was so bothered?
"Did she fall right to sleep after I left the room," I quizzed.
"Yes. She did. I didn't even get half way through the story. You wore her out," he joked.
"She wore me out!"
"I see that. Well, why don't you finish your bath, and come out to the living room. We have some things that we need to discuss," he offered.
"I'm afraid you're right, Mulder. I will be out soon."
I was scared to get out of the bath tub and face Mulder. I knew we had major things to talk about. There were questions that I knew I was not going to have answers to. Mulder has some serious questions for me. He's the one who isn't afraid of emotions, whereas, I am the one who likes to hide what I feel and ignore the truth about our feelings towards each other.
Once I got out and got dress, I made my way towards the living room. I noticed that Mulder made us some tea. I took a deep breath and moved forward.
"Hey," he said, testing the waters.
"Hey back."
"So we aren't going to beat around the bush here, Scully. Let's just get right down to it," he suggested.
"Okay. Let's do it."
"Well, first of all, we need to talk about work," he got that one out of the way.
"I figured I would take a leave of absence, and then go back to teaching at Quantico. I want to make sure Belle is situated and we find a school or day care, before we leave her all day. And, I strongly suggest, you find something manageable. No more going on while goose chases, jumping on trains, and chasing monsters into the dark."
"Okay," he drawed out. "That sounds fair enough. I can't do desk duty, let's be rational. But, maybe I can do some profiling work for violent crimes."
Alright, things were going well. We were agreeing on work. Mulder is full of surprises.
"Now, the harder stuff," he treaded lightly. "We need to talk about our living and sleeping arrangement."
"Yes. I agree. I think, that maybe you should keep your apartment, but I think that you should stay here the majority of the time."
"Okay, what do we tell Belle," he tossed back. "She obviously thinks we are an item."
"I think we need to tell Belle the truth," I supplied.
"Which is what, Scully," he jumped. "That we are completely into each other, obviously love one another, but we are too damn stubborn to admit it. So, I can't stay every night with you two, because we aren't dating. It isn't the complete truth."
He caught me off guard. He was right, of course. He typically is.
"Mulder, we have to think of Belle," I tried.
"I am thinking of Belle. I am thinking of all three of us. What is more healthy, her parents together or apart? I mean, Scully, am I going to be a father figure to her or not? Tell me now!"
"Mulder, you already are her father. Don't even think for a second I'd have anyone else fill those shoes."
"Then what, Scully. Tell me what bothers you," he raised his voice.
"Mulder, calm down. I am just thinking logically. What if we did start a relationship. Yes, she'd be thrilled. But, it'd break her heart, if it didn't work out between us?"
"Scully, I am surprised with you. Do you really think we wouldn't work?"
"Mulder, I really don't know," I said, but I was a liar. I knew it would work out. However, there is always a small chance it wouldn't.
I broke his heart. I saw it in his eyes. "I'll always love you, Scully. I will always be apart of your life. But, if you don't think I can be a partner, I don't know what to tell you. I guess, we can tell Belle the truth."
"Mulder,-", I tried to reason.
"No, Scully. Just leave it. You've said your piece. I understand," and then he left. And my heart broke into a million pieces. What is wrong with me.
As soon as he left, I felt something inside of me stir. I felt the wind being knocked out of me. I wasn't thinking of Belle. I wasn't thinking at all. Belle did deserve two parents. Belle did deserve to see us together. Belle wants us together, because together is when we are the happiest. Together we make a family, and all three of us felt that way.
I clearly made a huge mistake, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it now. Mulder was gone, and his cell phone sat on the kitchen table. I felt so despicable. I felt selfish. I felt broken. Why was I this way?
I sat on the couch for an hour, trying to calm my nerves. I picked up a book, but realized I kept reading the same page over and over, without absorbing a thing. I tried to turn on the tv, but there wasn't anything on. I paced the living room a few times, and realized I wasn't doing any good. So, I started cleaning the fridge out. That's when I heard the front door open. My heart skipped a beat.
"Mulder, I was afraid you weren't coming back," I said, elated to see him again. I didn't notice how lonely I was without him.
"I just went for a drive," he said, sheepishly.
"I'm a liar, Mulder," I reached out for him. He didn't flinch, but the light in his eyes was still gone.
"I will always love you, too. I'm just overwhelmed with being an instant mother. I want to be the best for her," I explained. "I don't want to spread myself thing, between the two of you. You have to understand that."
"Scully, we are all three, the happiest when we are together. We are perfect together, and you know it. You aren't single, and I am not single. We are already together. The only thing missing is intimacy. And that's fine. But, I don't want to go home at night, okay. I belong here, with you two. I plan on staying here, too."
"I agree, and I am sorry I hurt you."
"I understood you thought you were doing the best for Belle. But you're wrong. I am not going home at night, anymore. We don't have to share a bed. I'll sleep on the couch. We can do all of this at your own pace. There isn't any rush," he offered.
"Mulder, I don't want that. You aren't sleeping on my couch. You'll ruin a perfectly good couch," I teased.
"Scully," he chuckled, moving closer to me. He wrapped me in a hug. I rested my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around him. At that moment, I felt loved.
"I'll always love you too, Mulder," I remember to tell him back. "And I want my daughter growing up with two parents, especially with a father who loved her mother. I want a good example of a family. I don't want us fighting in front of her. I don't want us talking down to each other. A woman grows up, watching the way her father treats her mother. Don't even forget that," I informed him. I want Belle to find a man just like Mulder. He was a little quirky, but he wasn't abusive, and he really did love me. I'd be happy with her finding someone just like him.
"I know, Scully. I will treat you the way I want a man to treat her. I know how it works. I am a psychology major, remember? We can make this work. You just have to trust me. I won't let you down," he promised.
"I trust you with my life, and I know I can trust you with both mine and Belle's hearts," I let him know.
We were going to make it. We were going to be good parents. It wasn't something I imagined Mulder and I doing together, but it was something I knew we were capable of doing. But, with happiness, comes dark times. I only hoped we could get through the bad times too.
TBC
RED