Yo! I went overboard with this next part and had to split it into two so sorry if it doesn't exactly flow right. Thanks again to reviews so far, much appreciated. I apologize in advance for any grammar/spelling mistakes. It's 5 in the morning and I'm too wiped to go over them just now.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
"What - in the name of Iggy Pop - are you doing 'ere?" Vince immediately seethed, straightening up as he leaned against Howard.
The doppelgangers chuckled and shared an amused look before turning back to the pair.
"What're we doing 'ere?? We live 'ere! This is our flat, sir." Harold Boon explained simply.
It was Howard's turn to snap; "No it isn't! It's our flat - and, for the final time, I call people 'sir', sir, not you!"
"Oh is that true, sir?" Harold scoffed.
"Yes indeed, sir!"
"Howard! Not now!" Vince hissed in the maverick's ear before turning back on his nemesis'; "Should've known you'd be 'ere. We get erased and you jump in and take our places like that!" Vince finished with a click of his fingers.
"What d'you mean, 'take your places'? What places?" Harold asked, bemused.
"Our places! You two, you tried it before, copying everything we did, our looks, our hair, our crimps - you took our crimps, you wankers!" Vince cursed as if it was the ultimate insult. "And 'ere you are again, the competition gone, so you thought you'd come back."
Both Lance and Harold's faces hardened; "We - have - never - seen - you - before." they chanted in unison. "How the 'ell could we copy you, whoever you are, you must've copied us, you freaks!"
"But that…" Howard began his argument in defense. Only there wasn't one. He looked to Vince at his side and the mod's eyes met his. His friend may not have been the brightest glitter sequin but even he was smart enough to know this was wrong. Their identity thieves were alive, living their lives, not as doppelgangers. Just as themselves. No Vince and Howard to copy in the first place. "How does that work?" he said, hushed, to Vince who shrugged his shoulders, just as confused.
The padding of large feet came down the corridor behind them.
"Beautiful Lance's hair look good today. Love the jacket."
"Cheers Bollo." Lance thanked, an ugly smug smirk on his face.
The ape nodded his head and grunted; "Howard."
Howard's heart leapt; "Bollo! You know who I am!?"
"Er," Harold interjected, stepping forward. "He means me, mate. And it's Harold by the way, you hairy dosser."
"Oh, Harold, yeah. Bollo take band gear." The gorilla moved forward to take the amp from Lance's hand. The other duo had clearly just come back from a gig like the ones Howard and Vince used to do together.
"Before you do that, Bollo, you've got another job. You need to throw out these two weirdoes." Lance ordered haughtily, nodding towards where Howard and Vince stood.
Bollo regarded them blankly; "Who pretty man-child and creepy librarian? Friends of Precious Lance?"
Howard heard Vince wince, hissing inwardly like an enraged cat.
"They ain't no way friends of any of us." Lance snarled; "They've just appeard 'ere, talking jibberish and dressed like a sparkly tit and his dad."
"You're dressed the same way!" Howard shot back.
"Yeah but we pull it off with style. Even Harold." Lance paused; "Ok, just me."
"Look, we're not the enemy here, ok! There's this alien priest running around town obliterating people from history and he's looking for us!" Howard explained, turning to Naboo.
The shaman's eyes widened, his attention truly caught; "You mean…The Arbiter? 'E's after you?"
"Yes!"
"And he's followed you here?!"
"YES!"
"Right." Naboo nodded, eyes shifting between the both of them. He then looked to his familiar; "Bollo, do as Lance said - chuck 'em out. Harold, give him a hand."
Bollo grunted, obediently waddling up behind where Howard was stood and grabbing his hands behind his back with one large paw, the other grabbing the back scruff of his shirt. The wounded Vince stumbled, loosely, to one side at Howard's reluctant release but was captured by Harold's hands locking his own back in the same way whilst Lance stood to one side, grabbing a can of Sprite from the fridge and watching with amusement.
Both boys struggled against their captors holds, looking to Naboo with big, pleading eyes and frowns of confusion and betrayal.
"Naboo, c'mon! You can't just turn us over to him!" Howard cried out.
"Look, if you two were found guilty and sentenced to be erased than - I'm sorry - but I can't do anything to help you. If I get done for harbouring two escapees from the Court of Merit then it's gonna be mine and Bollo's balls on the line as well." Naboo explained, stonily.
"But we were your friends! You'd always help us out before!" Vince tried, voice whimpering slightly, both at the fear and the pain in his ankle induced by the rough way Harold was handling him; "We were better mates to you than these two losers, I bet. C'mon, Naboolio, we need you!"
Naboo's impassive expression wavered, for a split second, obviously unable to resist the power Vince's puppy-dog eyes completely. Then he shook his head.
"I'm sorry. Harold, Bollo - door. Now." He commanded sharply.
Howard and Vince continued to writhe and protest with every step they were moved down the staircase. The side door to the flat lay below them and their hearts began to palpitate at the knowledge that death itself was most likely waiting just outside. They looked to each other, knowing they had to come up with something to stop them going through the doorway.
A burnt-out light bulb flickered in Howard's mind-space for a brief second. He met Vince's eyes again and smirked slightly.
"Well, Vince, it looks like this is the end!" he said, loud enough for his voice to drift back up the stairway. "What will you regret most about dying, ey?"
Vince frowned; "Howard, this ain't really the time for-" He cut himself off when he noticed the maverick wiggling his eyebrows. But not in the same creepy, rapist fashion as usual. "Oh…"
"Bet you're sad you won't be able to line up now for that '90% off everything' Sale at Topshop starting this morning in just a few hours, ain't ya." Howard winked.
A pair of boots pattered along the floorboards above them.
Vince gave a cheeky grin; "Yeah, that really stings! And, poor you Howard, not being able to go to that Bookmark Convention being held all night in the town centre."
"What?" Harold froze on the bottom step, releasing Vince. Bollo also stood still, confused.
Taking what seemed like three steps at a time, Lance bolted down the staircase to where they were all stood, still drinking his can of Sprite whilst stuffing his wallet in the tight pockets of his jeans.
"Which Topshop?!" He demanded to know, advancing on Vince.
"What colour bookmarks?" Harold did the same, only to Howard.
"The one on the high street. Better get there quick though, there were already three young girls camped outside when we passed it earlier." Vince said, nonchalant, admiring his nails.
"And all the many shades of brown you can imagine, sir." Howard smiled to his double.
The copy cats exchanged giddy looks; "Well it ain't like we're the ones being hunted down by this Arbiter bloke, is it?" Lance shrugged. "Bollo, you can take care of these two. I've gotta go kick those brats out of my line. C'mon, Boon, you're giving me a lift before you go to your nerd gathering."
Lance pinched Harold's earlobe and dragged him towards the door way, flinging it open and rushing out down the road, towards their camper van. Vince scowled at his double's back as he left.
"What a bitch." He said, disgusted that anyone could treat their best friend so cruelly. Howard thought that it put Vince's recent behaviour towards him in some perspective.
Bollo shook his hairy head; "Precious Lance only look precious like pretty flower. Inside he full of sharp, nasty thorns. Bollo just do as told to avoid being made into special coat for Camden Prince."
Vince turned around, one hand up against the wall to steady himself, looking horrified and pitifully at the ape; "How dare he threaten to do that to you?! That's evil! And gorilla-fur coats are grotesque." He then proceeded to throw his arms around Bollo's large neck.
Bollo seemed taken aback at this unusual show of affection. He reached up a black hand to stroke Vince's ebony locks.
"Bollo, you ball-bag, what're you doing? I said for you to throw them out, not hug them!" Naboo sniped, moving down the stairs. "And where 'ave those two dossers gone?"
"Lance go to Topshop sale. Howard go to Pervert Parade." Bollo said vaguely as he pulled back gently from Vince's embrace.
"He's not Howard - I'M Howard!" groaned the not-Harold.
"Don't care who you are, you're getting out of my flat before what's-his-face appears. Bollo, get to it!" Naboo ordered again, with a firmer tone of voice.
The gorilla stared down at his shuffling his feet in hesitation.
"Bollo…" Naboo pressed.
"Pretty Stranger kind to Bollo. No want to throw him out to evil Aradian. Want to brush his hair and feed him flying saucers."
His master rolled his eyes. "I knew I should've got that upgrade."
Before Howard and Vince could have another go at trying to win Naboo round, their doubles jogged back to the entrance, standing on the pavement in front of them looking disgruntled.
"We need your magic carpet, Naboo, the van won't start." Lance whined.
"Yeah 'cause someone thought it would be a good idea to charge their straighteners up using the cigar heater." Harold shot a narrow-eyed look at his companion.
"Hey that is quite a good idea." Vince chirped before receiving a similar glance from Howard, "'Kay, maybe not."
Lance ignored his friend and nodded at Bollo; "Oi, Burger King Kong. Go fetch that carpet for us."
"A please wouldn't hurt ya." Vince muttered, putting a hand out to stroke Bollo's shoulder.
"Yes, it would. I'm allergic to manners."
"Well if you go around being a twat to people then it's all gonna come back at ya one day." Vince warned with a wisdom Howard didn't know he possessed.
Lance laughed, cockily, and stepped back onto the empty, silent road. "Oh really, is that right? Well come on then, Universe! Give me all you've got if I really deserve it."
Merely silence.
"Ahaha," Lance chuckled at the stillness; "See? Karma, my - ARGH!"
Everyone watching flinched back, Vince even burying his head like a frightened toddler in Bollo's fur, as Lance's hands shot up to feel the white arrow that had shot out of the sky and stabbed through his throat. He tottered to the side before falling down and onto the road.
Harold cried out his name and rushed to his side, kneeling over him, panting with the panic coursing through his veins. Lance's body convulsed on the floor, his wide eyes staring up at the stars in silent horror, his jaw wide as blood gurgled from his mouth.
Howard, meanwhile, didn't need to set a foot out of the door to know what this meant. He took a step back in the small hallway, looking to the side to make sure Vince was well and truly inside, and thankfully the boy was still clinging to Bollo as a child would do a security blanket. Whilst watching over Vince, however, he was unable to stop Naboo from venturing out into the street and to his two tenants.
The shaman looked over the pale and dying Lance Dior as his friend stroked back his fringe from his forehead; "Oh, Lance…Don't leave me, please, speak to me!"
"Urgh…." Lance gagged, his body stiffening as he strained his torn vocal cords; "D-don't…touch…my hair!"
A second arrow bulleted through the air. This one hit Harold Boon square in the chest, making him fall to his knees and collapse over his now still and quiet companion's body. In the next second, their bodies were gone and converted into the familiar bright white essence.
Howard watched as Naboo turned his head to look in the direction the arrows had flown from. The vivid change in his deadpan expression let Howard know exactly what he'd seen. What Howard didn't expect was what Naboo did next.
He dug one hand into one of the pockets of his shaman robes and produced from it a large, spherical, crystal bottle that, from where Howard was, couldn't possibly have fit in any of his pockets by the laws of Earth physics. Naboo pulled the cork from the bottle and whipped it through the air, capturing the essences from Lance and Harold inside the crystal. He quickly pulled it back and sealed it with the cork, stuffing it back into his robes and dashing into the front door to stand in front of Howard, looking back out onto the now empty street. The sound of sandals moving at a quickening pace was all that disturbed the stillness.
Howard held his breath as the Arbiter finally came into the view, pausing at the spot where his pray had fallen, defeated, to the ground. He knelt down, his black chemical robes sweeping the tar as one rotten hand padded the area. Howard thought he could hear a sniffing sound coming from the assassin. The Arbiter's head was examining the area with what appeared to be confusion.
"Hey! Arbiter!" Naboo hollered fearlessly. "You got the wrong guys, you ball-bag."
The Arbiter straightened, uttering an angered groan, his invisible face looking over to the door way. Howard stepped further back, the cold dread of vulnerability washing over him as he thought, just for a second, he could see a pair of eyes flash beneath the Arbiter's hood.
Naboo nodded towards his two intruders; "These are the idiots you want, yeah?"
With another groan, the Arbiter strode forwards onto the pavement and closer towards the door. Howard heard Vince whimper into Bollo's fur and it was all he needed to keep his knees firm in spite of his fear, his heart thumping with an overwhelming need to protect Vince till the end.
The Arbiter was a metre away from the door. Naboo raised his fist and punched the fire alarm on the wall to his right marked:
"In case of evil Aradian priest seeking to erase occupants - BREAK GLASS"
The whole house rumbled slightly as if by the tremor of a small earthquake. When the Arbiter took another step forward, he was thrown back through the air and onto the pavement by a translucent mauve force-field that had appeared around the shop. The Arbiter got to his feet again and proceeded to try and pass through the shield, almost comically, like a fly throwing itself against a window, only to be stopped in his tracks.
Good ol' Naboo, ey. Onto the next part...