I don't own Twilight, Stephanie Meyers does.

Chapter 13

Jasper clutched his chest tightly, taking breaths he didn't need, trying to get a hold of his emotions. It had taken every bit of will power he had to leave. What she felt for him on top of what he felt for her…the desire was almost overpowering.

He sat down and stopped his heavy breathing, reminding himself his heart didn't beat and the pain that seemed to center there was imaginary. He could still feel her fingers tracing his face, her lips caressing his. Never in a million years would he have expected her to react like that to the sight of his face.

She had looked and touched him with curiosity, awe and desire. No one had reacted like that to him before. Even when his face and body had been free of scars. There had been those who desired him but none to such an extent as Bella had. How could she desire him? His hand touched his face, wondering if the scars had disappeared miraculously, but they were still there.

She had kissed him so passionately that for a second he could almost believe that she loved him. He had wanted her so much, had told her so. Her answering desire almost sent him over the edge, but he had felt hesitation from her. He didn't want to be the same man he had been, using sex as a physical release instead of an expression of love, especially with Bella. So he gave her an out. He told her to take time, figure out if she still loved Edward. She had said nothing, just looked at him with her eyes shining with desire and her heart pounding. He felt her confusion, knew she was torn between desire and something else. He had kissed her one last time before running away.

Had she really wanted him that much or had he projected his own strong desire on her? The question tormented him. It seemed unlikely that she would feel such desire for him. Bella had loved Edward's perfection, Jasper was probably the farthest a vampire could get from perfection.

No, Jasper shook his head, it was Charlie's pushing and Jasper's projecting. He was extremely glad he had not taken advantage of it. Bella deserved more and it would be wrong to betray Charlie's trust. Charlie trusted Jasper to do the right thing by Bella it was why he pushed so hard for them to develop a relationship. He knew Jasper would treat her well.

Jasper started walking back to his cabin slowly. The imaginary pain in his chest growing, he would talk to her tomorrow. He didn't want them to be uncomfortable with each other. He would give her an easy way out of it so she wouldn't be embarrassed.

Bella woke up to the birds singing outside her window. She smiled in genuine happiness. She had slept so well last night. No dreams of Edward, no nightmares about being abandoned.

A frown marred her face. Was that a good thing? Was she being disloyal to Edward? She had loved him so much, surely love like that didn't end.

She threw her covers to the side and put her feet on the floor. The cold floor startled her, but she was grateful for the distraction. She didn't want to feel guilty and really why should she. Edward had abandoned her, told her he didn't want her forever. She shouldn't feel guilty for enjoying Jasper's friendship, for enjoying his kiss. She blushed and smiled again.

She began to dress for her day. Jasper had told her to take time to think about her feelings but she really didn't want to. She was tired of dwelling on the Cullens. Was it really a bad thing to just want to enjoy Jasper's company?

She walked downstairs to the smell of bacon and her smile increased. Her father was really getting better at cooking. It was kind of nice that he cooked for her once in a while. Still she wasn't going to let him off the hook easily. She put her hands on her hips and a frown on her face as she rounded the corner.

"Damnit!" Charlie swore.

Bella watched as he scraped a broken egg out of the pan and into the garbage. He still hadn't got the hang out of making over easy eggs. She cleared her throat as he cracked another egg into the frying pan. Charlie jumped and the egg flew against the cabinet.

"Damnit Bells!" Charlie swore again, looking a little embarrassed.

Bella couldn't help it she giggled. Oh well, she really wasn't mad at him and even if she had been she wouldn't have been able to keep it. He looked like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

"I feel like scrambled eggs this morning." Bella said with a smile as she snuck a piece of bacon.

Charlie let out a breath in relief and began to fix it for her. Bella watched him cook silently. He glanced at her once in a while expectantly. She knew he was waiting for her to tell him what had happened but she figured he deserved a little torture and made him wait by keeping silent.

Charlie fixed her plate up and set it in front of her. Then he fixed his own and sat down. He watched while she ate, not touching his own food. Bella kept quiet and tried not to laugh as she watched his impatience grown.

Finally he couldn't take it anymore. "Alright Bells. I know something good happened because you're not yelling at me." He said with feigned indifference.

Bella grinned and shrugged her shoulders before taking another bite. Charlie let out a breath in exasperation.

"Bells…" He finally growled.

This time Bella did laugh. Their relationship had changed so much. When she first arrived he would have never asked her for such information. After Jasper had woken her up and got her started talking to him he freely asked her all about her life and Bella liked it. She hadn't before but once the walls between them were torn down it wasn't so hard to show each other how much they cared. Jasper would never understand what a gift he had given her.

"We ate dinner, we danced, he showed me his face, we kissed. Nothing much." Bella said trying to keep the smile off her face.

"What?" Charlie exclaimed.

"How did you figure out how to program the stereo dad?" Bella asked.

"I asked Ben Cheney." Charlie said taking a bite of his eggs.

Bella laughed, she should have known.

"So how did you react…" Charlie asked hesitantly.

Bella sat back and thought how to answer, she couldn't very well tell her father about the overwhelming lust she had felt. Even now picturing his face that's what she felt though, she shivered a bit.

"I don't know how to explain it. His face is so…" She ran a hand over her own cheek and closed her eyes remembering the feel of his skin. She opened her eyes but didn't really look at her father. "And his eye held so much emotion. It was like looking into his soul and…he's beautiful." Bella breathed. She came out of her reverie and looked at Charlie. He was studying her closely.

"So what does this mean? Are you dating?" He asked her carefully.

"He told me to think about it. He wanted me to figure out if I still love Edward. He told me he would be just my friend if that's what I wanted." Bella said.

"Is that what you want Bells." Charlie asked.

"No." Bella said honestly. She didn't want to be just his friend. She wasn't sure she wanted a relationship either.

"So you want to be in a relationship with Jasper?" Charlie asked with an I told ya so smile.

Bella shook her head. "Not really. I was thinking more along the lines of friends with benefits." Yes that would be perfect. She could enjoy his kisses maybe even experience sex. It would be mind-blowing with him she was sure, but she wouldn't have to deal with the drama. She wouldn't get her heart-broken.

Charlie began coughing and Bella looked up at him as he tried to regain his breath. Bella got up and patted his back. "Are you okay dad?" She asked.

"Bella no father wants to hear anything about his daughter's sex life." Charlie said giving her a sour look.

Bella grinned and blushed. "Sorry dad." She told him.

"Bella how do you feel about Edward?" Charlie asked serious again.

Bella hesitated. "I still love him dad. I know he's probably not coming back. I just want to stop thinking about him and Jasper makes me forget him."

Charlie frowned at her and Bella knew she had disappointed him, but she couldn't help the way she felt. The heart wanted what it wanted.

"Don't break Jasper's heart Bella." Charlie said quietly.

"I don't see how I could dad. He doesn't love me." Bella told him. How could he love her? She was a silly school girl who loved a vampire that abandoned her.

"How do you know that Bells?" Charlie asked.

"How could he?" She asked.

Charlie stood up shaking his head. "Maybe you should talk to him Bells." He said picking up their plates and carrying them to the kitchen.

Bella smiled broadly at the thought of seeing Jasper again. "I think I well." She said before grabbing her coat and heading to Jasper's cabin.

Jasper sat on his porch looking at the sun shimmering through the trees. He felt her coming and wasn't sure he was ready to see her. He smiled at her emotions, she was very happy. He hoped that was good news.

He felt her pull his hood off and ducked his head before she grabbed his chin and raised his head to meet her eyes. Again he felt the desire pour off her and his own start to answer, or was she answering his? Her hand left his chin and ran over his face almost in the same path she had taken last night.

He stood up suddenly and turned away from her. "Bella stop. I'm sorry." He felt confusion from her and she grabbed his shoulder before walking in front of him and looking up at him with questioning eyes.

"I figured it out last night. I'm projecting." He gritted out, terribly ashamed.

The confused look stayed on her face for a minute before realization dawned on it.

"You think that my lust comes from your gift?" She asked disbelieving.

Jasper nodded. "It's the only explanation." He said guiltily.

Bella snorted. "Think again bucko."

It was Jasper's turn to look confused.

"Just thinking about you today made me ummm…you know." She said blushing madly.

"Really?" Jasper said a grin starting to appear as hope returned to him. Maybe she did feel something for him. If she felt desire for him, maybe the affection he had passed off as friendly was more?

Bella nodded and start to approach him. He groaned when she pulled him down into a kiss. He had longed for this. Hoped she wanted this. He couldn't believe she wanted him.

She made a soft noise and Jasper felt his need for her grow. He began to kiss her neck and felt her press her lower body into him.

"What do you want?" He purred.

"Help me forget." She gasped.

Jasper pulled back from her. He looked down into her passion filled face. "What?" He asked.

Bella looked at him through her lashes, it was the sexiest look Jasper had ever seen but he resisted the offer she unconsciously gave him. "What?" He asked again.

"Help me forget." Bella said again, unsure this time.

"What exactly are we doing here Bella?" Jasper asked, his heart dropping, but his mind telling him to not question it, to take what was offered.

"I ummm…" Bella said starting to fidget. "When you kiss me I want you so much I forget everything."

Jasper stared at her waiting for her to continue. "I want you and I think you want me…" She was blushing so much Jasper could almost feel the heat coming from her cheeks.

"I thought we could be friends with benefits." She finally finished.

Jasper stared at her unsure what she was talking about. He hadn't heard the term before. "What does that mean?" He asked not sure if he really wanted to know.

"Friends that have sex with no attachments." Bella said licking her lips.

Bella fidgeted under his gaze. He couldn't speak as his mind processed what she was saying. She didn't love him she just wanted him, and only to help her forget about Edward. If Edward came back she would go back to him. Jasper shook his head. Even if there was no Edward he couldn't agree to this.

"I can't Bella." He told her though part of him, a humiliating part wanted to take her up on the offer. "You know about how I got my scars. I used a girl to try to make Maria jealous. I got the scars but the girl was killed. I can't even remember her name Bella." He told her guiltily.

"I promised myself that I would never again use sex in such away. I promised myself that I would only use it as an expression of love." Jasper said.

Bella looked hurt and Jasper frowned. Maybe he should tell her he loved her.

"It's not the same thing Jasper. There is no Maria here. Neither one of us is trying to make someone jealous and you won't forget my name." Bella said.

Jasper ran a hand through his hair. She was right of course but he couldn't tell her the rest. He couldn't tell her he loved her. It would make her have to turn him down and ruin their friendship.

"I know it's not but I promised myself Bella. I know a monster like me doesn't deserve it but I want love." Jasper whispered realizing it was true and knowing now he couldn't accept her offer.

"No….no Jasper that's not true. You above all people deserve love." Bella cried and flung her arms around him. He felt her affection and regret.

"No Bella what I deserve is to pay for my sins. If ever a man deserved to be punished it is me." Jasper said thinking of all the people he had callously put to death. The nameless girl wasn't the first or the last but she was a symbol to him of how heartless he had been.

He felt Bella's anger as she pulled away from him. "Stop it Jasper. The past is gone. You can't go back and fix it, you can only live today and today you are a good man. A man who cares for those around him and helps where he can. A man who helped my father when my mother left him, a man who befriended Sam and Emily, helping them overcome their heartache. A man who has helped countless people in this community. A man who gave me back my father." He felt the gratitude pouring off her and was a little embarrassed by it.

He didn't feel that a few good deeds made up for the bloodshed he had caused but she was right in one sense. He couldn't change the past, only the future.

"Where does this leave us?" He asked wanting to change the subject and praying that they were still friends.

"I hope we are still friends." Bella said.

Jasper smiled at her, relieved.

"And though you are rejecting my advances, maybe we could ummm kiss once in a while?" Bella asked shyly.

Jasper chuckled, kisses wouldn't hurt anything... "Most definitely." He said before leaning in and claiming her lips.