Chapter 13
There's A Reason
(Later that afternoon – August 23, 1935)
Jonathan sat at the kitchen table, he'd barely even touched his food; he was too busy trying to figure out what was so wrong with Lindsay. She had seemed fine earlier that morning, but now she was quiet and completely unlike her usual self. The only time she ever came close to smiling was when she was with her son, Royal. Jonathan let out an exasperated sigh before he got up from the table and walked out to the living room to find Lindsay. He sat down quietly beside her as she continued to hold her son. "Lindsay…" Jonathan said silently, breaking the silence.
"Yes?" Lindsay asked, not looking up as she continued to peer down at her sleeping child.
"Is everything okay?" Jonathan asked.
Lindsay sighed before she finally looked over at him, "Everything's fine, why do you ask?" She had tried her best to smile, hoping he wouldn't prod her anymore, but it was hopeless. The emotion in her eyes gave everything away.
A frown formed on Jonathan's lips, "I know you Lindsay, and I can see that you're upset." He placed a comforting hand on the small of her back. "Did something happen earlier today?"
Lindsay looked away, glancing down at Royal again as a frown spread across her lips. She thought back to what had happened earlier that afternoon, tears welling up in her eyes. "Yes," she said almost in a whisper.
"What happened?" Jonathan asked.
"Um…" Lindsay hesitated, she couldn't tell Jonathan the exact truth, and she knew that. But she could tell him most of it right? Lindsay took in a deep breath as she tried to calm herself down, "Could you just give me a minute? I just want to go put Royal down for bed." She said as she looked up at Jonathan once more.
The frown on Jonathan's lips deepened as he saw the look on her face, "Yeah." He said quietly as she stood up and left the room.
Lindsay walked into her bedroom, and over to Royal's crib. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she stared down at the sleeping infant in her arms. She gently leaned down and laid him down in the crib, wrapping the blanket around him a little tighter. "Sleep well, sweetheart." Lindsay whispered as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Lindsay quietly made her way out of the bedroom and shut the door behind her. She walked back over to the couch where Jonathan sat waiting.
"Well?" Jonathan asked as soon as she sat down beside him.
Lindsay took a deep breath before she began. "Do you remember that man who was here the other day? The one who left just after you came back from work and I told you nothing had happened?" She asked as she began to wring her hands in her lap.
Jonathan sat there for a moment, thinking, before he replied, "Yeah I think so. You're talking about the one who seemed a bit upset as he left?"
Lindsay nodded, "Yes." She stared down at the floor as she contemplated what to say to Jonathan. "He-he's a friend of mine, back in Tree Hill. And something happened between us just after Adam passed." Lindsay looked back up at Jonathan who just urged her to continue. "I never noticed it before, but apparently he'd had feelings before me, even before Adam came along. And he thought that since Adam wasn't in the picture anymore, we might be able to be together then."
"What?" he asked with a tinge of anger in his voice.
Lindsay swallowed hard after a lump grew in her throat, "It was hard after Adam was gone so I told him it wouldn't work, and we ended up fighting over it. He came here to find me because he didn't like how we'd left things off before." Lindsay bit her lip, it was partially true, but she hated lying to Jonathan. Though even she knew if he found out the truth he would never forgive her. Lindsay sighed, "He still wanted us to try and be together, but he left in a rush this afternoon after he realized I have the baby now."
Jonathan sat there for a moment in silence, lost in thought. "What are you going to do now?" He finally asked.
"I don't know. I wish there was a way to fix this, because I hate that I lost him in all of this. He used to be really close to me considering we'd been friends for years." Lindsay sighed, "I don't know what to say to him anymore, I can't be with him now."
"Just tell him that." Jonathan said plainly.
"I can't, I know its going to hurt him, but I can't just tell him that. I mean I know I can't be with him now, but I don't know how to tell him that." Lindsay said as she stared down at her hands.
"If you don't want him to keep doing this, you need to tell him somehow." Jonathan said.
Lindsay nodded, "I know, I suppose he might not even come back after what happened today. But if he does I guess I'll have to tell him."
Jonathan reached over for Lindsay's hand; he gave it a light squeeze. "Do what you feel is best; I just think you should tell him somehow." Lindsay gave him a small smile, "Anyways, I don't know about you, but I'm tired. I think I'll head off."
"Okay," Lindsay said quietly as he stood up.
"Lindsay…" Jonathan said as he turned to her. Lindsay looked up at him. "Let me know if you need anything, as far as what's going on with this James guy, okay?"
Lindsay nodded. "Okay, good night."
"Good night," Jonathan said before he headed to his bedroom.
(Three days later – August 26, 1935)
Lindsay sighed as she peered down at Royal, who hadn't woken up just yet. She couldn't help but think of James every time she was with him.
All she could think of was that horrid day when he left just after she'd revealed the news of their child. She had hoped it would have gone so much better, but to her disappointment it was dreadful. Out of all the things James could have possibly done, she never would have expected him to just walk out on her.
She hated to admit it, but a small part of her had hoped he would have been overjoyed about the fact that they had a child together, that maybe it was a way for them to be together again. Even despite the things James had done to her, she wouldn't keep him from fathering his son. If anything that's all she wanted, was for James to be able to be with Royal.
A growing pain grew in Lindsay's heart at the thought of James not ever coming back again. And if he did come back, the longer he waited, the more upset Lindsay became. It was true; at first she had wanted for James to come find her, to find out that he had a son. She had hoped he would take her back with welcoming arms and they could finally start a family together and be together once more. But every time he asked to be with her again she shied away, afraid of what might happen. Though she wanted it, the thought of getting hurt again scared her half to death. And now with Jonathan around she couldn't just get up and leave with James. Despite the fact that she couldn't find a way to get around it, she knew she still would have to explain to James why they couldn't be together.
Lindsay sighed; she turned to leave before she heard a rustling from the crib. She turned on her heels and leaned over slightly.
Royal squirmed around a bit as he wiped his arm over his face, a small whimper escaping his lips. His eyelids opened slowly, meeting Lindsay's gaze.
Lindsay smiled as she stared down at him for a moment. She reached down and picked him up, "Good morning sleepyhead," she whispered.
Royal took in a deep breath before he nestled his head into the crook of Lindsay's neck.
Lindsay smiled as she gently kissed the top of his head. She rested her cheek against his head, rocking back and forth slightly as she stood there in the silence for a moment.
Just then Jonathan came to the door, "Hey I'm gonna –" he began to say before stopping himself.
Lindsay gave him a small smile, "It's fine, he's awake." She said while rolling her eyes.
"Oh, well I was just going to say I'm leaving now." Jonathan said as he motioned toward the door.
"Okay, I'll see you later tonight then." Lindsay said as she turned to lay Royal down on the changing table.
"Okay, see you then." Jonathan said before leaving the room and walking out of the apartment.
(Later that morning – James' hotel room)
James sat on the edge of his bed, his head held in his hands.
He still couldn't quite grasp the fact that he now had a son. It was kind of a scary thought, knowing Lindsay she probably didn't want him around the baby. After everything he'd put her through, she probably didn't want anything else do with him.
Now that he thought about it, he probably only made things worse between the two of them after walking out on her. She had done nothing to him, but be there for him despite the fact that her husband was still around. And then after Adam's death he knew she wanted to try and fix things between the two of them, but he screwed that up too.
Lindsay deserved so much better, he knew that, but it was so hard to just let her go. He'd had feelings for her ever since they were teenagers and he doubted those feelings would just go away.
Every now and then he thought that maybe he should just give up, to leave her alone so she could have the life she'd always wanted. All he wanted was for her to be happy, but he always ruined that for her too. He hated to think of leaving her, but some times he felt it was the best thing he could do.
What if she couldn't even love him again after he'd hurt her so much? What would he do then? Would he just give her what she wanted, which seemed to be to just move on?
James sighed; he'd gone through that all over and over again the past few days. "No", he'd always tell himself. He couldn't think that way; he wouldn't give in so easily. Lindsay was everything to him, and he wasn't going to just give up. Yet, he couldn't seem to make up his mind as to what he should do.
Once the fact that he had a son finally set in, he had a small hint of hope that maybe it could be a way for Lindsay and him to be together again. If she wanted that of course, he wouldn't force it on her that they should be together because of the baby.
The more he thought of his son, the more he thought of how much he wanted to go back and apologize for his actions and try to win Lindsay back again. As much as it hurt him to be turned down every time, he had to at least give it one more try now that he knew about her secret. If she didn't want him back at all, he would leave without bothering her again. He wanted her to be happy after all.
James took in a deep breath as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. He finally got up and walked into the bathroom to clean up.
(At the park)
Lindsay walked over to a bench and sat down for a moment. She had decided to try and get out for once since she was normally stuck inside. Besides, Royal hadn't been out much either so she figured she would take him out for a walk over to the park.
Lindsay pulled the stroller closer and peered inside at her son. He cooed as he stared up at her, making Lindsay's smile widen.
James decided he should try and get out since he'd been cooped up in his hotel room the past few days. He hadn't left, mainly because he was too lost in his thoughts of what had happened back at Lindsay's apartment.
James let out an exasperated sigh as he found himself thinking of Lindsay again. She was all he could think about. He wanted so desperately to have her back, but it seemed like his chances were slim.
He walked a ways off the path and leaned against a tree. James kicked at the dirt in front of him as he continued to think about Lindsay…and the baby.
James was pulled out of his thoughts at a sound from behind him. He peered around the tree only to find Lindsay sitting at a bench a few feet away, reaching into a stroller and taking the baby out.
Lindsay reached down into the stroller, pulling Royal out. "Hey baby," she cooed as she pulled him into her arms.
Royal cooed as he looked up at Lindsay, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
Lindsay's smile widened, she'd missed his smile. She hadn't been able to suppress her sadness of what had happened between her and James the past few days. Unfortunately, Royal hadn't seemed as lively as he normally was as well.
Lindsay sighed as she stroked the top of Royal's head before placing a kiss to his forehead. "Mommy's sorry for the way she's been acting lately," Lindsay said quietly as she brushed her fingers over his cheek. "Things are going to be better from now on, I promise." She whispered as she lightly kissed his cheek.
Lindsay took in a deep breath as she looked out into the distance, "You know I really hoped your father could have found about you in a better way. And it was wrong of me to keep you from him, but I couldn't face him, not after what happened." Lindsay sniffled, "And that's really selfish of me, I know, but it's just so hard."
Royal reached up with his small hand, his small fingers brushing against Lindsay's cheek. He cooed as he reached over and wrapped his hand around her necklace.
A small laugh escaped Lindsay's lips as she looked back down at him. "You know I think you're the one losing out the most in this situation." Lindsay took in a deep breath again, trying to calm herself down. "I just feel so awful that you haven't done anything wrong, and yet you're the one who'll eventually be hurt the most." Lindsay eyes began to water again, "I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am for doing this to you, keeping you from your father. I didn't want to, but at the time it seemed like the best thing to do." Lindsay wiped her eyes as some tears began to fall. "If anything I want to at least allow your father into your life, so both you and him won't miss out on each other." Lindsay sighed, "I just don't know if he's coming back unfortunately."
James looked down at the ground sadly as he listened to what Lindsay was saying. He couldn't tell her how sorry he was for making her feel that way. And for making her believe that her best option was to keep their son a secret. There was never a day where he didn't wish he could have changed it all, made it so he hadn't pushed Lindsay away and maybe even potentially lost her for good.
He sighed as he turned to leave, the gravel grinding beneath his feet loudly as he turned on his heels. James winced at the sound, now realizing that Lindsay probably heard him. He pursed his lips before he turned around slowly only to meet Lindsay's sorrow filled eyes. James stood there for a moment, his mouth gaping as he tried to find the words to say.
"James?" Lindsay asked quietly in disbelief. "Wh-wh-what are you doing here?"
James swallowed hard, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to impose or anything."
"I thought you would have left New York by now," Lindsay said still in shock.
James shook his head slowly, "No I haven't left." He took in a deep breath, "Listen I'm sorry for not coming by, especially after what I did."
Lindsay looked back down at Royal, "Its okay," She sighed, "I suppose it's understandable."
"No, it's not okay." James said causing Lindsay to look back up at him. His eyes seemed to have a slight hint of resentment in them. "I shouldn't have left the way I did, notably after what you told me." He let out an exasperated sigh, "Listen I know it was wrong of me to stay away, but I just…I didn't know what to think of it, about the baby."
Lindsay nodded slightly, "Yeah." She glanced down at Royal for a moment before she looked back up at James, "You know you never bothered to ask what his name was."
James' face fell, "I know. There are a lot of things I've wanted to ask, but I just couldn't muster up enough courage to even get out of bed."
Lindsay looked up at him hesitantly before she stood up, "I'm guessing you heard everything I said." James nodded slowly, "So then you heard what I said about you and the baby." Lindsay sighed as she walked closer to him, "I meant what I said James, about not wanting to keep you from him." Lindsay looked up at him expectantly, "He deserves to have you in his life."
James stared down at Lindsay, "Not that I wouldn't love to be able to be in his life, I just…I don't want to make things more uncomfortable between us."
Lindsay nodded again, "I think things will be uncomfortable from now on, but it would be selfish of me to keep you away." James just stared down at her, unsure of what to do. "Do you –" Lindsay swallowed hard, "Do you want to hold him?"
"Is that such a good idea?" James asked nervously.
"Its okay," she answered quietly as she extended her arms toward James.
James was hesitant at first, but he reached out toward her.
Lindsay placed Royal in his arms gently, "Mind his head…" Lindsay said as James adjusted his arms.
James stared down at the baby apprehensively; he shook his head as he was suddenly rendered speechless.
A small smile tugged at the corners of Lindsay's lips as she watched his face.
James looked at her in amazement, "He's so small…" He said in surprise.
Lindsay nodded, "Yeah." She stared down at Royal who looked at her nervously, a whimper escaping his lips.
James tensed up as the baby began to fuss, and also because Lindsay was so close. She'd tended to keep her distance lately when she was around him.
"It's okay…" Lindsay said reassuringly as she smiled down at Royal.
James swallowed hard, "Uhhh…so what's his name?"
Lindsay looked up at him, as if she'd forgotten he was there. "Oh. Well his name is Royal."
James nodded, "How old is he now?"
"He'll be one month old tomorrow."
"Oh," James said in shock.
Lindsay forced a smile onto her face, "You know he looks just like you." She said reluctantly as she looked back down at Royal.
"You think?" James asked, still unable to focus at the moment.
"Yeah, he's got your eyes…and your nose." Lindsay said lightly as she gently touched Royal's nose. He cooed as a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
James opened his mouth to say something before Royal yawned; wiping his arm over his eyes sleepily.
"I think I should take him back to the apartment," Lindsay said quietly as she took Royal from James' arms. She walked over and gently laid the tired infant into the stroller.
James hesitated before he walked up behind her, "Lindsay…I know it's probably a lot to ask at this point, but I was hoping we could talk about, you know…us."
Lindsay paused as she grabbed onto the handle of the stroller, "Um, I don't think there's much to talk about."
James looked at her in disbelief, "There's not much to talk about?" He quickly walked around her so she could see him, "Lindsay there's plenty we could talk about."
"Maybe there is," Lindsay said quietly as she began walking up the path. "I just don't want to talk about it." She finally said.
"Lindsay, come on. You know I didn't just come here to not talk. I mean there's so much I want to say to you." James said pleadingly.
"I'm sure there's plenty you could say, but that's not the best idea." Lindsay said, hoping he'd drop the subject. Although she knew that would never happen until she finally told him.
James sighed, "Lindsay please, I just…I guess I just want to know if there's anything left for us." James said quietly as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
Lindsay shut her eyes as she pursed her lips for a moment before she looked up at him, "I don't think we could ever have a relationship again James, not now."
"Why not?" James asked incredulously.
Lindsay sighed, "I can't now that Jonathan's around."
"What does Jonathan have to do with us?" James asked.
"He has everything to do with our relationship now James." Lindsay tried to swallow back the lump that grew in her throat, "I never told him about us or the baby."
"What do you mean? He obviously knows about the baby Lindsay." James said in confusion.
"Yeah, but he doesn't know you're the father." Lindsay said sadly.
James stopped in his tracks, "You never told him?"
"No I didn't," Lindsay said quietly, now regretting mentioning it. "I couldn't tell him that I had a relationship behind his brother's back, and that, the same man I was with killed his brother as well. And I definitely couldn't tell him that the baby wasn't his brother's."
"Well he doesn't have to know, I mean if we have any chance of being together…" James swallowed hard, "We could just leave Lindsay, he can't do anything about it then."
"You do realize he's involved in the same things Adam was, right? He could easily find us, and I don't want to be the one to tell him all of that. He'd be so heart broken, not to mention betrayed." Lindsay sighed.
"We can make it so he can't find us then. There's no reason why we can't just leave Lindsay. You know I wouldn't let anything happen to you."
"I can't James. Besides I don't want to put Royal through all of that." Lindsay said as she peered down at the now sleeping infant before her.
"I realize it would be hard, but do you really want to stay here with Jonathan for the rest of your life?"
Lindsay tried to swallow back some tears, "No, but I have no other choice."
"Lindsay you don't have to do that." James said with a tinge of anger.
"I already told him about you James, he just thinks that you want us to be together because Adam's dead now. And believe me; he wasn't happy about it before."
"Is that what you told him?"
Lindsay nodded slowly, "I didn't know what else to say." She sighed, "James can we please just stop talking about this?"
James scoffed, "Lindsay I spent months trying to find you so I could talk to you and all you're doing is giving me reasons why we can't be together. Which none of them are good enough for me to just give up and leave. There are plenty of ways that we could get around them." James let out an exasperated sigh, "I'll leave if you want me to. But only if you look me in the eye right now and tell me you don't want to be with me. And that we can't be together."
Lindsay swallowed back some more tears and shook her head. "I'm not going to do that."
"Then I don't see any reason why we can't try talking about this. You just keep trying to push me away and if I mean as much to you as you do to me, then I don't see why we can't be together."
"James please just let this go." Lindsay pleaded.
"I can't do that Lindsay." James said as he shook his head solemnly.
Lindsay sighed, "Fine, I'll think about it then, but only if you tell me something."
"Okay, anything." James said as he shrugged his shoulders.
By this time they had already made it to Lindsay's apartment.
"Tell me, honestly, did anything happen between you and Amber?" Lindsay asked.
"No." James said as he shook his head vigorously, "How could you even ask that?"
"I was gone for a long time James, how do I know if something happened or not."
"Lindsay nothing happened!" James said angrily.
"Keep your voice down!" Lindsay said sternly as they walked inside. She quickly took Royal out of his stroller and walked off to her room.
"I'm sorry but I don't know why you keep asking that. Do you think I'd lie to you about that, let alone even do that?"
Lindsay sighed as she gently laid Royal down in the crib. "I just want to be sure, you two got pretty close James." She said as she and James walked out of the room.
"We were just friends, if that, Linds. I wouldn't have let it get any further than that."
Lindsay looked at him as if he were crazy, "You did let it get further than that."
James looked at her in anxiously, "What are you talking about?"
"Last time I checked, you let her kiss you the morning after you came back from the hospital." Lindsay said bitterly as she walked into the kitchen. Lindsay sighed, "Look I don't think…" She stopped when she saw the saddened look that had washed across his face.
James stood behind the counter, unsure of what to say at first. He sighed, "Look I know you don't want this, but I just need you to hear me out."
Lindsay folded her arms over her chest, "I guess I can do that." Lindsay said a little bit more bitterly than she'd wanted.
"Listen I know that you don't want anything to do with me," James sighed. "But this is important."
Lindsay sighed before she rested her hands on the counter, "Alright I'm listening."
"Like I said, there is absolutely nothing going on between Amber and me."
"Didn't look like nothing, last time." Lindsay said still not convinced.
"Lindsay, she just wanted to get between us, are you really going to let her do that?" He sighed when Lindsay didn't answer, "Look, I should have stopped it before, I get that now."
Lindsay looked at him in disbelief, as if that option had been obvious from the start. She shook her head slightly, "What else is there, James?"
James sighed, "Well the baby. I just…I guess I hoped that we could be…" James sighed again in frustration, "I was hoping we could be together, again, but I just need you to know that I love you, more than anything." A frown grew on James' lips, "I don't know if you want anything to do with me or not, Linds, but I couldn't just leave it alone."
"Damn it James…" Lindsay looked back up at James, a frown spread across her lips. "I really thought we were like rounding this corner of everything before you know," James began to panic, "I – I don't know I need some time to think and just be alone." Lindsay said as she turned away.
"Lindsay please –" James pleaded as he stepped closer to her.
"No, don't," Lindsay said as she stepped away. She sniffled before she spoke again, "Can you just give me some time and then we can find a time to deal with this later?" Lindsay pleaded as
she looked back up at him. James' frown deepened as he stood there gaping, "Please." Lindsay said, her voice quivering a bit.
James looked away sadly giving up at that point, "Okay." He said dejectedly as he looked back up at her once more before walking out.
As James opened the door, Lindsay couldn't help but let the tears fall. A small sob escaped her lips as she turned away.
(Later that night)
Lindsay lay there silently in her bed, images of what had happened earlier that day clouding her thoughts. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about James. She knew she owed him at least a final answer to his questions about them being together, but at that point she still wasn't sure.
It was hard for her to even imagine what might happen if she went back to Tree Hill, Amber being around again. She couldn't stand for that if it actually happened. Even if it was true that Amber was out of the picture, Lindsay couldn't let herself get hurt again.
Lindsay was afraid of opening up her heart again to James, feeling vulnerable around him as she always did. As much as she didn't want to keep Royal from James, she couldn't stand the thought of it. It was easier to just forget about her feelings for James and try to move on than to open up that door again.
Lindsay sighed, she knew it was selfish of her to only worry about herself and not Royal, but even if she allowed James to be a part of their son's life, she couldn't be with him. She was too afraid and she was sure he knew that by this point. He had to know that the only thing keeping them apart was the fact that Lindsay was too afraid to face her feelings for him again.
She thought back to the night when he'd been at Mandy and Jacob's house, when they had their party. James tried so desperately to speak to her and when she finally gave him that chance she just pushed him away.
"Hey." James said quietly as he walked up to her. Lindsay looked up at him reluctantly, "Look I just wanted to say I'm sorry."
Lindsay laughed quietly before she folded her arms over her chest, "Aren't you tired of that?" Lindsay turned away as James looked down at her in confusion, "You shouldn't have to keep apologizing James. Not anymore." Lindsay looked down at the ground before she turned back to face him. "Look I've been thinking a lot these past few days," She paused as she contemplated what to say. "I knew what I was getting myself into when I told you I loved you back, and now I realize it wasn't fair."
"What are you saying?" James asked as he looked down at her anxiously.
"I'm saying that it was wrong of me," Lindsay paused as she tried to swallow back the tears that were coming, "To do that to you." She bit her lip before she shook her head slightly; "I'm the one who's sorry," Lindsay sniffled. "I shouldn't have given in; I knew one of us would get hurt in the end. I just…I can't do this anymore. It's just too hard for us to be together after what happened. And I tried to push past everything, but I can't." Lindsay paused before she looked up into James' eyes, "And now…I'm done trying."
James looked down at her, his eyes filled with sadness. He felt a pang in his heart at what Lindsay had just said to him.
Lindsay looked at him once more, her eyes filling up with tears. She quickly walked past him, trying to save herself from having to cry in front of him.
James looked down at the ground, dejected, his body froze as Lindsay walked past him. He took in deep a breath as he tried to keep his composure. Slowly, he turned and watched her walk off with grief stricken eyes.
He sees the flames in her tears
Sketching on her skin and he knows
That it's come to an end
And it's no point pretending it's not
Lindsay's eyes began to fill with tears as she kept thinking about everything that had happened between her and James the past eight months. She hated herself for even wanting to be with him after what he'd done to her, but she couldn't help it. Even though there were so many bad things that had happened between them, she still loved him. He was the only one she wanted to be with.
Lindsay took in a deep breath as she tried to calm herself down. A small sob escaped her lips as she tried to hold back the tears. Her head shot over to the crib as she heard rustling. She sat up slowly and wiped the tears from her eyes. Once she heard a whimper she pulled the covers away from her and got up.
And it's a long way down, a long way down from here
And it's a long way down, a long way down from here
As she reached the crib, Royal began to fuss even more. She leaned down and picked him up, "Shhh…its okay baby." Lindsay whispered as she pulled him close to her and kissed his head.
Royal took in deep breaths as he started to calm down. He nestled his head into Lindsay's neck as he finally settled down.
Lindsay began stroking his head gently as she swayed back and forth. "I'm sorry, hun." She said quietly as she walked over to her bed. She sat down before she laid Royal down beside her. Lindsay moved the pillow so it was beside him and then propped herself up on her elbow. She leaned over him and kissed him on the forehead.
So she smashes the glass
And there's blood on her hands and her skirt
There's the wind and a sun,
A fresh air in her lungs once again
Royal let out a deep breath, and cooed as Lindsay sat up and gazed down at him.
Lindsay smiled as she bent down and rubbed her nose lightly against his.
Royal let out a squeal as she gently tickled his stomach.
Lindsay giggled as she kissed his cheek. "You are the cutest little thing." She said with laughter in her voice.
A small smile tugged at the corners of Royal's lips as he stared up at her.
And it's a long way down, a long way down from here
And it's a long way down, a long way down from here
James sat one the edge of his bed, holding his head in his hands. He had wanted so desperately for things to look up for him that day, but as usual they hadn't. It didn't matter how much he tried for Lindsay just pushed him away every time.
James sighed as he moved over and laid down. As much as he hated to think of it, he didn't think Lindsay was going to want to be with him any time soon, let alone at all. He knew that their relationship meant something to her at some level, but she wasn't ready for that again. And he knew that was his fault since she was too afraid to open up again.
He couldn't help but think about when they hadn't had to worry about anything. Back when things got better between them after they'd gotten together. He thought back to the night when they'd spent their first night together.
So he closes his eyes
And thinks 'Maybe I'll be surprised if I do.'
James stirred as he felt himself waking up, he slowly opened his eyes and heard the sound of Lindsay sighing beside him. He smiled slightly, "Stop it." He said as he shut his eyes again.
"What?" Lindsay asked as she turned to him.
"Stop worrying so much." James said as his smile widened.
"How do you even know I'm worried if you haven't looked at me yet?" Lindsay asked.
"You think I need to see you with my eyes to know what's going on with you." James took in a deep breath, "I never had to before."
A small smile tugged at the corners of Lindsay's lips, she slowly turned her head so she was looking up at the ceiling. She sighed as she shut her eyes for a moment.
"What's wrong?" James asked as he turned to her.
Lindsay opened her eyes again, "It's just…I'm afraid of what Adam will do if he finds out. And frankly I don't want to find out."
"He won't." James said simply.
Lindsay turned her head so she could see him.
"Besides, even if he did, which he won't, I wouldn't let him do anything to you." He said reassuringly.
Lindsay smiled as he moved his arm so she could lay closer to him. Without hesitating she moved closer to him, wrapping her arm around him as he did the same. Lindsay's smile widened as she shut her eyes.
"I love you more than anything Lindsay, and I wouldn't let anyone hurt you." James said as he placed a kiss to her head, "You know that right."
Lindsay nodded slightly, "Yeah."
"Good." James said as he tightened his hold on her.
"I love you too." Lindsay whispered as she nestled her head into his neck.
James kissed her head again before he shut his eyes.
'I just might fall into another realm
And make another home there with you'
A frown spread across James' lips as he continued to think about it. He had seemed so sure that things would have changed after that night. That they could be happy together as long as Lindsay could get away from Adam. Unfortunately everything had only gotten worse after that.
James reached up and wiped his face with his hands as he let out a deep breath. There was nothing he could do now but hope that Lindsay would change her mind. It was best if he just stayed away until Lindsay was ready to talk to him, he'd just have to wait. Even if he tried to talk to her, he'd have to wait all the same. James sighed as he shut his eyes, trying to fall asleep.
And it's a long way down, a long way down from here
And it's a long way down, a long way down from here
Lindsay covered Royal with his blanket again as she gazed down at him. He'd fallen asleep a while ago, but she hadn't been able to sleep. Thoughts of what had happened still clouded her mind and she couldn't seem to fall asleep. She knew she'd have to make a decision soon and to not keep James waiting, but it was really hard for her to decide.
She wanted to be with James, she did, but there was always that feeling of dread that changed her mind. There was a small part of her that wondered if maybe she should just take a chance, tell him she wanted to be with him. Maybe things would be different this time around, especially since Royal was there now.
Lindsay wanted so badly to just tell James everything that she'd been feeling, but then the thought of Jonathan always popped into her head. Unfortunately that was what she was most afraid of, what Jonathan would do. She couldn't stand to see the same thing happen to Jonathan that had happened to Adam. But she knew his reaction would be somewhat similar, and that scared, more for her son than herself.
Its best not to think about it
Just put your arms around me
Lindsay sighed before she stood up and walked over to the phone. She quickly dialed the number to James' hotel.
"Good evening, how can I help you?" The man on the other end said.
"Hi, I was hoping you could send a message up to a guest, please." Lindsay said quietly.
"I can surely do that for you miss, what room is the guest in?"
"He's in room 323." Lindsay replied, making sure to keep her voice down so she wouldn't wake Royal.
"Okay, and what is the message you'd like sent, miss?"
"Can you just tell him to meet Lindsay Roe over in the park tomorrow morning?"
"Yes, is that all?"
"Yes, thank you." Lindsay said as she rubbed the back of her neck.
"You're very welcome, miss. Have a good night."
"Thanks, you too." Lindsay said before hanging up.
She sighed before she stood up and walked back over to bed. To her surprise she fell fast asleep as soon as she laid down.
Its best not to think about it
Just put your arms around me.
James woke with a start at his phone ringing. He sat up slowly and turned on the light. He quickly picked up the phone, "Hello?" He asked groggily.
"Sorry to wake you sir, but someone left a message for you."
"Oh?" James asked as he yawned, "Who's that?"
"They didn't say, but she did ask that we inform you to meet a miss Lindsay Roe in the park tomorrow morning."
"Oh." James said, a wave of relief swept over him. "Thank you," he quickly said.
"You're welcome, have a good night, sir." The man said before hanging up.
James set the phone down, he still couldn't believe it. He expected that he wouldn't hear from Lindsay for days. The thought that it was only a matter of hours before he'd see her again to hear her final decision gave him some hope.
But as he thought about it, she must have been up all night so far thinking about it. It could be bad, or it could be good. He sighed, he hadn't not knowing what she'd say to him. He didn't know what he'd do if she told him she didn't want anything to do with him.
James swallowed hard as a lump grew in his throat, he let out a deep breath as he scratched his head. He'd just have to wait until tomorrow.
He slowly laid down after he turned out the light, before he fell asleep once more.
Its best not to think about it
Just put your arms around me.
Song: Best Not To Think About It by Athlete