Oh look I exist...as does this story. WHO KNEW? I blame my junior year -_- who knew there was this much shit to do? Well you live and you learn...

Disclaimer- These be Disney and Square Enix bitches :(

Chapter 12

I woke up the next morning struggling to pry my eyes open I reached up wiping them slowly rolling back my aching shoulders.

What the fuck had happened last night?

I felt like hell and just as I asked myself that question everything started flooding back I spun around quickly to find Axel laying on the bed next to me, those emerald eyes directed up to the ceiling

"Good morning" he said turning to face me

I stared at him my mind searching for memories. What the hell happened?

He kept staring at me expectantly it took what felt like years before I made the connection

"Morning" I mumbled back

He nodded letting his head drop back on the pillow.

Suddenly it really came back and my chest started hurting. Me and Axel had stayed up almost all night talking about his past. His dysfunctional family, drunk of a father and hot headed corporal with pedophile tendencies and the best friend he never saw again. The guy had a fucked up history and whats worse is he had about half a dozen tattoos to remind him of each fucked up part. Lots of times when we were talking he would stop and mumble things to himself in Italian. I picked up a decent amount of curse words. He also referred to his father 'asshole' which was stronzo in Italian. Of all the things that helped break Axel, all the things that slowly drove him to the edge was that Ventus kid. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the entire story myself. What I do know is they were friends and when that douche bag did that to him Axel felt like it was is fault...he should have protected him or something. Can you imagine that kind of guilt looming over you? But you know that the saddest part is? As fucked up as his life is...mine is far worse...and I haven't told him a single damn thing.

"So what exactly are you thinking about?" he said

"...A lot of shit"

"Like?"

I scoffed "Nothing you need in your head"

He laughed nodding his head "You're probably right, so how is all my shit doing in yours?"

I shrugged "Still being sorted...think there's some room in the back"

We sat in a silence for a moment, I guess deciding whether that was a joke or a cryptic metaphor before we just stated laughing

I smiled looking over at him, he looked at me his eyes looking a little brighter. I think at that moment we both realized just how fucked up we were but we also realized now we got to be fucked up together.

The oh so familiar knock on the door let me know it was time for a breakfast that I probably wasn't going to eat.

The attendee slipped in still knocking "Breakfast guys"

I watched as Axel got up brushing back his bright red hair and the reality began setting in. Just how...for lack of a better word strange our...relationship? Can we call it a relationship? Anyway, the reality of how strange our whatever-you-call-it was. I mean, few times we've been together he's yelled at me, given me a nickname, spoken a foreign language, broke my ankle, had a breakdown...two actually, told me his entire life story and kissed me.

He looked back at me quizzically, I guess wondering why I was still sitting on the bed.

"Roxy?"I looked up, there's that name "Coming?" "Yeah, right now."

The entire situation was...unstable at best. You can't blame me for feeling a bit uneasy about what could happen next. It seemed from one day to the next my life had no continuity, things just happened at random. That kind of uncertainty was scary as hell. I got up walking out behind him and then he did reached back lightly touching my hand before he walked out, I slowed a bit letting my thoughts catch up with me. I started realizing so much more, more than I wanted to realize, like how I broke down yesterday

"That's bullshit! We can't be nothing, we can't let it go cause we play a fucked up game Axel but you don't want me..."

I remembered the tears running down my face. I looked down at my hand where his had just been a second ago, the feeling still lingered, and then I looked back up at his thin figure walking away.

What the hell was happening?

I walked through the line grabbing cereal, would I eat it? Probably not.

I slowly sat down at the table across from Namine, out of habit I didn't even think.

"Well well well." she said smiling devilishly "If it isn't my partner in crime."

I looked up at her smiling faintly "In the flesh"

I tried to hold a normal conversation but I was slowly getting lost in my own thoughts. That first night he was here...that conniving attitude. There were so many parts to Axel...and there was no way of determining which one you would get. But as scary as that was I still just kept hearing

"So if that doesn't send you running..."

Over and over, his calming voice in my ear giving me the opportunity to get out of this cycle of unpredictable disaster but instead I sat back and let him kiss me. I couldn't bring myself to regret it.

So now I was in this. And who knows for how long. I was snapped from my thoughts when I heard my name.

"...and Roxas wont object"I looked up "What am I not objecting to?" "Sex with Axel"

I blinked slowly staring at her "Clearly...I missed something"

"You didn't actually...out of the clear blue sky she started talking about sex which is normal for Nam." said a man with dark hair and a deep voice.

I stared on in confusion "...And you are?"

He smirked

"Vanitas."

I looked over at Namine raising an eyebrow, she just smiled slightly. I looked over back at him. He definitely seemed more her type but than where was Marluxia? I didn't dare ask.

I nodded shoving a mouthful of cereal in my mouth "Cool, I'm Roxas."

Namine cringed as I talked with food in my mouth "Roxas that is so gross."

I shrugged "What can I say, I have no manners" I replied shoving more cereal in my mouth, honestly I was just trying to find a way to distract myself from the current situation which made me incredibly uncomfortable. I mean there's Namine being Namine, this new guy who clearly sends Namine wild which means he's a raving lunatic, there's Axel who I guess technically is now my raving lunatic and then there's me. What the fuck can even be said about me? The entire scenario was...well crazy.

Ironic.

Everybody kept talking and I kept drifting in and out, sometimes laughing when it was appropriate, other times missing the joke completely as I built up scenario after scenario in my head. Me playing out in my head how I would tell Axel about me, about what I'd seen and done. Imagining him storming out, imaging me crying, imagining that bitch of a therapist laughing at my pain. I sighed feeling mentally drained, I was snapped from my thoughts as Axel wrapped his arm around me.

"Are you okay?"

I scoffed "I haven't been okay for years Axel."

He shrugged agreeing with the statement "Okay for you?"

"By my standards, yeah I'm okay."

He stood picking up our food tossing it in the trash. "Are you gonna sit out here for a while."

"Um...nah I'm gonna go back to the room." I said looking at my feet.

He nodded "Figured. Okay, I'll be out here if you want me." he said pointing behind him the couch.

Nodding I walked to the room and laid on the bed,. It was weird for me, everything was just weird because I had no clue what I was doing. I guess I was dating Axel, I suppose he's my boyfriend, I think me and Namine are best friends again and...I don't even know. I fell on the bed closing my eyes. Nothing was fact, nothing was stable, everything was a game of chance..again. I hated not knowing what was going, I hated not having control over the situation it made me weaker than I already was. I sighed and turned over as my mind kept going and going with more and more questions, more possible outcomes and creating more fears. Eventually even my brain got tired and I fell asleep.

A/N: Well..theres that...pleased? angry? questions comments or complaints you know where to send em