"WHAT?!" Aizen screamed in outrage. Once again, Pei had proven herself to be nothing but trouble. Pei merely picked at her forest green Santa dress as an answer. Sure, she had signed them up for caroling in Soul Society but was it really that bad? Besides, there was karaoke afterwards. What could go wrong? Maybe it was the fact that she had also signed up the Shinigami Women's Association? Maybe because they were busy assigning teams and handing out lists with what to do?
Before long, the entire Hueco Mundo crew was on their way to Soul Society due the threat of Pei dragging them there by their ears. Pei ended up being in the group of Matsumoto, Nanao, Nemu, and Rukia. The five grinned at each other, looped hands, and skipped away singing 'Deck the Halls', paying no attention to the frantic calls of the Espada to be saved from this torture.
"You're carrying the moneybag," Matsumoto said as she shoved a sack into Pei's hands.
"Why the hell do I have to carry it?" she whined. Matsumoto gave everyone there a shrewd look. Nanao sighed. She did not like where her friend was going.
"Me-G cup, Nanao-C cup at best, Nemu-D cup, Rukia A cup, and I'd say you have an A too but you probably stuff yours," Matsumoto lectured as if it was knowledge needed to survive in the world. It looked like Pei was about to explode when suddenly, Pei smiled sweetly at Matsumoto like the angel she wasn't.
"And do you stuff yours, Rangiku?" she asked.
"Of course not!" she answered indignantly.
"Then why would you assume that I stuff mine?" Pei retorted. Matsumoto sighed. She guessed the bag wouldn't get too heavy. Unknown to everyone, the ever ingenious Matsumoto had slipped ten bottles of sake in the bag.
As they had gone through their first carol (Still, Still, Still) and collected the money (20 yen-they were surprisingly good), the group sat down to bicker. The next song also had multiple parts (Ding Dong) and they couldn't decide who got which.
"I want the high part," Rukia decided. Pei glared at her. How dare they? She was the Soprano 1 there!
"No! I get the high part! You're a Soprano 2 and I'm a 1! You can get the melody with Rangiku!" Pei argued. Nemu sighed.
"But I wanted the melody," she whined. Nanao glared at them all.
"Pei gets the high part, Rukia and Nemu get the melody, and Rangiku and I will get the low part," she ordered as if daring them to disagree. Just as a fresh argument started, Matsumoto decided it was her moment of action.
"Come on! We just got 20 yen from 10th Division! We should be celebrating with a bottle of sake!" Matsumoto chided. She took the sake and cups out, handing one to all gathered and poured a generous amount in each one. Inwardly, Pei smirked. Like she would fall for some harebrained plot to get them all drunk. No, she, the master of all plotting, would stand by and watch everyone else get drunk and do stupid things. So she pretended to sip from the cup. When everyone else took theirs, she quickly dumped hers on the tree. Soon, everyone excluding herself was piss-ass drunk. Time for karaoke, Pei grumbled to herself as she dragged them through the snow. What a pain.
By the time she actually got them all to wake up, karaoke was starting. It was then that the disaster struck.
As you know, the Captain of Division 8 is quite prone to drinking sake as a form of celebration. Was it really that much of a shock if we told you he was completely drunk and had hooked Ukitake into drinking too much too?
"What shud we do dow?" Ukitake slurred as he stumbled into a pillar.
"We shud go dow tomshing fun," Kyoraku quipped, equally as drunk. It was in that state that they stumbled upon the Shinigami Women's Association's Santa Dress orders.
"No," Ukitake protested (even being drunk, he still had some sense not to mess with what would surely become more than 20 murderous women) as he saw the smirk come across Kyoraku's face. However, his warning came too late. His drunk, idiotic friend had already messed up the orders. Instead of the neat check in the box that said Santa hats, there was now a check by the box 'Mrs. Claus Outfit'. May Yamamoto save his soul, thought Ukitake as he fled the scene.
"When are the hats gonna arrive?" cried Yachiru. Pei shrugged. Then, a large box was dropped off at the front door of the karaoke bar. It was then carried up by Nemu and opened by Rukia. The whole noisy room fell into silence.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" Pei screeched as she held up a dress that would have made no difference between wearing it and going naked. Matsumoto frowned at the angry twelve-soon-to-be-thirteen year old (my birthday's January 1st).
"Personally, I think it's cute," she squealed.
"I'm not wearing this," most of the room agreed.
"Everyone who wants to change, then change. We're resuming karaoke," Nanao shouted over the ruckus. When finally everyone was silent, they started the game of B.S. karaoke version.
Pei smirked to herself. She owned this game.
"One ace," she called as she threw down a card. Yachiru continued with two twos. The game flowed smoothly until Rukia said 'B.S.' to Ulquiorra's four fives. Ulquiorra frowned as he stomped over to the TV.
"Put it on shuffle," someone called. Ulquiorra grumbled and pressed the shuffle button.
"What song?" someone asked.
"Pieces by Sum41," Pei replied, still smirking. She wondered how Ulquiorra sang. Unsurprisingly dull was the answer. Instead of singing along to the words, he merely read them out loud to the beat. By the time the song was over, many were covering their ears, what few manners they had picked up from the piece of poop all forgotten. The game continued until mostly everyone had had a turn at the TV of torture (karaoke). By that time, many eardrums were bleeding and Pei had called a break.
"Let's do normal karaoke," she suggested to much cheering. Normal karaoke was defined as karaoke where you had to be good at singing to actually sing without someone snatching the microphone from you and singing themselves.
"You're going first then," Matsumoto smirked. After all, she was one of the only ones that hadn't sung during B.S. karaoke. It was only fair. Pei mumbled something intelligible (probably hoping for a good song) before pressing shuffle. Luck was not on her side as 'Sexyback' by Justin Timberlake appeared on the huge plasma screen. Pei was not singing that. Seeing that no one had yet noticed, she discreetly pressed shuffle yet again. Luck was on her side this time, she thought as 'Decode' by Paramore appeared on the screen.
"How can I decide-"she wasn't even halfway through the first line when a large crash was heard from the first floor. Paying no heed to the others that were trampled over, a horde of confused women pushed out from the rented room and nearly trampled over the two very drunk men as well.
"Teehee Jyuu-Shan. I tolsh you they'd wear dem," Kyoraku slurred. Not all of the assembled had brains, but they certainly possessed more than enough between them all to decipher what the two drunken idiots were talking about the pieces of one by one cloth...dresses.
"You shizzn't ha shad tad," Ukitake whimpered as the horde of angry women glared at him. There was a silence.
"CHARGE!" Pei screamed amid the feral growls.
A/N: I'm sorry. I couldn't resist putting more violence in. But did you enjoy the Christmas special? Okay: Trivia Time! Whoever gets this right first gets to go in the next chapter! Please send info about how you want to be portrayed and what you want your name to be with your answer. The category is…FINAL JEPOARDY BLEACH! Name all Espada powers and release commands! Also name which aspect of death each one symbolizes! Bye! There will be more at the end of every month.
-Pie &Demon-Pixie Live from Mexico
Parody Thingy:
Hisagi: Yes! My turn has come for an interview that I can use to further spread the popularity of my newspaper!
Pei: *stares blankly* It's nice to know I'm being used for your further advancements. What do you want from my life?
Hisagi: *checks list* Okay, what's your favorite color?
Pei: Red.
Hisagi: Why are you so violent?
Pei: Born that way.
Hisagi: Are you allergic to anything?
Pei: The spectrum of human emotion. Why are you asking me these pointless questions? Why not just skip to the point and ask me how to get the Shinigami Men's Association more money or how to make your newspaper more popular?
Hisagi: Yeah, good point. Why? *leans in hoping to hear some awesome wisdom*
Pei: You can't because they both suck.
Hisagi: WHAT TYPE OF AN ANSWER IS THAT YOU LITTLE DIP-*Pei stuffed a cloth in his mouth*
Pei: You people never learn. Oh well, they do say you can't teach an old dog new tricks…*snickers*
Hisagi: ! *trying to cuss Pei out*
Pei: Bye! Remember to do the trivia!