Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.
12 – The Hanged Man
There were many things that interested Light.
When he found a subject that drew him, he would study it. He tended towards academic pursuits. He was attracted to, for example; law, legal issues, and the principle of justice. For these, he gave great amounts of effort. They were in his coursework at school, which was only fitting considering his career choice and aspiration to emulate his father.
However, Light went above and beyond that.
He read books on his own time, researched over the internet, and spent countless hours in silent contemplation of these matters. It was in his nature. If something warranted his interest, then it also warranted his absolute focus and energy. Some people might have identified this mindset as obsessive. Light saw it as being thorough. It reflected his sincere wish to gain comprehension and knowledge.
It was not until he was an adolescent that such weighty topics had begun to preoccupy him. By then, he was no longer really involved with other people. At least, not in any sort of meaningful way. They did not interest him and so did not deserve his attention. As well, Light felt he already knew all that he needed to anyways. However, that attitude had changed, little by little, in the last two months. It would not be inaccurate to say that, now, it had undergone a reversal.
There was one person that interested Light.
When he found a person that drew him, he would study him. He was attracted to Ryuzaki; mentally, physically, and emotionally. For him, he gave great amounts of effort. There was their collaboration on the Kira case, which was only fitting considering Light's predicament and his aspiration to see justice prevail.
However, Light went above and beyond that.
He ensured that he spent private time with Ryuzaki, engaged him in regular conversation, and spent countless hours in silent contemplation of him. It was in his nature. If someone warranted his interest, then he also warranted Light's absolute focus and energy. Some people might have identified this mindset as obsessive. Light saw it as being thorough. It reflected his sincere wish to gain comprehension and knowledge of Ryuzaki.
At present; Light, Ryuzaki, Matsuda, and Aizawa were holding a meeting. They were discussing the latest developments in the case. Ryuzaki was detailing his suspicions to the other men. He was, more or less, reiterating what Light had told them the previous day. His purpose was most likely to receive input from Matsuda and Aizawa.
Light didn't really see the point.
There was no doubt that Matsuda and Aizawa were hard workers. For example; they did the legwork for the inquiries into the non-criminal heart attack victims, and had found data which pointed towards Yotsuba's link with Kira. However, their contributions were solely of a practical value, or could be accomplished by anyone with average reading comprehension skills. That was because they were intellectually limited. When it came to momentous steps forward…
'Ryuzaki and I have that covered.'
Therefore, Light was not actively participating. Instead, he quietly listened. This was beneficial since it allowed him to take particular note of three things that Ryuzaki said.
The first was his response when Aizawa asked:
"Ryuzaki, you're thinking this is Kira's work?"
"It's three cases of heart attack, so it is possible. Though my reasoning can be wrong, so you should not put much faith in me," the detective said diffidently.
'Interesting.'
The conversation continued.
"So, Yotsuba has hired Kira to help them?" Aizawa asked.
"Kira being hired is unthinkable," Ryuzaki stated.
"Why?"
"Because that would mean a company was able to find Kira before I could. That is not possible."
'Very interesting.'
Aizawa's expression was incredulous.
"You just said not to put faith in your reasoning, yet now you're super confident. Which is it?"
"I was just sulking earlier," Ryuzaki answered carelessly.
'Even more interesting.'
The idea was put forth that they should infiltrate Yotsuba. On that note, the meeting ended. As they returned to their desks, Ryuzaki said:
"Yagami-san should be back from the National Police Agency soon. We can decide how to attack then. For now, let's see what else we can do."
Light said:
"I'll see if I can hack into Yotsuba's main computer."
Aizawa said:
"I'll look into how Yotsuba is organized."
Matsuda said:
"Uh…I will…"
Shortly afterward, Soichiro returned. He was accompanied by Mogi. The news they brought with them was unexpected. In the aftermath of what followed, they were down by one team member. However, the loss of Aizawa was compensated for by the presence of Mogi. There was no longer a need for him to remain at the NPA headquarters. That was because the Japanese police were pulling out of the hunt for Kira.
Soichiro revealed that Kira was responsible. He was putting pressure on the government. So, the police were ordered to withdraw. The situation was to be kept a secret from the general public. When faced with this ultimatum; Soichiro, Matsuda, and Mogi chose to quit and remain with the investigation. They were now a completely independent unit.
Light was unconcerned with this new development. The loss of the police was not significant. In reality, they had always been ineffectual when it came to Kira. It was painfully clear that he was in no danger from them. Of course, given the threats and bribes that Kira had made to government officials; it was apparent he held a different viewpoint. This troubled Light.
He genuinely wanted to believe that there was only one Kira all along. But, when he examined the behavior of the alleged Kiras, he had to admit there were marked differences. The first Kira targeted major criminals. He only executed law enforcement officials who directly went after him. He seemed to hold ideals of a just world. His method was designed to introduce those ideals, and have them gradually influence society.
The second Kira targeted civilians and police officers. That was what he had done in the Sakura TV incident. He also killed minor criminals, ones the first Kira would not. He seemed to hold ideals of a just world too. However, his method was designed to force his viewpoint on others. If the police, the government, and ordinary civilians refused to cooperate; he was willing to kill until they did. That was a way to create a totalitarian regime based on fear.
Finally, the third Kira targeted major criminals, civilians, politicians, and white-collar criminals. This Kira seemed to hold no ideals at all. If anything, the executions of criminals were a feint while he killed for monetary reasons. He, like the second Kira, appeared to lack the intelligence of the first Kira. He had, after all, left clues for Light to find. Maybe that was also why he made the absurd move of demanding the removal of the police. What use was such a maneuver? It was extraneous.
It was not yet certain that there were three Kiras. However, given what he had learned today, Light was leaning more towards that theory. Therefore, it was no longer possible to seriously suggest there had only been one Kira. If he did, it would only be wishful thinking. Light was disinclined to indulge in such frivolity. His rationality and logic would not allow for it. And neither would Ryuzaki's. That was glaringly obvious when, earlier today, the detective had said:
"I haven't given up on the theory that Light-kun is the first Kira."
At this time, Light and Ryuzaki were seated at the table in the bedroom. The detective was working on his laptop, while Light read over some files. It was still fairly early in the evening. The other team members had left soon after the ugly confrontation between Ryuzaki and Aizawa. They tried to hide it, but their resentment towards the detective had been unmistakable.
Light was also feeling resentful towards Ryuzaki. However, it was for a different reason. It was because of his "theory". That was why, after dinner, he had insisted on retiring. A change of scenery might enable him to restore inner equanimity. At the very least, it couldn't hurt. Two hours had passed since then.
In that time, he had reflected upon and analyzed Kira; while simultaneously going over related data. Despite that, his thoughts inevitably turned to Ryuzaki.
Light put down the folder he had been reading, and turned his chair to face the window. He crossed his arms and stared at the night sky outside.
Trying to ignore or avoid it was useless. He was irritated with Ryuzaki right now. Still, silently fuming would not accomplish anything. It was a waste of valuable time. There was really only one viable solution. Simply incorporate Ryuzaki into his previous line of thought. Satisfied, Light moved on.
There was another reason for Light's indifference towards the removal of the police. As long as Ryuzaki was willing to remain on the case, they would have all the support they needed. He had access to vast resources, monetary and otherwise. Still, it was only yesterday that he had re-joined the investigation.
Truthfully, Light was pleased that Ryuzaki was working with him again. Nevertheless, it didn't erase his refusal to involve himself for two whole months. If it happened once, it could happen again. Light did not want that to occur. If Ryuzaki permanently quit the case; it would be a fatal blow to the investigation. This was especially urgent now that the police and government had given up.
'I have to identify what his problem is, once and for all. Or rather, confirm that my observations are correct.'
Recently, he had begun reflecting on the physical fight they had. In spite of the months that had passed; Light easily recalled what Ryuzaki said and how he acted. In the stillness of the quiet room, he combined that information with statements the detective made today. Finally, he factored in his overall deductions about Ryuzaki and Kira.
He smiled as the last pieces of the plan fell into place.
Light had, all along, intended to get to the bottom of this issue. Unfortunately, his previous attempt to confront Ryuzaki was an unparalleled failure. It started with Light directly asking him why he would not work on the case. It ended with Ryuzaki ignoring him for three days, and the need for Light to apologize.
In fact, any mention of this issue resulted in a negative reaction from Ryuzaki. It was extremely frustrating, mostly because Light was unused to failure. Nevertheless, he refused to give up. After all, this wasn't the first time he had initially failed in achieving his goals. The key word was "initially". If he did not succeed immediately, he would mentally dissect the event. This allowed him to learn from it and develop a better strategy for next time.
He had learned from his experiences with the detective. Now, all he had to do was apply that knowledge.
It was possible to get information out of Ryuzaki, but it was unrealistic to expect him to be verbally forthcoming with it. Fortunately, that was not necessarily a huge hindrance. It would be for most people, but not for Light. He had a fairly good idea about what Ryuzaki's problem was. Confirmation could be attained by assessing his reactions and behavior.
He took one other lesson from his past dealings with Ryuzaki. It was clear, when it came to this issue, that a direct attack was inadvisable. So, he needed to approach from a different angle; find a new way in.
Happily, today's incident between Ryuzaki and Aizawa gave him one.
When Light was interested in someone, he would study him. He sought to gain complete comprehension and knowledge. His approach and methods were only as limited as his intellect, which was not limited at all. Some people might have identified this mindset as relentless. Light saw it as being determined. It reflected his ambition to expose the truth, and abolish all confusion and contradictions.
Light turned and faced the detective.
"It's great that my dad and the others are staying on the investigation, isn't it?" he said genially.
Ryuzaki did not look up from his screen.
"Yes."
"It's admirable that they decided before they knew about the arrangement for their financial futures."
The detective nodded.
"Still, it's too bad about Aizawa."
Ryuzaki looked up.
"It was obvious that he wanted to stay," Light said sympathetically.
"Then he should have," Ryuzaki replied dismissively.
Light assumed an earnest expression.
"It's not like he can help having a family, Ryuzaki. He wasn't in a position to sacrifice his income to continue working with us. He needed to keep his job."
"I am aware of that, Light-kun. That is why I arranged finan…"
Light interjected.
"Yes, you did. But, you didn't tell anyone about it. Watari did. Even then, it was only after Aizawa said he was going back to the police."
The detective's eyes hardened.
"Does Light-kun have a point or is he…"
Light spoke over him.
"Actually, I do. You said you were testing Aizawa because you wanted to see which side he would choose. That's why you didn't mention the financial provisions. But, it was clear that he chose the investigation. Except, because of his responsibilities, it was impossible for him to follow through on that choice. I think you were testing his dedication and, in that, he doesn't have any fault. It was obvious from what he said today and all the effort he's put into the case."
Ryuzaki's face softened. This was due to the sly smile that played across his lips when he asked:
"Light-kun believes I was unfair to Aizawa-san?"
"No, I don't believe it. I know you were."
The detective's amusement was apparent in his voice.
"I did not realize Light-kun thought Aizawa-san's presence was crucial to solving this case. He never gave any indication of that."
Ryuzaki's smile widened.
"Perhaps he has held Aizawa-san in the highest esteem all along. And, for his own reasons, chose not to make that obvious."
His smile changed into a smirk. Light smiled back.
"That's an interesting observation, Ryuzaki. Unfortunately, it has nothing to do with my point. Since you seem to have completely missed it, why don't I spell it out for you?" he said condescendingly.
The detective stopped smirking. Light continued.
"Your test was designed to evaluate Aizawa's devotion to the cause, to catching Kira. The problem is you didn't take into account his personal circumstances, which were different from everyone else's. He is dedicated, so he should have passed. The reason he didn't was because the parameters of your test were flawed. It also didn't fulfill its basic purpose. All it did was put Aizawa in a no-win situation."
There was a small silence. It was broken when Ryuzaki tersely said:
"So, Light-kun's point is that I compelled Aizawa-san to leave."
Light did not respond. Instead, he waited.
'He can't stand to lose so…'
It did not take long for the detective to speak again.
"Light-kun is certainly entitled to his opinion. However, he has failed to take into account one point."
Light leaned forward and placed his elbows on the table. He rested his chin in his hands and affected a curious expression.
"Aizawa-san was informed about the financial arrangements and still quit. If he was truly dedicated to catching Kira, he would have taken the offer. The one obstacle before him was removed, yet he did not reverse his decision. From that, I conclude my test did serve its purpose," Ryuzaki said confidently.
His visage was smug. Light spoke determinedly.
"No, that's not right. One of the main conditions of the test was that no one involved knew about the financial arrangements. As soon as they found out, your test was compromised. In other words, it was over. Attempting to validate it beyond that point is irrational. Re-defining the conditions of the test, like you are doing now, only serves to highlight…"
Light faltered. Ryuzaki's smug look had melted away. It was replaced by an expression Light had never received from him before. Frankly, it was…
'venomous.'
Light was taken aback. Nevertheless, he pressed on.
"…that you were wrong. You made a mistake and you know it."
The detective's voice was low and angry.
"Are you actually attempting to reprimand me? Surely you are not obtuse enough to believe you can. What is your point, Light-kun?"
"I just made it, Ryuzaki. You were wrong. You made an erro…"
Ryuzaki stood up.
"Light-kun is being tedious," he said coldly.
He turned and walked towards the door. Light stifled the urge to physically stop him. Instead, he called out:
"When you challenged Kira back in that television broadcast, I thought you were very bold. Even though neither of you could see the other, it took a lot of courage to do that."
Ryuzaki slowed.
"I find it interesting that you could be like that with him, but run away from a confrontation with me," Light said matter-of-factly.
Ryuzaki stopped.
Light refrained from speaking, and the detective did not turn around. Silence permeated the room. It was heavy and oppressive.
Light suddenly felt ambivalent. His main objective was to confirm his observations about Ryuzaki. He did a quick mental review.
'His theory about Kira was disproved when I was put into confinement. He can't stand to lose or be wrong. To him, that situation was both those things.'
Since a direct approach was not an option, he used the incident with Aizawa. He found another way in. However, Ryuzaki's reaction was stronger than Light had anticipated. It wasn't his attempt to leave. He had predicted that and planned for it. He used words to stop Ryuzaki, not force. It was just…
'I've never seen him get angry like this before.'
Should he push ahead? Or should he back off?
Ryuzaki turned around. His expression was baleful. Light had seen it only once before. It was during their physical fight.
'That's how he looked when he told me he wanted me to be Kira.'
The memory of this caused a change in Light's internal state. Uncertainty was instantly eclipsed by irritation.
He pushed ahead.
"I think you can't tolerate the idea that you make mistakes. I draw this conclusion from the fact that…"
His voice trailed off when Ryuzaki suddenly moved. He rapidly advanced on Light, until he stood right in front of him. He was not hunched over and stared down from his full height. His eyes were vicious when he said:
"Please continue, Light-kun. I anxiously await your profound insights into my character."
Light's hands balled into fists.
"Do you really mean that, Ryuzaki?"
"Yes. I am sure they will be riveting," he answered mockingly.
Light's eyes narrowed.
'Fine. You asked for it.'
"Your ego and arrogance won't allow you to see yourself as a person who can be wrong. Consequently, when you make errors; you can't handle it. That's why you wouldn't work on the case before," he said harshly.
"That is incorrect. I haven't given up on the idea that you are the first Kira."
He smiled, derisively. Light smiled back.
"Yes, I actually did hear you when you said that earlier. It was surprisingly easy considering I was standing right next to you. But, that really has nothing to do with my point. Since you seem unable to grasp it, why don't you let me explain it? I'll try to make it simple enough for you to catch on," he said patronizingly.
Ryuzaki stopped smiling. Light continued.
"You theorized that I was Kira. You may have said the probability was a low percentage, but you were lying. In reality, you were almost or completely at one hundred percent in your sureness. When the second Kira came along, you found evidence that incriminated Misa. You investigated her because you discovered I was dating her. The first Kira was extremely intelligent, and the second one wasn't very bright. So, you concluded I was the mastermind and she was following my orders."
Light paused. When Ryuzaki did not respond, he carried on.
"So, under that conclusion, you confined us. According to your theory, the killings should have stopped. And they did, but only for two weeks. When they started again, it proved that you were wrong."
The detective spoke rapidly.
"I told Light-kun there was no mistake that he was a Kira. I conceded to the possibility that he may have been controlled. The only correct course of action was to limit his freedom, which I have done."
"You only came to that later. It doesn't change the fact that your initial theory was incorrect. Also, you did say that about me. But, what you said today was that you haven't given up, not that there's no mistake. This implies you're no longer certain. Now it's more about not wanting to relinquish your theory about me. That's because you know you might be mistaken. You're just too stubborn to admit it."
"It may yet be proven that Light-kun was the first Kira. It is also possible…"
Light interrupted.
"I'm not talking about vague possibilities or what could be. And if you were thinking rationally, you wouldn't be either. I'm specifically talking about what was. Attempting to validate your theory, without any evidence, proves that you realize you made an error."
The detective broke eye contact, and looked to the side. When he slid one foot backward, Light was ready. He quickly sat forward and placed his hands on Ryuzaki's hips. He pulled him back to his previous position, and held him there.
"It's true that it may eventually be proven I was the first Kira. I know I wasn't, but I can understand your reasoning in suspecting me. But, that's not really the point. It's that you thought I was the mastermind behind all the killings. When you realized you made an error, you didn't want to work on the case anymore. You wanted to give up."
Ryuzaki did not look at him.
"I already said I was a little disappointed. That is a normal reaction, Light-kun."
"Yes, and you also said you were shocked and frustrated. And, you're right, those are normal reactions. What isn't normal is getting depressed and wanting to quit because you made a mistake."
"No. I wanted to give up because I was tired. There were many times when I thought I was going to die. I said going after Kira put us in danger," Ryuzaki said softly.
He still looked away. Light drew him closer.
"If that was really true, you would have quit the case. You also wouldn't be working on it now. It has nothing to do with it, although I'm sure you really did feel that way," he said quietly.
Ryuzaki's hands slowly came up. Light tensed. He expected an attempt to make him release his hold or to be pushed away. That was why he was caught off-guard; when all Ryuzaki did was simply place his hands on Light's arms.
The ambivalence returned.
'I can't read him right now. I don't know if I should pull back or keep going.'
The silence lengthened. He noted Ryuzaki still did not try to retreat or remove Light's hands.
'It would be really difficult to set up something like this again. He'll be expecting it next time.'
He banished uncertainty, and kept going.
"You can be childish. That's also part of why you wouldn't work on the case. You remind me of a kid who loses a game, kicks the board across the room, and yells: 'This game is stupid. I don't want to play anymore'."
"I did not lose games when I was a child," Ryuzaki argued.
"Well, you lost at something. Watari said you acted like this before. So…"
His prompt was, of course, ignored.
'I want to know, but the probability of getting an answer out of him is…'
Light thought quickly.
'…almost zero. I'll think up another plan for that later.'
He returned to the previous subject.
"I think solving criminal cases is a game for you. You talked about the reality of justice, but that doesn't really enter into your motivations. At least, not in a significant way."
The detective's shoulders slouched forward. His voice, when he spoke, was hushed.
"Light-kun thinks I was lying?"
"In a way. When you solve cases, justice is served. But it's more of a…side-effect. If justice was truly important to you, you wouldn't use illegal methods. You, basically, commit crimes in order to stop crimes. Some of your actions have been dishonest, immoral, and unfair."
"Kira must be stopped, Light-kun."
"So…the ends justify the means?"
"Yes."
"The only problem is that kind of thinking and the principle of justice are mutually exclusive. You can't be immoral and just at the same time. You're either one or the other. Anyways, that's not the point of what I'm saying. What really matters to you are the puzzle and the contest. It's a game to you and you'll do anything to win."
Ryuzaki's shoulders and chest had been slowly drooping forward. By the time Light finished speaking, he was hunched over in his normal posture. He continued to look aside.
"Where is Light-kun going with this?" he asked quietly.
"Solving crimes is a game you have to win every single time. You equate being wrong with losing. You made a mistake when you identified me as the mastermind behind all the killings. It was such a blow that you wanted to give up. You ended up staying but refused to participate. I'm not asking you to confirm my conclusions. I don't think you will, even if I'm right. What I want is for you to answer two questions."
Light hesitated. He knew what he wanted to ask. It was just that he hadn't envisioned getting this far, at least not right away. He had estimated that it would take multiple attempts to get Ryuzaki to listen to everything he had to say. Therefore, he was unprepared.
'I have to phrase the questions in a specific way. They have to be…general. So he can respond without going into detail or supplying any identifying information.'
It took approximately a minute for Light to perceive the impossibility of that task. General questions would only yield general answers. He abandoned this fruitless exercise and, instead, straightforwardly asked:
"Why do you have an absolute need to be right, to never be wrong? And why didn't you just withdraw from the case completely? You obviously wanted to. Why didn't you?"
Ryuzaki turned his head and finally looked at him. His eyes were no longer spiteful. They were void of any emotion at all. The shock temporarily suspended Light's thoughts and reactions. He froze.
"Release me, Light-kun."
Upon hearing his voice, Light's uncertainty returned in its entirety. It was intensely reinforced by his rapidly constricting chest. He did not try to suppress these responses. He felt like there was no time. The urgency of replying overruled everything.
Consequently, his agitation was evident when he asked:
"Why? Where are you going?"
"I'm tired. I want to sit down," Ryuzaki answered listlessly.
'No.'
Light tightened his grip, and leaned forward. He pressed his forehead against Ryuzaki's stomach and thought frantically.
'I don't want to let him go. I want him to answer my questions. I've gone as far as I can on my own. I can't completely understand without more information. He has to tell me because I…'
His thoughts were cut off when he felt Ryuzaki's hand on the back of his neck. He involuntarily tensed, expecting to be forced back. That was why he was surprised; when all Ryuzaki did was simply move his fingers in soft circles.
Light loosened his grip, and closed his eyes.
'I really want to know.'
"Light-kun," Ryuzaki prompted in a dispirited voice.
Light let go.
For the next half hour, he watched Ryuzaki. The detective sat in his chair. He legs were huddled tightly to his chest, and his arms were wrapped completely around them. He did not look at Light, instead burying his face in his knees. It was easy to read the implication of this positioning: the conversation was over.
'This is exactly how he acted after that argument with Watari.'
For the half hour after that, Light alternated between observing him and reading more of the files. Ryuzaki did not move or make any sound. Light came to a realization in that time.
'I don't know how to handle this.'
Another realization came soon after.
'I don't want to.'
Light went to bed. Ryuzaki remained where he was.
When he woke the next morning, the detective was working on his laptop. Light called out:
"Good morning."
Ryuzaki stopped typing, and looked at him.
"Good morning, Light-kun."
"Did you stay up all night?"
"Yes."
Light frowned.
"You couldn't sleep?"
"I was working, and lost track of the time," Ryuzaki explained.
"That's not good, Ryuzaki. You need to sleep," Light admonished.
The detective smiled.
"I'm fine. Thank you for your concern, though," he said in a warm voice.
'There's something…'
"That is very kind of you, Light-kun. Did you sleep well?"
'…really wrong here.'
"…I did. Thank you for asking," Light replied slowly.
Ryuzaki nodded.
Light walked towards the bathroom. He kept his eyes on the detective the whole way. Just before he went through the door, he said:
"I won't be long, and then we can go. You already had your shower, right?"
"Yes. I am not in a hurry, though. So, please don't feel you have to rush."
"…Thanks, Ryuzaki."
When he closed the door, Ryuzaki was still smiling.
Light most definitely was not.
The rest of the day passed quickly. The operations room was unusually quiet. Light suspected it was due to the absence of Aizawa. No one spoke of it, but there was tension in the air.
Light noted that the other team members spoke sparingly to Ryuzaki, if at all. However, when they did, the detective responded in his usual manner; brusquely and economically.
That was why the way he spoke to Light stood out. If Light asked him a question, or made an observation; Ryuzaki's manner was exceedingly courteous and…pleasant. Just like that morning.
Light, at first, did not know why it bothered him. After all, wasn't it an improvement over being ignored? Truthfully, that was what he had expected. By the end of last night's confrontation, Ryuzaki had refused to engage anymore. To the point where he would not even look at Light. Considering that, he had predicted Ryuzaki would give him the cold shoulder. Therefore, his…friendliness was jarring.
Light resolved to get to the bottom of this issue.
It took some time to successfully analyze Ryuzaki's behavior. When he had an answer, he immediately comprehended why it was grating on his nerves. He also especially understood, on a personal level, why it was making him uncomfortable.
It was unnatural. It was not genuine. When he recalled Ryuzaki's reactions the night before, it was apparent that Light's words had an effect. Yet, today, he acted in this genial manner. It was out of character and false. There was no doubt about it.
There was another element behind his certainty.
Light was a polite person. He had been raised to be, so that was part of it. However, he was courteous for another reason. It was how he got along with people, how he related. He was well-mannered with everyone. This caused him to be viewed in a positive way by others. They thought he was friendly, considerate, and helpful. Light had believed that about himself too. It was only in the last few weeks that he had seen the truth.
He was not friendly, he was detached. His politeness, to a great degree, was simply an act. It didn't mean anything. It was a way to interact that required almost no effort on his part. He could see that now. When he looked at Ryuzaki, he saw it in him too. When the detective smiled and spoke to him that day, there was nothing behind it.
Ryuzaki's amiability was not an improvement over being ignored. If anything, it was far worse. It was a way to "handle" Light, a way to avoid him. It showed just how absent he really was. He was so detached that it was possible for him not to ignore Light.
As the day progressed, Light became more and more unsettled. And irritated.
He decided to do something about it, and came up with another plan. The goal was to disrupt Ryuzaki's "politeness". To make him engage.
It wouldn't be too hard. All he had to do was 'fight fire with fire'. Light was positive that, when it came to courtesy, he definitely had the advantage over Ryuzaki.
He waited until they were alone.
Light was in his pajamas, and sitting on his bed. Ryuzaki was at the table, working on his laptop.
Light spoke in a polite tone.
"Ryuzaki, I was wondering if you were going to bed soon."
The detective looked up from his screen, and smiled.
"I'm not tired. Am I disturbing you? If you like, I can turn off the lamp," he offered courteously.
Light smiled back.
"No, no, I'm fine. I was actually asking because, if you're awake anyway, maybe we can continue our conversation from last night?"
Ryuzaki's smile didn't falter.
"I'm sorry, Light-kun, but there is a pressing matter I must deal with. Perhaps another time?" he said regretfully.
Light, in spite of himself, was a little impressed.
'I didn't think he had the social skills, but he's actually pretty good at this.'
He stood up.
'But I'm better.'
"That's all right, Ryuzaki. To be honest, I'm not tired either. I can wait until you're done," he said amicably.
He walked over to the table.
The detective's smile faltered.
"It may be some time."
Light pulled out a chair, and sat down. His voice was warm when he said:
"I don't mind. So, please, go ahead and do whatever you need to. I'm in no rush whatsoever."
Ryuzaki stopped smiling.
"Light-kun should go to sleep. It will be many hours before I am finished," he said tersely.
Light crossed his arms, and sat back.
"Then I'll wait for many hours. I'm not tired so I can't sleep," he said firmly.
Ryuzaki's eyes narrowed. Light continued.
"We didn't finish our conversation. I'd really like to hear your answers to my questions. So, I don't mind waiting as long as it takes."
There was silence.
Ryuzaki removed his hands from the keyboard, and placed them on his knees.
"Light-kun is being persistent. He annoys me," he said coldly.
"Why? Does it bother you if I sit here? I can wait…"
He swept an arm toward the beds.
"…over there, if you want."
When he did not respond, Light asked:
"Or is this about something else? Maybe you don't want to answer my questions?"
"That is correct."
"Why not? I want to know because I'm interested."
"That is incorrect. Light-kun wants me to confirm his observations. That is because he always has to be right."
Light felt a flash of irritation. He dropped his polite façade.
"No, that's wrong. I don't want you to confirm my conclusions. I don't need you to because I already know I'm right. What I want is to understand why you're like that. That's all," he said in an exasperated voice.
Ryuzaki looked down, and hugged his legs tightly to his chest.
"This is tiresome. Light-kun should stop talking."
He rested his chin on his knees. That, and his blank expression, clearly indicated what was coming.
Light rolled his eyes.
"Are you going to sulk again? That doesn't solve anything. Why can't you see that?" he asked impatiently.
"I don't want to talk to Light-kun. Why can't he hear that?" Ryuzaki answered softly.
Light did not have a chance to reply. That was because Ryuzaki pressed his face into his knees, and ended the conversation.
In the ensuing silence, Light tried to suppress his rising temper. His effort was both sincere and vigorous. Unfortunately, it didn't show at all when he angrily said:
"It wasn't wrong for me to tell you what I thought. You had no problem telling me that I was controlling. If you can tell me what you think, then I can tell you what I think. That's the way it is, Ryuzaki. Sulking about it is childish and ridiculous."
Light stood, and approached him. He leaned forward, placed his hands on Ryuzaki's shoulders, and spoke softly into his ear.
"One day, this isn't going to work on me anymore. I want you to know that. But, for now, I'll concede defeat. You win. I'm sure that will make you happy."
Light released him, and stepped back.
"Good night, Ryuzaki," he said quietly.
There was, naturally, no response.
It took a long time for Light to fall asleep that night. He lay in bed and watched Ryuzaki; who remained in the same, unchanging position. This caused a feeling of frustration within Light.
'Why does he do that? It's unreasonable, irrational, and pointless.'
It wasn't Light's intention to create a stalemate between them. All he wanted was information. He felt he had the right to ask. After all, as long as they were bound together, any choices Ryuzaki made impacted Light too. Just like his previous refusal to work on the case had.
It was just…
'I don't know how to handle this.'
And that was because…
'His reaction doesn't make sense. It's subjective and…emotional. That's why he thinks I'm trying to make him say I'm right, when I'm not.'
He watched Ryuzaki.
'I'm just interested. I really want to know.'
When Light was interested in something, he would study it. It was in his nature. If something warranted his interest, then it also warranted his absolute focus and energy. His methods and approach were only as limited as his intellect, which was unlimited. Some people might have identified this mindset as obsessive and relentless. Light saw it as being thorough and determined. It reflected his sincere wish to gain comprehension and knowledge.
Ryuzaki was completely shut down.
There was nothing wrong with Light's motives in pressing this matter. He held no malevolence towards Ryuzaki. This was how he always approached subjects that drew him. This was how he always succeeded in achieving his goals.
Ryuzaki would not even look at him.
It finally occurred to Light. Perhaps he had failed to take into account one crucial aspect. There were different considerations involved when the subject of interest was a person. Especially if that person was one who Light cared about.
Ryuzaki's eyes had been empty.
Light wanted to know, and felt he had the right to ask. However, he realized there was one consideration that overruled his wishes. It came to him as he watched Ryuzaki.
'I don't want to see him like this anymore.'
This desire introduced clarity to Light's thoughts. Ambivalence and anxiety quickly faded away. He understood what his next move should be. It was a choice he had never actively made before. It was foreign and discomforting, but he made it anyway.
'I give up.'
Light turned away from Ryuzaki, and slowly fell into a restless sleep.
When he woke the next morning, the detective was still at the table. He was not working on his laptop, and remained in the same position as the previous night.
"Good morning, Ryuzaki," he said carefully.
There was no response. Light went to the bathroom and prepared for the day.
There was an exciting breakthrough on the case later that morning. Soichiro had noticed a commonality in the deaths convenient to Yotsuba. They were mostly occurring between Friday night and Saturday. Light turned to the detective.
"The murders are being concentrated during the weekend. Why?"
Ryuzaki did not look at him when he replied.
"That's odd. If these deaths are connected to Kira, then that would mean Kira can kill by means other than heart attack. If that were the case, then he would spread them out randomly to make them harder to detect."
'So, he'll still talk to me.'
Ryuzaki continued.
"Is there a meaning behind this? Is this not Kira's work?"
Light smiled at Soichiro.
"I totally missed this. It could be valuable information, dad."
Soichiro smiled back, and said:
"I'm not going to take a backseat to you and Ryuzaki just yet. I need to pull my weight."
Ryuzaki spoke again.
"We don't know if Kira is in Yotsuba, or if he is using Yotsuba. However, we will operate under the assumption that this is Kira's work. We will investigate Yotsuba thoroughly."
The rest of the day was busy. Their objective was to scrutinize every aspect of Yotsuba. This was a daunting task, considering the sheer size and scope of the company and its field of operations.
It would have been helpful to have more people. However, Soichiro made a valid point. It was doubtful that many officers would quit the police to assist them.
That point was rendered moot when Ryuzaki responded. He said he would not trust an officer if he came to them. The detective would assume he was a spy.
It was then that Ryuzaki contacted Watari. The conversation had been public.
"Can you call Aiber and Wedy?" the detective asked.
Watari's voice, when he replied, indicated surprise.
"Huh? I know their current locations, but do you plan to show your face to them?"
"We already have a level of trust between us. And with a big case like Yotsuba, it would be complicated to have to contact them through you. I would not be able to explain my thoughts as well," Ryuzaki explained.
"I see. I'll deal with the arrangements."
Later that night, Light lay in bed. Ryuzaki was at the table, working on his laptop.
Light was curious about Wedy and Aiber. Who were they? How would they be of assistance to the investigation of Yotsuba? And, perhaps most importantly, how did Ryuzaki know them?
It was surprising that Ryuzaki had a level of trust with these people. It was incongruous with the view Light had of him. The detective did not seem to trust anyone. Apparently, however, that was not entirely accurate.
This was an aspect of Ryuzaki that Light had never seen before. In fact, he hadn't even considered it. It was unknown to him, and Light was interested to find out more about it. Despite that, he made no attempt to question him. Instead, he quietly said:
"Good night, Ryuzaki."
The detective did not look away from his screen.
"Good night, Light-kun," he said distantly.
The next day passed in much the same, hectic way as the previous one.
Ryuzaki would respond when Light spoke to him. When he did, he looked away and spoke sparingly. Light, for his part, ensured that any subject he introduced was related to the case. He made no effort to communicate with Ryuzaki otherwise.
When Light finally fell into bed, he was exhausted. Ryuzaki was too. It was evident from his appearance. However, once again he chose to sit at the table, and work on his computer.
"Good night, Ryuzaki," he called out.
The detective looked up from his screen, and met Light's eyes.
"Good night, Light-kun," he answered quietly.
The next day came and went much like the previous day. Everybody worked diligently on the investigation into Yotsuba. Well, except for Matsuda. He, like yesterday, had to depart to escort Misa to a movie shoot. She had a starring role, so Matsuda was often absent as he fulfilled his duties as her manager.
It was late in the evening before Light and Ryuzaki retired. When they arrived at the bedroom, the same scenario played out yet again. Light lay in bed, and Ryuzaki sat at the table.
Light watched him. At the moment, he was simply staring downwards. This was not the first time he had done that. Yesterday, it was noticeable that Ryuzaki was exhausted. Today, it was obvious.
'He can't even concentrate anymore. He's too tired.'
Light rose, and approached him. When he was standing beside him, he spoke calmly.
"Come on, Ryuzaki. Let's go to sleep."
Ryuzaki did not look at him.
"I'm not tired," he mumbled.
Light lowered his body into a crouch.
"If you come to bed, I'll give you a back massage."
He looked down at him, from the corner of his eye.
"Why?"
"Well, maybe it will help you sleep."
Ryuzaki turned his head and regarded him.
"What is Light-kun up to?" he asked suspiciously.
"What do you mean?"
"He is being…nice. Surely he has a hidden agenda."
Light thought this over.
"I can see why you would think that. But, I actually don't," he said seriously.
"I don't believe you," Ryuzaki stated.
Light grinned.
"Oh, really? Well, what do you think my true intentions are? What dastardly plan do you see behind my offer of a back massage?" he asked in a teasing voice.
Ryuzaki's eyes narrowed.
"Yet again Light-kun gains amusement at my expense. Even while he is endeavoring to set up another opportunity to throw my faults in my face," he said irritably.
Light affected a shocked expression.
"Wow, that was really…direct."
He stood up, and clasped his wrist.
"Let's go, Ryuzaki. You're way more tired than I thought. You've lost the ability to speak obliquely," Light said with exaggerated worry.
As Light pulled him to his feet, Ryuzaki's voice was sullen.
"Light-kun is not funny."
Light released his hold, and met his eyes.
"I know," he said softly.
Ryuzaki looked down. There was a small silence, and then he quietly said:
"I don't want to answer Light-kun's questions."
Light kept his voice soft.
"Okay."
He extended his hand.
"Will you come?"
Ryuzaki did not respond right away. Light waited patiently. Finally, he slowly placed his hand in Light's.
Light smiled, and turned to lead them towards the bed. He spoke over his shoulder.
"I'm actually really good at massages."
"Light-kun is the epitome of modesty. His humbleness is inspiring," Ryuzaki said in an admiring voice.
"Very funny, Ryuzaki. Now, lie down so that I may humbly begin."
By this point, they had reached the bed. The detective climbed in and laid on his front. Light sat, leaned over him, and began to caress and knead his back.
'He's really tense. This is going to take a while.'
It took a half hour before Light saw some results. He felt Ryuzaki's body slowly relaxing under his hands. At the same time, Light was becoming very tense. It was incredibly tempting to slip his fingers beneath Ryuzaki's shirt. Or his jeans.
'I should go take a shower.'
Light withdrew his hands, and started to move away. He was stopped by a quiet voice.
"Light-kun?"
Ryuzaki turned over onto his back, and sat up. He placed a hand on Light's shoulder.
"I'm going to take a…"
Light faltered when Ryuzaki moved forward.
'Or I could stay right here.'
Their lips met in a slow kiss. Light, already aroused, held back.
When Ryuzaki gently squeezed Light's upper lip between his and slipped his tongue into his mouth; Light stopped holding back.
He clutched the nape of Ryuzaki's neck, and deepened the kiss. With his other hand, he reached under his shirt. His caresses were rapid, and bordering on rough.
Ryuzaki's hand traveled from his shoulder to his face. His fingertips brushed softly against Light's cheek.
Light broke the kiss, and rested his forehead against Ryuzaki's.
'Closer.'
His hand ran up and down his back.
'I want to be closer.'
In the stillness of the darkened room, all Light could hear was his own harsh breathing. A feeling of ambivalence welled up within. His hand stopped moving as uncertainty immobilized him.
He felt Ryuzaki's hands against his chest. Light closed his eyes, expecting to be pushed away. That was why he was surprised; when all Ryuzaki did was simply unbutton his shirt.
Light's astonishment temporarily suspended any reaction. That was why he sat passively while Ryuzaki explored his chest. His touch was careful and somewhat hesitant. When fingertips brushed his nipples, Light shivered. When hands tentatively slid down his stomach, Light moved.
The next ten minutes passed in a fervid rush of motion.
Light pulling off Ryuzaki's shirt. Ryuzaki's lips on his and his hands gliding over Light's skin. Light's mouth and tongue caressing his neck, collarbones, and nipples. Ryuzaki's hand slipping beneath the waist of his pajamas. Light moaning as he stroked his erection. Ryuzaki intensely kissing him when Light undid his jeans and seized him. The heady sensation of Ryuzaki pressing his bare chest against Light's. Ryuzaki's hand on the back of his neck tightening. The pressure of his kiss increasing as he climaxed. Light burying his face in Ryuzaki's shoulder. His fingers digging into his hips as he came.
Afterward, Ryuzaki leaned against him; already falling asleep.
It took some coaxing, but Light managed to get him to the bathroom. Once there, he cleaned them both up. He also managed to convince him to wear pajama bottoms, instead of his usual jeans. Finally, Light led them back to the other bed.
Ryuzaki fell asleep immediately, with his body turned away from Light.
He waited a while, and then gently turned him onto his back. He rested his arm on Ryuzaki's chest and watched him. His fingers moved softly upon his shoulder.
The atmosphere was tranquil.
It still took many hours for Light to fall asleep that night.
Tbc
Author's Notes:
12 – The Hanged Man
reversal, independence, devotion to a worthwhile cause, a testing period, flexibility, adaptability, readjustment, unexpected changes, suspension of action – giving up urgency – pausing to reflect, a lesson to be learned, a unique perspective that others may not appreciate or understand, sacrifice – sacrificing one thing to obtain another – the subject will have to give something up – there is no doubt about this – because that is the only way he will achieve what he really wants, putting self-interest aside, a person being who he is – even if others think he has everything backwards, a different viewpoint, contemplation, a person who is able to look beyond what is before him – he is able to find solutions to problems that most people wouldn't find, reflection, letting go – accepting what is – ending the struggle – giving up control, renunciation, waiting, a new perspective, the Hanged Man's number (12) is 2 times 6 – the High Priestess (2) raises the Lovers (6) to a higher level – in the Hanged Man, the ideas first represented by the Lovers have actually begun to happen – previous concepts become – after Justice – a genuine experience, peace that comes after some difficult trial, serenity, stillness, receptivity
The Fool has reached the half-way point of the Major Arcana. This point is indicated by three cards: the Wheel of Fortune, Justice, and the Hanged Man. They symbolize a process rather than a moment.
In Justice, the Fool went through the crisis of seeing what he had made of his life. The Hanged Man brings about the peace of acceptance, as well as a reversal of attitude and experience. His world, through the Hanged Man, is turned upside down. That is why, at this stage, the Fool's awareness and growth can only be maintained by a (continued) withdrawal from society.