Hey y'all as usual for the reviews? Thank you from the bottom of my heart. If it wasn't for them I would have given up on this fic after last week's episode. It pissed me off that much after I got over the pretty SKex.

Shoutout to my Bestest Beta Bud, y'all have no idea how much heart she puts into her beta-ing duties. Diligence is a place where she lives!

This is a short one. Chapter 14 will finish off what I've started here, and you won't have to wait a week for it either. Maybe a day? Maximum two!

Without further ado…

Chapter 13 – Breaking the Habit

Kate slipped the envelope into a mailbox before she headed for the exit at JFK airport. She trailed a slightly trembling hand down her summer dress and wondered for the umpteenth time what had possessed her to burn the clothes and boots she'd been wearing in Texas. 'You are becoming more paranoid than a crack-head… oh wait, you kind of are one.' She thought to herself derisively.

A chill snaked down her arms as she remembered the things she had learned the day before about her medication. Carefully, she navigated around the crater-sized hole that was the revelation of the identity of the four Ford children's mother. She couldn't afford to think about that right now, it had the frightening effect of making her want to go catatonic or turn into the Incredible Hulk and do some serious damage.

Hailing a cab she directed the driver to take her to the apartment, her nose wrinkled in distaste as she realized the place reminded her of a mausoleum. Kate shuddered in the warm weather as she fought of the sense of foreboding that came over her. Tapping her nails on the window she thought about her fitful sleep on the plane and the memories that had come with it. A teenage girl on the plane had been chatting with her friends about some woman called Nadia, and Kate had been distracted by the distant echo the name resounded. It wasn't until she had leaned forward to see the picture the teen was holding that the penny had dropped.

"Nadia Comaneci, she is the greatest gymnast ever. I can't believe we're gonna meet her!" The teen had exclaimed.

The flash of memory had been so blinding Kate couldn't remember what she had seen, but she had fallen back in pain. Soon after she'd fallen asleep and dreamt of the mission she had gone on with Sayid, Locke and Rousseau to get Jack back. The plane had landed just as Kate had relived the moment Jack had caught the football some Other who's name escaped her, had thrown at him. Much to her irritation, her mind seemed unwilling or unable to fill in the rest of the blanks when she was awake.

Kate stopped tapping the window and told the driver to stop the cab, the traffic was so congested now that they were downtown. Paying him, she got out and decided to walk the remaining ten blocks to the apartment. Greeting the concierge she headed up in the elevator, bracing herself when she got to the front door. To say she was relieved to find the place empty would have been an understatement. Carefully pulling out the food Viv had packed for her, Kate put it on a plate and reheated it in the microwave.

"Cornbread I made with James, black eyed peas and Southern fried chicken salad… how the hell do those people stay so slim?!?" Kate said to herself as she sat down at the sleek black dining room table and tucked in. By the time she was done she had thanked Viv silently over five times. The food was delicious and it seemed to not only fill up the hole in her stomach but also the one that seemed to be gaping in her chest where her heart should be. Tears sprang up in her eyes but the phone rang before she had a chance to indulge them.

Deciding to let the machine get it, Kate washed her plate and cutlery as well as the Tupperware that had housed the food. Soaking the brown paper bag, she fed it into the garburator, uncaring if it would clog the machine. This was about disposing of any evidence that might link her disappearance to Texas.

"Katherine, its Juliet. You missed our appointment this morning and I have been trying to reach you all week. Call me back please, I'm worried about you." Juliet's dulcet tones fretted on the machine.

Kate gripped the edge of the sink as a wave of rage washed over her, gritting her teeth she brought her elbows to rest on the sink and clasped her head in her hands. Gasping for air she turned the faucet off and marched into the bedroom. She drew to a shuddering halt when she spied the white bag that contained her prescription sitting on the bed. Snatching it off the bed she grunted in anger, Jack had obviously picked it up for her on his way home this morning. She tossed the bag in the waste-basket and went to take a shower, needing to drown her tears under the punishing spray of hot water, she felt like a block of ice.

A few hours later

Laura watched a black Armani-suit clad Kate stride out of the elevator in awe; Polly from upstairs had IMed her the news that the 'Ice Maiden' had just tried to hand in her resignation. The Big Boss had turned it down, ordering her to take a sabbatical instead. Some form of argument had ensued and the whole office had heard Kate lose her cool for the second time in her history at Securicare in as many months.

Laura's hazel brown eyes widened in alarm when she saw Kate change her direction and head straight towards her, the brunette's face was flushed in anger. She quickly IMed Polly the update and tried to find something to do in order to dissuade Kate from engaging her in conversation.

"Do you have a minute?" Kate demanded impatiently.

"Uhh… actually, I'm… yeah I do." Laura stammered as she typed Polly a play by play of the conversation.

"Great, I just wanted to know if anyone came here looking for me over the last couple of days?" Kate asked, her face softening a little as she tried to charm the younger woman.

"Uhh… I don't think so. Jack came in this morning but I don't know about anyone else." Laura replied, blushing when Kate leaned over the desk and saw her MSN Messenger window open.

"No one else?" Kate asked dryly, finding herself strangely unaffected by the obvious office gossip fodder she was providing by merely speaking to Laura.

Laura shut down her MSN Messenger and fidgeted slightly, shaking her head as her eyes drifted to the visitor log-book.

Kate smiled with amusement and reached over for the book, Laura slapped her hand on the cover and pushed it away from Kate.

"Botox was here a couple times!" Laura exclaimed in a hushed whisper.

Kate drew her hand back and watched the younger woman with renewed interest, something was going on here.

Laura stood up with the book firmly clasped in her hands and she stepped away from her desk and Kate.

"Sorry, I meant your best friend forever Dr. Juliet Burke." Laura said with an unapologetic shrug.

Kate tilted her head and observed Laura's retreating figure as she headed for the security control room. Shrugging, she straightened her jacket and walked out of the building, veering around the corner, she headed for the bar across the street. Finding a dark corner she ordered a Cosmopolitan and waited; she had hung out with Laura in the early days but Juliet had put a subtle but effective stop to that, suggesting that Kate didn't want to jeopardize her new image by associating with subordinates. Now Kate doubted that had been a suggestion founded in helpfulness, Laura had been the only possible real friend Kate had made since their rescue who had nothing to do with the Island.

When Laura walked into the bar with Polly and a few of the other secretaries, Kate bided her time. Laura's was the last round and when she accepted the bill from the waiter, she saw the note Kate had written. A few minutes later when the others had left, she slid into the chair next to Kate, hazel eyes dancing with wary curiosity.

"Just give it to me straight." Kate ordered.

"We're not in the office anymore Miss Dorf, I don't have to do anything or tell you anything I don't want to." Laura snapped.

Kate held up a placatory hand.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Thank you for doing as I asked and staying to talk."

Kate pushed a Mojito towards Laura, "And it's just Kate now…If I remember right, this was your favorite after-drinks cocktail?"

Laura eyed her suspiciously but then accepted the beverage, her eyes widening as she noted that Kate's Cosmopolitan still remained untouched. Kate waved off her silent query.

"I'm not in the mood. I've just found out that all those years of therapy were actually hurting me more instead of helping me. If I start drinking I might never stop."

Laura reached out to touch Kate's hand in concern, "I'm sorry to hear that, we may have stopped being friends but I would never wish-"

"It's okay, I know." Kate cut her off gently. Smiling at the sensitive redhead she shrugged.

"So what happened?"

"Let's just say, the past didn't stay past… and I started to remember things. Then I stopped taking the pills."

"Oh Thank God! I told you those things were counter-productive." Laura said with relief.

"Yeah you did… Is there any particular reason why you used to tell me that?" Kate mused out-loud.

Laura opened her mouth to reply then shut it again, opting to drain her cocktail, her eyes didn't meet Kate's. She smiled at Kate apologetically and made to rise.

"Laura, if you know something… if someone is telling you to keep quiet, don't please. I'm in the dark here and I am remembering things in bits and pieces, and the things I remember are so unreal and-"

"I want to help you Kate but I could get fired or worse-"

"Why? Why would anyone fire you for talking to me?" Kate pressed.

Laura rolled her eyes and leaned to whisper in Kate's ear, "You are under surveillance all the time at Securicare, when we hung out we used to be followed. When I told you to try meditation and yoga as opposed to the pills and therapy that seemed to be going nowhere? Someone came to my house and showed me a picture of Wayne, your father's charred remains and told me to stay away from you."

Kate drew back in horror, her green eyes frantically searching Laura's she found nothing but sympathy.

"Next time I saw you after that you were as high as a kite and Juliet was glued to your asshole, and that's the way it was after that. I tried to talk to you in the bathrooms once and after you left, I got another house visit. I have my own skeletons in the closet, so I just stayed away." Laura finished, shouldering her purse she stepped away from the table.

"Laura wait! What's in the log book? Who was looking for me? Please, I need your help!" Kate grabbed her arm in desperation; Laura covered Kate's hand with her own for a second before she pulled away.

"Be smart but be careful, whatever it is that you're involved in it's got some wicked powerful people pulling the strings. You're off the drugs they were doping you with, you tried to quit your job and both Dr. Lameass and Botox have been at the office looking for you. She even went to the top floor to see someone a couple of times… I'm scared for you girl."

Kate let her go, and sat back in defeat staring at her clean but scraped palms she felt herself starting to fall apart all over again. This was beyond hopeless, nobody wanted to talk to her or help her, and everyone seemed to be involved in this conspiracy that seemed to be growing exponentially every hour. The only people that weren't were the four children she'd left behind in Texas. Her heart contracted painfully in her chest and she found it difficult to get air in her lungs. She brutally wrenched her mind away from that atomic bomb of emotions and focused on the here and the now. Her eyes stubbornly remained dry as she contemplated what to do with the little information she'd gotten from her former friend.

That night

A quick call to Juliet that she would be in for a re-scheduled appointment tomorrow morning and a stilted conversation with Jack as he grilled her on her recent behavior and whereabouts had brought the day to a close. Thankfully, the spinal surgeon had gone out for dinner; coldly informing her that due to her present behavior she wouldn't be joining him.

Kate sat in the empty apartment and realized that she found herself on the verge of hyperventilation all the time when she was here since she'd stopped taking the meds. The place felt more and more like a prison, especially when contrasted to the spacious, high-ceilinged plantation house surrounded by its acres of land; that James and his family inhabited. When she thought about it, her heart tugged in her chest as if it wanted to leave her body and head for the South.

Tonight at the bar, she had realized that the only way she could find herself again, would be to play dumb a little longer. Her emotional, erratic behavior while she was in Texas would buy her a one-way ticket to nowhere here.

Kate stared at the liquor cabinet for a heartbeat before she opened it and picked up a bottle of gin. Brushing a stray tendril out of her eye, she strode into the bedroom and retrieved the prescription bag from the trash can. Raising an eyebrow in surprise that Jack hadn't noticed it, she was thankful for that oversight, the lecture and the screaming wouldn't have been worth it. She smiled to herself as she remembered James' remark about Jack practically being a woman. Her smile faltered as that image was replaced with the one of Viv's revelation in the kitchen. Mentally stuffing the image of her stormy union with James in the grass the day before along with everything that had gone on between them after; into a closet, Kate sighed ruefully.

She pulled the pills out of the bag, opting to take the Xanax, Seroquel and some Valium for good measure. She stared at them with fear and loathing but then her mind flashed back to Juliet pumping lead in Pickett's chest and she leaned her head back tossing them into her mouth. Uncapping the gin she took a healthy swig and made a face at the taste. They had stolen four years of her life with her kids, they had stolen her kids and any chance her and James may have had together. Taking a longer swig, the bitter alcohol poured down her throat until she almost gagged. Tomorrow the games would begin in earnest and she had no intention of losing.

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Hope I didn't jump the shark guys! Press that button and review! Thank you darlings!!!

P.S. How happy did that next James/Kate promo make y'all? I have been smiling for days. Didn't watch this week's episode and I don't intend to… but I can't wait for next Wednesday.