SAVE MY HEART FOR YOU
Summary: You don't give up on people you truly love. Whether they are in your life or stand on the edge of your heart, you want them to be happy. This is the truest kind of love because it gives more than it ever receives."
― Shannon L. Alder
Chapter Thirteen: I'd tell you that I miss you... but I'm sure it doesn't matter at all
"No, I don't miss you... Not in a way that one is missed.
But I think of you.
Sometimes.
In the way that one might think of the summer sunshine
On a winter night..."
― Sreesha Divakaran, Those Imperfect Strokes
For the first two months, she buries herself in the wedding plans. Edward manages to talk her back into living with the Cullens again and Bella forces herself to get used to the constant feeling of being watched. Alice is mad at Bella for pushing back the wedding and Edward is so damn smug about her not talking to Jacob.
Edward's buys her gifts, tells her every day how much he loves her and "I knew you would make the right choice, my love." when he hands her the plane ticket to see her mom.
Bella tries not to be mad at him…but she can't help it.
Every weekend, she visits her mom and Phil, with Edward tagging along for the ride. She loves spending time with her mom. Rene is convinced that the baby can hear them and as already formed a personality in the womb. Whenever she has a craving she thinks that the baby telling her that she wants something.
"Here you go, mom," Bella says and her mom thanks her by placing Bella's hand on her stomach, so she can feel the baby kick.
"She likes your voice," Rene says and Bella giggles.
"Really?"
"Yes, she only kicks like that when you're around,"
Bella smiles.
"You two are going to be really close once she comes out," Rene states and Bella's smile falls.
She knows they probably won't have a chance to get close. Her sister won't even remember her. Her eyes meet Edward's through the window and he gives her a brilliant smile that she can't bring herself to return.
At night, she has nightmares, the same one that's been haunting her for months. She's an angry newborn with red eyes and fangs, growling at Jacob who's in wolf mode ready to kill her after she's killed everyone that she cares about in vamp-mode. Only it doesn't end there.
Jacob phases back into a human.
"I love you, Bella." he whispersand stands with his arms spread open as if he was waiting for her to hug him
"What do you want?" he asks as she pounces on him.
When she wakes up, she can still smell the metallic scent of his blood and taste his skin on her tongue.
It makes her sick.
She tells herself that things will get better. She just has to get used to this life. Once she's a vampire thing will be different. Once she's a vampire then everything she's giving up will be worth it.
She turned her attention to her fiancé as he wrapped an icy arm around her shoulders.
This is what she wanted. This is the choice she made. She loves Edward and she wants to be with him for the rest of forever.
Everything is how it's supposed to be.
So what is this familiar ache creeping back into her mind, into her heart?
"Another nightmare, Love?" Edward asks, quietly.
Bella nods her head but keeps her eyes from locking with his.
"I'm fine," she lies.
…..
Jacob goes through his house and cleans out every trace of Bella he could find. The empty space on his shelves where he kept pictures of the two of them together, and the book's that Bella gave him makes him lonelier than he thought it would.
He goes out with Quil, gets drunk and sings sad country music in the Karaoke bar, until almost everyone in the bar is as miserable as he is.
"I wonder do you think of me. I still love you. Do you think of me?" he sings and Quil has his phone out, recording him.
"Keep going, Jake! We're going to make you a star!" Quil hollers.
He hogs the stage for most of the night, with Quil handing him drinks every time a song stops.
"This sun is blinding me as it wakes me from the dark. I guess the world didn't stop for my broken heart,"
"That's a girl's song, Jake!" Quil calls, laughing his ass off.
The bar manger tries to pull him off the stage and Jacob shoves him so hard he falls off the stage.
"You want me to act like we never kissed. You want me to forget, pretend we've never met," he belts and security comes.
He ends up being banned from the bar and sings his own version of "Didn't you know how much I loved you," the walk home.
"We were best friends, now we don't even talk. You broke my heart! Ripped my world apart! Didn't you know how much I loved you? didn't you know how much I loved you, Bella!" he screams/shouts.
"Shut up!" Quil cries, covering his ears and running ahead of him.
Jacob sings louder and chases after him.
When he gets home writes a letter to Bella, telling her that he hates her and what he thinks of her and Edward and how much he misses her and loves her and begging her to change her mind because he needs her.
Luckily, Embry comes over and stops him before he can mail it.
He wakes up the next morning, burns the letter and promises to never touch another drop of alcohol for as long as he lives.
He hopes Bella's dealing with their separation better than he is.
...
Alice dresses her up in more expensive clothing that she hates and Bella can feel herself fading.
"I'm going to have dinner with Charlie tonight," she tells Edward.
Edward nods.
"I'll drive you," he offers.
"That's okay," Bella says and Edward's eyes darken.
She sees his eyes flick to Alice and knows that he's checking on her future. Making sure that it isn't going to disappear for a couple of hours.
"I'd feel better if you allowed me to take you," he pushes and Bella wants to scream.
She's not going to see Jacob. She just wants some space.
She bites her tongue though and nods her head. Edward talks the whole drive about how much he loves her and how happy she's making him. Bella sinks deeper into her seat and closes her eyes.
Charlie spends the whole dinner trying to talk her out of marrying Edward and Bella doesn't even have the energy to defend herself.
She stops sleeping.
It's almost like practice for when she becomes a vampire.
Every time she closes her eyes, she sees the never ending darkness of her life.
It's almost too much to bear.
She constantly glances at her phone, hoping for Jacob to call. She misses him so much. It's like a piece of her is missing.
Scrolling though the pictures, she comes across the photo her and Jacob singing Karaoke, drunk off their asses, at Pete's Bar. She smiles and clicks to the next one, which is a picture of her and Jacob making faces at the camera and laughed, even though her heart ached for her friend. Her finger swipes through a few more photos before she freezes on the last photo they took together.
She gazes with a heavy heart at the picture of the two of them. A silly picture of them on the beach. They were wrapped in each other's arms and Bella was making a funny face; cross-eyes and tongue sticking out and Jacob was laughing as he looked at Bella like she was the single most amazing thing on the planet.
She turns off her phone and closes her eyes tightly. When she opens them, her eyes meet Jasper's.
He gazes at her with pity and Bella wonders what he felt from her. She turns away from him and doesn't notice Edward watching her from the balcony.
A few days later, Edward accidently crushes her phone. He buys her a new one, with the same number, and Bella hates how empty the photo gallery is.
She knows Jacob has copies of those pictures on his phone and wonders how mad he would be if she drops by to get them.
Edward pops up out of know where.
"You have a dress fitting tonight, Bella and we have a meeting with the florist in an hour," Edward announces.
Bella nods.
"Of course," she says, defeated.
"I love you." he says, giving her a kiss on her forehead.
Bella looks up at him, when he pulls a way and tries to smile.
"I love you too."
For some reason, the words taste bitter on her tongue but she writes it off as stress.
She hopes Jacob misses her too and wishes that he would call.