Only about one more chapter after this will have the prelims, Yay almost done with the fighting. Considering the matches lasted like 10 episodes I think three chapters is a necessary evil.

This chapter brought to you by: Canceled class. One of my classes this week was canceled and I think it was because the teacher didn't finish grading our exams and just canceled class so that he wouldn't have to deal with us asking him about it.

Laziness, flatulence, and Fate

"Stupid Itachi making me do all the work for this mission..." Kisame muttered in an undisclosed place talking about something...

"Me next!" Naruto shouted towards the TV, yeah like the inanimate object will listen to him. I tried that already.

"Why do you want to go next?" I asked curiously.

"So that I can fight."

"Naruto is so youthful." Lee remarked.

"Is he?" I asked not looking at the green clad ninja. Well apparently the TV hates Naruto because it is Shikamaru and Kin's turn to battle. "Well he looks thrilled. Wait how did he get down there so fast?"

So Shikamaru tried to capture Kin in his shadow. So Kin did what any normal person would do, she threw pointy objects at him (senbon needles) but what wasn't normal about our dear friend Kin is that there was a little bell on the end. 'Kay that's a bit weird. Maybe she is going to annoy him to death with faint ringing. Or like at Christmas time and someone gave the kids a bell necklace and it has the most obnoxious ring because you hear it every five seconds because the kid is running around the house or ringing it themselves. Ok so there was a purpose for the bells, not the one I suggested by the way.

"Hey 'It' I'm going to go use the little ninja's room." I informed Itachi before beginning to walk away since he is my keeper and all.

"Don't you mean the Kunoichi's room?" Itachi asks confused.

"Um, nope. I'm going to use the mens room because it's closer." I inform him.

"By about two steps."

"Still closer." I practically sing as I walk towards the bathroom, I would have skipped but when you have to go that's usually not a good idea. I arrive at the mens room and look over at the women's room. It is so more than 2 steps away. I will point that out to Itachi later, but first I must count the number of steps it takes to get to the women's bathroom from the mens so that I will have proof of Itachi's wrongness. It was an entire eight steps, that's a lot more than 2. I win.

So after I use the facilities I come face to face with Orochimaru. "Hello Akira."

"Hello." I say cheerfully washing my hands at the sink.

"What are you doing in the guys bathroom?" he asked confused.

"Do you really want me to explain?"

"No."

"Why are you here?"

"To use the bathroom?"

"Somehow I don't believe you." I inform him as Kabuto joins us in the restroom.

"Hello." Kabuto says and I begin to wonder if all male ninja take organized bathroom trips. Here I was thinking that was a girl thing.

"Okay greeting people happily in the toilet room is really creepy." I announce just wanting to dry my hands and get out of there, but Orochimaru was in front of the paper towels. "Could you either move or hand me a paper towel?"

"Now my dear Akira are you in a hurry to leave?" Orochimaru asked.

"Yes, I would like to not be in a bathroom with wet hands, thank you very much."

"Didn't you want to know why I was here." Orochimaru asked confused since I had asked him about it before.

"Not really, just making small talk."

"Well Kabuto and I were going to have a meeting." he said telling me even though I had just stated that I did not want to know.

"In the men's bathroom?" I ask one eyebrow raising, this facial expression only works when I am actually interested. No really I can't do it unless it's natural. I suppose I should just be happy with the fact that I can make the face at all.

"Yes." he answered simply.

"You are one strange man."

"You are one weird woman." he countered.

"You used alliteration impressive."

"Orochimaru-sama, what are we going to do since Akira is here?" Kabuto asked.

"Use the women's room? Or even better hand me some paper towels so I can dry my hands and leave." I offered my two cents.

"No, I think we should include Akira in our plans, besides she owes me for the ring."

"Or you could not." I suggest.

"Brilliant idea, no one would suspect her, especially since she is on such good terms with our targets."

"If you are talking about Sasuke, I spoke to him once then he stared at me. That was the extent of our conversing. In fact until recently I thought the longest sentence he could formulate was a total of 7 words long. That's half the size of the sentence I said right before this one." I said then was relieved to see Kisame walk into the bathroom. "Kiss!" I shout hugging him, secretly wiping my hands discreetly on the back of his shirt.

"What are you doing in the mens room?"

"Why does everyone want to know about my bowel movements?"

"What are you doing here?" Kisame asked noticing that Orochimaru and Kabuto were in the bathroom for the first time. He's a great ninja I swear.

"What do you think?" Orochimaru asked.

"Not using the bathroom." Kisame answered.

"Technically he is using the bathroom but not for what most people use it for." I offered.

"Thank you Akira."

"I am going now, you guys have fun in the bathroom doing whatever." I announced regally walking out the door. I then proceeded to walk back to the arena place so that I can tell Itachi about how he is wrong about the amount of walking needed to use the women's room. Maybe I should tell him about Orochimaru and Kisame? Nah. When I reached the arena I immediately noticed that Shikamaru was in the stands with us. "What are you doing here? Weren't you fighting or something."

"You missed the end of his battle and the beginning of Naruto's." Kakashi informed me happily.

"Was I in the bathroom that long?" I ask.

"No, Shikamaru's battle was oddly short." Shino informed me shocking everyone, including myself.

"Ok, hey 'It'."

"What?" He asked me, annoyed with my antics. Or maybe he missed me and was so depressed when I was gone that now that I am back he is angry because I made him feel that bad by leaving him. I think it's probably the first reason since the second one makes no sense (just like Sasuke logic).

"Going to the women's bathroom is eight steps not two."

"Did you count before or after you used the men's bathroom?" Itachi asked.

"I counted before."

"So you traveled an extra sixteen steps just to prove me wrong before you used the facilities?"

"Yup."

"You are an enigma."

"You just noticed this?"

"No just adding to my evidence."

"Good comeback." I said impressed.

"Maybe you should watch Naruto's battle." Itachi said reminding me that there was an epic battle going on and I was talking about the number of steps it takes to reach the bathroom.

"Go Kit!" I shout down at Naruto startling both him and Kiba. "Beat Mr. Scruffy and his fluffy!" after I shouted this everyone looked at me. When I say everyone I mean everyone. There was this lizard in the corner that didn't even care about the ninja exam and it looked at me. I think it did anyway, maybe it was dead. It could be a ninja in disguise here to find out who is in the exams and their strengths and weaknesses. Then again it could be a normal lizard that happens to find that corner of this building oddly comfortable. Either way it looked at me.

"The evidence just keeps building." Itachi muttered.

"Are you building a case or something?"

"Hn, just watch the battle." After Itachi said this the mask glared at the people who were supposed to be fighting but instead had stopped to stare at me. Once the fight resumed I watched it but chose not to comment since everyone would just stare at me. After Naruto won, by farting in Kiba's face, I actually felt bad for Kiba.

"Poor Mr. Scruffy." I said sadly in Kiba's general direction I think. He went that way since Akamaru was hurt and all.

"Why are you calling Kiba that?" Sakura asked.

"His hair is scruffy looking." I answered calmly.

"That is true." Ino offered butting into our conversation.

"Who is fluffy?" Kakashi asked.

"Akamaru is fluffy. Cute little fluffy puppy..." I said imagining hugging little Akamaru with his cuteness.

"Why give him a nickname at all?" Kakashi asked.

"It was fun." I answered simply.

"You are weird." Sakura decided to inform us. I said nothing in response but then I looked up and noticed all the letters scrambling. That's not distracting no.

"So who is next oh, mighty television!" I call out to the TV acting like I really cared and was a part of the exam. Honestly I don't really care that much at this point. Too many fights, not enough kicking to the face. I mean this is what the eighth fight?

It was Hinata versus Neji. So everyone was like 'don't do it Hinata' and she was all like 'but I want to give it my best because I am not so secretly secretly in love with Naruto'. Then the match began but nothing happened. Seriously I think he was trying to win by talking her to death.

My attention span made the fight seem like this: Fate, blah, blah, blah, fate, destiny, Hyuuga, blah, blah...oh look something shiny. Wait haven't I learned not to follow the shiny things. But it is so shiny...I resisted the urge to go after the shiny, which was good because it turns out that the shiny was actually a figment of my imagination since I was bored. Then they finally fought. Neji beating Hinata up, Hinata not giving up, good feelings...the underdog must win...then Hinata lost and nearly died. Well that was unexpected.

"A dropout is a dropout." Neji said to Naruto as Naruto was worried over Hinata.

"No really? I thought a dropout was someone who completed something." I say rolling my eyes at him, "Luckily there are no dropouts here because if there was then they wouldn't be here would they. They would have left during the first exam or not even entered the forest of death."

"Or would be like you an quit before the preliminaries?" Neji asked annoyed that I had an argument against his ideas.

"Hey, I am proud to be a drop out. Dropping out is so cool you should try doing it. Oh wait you can't because I would much rather you lose."

"What makes you think I will lose?" Neji asked me.

"The fact that you just made at least five enemies and two of them are good with the fighting through hard ship and they are pros at being under dogs."

"I just said before that a dropout is a dropout."

"What you don't understand is that you just gave them a reason to train harder and become stronger, all because they want to beat you."

Then everyone called Neji an evil bastard, well not in those exact words but close enough, even though he was doing what he was told and following the rules and what not. He is a ninja people. No one found fault when Sasuke killed that one guy in the beginning. But when Temari and Neji do something similar they are all shocked and appalled. Ninjas really confuse me.

"Kit, I have a question for you."

"What, nice lady?"

"Isn't killing people without remorse part of what ninja do?" I ask curiously. All the ninja are now thinking about it and Neji is smirking at me.

"Yes." Itachi answered me since no one else was. This caused them to all look at him.

"Then why does everyone act shocked when a ninja does it?" I asked but no one had an answer. I look towards the TV and see it doing that scramble thing. "Oh look the TV wants to say something." I announce causing everyone to look at the TV. Right before the TV stopped I looked over at Gaara and saw him do a hand sign then go down to the arena before the TV even said anything.

"Rock Lee vs Gaara!" The TV said.

"Well that is an odd answer to my question." I say to the TV once again causing everyone to question my sanity. I mean they shouldn't be questioning it anymore they should know it wasn't there in the first place. Wait a minute... "Gaara is psychic!"

I was shocked by how many words I came up with to refer to the bathroom...How come my E-mail decided that story alert alerts were important but review alerts were junk mail? I want my review alerts!

Preview from next chapter: A battle...with Sand!

"How can you cheer for such a creepy person?" Sakura asked quietly looking nervously at Gaara as if he might hear her from down there. Hey he might know already since he is psychic.

"He gave me an umbrella." I answer simply.

"That's where you really got it." Itachi growled at me.

"Oops, I forgot that was a secret." I replied stepping slowly, and sneakily, away from Itachi.

"Why did you lie to me?" Itachi asked angry.