They played two rounds, which Varric indeed won. The atmosphere was relaxed and everyone seemed in a good mood. Sebastian and Aveline held a political debate about who could become the new Viscount. Hawke tried to convince Varric he had not passed out in public. Merrill was humming a melody.

Donnic leaned over to Fenris. "Say, is it true about you and the Champion..?"

"What is true?" Fenris asked cautiously.

"I have heard some rumors about you and him, that you are a couple."

Fenris stared at his third set of cards. "I thought those rumors would have been forgotten by now."

Donnic smiled at him. "Since serah Hawke has been named Champion, there is a lot more interest in everything that involves him. Many stories about him are on people's lips."

"Thus the one that involves me as well." Fenris decided he had changed his mind again about missing Isabela. Without her those rumors wouldn't exist in the first place.

"But they are just rumors then?"

Fenris glanced at Hawke. "We are not a couple."

"Ah." Donnic's curiosity seemed not yet sated, but he was polite enough to not continue prying. "I thought Aveline had once mentioned something, but I guess she was wrong."

"How is it going between you two?" Fenris changed the subject.

Donnic look at Aveline and placed a hand on her arm. "Very good," he said with a tender expression on his face. "We owe serah Hawke a lot."

Who doesn't?

"I suppose a lot of people will be pleased the Champion is not yet spoken for. My sister dreams of him, as do all her friends."

"Sounds like he'll have plenty of choice."

Donnic, detecting his attempt at a joke was not received well, coughed. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Fenris picked up his tankard and took a large sip of his ale. He was getting used to the bitter taste.

"A friend of Aveline and serah Hawke is friend of mine. If there is anything you need to talk about... you could always come to me."

Surprised by this unexpected offer of friendship, Fenris turned his head to Donnic. "Thank you. I appreciate that."

When the third round of diamondback had finished, Donnic pushed his chair backwards. "I am not very good at this game."

"Neither am I," Fenris chuckled.

"Captain, shall we take our leave?"

Aveline nodded at Donnic and got up. "I still have to make the new roster."

"Come on, Aveline. Isn't this a wonderful day to get drunk while on duty?"

"No day is good for that, Hawke. I'm still busy cleaning up the mess of the attack."

Hawke sighed. "I don't know why I asked. Very well, Captain." He got up from his chair and grabbed Donnic's forearm in a sign of respect. "Donnic, take care of that woman, will you? Make sure she gets some sleep every now and then."

"I will, serah Hawke. I bid you a good day."

Hawke sat down again and emptied his tankard of ale. "I think my statue is a good reason for another one. That blasted piece of rock. I suppose I should be glad they didn't dress me up as a templar."

Merrill giggled at that. "Don't be silly, Hawke. They don't let mages become templars."

"Even Meredith would not get away with that," Varric said.

"You think so? She is getting away with this. She could probably have taken it another step further."

"Don't worry, Hawke. I will continue to do you justice in my tales."

"So long as you won't draw inspiration from Fenris' anecdotes."

"A good storyteller uses all available information."

"You're just still mad I didn't bring you with me."

"It's your own fault. Had I been there, I would have seen everything for myself and I wouldn't need to rely on eye witnesses."

Hawke brought his tankard to his mouth, only to find it empty already. "I hadn't thought I would piss off this many people by becoming Champion."

"That's the price of being the centre of attention."

"I guess."

"You did a good thing, Hawke," Sebastian said. "The Maker is smiling on you for saving all those people."

"I don't care about the Maker. He hasn't been much help."

"You don't know that. He may have giving you the strength to defeat the Arishok."

"If that's true, he has killed my sister, my mother and he has tried to take my brother as well. I don't need that bastard grinning down at me."

The merry mood of earlier that afternoon disappeared as if Hawke's words formed some kind of mood-killing spell. It used to take a lot more for Hawke to lose his nerve.

Sebastian's shock was clearly written on his face. "You... you shouldn't say such things. That's heresy."

"Ah well, I am already a mage, an illegal apostate, and a criminal, so why not a heretic as well? The Maker spits on me anyway."

"The Maker spits on no one, Hawke. He cares about his children."

"Then he has an odd way of showing it."

"I... I thought you were and Andrastian."

"You did? Maybe I was, yes. But not anymore. There is no Maker. Only demons."

"The Maker is no demon."

Hawke calmly leaned back in his chair. "I don't feel like continuing this religious discussion, if you don't mind. If you want to believe in the Maker, Sebastian, that's fine by me. But don't expect me to do the same, because I can't. I just can't find it in me to believe after everything..."

Sebastian got up and straightened his back. "Goodbye, Hawke. I hope the Maker will guide you back to the Light."

Hawke smacked his tankard on the table. "Don't give me that crap! I don't want to hear it."

With large steps the prince of Starkhaven left the room, leaving an awkward silence. Hawke looked up to see Merrill, Varric and Fenris staring at him.

"What?" he grunted. When none of them answered, he shook his head and stood up. "I will drink at home."

Merrill watched him leave, then smiled nervously at Varric and Fenris. "I think I'll go home as well. I still have... things... to do."

That cursed mirror of her. Trying to bring more demons into this world.

"So, Elf, I assume you will leave as well?"

"Actually, Dwarf, I wanted to talk to you."

"Ah, this is about our secret mission?"

Fenris frowned at him. "I wouldn't call it that, but, yes. Do you know a good way to track someone down?"

"I have thought about it, and I know a few guys who are good at that sort of thing. You could try to seek them out. Tell them I sent you, and they will help. Although I can't guarantee any of them will be successful; you don't exactly have much information for them to go on."

"I have no choice. I will try."

"You will have to pay them, however. They don't work for free."

"I have saved some coin."

"And there is another problem..."

"What is it? Don't waste my time, Dwarf."

"Hey, hey! It's not that big of a problem. It's just that none of them are in Kirkwall. You will have to travel a bit to speak to them."

Fenris sighed. "Where are they exactly?"

Varric pulled out a map and pointed. "Two of them live in cities near the coast. Eddy is usually in Cumberland, here, west of Kirkwall. Dagmar is the other way, in Ostwick, east from here. And then we have Pete. Last I heard, he is in Markham, quite close to Ostwick, but farther inland."

Fenris followed Varric's finger and studied the map. "This is Tevinter, correct?"

Varric nodded.

"Your guys don't live near the border. Will they be able to find someone who lives in the Tevinter Imperium?"

Varric shrugged. "As I said, I can't promise you they will be able to find her. I think Pete would be your best bet, but of the three he is the most difficult to find. He tends to move from place to place a lot."

"Then how will I find these men? You don't provide me with much information either."

"Patience, Elf. I will tell you where you can find them in those cities."

At the end of the afternoon Fenris left the Hanged Man, Varric's map in hand and his instructions in his head. He did his best to memorize the information the dwarf had given him.

Back at the mansion he unfolded the map again and stared at the dots that represented the cities he would have to visit. They were more than a few days walking from Kirkwall. It would take a lot of time to simply get there.

I will find her.

The next day he had another reading session scheduled with Hawke. He left the mansion after sunset; he had not joined dinner since Leandra's passing. Fenris was about to walk off the stairs towards the lower level of Hightown where Hawke's estate was located, when a red-haired woman in a brightly colored dress and not very subtle make up approached him. For a moment he thought she wanted to offer her 'services' to him, but he was not close to the Red Lantern District and her dress seemed too expensive for a prostitute.

"Pardon me, monsieur." She spoke with a heavy Orlesian accent. "You are with the Champion, are you not?"

When Fenris did not answer but just stared in an annoyed way, she continued: "I am Dulci de Launcet. I believe we are neighbors, are we not? I thought it would be time to get to know each other better."

I have been squatting this mansion for three years now, and all the neighbors have done is complain about my presence. Now she wants to get to know me?

"I'm sorry, madam," he said through gritted teeth. "I will be out of the city for the next couple of months."

"Oh, oh, what a pity! I would have wanted to invite you for a true Orlesian ball. The Champion is invited as well, of course. Or will he leave the city too?"

"Not that I know of."

She waited for him to say something else, make conversation, but he refused to play this game with her. When she realized this, her face turned back to the cool and haughty expression he had seen on it for the past three years.

"Well, a good day to you, monsieur. I hope to see you soon after you have returned from your business outside of Kirkwall."

She must want to get closer to Hawke very badly that she believed it worthwhile to socialize with me.
"A ball," he grumbled to himself. "Hawke has made this city even crazier than it already was."

Hawke was not home yet, he heard from Bodahn. The dwarven servant insisted on guiding him to the library, where he could wait for Hawke to return, which he did after perhaps fifteen minutes.

"Sorry I am late. Is was visiting Anders."

Why?

"We talked it out a bit. I went to Sebastian earlier today. I had... eh... some apologizing to do."

"You owed that abomination no apology."

Hawke sat down in the second chair in the room, next to Fenris. "Don't call him that."

"He nearly let his demon take over in front of the Knight-Commander! He cannot control himself."

"He was able to restrain himself yesterday. I agree with you that it was close, but he succeeded nonetheless."

"You said you were worried about Meredith. Yet you will continue to keep the company of a possessed man and a blood mage?"

"They are my friends, Fenris. I will not just let them down now that I'm Champion. I think they both need me... I'm worried about Merrill and her mirror, and Anders... he needs a voice of reason when Justice threatens to take over. I have already managed to get through him once, when he almost killed that mage girl."

Fenris snorted angrily. "And if that Justice decides next time he wants you dead? His anger yesterday was directed at you. Will you be able to talk yourself out of that?"

Hawke looked at him calmly. "I trust my friends. I don't believe any of them will try to hurt or betray me."

Fenris looked away, at the desk with piles of parchment on it. When he returned his gaze towards Hawke, he saw Hawke was still looking at him intently.

"What's the matter, Fenris?"

"Isabela betrayed you with the tome."

"She came back with it. She regretted what she had done. In the end, she did not want to abandon me. She has proven to be a friend, despite what she has done before."

"And I..." Fenris licked his lips. "I betrayed you in the Fade."

Hawke looked surprised. "Is that still bothering you?"

"I tried to kill you. You would have been turned tranquil. Why... how can you still trust me?" The question had continued to bother him. He had not intended to bring it up, but suddenly it was out there.

"Because you were right."

He blinked in surprise. "I was right? To try to kill you?"

"Uhm... well, no... not about that part per se, but when you said it was my own fault what happened. You were right. I am a mage, I knew what we would be facing. I knew how persuasive demons can be. I... wanted to show you what it's like, the Fade and the influence from demons. I wanted to make you understand what it is mages can be confronted with. I thought it could serve as a good lesson."

"You...expected I would betray you?" That idea hurt even more than that of Hawke trusting him blindly and him betraying that trust.

"No. Not really. I... A part of me hoped you would be able to withstand a demon's offer. But it was unreasonable of me to think there is nothing you want so badly you would be willing to kill me for it."

"Hawke... that's... not true. I don't want you to pay for my freedom. If I could go back... I would never want to..." An image of his dream appeared before his eyes; of Hawke with a red, empty hole in his chest where his heart used to beat. Shame burned in his throat.

Hawke bent forward to force Fenris to look at him. "I trust you, Fenris. What happened was not your fault. I understand."

"I was weak."

"You are not weak. The demon got in your head and manipulated you. Without years of training, very few would be able to turn away from a demon's offer. Let it go. You don't have to carry guilt over this. I have forgiven you, and I am certain you would not be fooled a second time."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I trust you. I know you are an honest person. Now, erase those negative thoughts from you mind and start reading."

At the end of the lesson, Fenris knew he now would have to inform Hawke of his upcoming travel.

"We will have to postpone any further lessons. I will be out of the city for some time."

"Oh, are you going on a vacation? I can't blame you for wanting some time off. I could use a break as well. Instead I am invited to every party in the city. I think there even was an invitation to a ball."

"It's not a vacation."

"How long will you be absent?"

"A few months, I think."

"A few months? Where are you going and what are you going to do?"

"I will leave tomorrow."

Hawke looked discontent about his questions were ignored. "I see."

"I... must do something, but I think it is best to be away from the city for a while as well." Away from you.

The look in Hawke's eyes indicated he sensed that too.

Perhaps I will finally come to my senses when I will not be confronted with him all the time. When I will be forced to focus on finding my sister, his face will not keep appearing in my head. I will stop imagining his smile, his eyes...

"Well, I won't allow you to simply skip that many lessons."

Fenris wanted to tell Hawke he had not asked for his permission, but Hawke got up and walked to one of the book cases. He took a book and handed it over to Fenris.

"Try to read this by yourself while you're away. Some parts may be a bit too difficult, but just try it."

Fenris studied the book's cover. "Didn't you say this was your favorite? I can't accept that."

"You are just borrowing it. You can give it back when you return. I don't need it anyhow. I have read that book so many times it's all in my head. Just try not to get blood all over it."

"Thank you, Hawke."

"You.. will come back, won't you?"

Fenris managed to force a smile on his face. "I will."