Unexpected Sanity

Illiandyanndra

Stephanie Plum

Pairings: Stephanie/Ranger, Tank/Lula

Rating: Eventually NC-17

Spoilers: Anything & everything up through Sizzling Sixteen is fair game…I can never remember what book what stuff happens in.

Disclaimer: Not mine Stephanie and her world belong to Janet Evanovich, which if you are reading the fanfiction…you probably already knew.

^^Thoughts^^

^Spoken Aloud Thoughts^

"Speech"

"Spanish Speech"

AN: I have made an Executive Decision. No longer will I force you to read long sections of poorly translated Spanish…from now on if it is spoken by Hector, it will be italicized, and you can automatically assume that it is in Spanish. Google Translate will greatly thank me for this decision, since now they can go back to helping high schoolers pass their foreign language classes (Why was there no Google Translate when I was in High School). Anyway thanks so much to all the Reviewers, esp. Margaret Fowler, FairTaxGirl, Avid Reader 59, Angela Mueller, at8c, RangerKate, Sam's-lurker-droid, and Barb4psu for your continued reviews and great ideas.

The more reviews I get the easier it is to beat back the encroaching plot bunnies that keep dragging me to new and varied fandoms. In other words…I WANT REVIEWS! Please and thank you. Thank you to all of you who got When it Rains above the 350 review mark. I'm so proud I could tear up.

Chapter 13

Stephanie PoV

It took me less than a day to hear all about my grandmother's visit to Joe in St Francis. According to NiNi Cibrani, who works as a nurse on Joe's floor, Grandma Mazur had left looking a little angry and a lot mischievous, and ever since Joe is telling the truth. Not even little truths but the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Something told me that this was the perfect time to have a conversation…pleasant or otherwise with my old buddy Joe…the former Detective Morelli. Of course first I had to have a conversation with Ranger and the Merry Men.

"No." Tank said calmly.

"Gee Tank, really? And to think you look nothing at all like my father." I muttered.

"I'm not trying to be your Daddy, Little Girl. But come on he just got his ass beat for trying to grab you. Now you want to go and talk to him?" Tank said confusedly. "What, you think he got hit hard enough to rewrite his whole personality?"

"No. I know he didn't but there are things I need him to hear, things I need to ask him. He's in a hospital bed with enough painkillers in him to act as a truth serum. Now is the best time for me to get the answers I need. Not to move on, I've done that…but just to rebuild what he took from me." I said beseechingly. I needed them to understand this is something I needed to do for me.

Ranger looked around the room. "This is the first time something like this has come up since we got together; Babe, but it probably won't be the last. So we might as well take a moment and work out the protocol for dealing with making sure you are safe without you rebelling to save your independence."

"How do we do that?" I asked with a huff.

Ranger laughed. "Hell if I know."

"Well we start by Bomber agreeing to wear a tracker, and a wire." Bobby said staunchly. He was quieter than the others, but no less protective.

"Ok, I get the tracker…but a wire?" I asked with a giggle. Really a wire, come on.

"If he really is telling the truth, I think we all want to hear his reasons for some of the shit he's pulled in the past." Lester said honestly. "You know, Edna says she put a Romany curse on him. That's why he has to tell the truth."

"You just want ammunition to humiliate him later." I theorized.

"Hell yeah." Lester said unabashedly. "I couldn't tell you this while you were dating him, cause as stubborn as you are, you'd have decided that you wanted him even more…But Morelli is the world's biggest prick. I would gladly torture him for hours before dismembering his body, keeping him alive for as much of it as I could and then hiding the pieces in various landfills throughout the tri-state area." Lester's voice was colder than I had ever heard it before.

"You really don't like Morelli, do you?" I said hoping to lighten the mood. The room had gotten a little dark.

"None of us do, Babe." Ranger said calmly. "If he'd pulled with one of our sisters or any woman we knew, all that he has pulled with you as a child…he'd never have reached adulthood. And having met your father, I'm rather surprised that he did."

"My mother made sure that he didn't know about the garage. I like to think it was because she thought he would overturn her punishment…and as for the Tasty Pastry Incident…Morelli was off to the Navy the very next morning." I told them honestly. Every face in the room was slammed directly into 'blank' mode. "What? What's wrong?"

"Babe." Ranger said simply.

"Ranger." I shot back. "Really I don't know what that 'Babe' meant."

"It means 'please don't mention your mother around any of us, since we cannot speak ill of the woman', since she is your mother." Lester explained.

"Okay." I said drawing the word out to illustrate my confusion. "But everyone loves my mother." I blurted completely confused.

"No…the only people who like your mother are her fellow 'Burg Bitches. No one who cares about you can stand her. Not Connie or Lula." Tank explains.

"Not Mary Lou, Lenny, Eddie, or Carl and Big Dog." Bobby says quietly. "Not the lady who owns the Tasty Pastry either."

I gulped. I never knew. I thought my mother was considered to be the upper echelon of 'Burg matrons. I thought everyone loved her and that they all commiserated with her about her younger daughter who couldn't seem to not roll in garbage on a semi-regular basis. Looking around the table I finally realized that the only people who felt that way were the ones who didn't really know me in the first place. It is time for me to grow up in that one aspect of my life. It's time to stop caring about the opinions of those who don't matter. Well accept one, and I don't want his opinion…I want the truth. "Thank you guys. I mean, with all the putting down and denigration and just humiliation my mother and Joe put me through, you guys were always there supporting me and helping me. Not just physically, but giving me something to smile about when things got crazy, or someone to lean on a little bit when their words were weighing me down and I was almost ready to cave under the pressure."

They all gave me sweet smiles but only Tank spoke. "You do the same for us, Little Girl. You know better than anyone how dark out world can be. Most of us have had to do things that would make 'normal' people hide under their beds and never come out. But here we are. And there you are, doing this job right alongside us, usually with a smile on your face and a non-irritating joke to brighten our day. No matter how bad your situation is, no matter how crazy the stalker or how much Morelli yells, you always have a smile for us. You treat us like your brothers, you ask about us and visit us when we're injured, you care about us, and try to lighten our moods when we start to sink into the darkness."

"Tank's right, Beautiful. Most other women would have thrown in the towel and allowed their mother and Morelli to chain them to a stove popping out munchkins every other year after all the shit this town has thrown at you. But you come out seeming untouchable. Hell most of us had to have counseling after Sweet saved your tight little ass from the Slayers." Lester teased.

"Santos…"Ranger growled.

"I know I know mats at 'fore day in the morning…sir yes sir." Lester snapped off a jaunty salute. At Ranger's glare, he toned his happiness down a little. "Sorry, it's just you and Beautiful are finally together, Abuela Edna put the vudú on the ass Morelli…and Beautiful is gonna help us get some really embarrassing shit about him on tape. Right this moment my vidá is too good to be solemn and taciturn." He laughed. Most of the guys seemed to agree with him; even Ranger cracked a little smile.

"Lester, I love you…but you do realize that you're a few Tastycakes short of a case…right?" I finally said. "Alright. Let's get me wired and trackered up. I want to get this done so I can pick up a few skips this afternoon. I've got to pay Grandma's rent for the month."

"Bomber, would you like some help with that. I mean…I could handle the rent for Edna every other month, and get her groceries sometime…But if she wants to go to the mall or Pleasure Treasures then she's all yours." Bobby suggested.

"We could all go in. Edna's important to all three of us." Tank said quietly. At the unasked questions in Ranger and my eyes, he confessed. "Sometimes when she needs a ride and Frank is busy, she'll call one of us. When it's just us, and we're doing her a favor she keeps her hands to herself. She still over shares…but my ass doesn't hurt after I drive her somewhere."

"Probably because she can't get to it while you're driving." I thought aloud. Of course they all found this funny as hell. With a wry smile I stood. "If you guys want to help me take care of Grandma, then so be it. If it was for me, I'd probably say no…but for her…"

"That's settled. Between the five of us Edna should be able to keep her social security for her to have fun with." Ranger said with a definitive nod. He wouldn't let me argue. I could tell by the slight tightening of his jaw. Hey, maybe my Ranger ESP is finally kicking in. I decided, for once in my life I actually kept my mouth shut. It took us less than ten minutes to get me wired and to decide on the right trackers to use. I had gotten dressed this morning knowing exactly what I wanted to do today. I wanted to get some hard truths from Joe Morelli and I was going to drive a few home as well.

I wore a pair of low rise, slim fit, flared jeans. That I paired with a light blue spaghetti strap tank top with RangeMan embroidered in black across the front. Technically this was supposed to be worn under my Rangeman uniform or Kevlar, but I wanted to make a statement and this one did it better than one of the black shirts would have. It illustrated, without me saying a word, that Ranger let me be me, even as he helped to support me. Given that I was wearing far more clothing than I usually wore when I had to be miced, Ranger had no trouble hiding the wire this time. I loaded myself into my 'borrowed' blue black Escape, and motored off to St. Francis.

I had no problem finding Joe's room; at least three nurses told me where it was without me even having to ask. I stepped into the room to find Joe reclining on the raised bed with his arm over his eyes. "I don't need anything, but to be left alone." He grumbled.

"Wow Joe…you not wanting attention from the nurses, it must be one of the signs that the end is near." I said with a little laugh.

"Cupcake, I'm surprised that Ranger let you out alone." He said giving me what I'm sure he thought was a sexy smile. His grin slid off when his eyes hit the logo on my tank top. "Oh I guess he tagged you and released you back into the wild." He said snidely.

"Actually he trusts me to make my own decisions." I said calmly. "I chose to wear this shirt. I'm a grown woman…I pick out my own clothes. Ranger sees that and knows that I am capable of taking care of myself. I have to wonder, exactly what do you see me as?"

Joe stuggled against answering, but eventually spat out. "You're a piece of snatch that I want to marry. So I can finally prove to the 'burg that I'm worthy of respect."

Huh…not sure what I was expecting…but that wasn't it. "So you want the respect of the 'burg…then why me?"

"Your family is well respected in the 'burg. When we were growing up, everybody talked about your parents like they were the king and queen of the neighborhood and until my dad died, we were just the scandalous peasants. If I married you, then that made me better than just another Morelli."

"Fine…but still why me. Valerie is the perfect and respectable one." I asked confused.

"Yeah, but you have to claim a bitch young and make them yours. Valerie was too careful. She'd never have paid me any attention, let alone come into the garage and play choo-choo with me. Then you were mine. For a while I thought I had lost my chance, but then you got divorced. I still wasn't ready to settle down, but after you brought me in, I figured I better grab you and marry you while I could. I could always have fun behind your back…it's not like you could have caught me." he laughed at my perceived stupidity. "With you spitting in the face of the 'burg's traditions, I knew taming you and bringing you back into the 'burg as a good and proper housewife would get me more respect than anything else. I'd be the new king of the neighborhood."

"I'm surprised you didn't go after Valerie after she got divorced. She'd have still given you the respect you wanted. She's 'burg and she's got all that housewife crap down."

He shook his head sadly. "She'd have been better for my stomach. But by the time she came back, I couldn't move over to her without seeming like a dirt bag. Besides it was the principle of the thing. I couldn't let anyone else have you…especially that fucking thug Manoso…you're mine."

"No…I'm not. What do you have against Ranger anyway? He's a good man, a great bounty hunter. You do nothing but say horrible things about him."

"Have you seen the smug mutherfucker. He's rich, he's dangerous, and he hot as hell. He keeps getting more and more respect in this stupid town, the chief actually wished he was a cop, said he'd have made detective in no time. Took me forever to get my shield, but Manoso would have made it in no time." Joe snarled.

"So what,..you hate Ranger because you want to be him? Or because you want him?" I asked as I thought of the first things he'd listed. "You have an almost unnatural fascination with anal sex…and you did call him hot as hell."

"I…I…I'm not gay. Not really. I like ass, doesn't much matter whose. I've never fucked a guy…but there were a few drag queens when I worked vice. But really Cupcake, you just have a great ass." Joe admitted.

"Thank you Joe…but while you spoke, you didn't answer my question. Do you want Ranger? What about the others? You're always putting down Ranger's men as well. You want them too don't you?" I pressed.

"N…" he struggled trying to deny it. "Maybe. But it doesn't matter because I'm gonna marry you. I told you, you are mine."

"Bullshit. I'm mine…Maybe Ranger's if he wants the title full time." I yelled completely forgetting about the damn wire and the fact that Ranger was probably listening in right this very second. "You were just my own damn rebellious nature coming back to bite me on the ass. You wanted to tame me…well I wanted to tame you too. I wanted to prove that even if Joyce Barnhardt had wrecked my marriage, I'd managed to make the 'burg bad boy be as faithful as a pet." I thought about what else I wanted to know. "Why do you persist in calling me, Cupcake?"

"Want to make sure you remember your place. You belong on your back under me, whenever and wherever I want you. It reminds you that even if you don't really want it, you're to give me what I want. Not to mention it keeps that night alive in the mind of every guy in the 'burg." He said with a smirk.

"You are a pathetic soul, Joe Morelli." I said angrily.

"I am. It's ridiculous how much thought I've put into turning you into something you don't want to be and someone I'd treat even worse than I already treat you." Joe said the honesty curse forcing truths from his lips. "You're just a chick though. So all you're good for is taking care of my dick. You used to be decent enough to be able to give me kids, but now you're not worthy of marriage. You're still mine though…so I'll keep you as my chick on the side. I'm sure my grandmother can find me some good 'burg girl to marry and have my children. Probably one that can cook."

I laughed in his face. "Joe, you're not a cop anymore…you're just another unemployed ex-con of a Morelli. What makes you think any 'good 'burg girl' will even date you, let alone marry you? And you're delusional if you think that I would be your chick on the side."

He ignored my comment on his mental state. "I'm Joe Morelli, the sexiest man in the 'burg. Women want me."

I scoffed. "Please the only women who will want you now are too young or dumb to know better."

"All women want me." he said again. I'm guessing this is a case of he thinks it's the truth, rather than it being an actual truth. But just in case…

"You do realize that while they may want to sleep with you, there is a big difference between lust and love…right?" I asked slowly as though speaking to a developmentally challenged person.

"Not really. Love is just what chicks need to call it so they can feel superior." Joe said caustically.

"Yeah, Joe, keep believing that." I laughed at his stupidity…and my own. "I cannot believe that I almost let you and my mother keep me from real happiness, real love."

Now Morelli scoffed. "Oh please. Ranger was only biding his time. The first chance he got to get rid of me permanently and it not get traced back to him…I'd have been a dead man." Morelli said honestly. "And even if I managed to get you to quit bounty hunting and marry me, the first time you showed up bruised or something…no one would have ever found my body."

"Yeah, cause Ranger would have helped me and Daddy hide it." I said coldly. "You don't know me at all if you think I would ever, ever allow you to raise a hand to me in anger."

The jerk smirked…he actually smirked. "You might have left, but you'd have come back. Your mother would have made sure of it."

I shook my head. "You idiot. My father would have sent her to live with you before he let her send me back into an abusive marriage. You are even dumber than you look." I just looked at him and saw him for the sick, sad individual he was. "You know what Joe, I came here today wanting to finish with you…put you completely in my past. But you were already there. I should have done as Ranger suggested three years ago. Just done my job and put you back into the system and out of my mind. I'm with the man I love now. The man I'm in love with…and you, you're just wasted years." I stood and turned to leave the hospital room. I didn't bother to look back…he wasn't worth a last glance.

Outside the hospital I walked into the arms of my future and heard the four most important words of my life. "Proud of you, Babe."

Thanks for being patient and sticking with me. Updates will still be slow for a while, but hopefully you're still interested.

Have a great day.

Illy