-REMEMBER ME-
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Secrets
It's late at night, and you should be asleep. But you're not.
You're wide awake, and pacing.
Tomorrow is your ceremony. Why aren't you sleeping?
"Doctor," I whisper to you, cracking open your door.
You jump about a mile, and turn to me. You do not smile when you see me, your face set instead into a look of grim determination. I'm still so angry with you, but you look so odd and old and afraid and sad and alone at that moment that I can't find it in myself to be angry with you like I planned.
"Doctor, can I come in?"
You stiffly nod your head, gesturing for me to shut the door behind me.
I do so, and enter your chambers. You stop your pacing, and just stand there. Your shoulders are hunched. Something is wrong.
"Are you alright, Doctor?" I ask you. You look me in the eye this time, but you're obviously distracted.
"Yes, yes. Fine. Perfectly alright."
"What is it, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," you say. And then you sit on the bed and put your head in your hands. You look so odd, devoid of your scarf and your regular clothing. Dressed in simple-but-elaborate Time Lord clothing. You look so alone.
I come to sit next to you, and your shoulders slump. I say nothing, because I'm not sure whether you just need company or you need comforting words. I smile, pick up the white bag off your nightstand, and hand it out to you.
"Jelly Baby?" I offer you.
And you smile. A smile that lifts your sadness, and with that my hearts lift. You take an orange Jelly Baby, and so do I. We're silent for a long moment after we've finished our candies.
"Why are you here?" you finally say.
"Because I heard you were back. And I wanted to see you."
"Why?" you ask, sounding so miserable. I smile sadly.
"Well, because I was going to slap you into your next regeneration."
"I'd deserve it," you say softly. Though I mean because of what you did to my TARDIS, your tone suggests that you mean in general.
I'm worried about you.
"What is it, what's wrong, Doctor?" I ask, more insistently. You just slump, and place your head in your hand.
"Ask me no more, Clara. It's nothing to do with you."
Well, rude.
"But Doctor—"
Suddenly you turn to me, and you take your hands in mine, gripping them tightly. Your eyes are wide, and afraid. You look at me right on, with a desperate urgency.
"Clara, you must promise me something."
"What?"
"Promise me, you must promise me."
"What?"
"You must get out of the Citadel. You must go home," you say, placing a hand over my hair.
I give you a dirty look.
"I'm not leaving you."
"You must."
I rip my hand from yours, suddenly angry. I stand up, and point an accusing finger at you.
"I'm not leaving you so you can run off again without explaining anything at all! I'm not going to leave you so you can just run away after destroying my life!"
You wince at this. As you should. I glare at you and you look properly ashamed.
You close your eyes, looking pained for a moment, you seem to be struggling with something, before your eyes fly wide open and you stand up, gripping me tightly by the shoulders, your eyes slightly mad, as if you're fighting off a great pain.
"It's dangerous here," you say. "You must go home, Clara. Please."
My eyes widen.
"What do you mean, it's dangerous? How's it dangerous? What aren't you telling me?"
"I can't tell you! You must go home!"
"Why?"
You shake your head, and let me go. You walk away, turning your back, your posture stiff.
"Go home, Clara," you say, your voice slightly pained. "Go home."
"No."
You whip around, and your expression is cold.
"I don't want you here. I want you to go home."
I'm hurt by this statement for only a moment before I see right through it.
"I'm not leaving you!"
"I don't want you around!" you yell, suddenly angry. "I don't want to see you! You think I like having you tagging along after me like a little lost puppy? Well, I don't like it! I've already got a tin dog, you see! I don't need some silly, useless girl as well! I want you to leave me alone and not come back!"
My mouth falls open and I gasp. You swallow as you look into my eyes, and something flickers in your eyes, but your expression remains neutral. Cold, and neutral. And it feels like a stab to the hearts. It hurts and suddenly I feel like crying. I'm not going to take that one lying down, no matter how much it hurts.
"How dare you…?"
You say nothing, only looking at me with cold eyes.
"You are the most insufferably arrogant, overbearing, patronizing, bean-tin!" I yell at you, tears pricking my eyes. You purse your lips, looking mildly insulted. You screw your face up in anger, and take another step towards me.
"And you are the most stubbornly frustrating, silly, unreasonable girl I've ever met!"
My mouth falls open in anger.
"So you want me to leave you?! You're doing a damn fine job of working on it!"
"Good! Listen, why won't you to just go away and leave me alone!"
"Arrogant pig!"
"Impossible woman!"
"I have had it with your secrets!"
Suddenly you grab me by the arms and shake me, looking frustrated.
"Secrets protect us! Secrets keep us safe!"
Bam!
Suddenly I see you, you with a different face. You with a big chin and a bow tie. We're standing on a walkway underneath a dying star, trapped, and we're going to die. There's a desperate urgency to your face as you yell at me angrily, as I demand answers from you.
"Secrets protect us! Secrets keep us safe!"
I take a step back, tearing myself away from you. My hand flies to my head, as I'm overwhelmed with a sudden sense of déjà vu. I shake my head, trying to clear it.
You suddenly look very empty and alone, with your arms outstretched with no one to hold. It gives me a vindictive pleasure.
"Your secrets will end up getting us killed one day," I say angrily. And with that, I turn on my heel and leave.
I don't see the heartbroken, troubled look on your face as I slam the door shut behind me.
Run you clever boy, and remember me.
A/N: The Doctor is not being mean just to be mean, just fyi. He's trying to protect her...and Tom Baker's Doctor uses reverse psychology a lot. (ex Arc in Space... with him calling Sarah Jane a weak pathetic girl to encourage her).
Just a bit of explanation, if you haven't seen Invasion of Time. The Varden (The bad guys...for the first two parts) are watching the Doctor's every move and thought, and are using him to help them (well, the Sontarans) invade Gallifrey. So by being mean to Clara and acting like he doesn't care about her, he's ensuring her safety so the Varden don't use her against him. Yes, Aw! It's sweet now, isn't it? And you thought I was just being mean, lol.
Oh...and that "insufferable, arrogant, patronizing bean-tin" bit...that's pretty much a direct quote from Invasion of Time...K-9 called the Doctor that and the Doctor said he'd been called that before. So I thought is was just too perfect not to slide in there. :D
And, I might be in trouble. I'm only one chapter ahead in writing, so...eek! Squeaky bum time. I'm doing that horrible thing where I write things out of order again, and can't seem to put them together. And I don't want to put a hold on writing this story and then forget about it...because I've got so many plans that I have to express for it, and the ending is just such a tear-jerker that I just...ARGH. I hate real life. Why can't everyday be Doctor Who day?
My summer class has started and I'm DETERMINED to pass College Algebra this go round. So over the next two months real life might interfere with my writing. I'll squeeze stuff in whenever I can, but don't expect an update everyday anymore. Should have saved them, I know... I was just so excited to share... :(
Okay, and someone needs to stop me from listening to "Doomsday", "Rose's Theme", and "The Doctor's Theme" in that order on my iTunes, because it's giving me too many feels. It's like I'm determined to just be stuck in emotional heartbreak forever. Time to switch over to some Mozart or maybe Lady Gaga before I sob myself off a cliff...
Anyway, PLEASE leave a review so I know this story is read and loved! It'll keep me sane over the period of awful Algebra terribleness that is to come.