Disclaimer: I do not own any of the private series (sigh), Kate Brian does.
Thanks for everyone's reviews! This chapter will be back at Reed's point of view. This will be about Reed's breakdown because she's been
through a LOT already.
Here's the 13th chapter of My Own Version of Suspicion! I really hope you like it!
Reed's Point of View
I did it. I just did it. I humiliated myself in front of Sawyer, Noelle, and Upton. And most of all I humiliated myself in front of Josh. What is wrong
with me?
Even Upton noticed something was wrong with me because of my excessive flirting. When Noelle and I came back to our table he immediately
asked if I was okay. I said I was okay even if I wasn't. And I will never be okay again.
The lunch was already a disaster even before Upton was there. It even became worse because of Noelle's plan and brought Upton. And it was
the worst when Josh left. I have already drawn Josh away and guess what? I drew Upton away too.
It just went smoothly at first. I silently went back to my seat even if deep down inside me I was thinking of a lot of things. It's over, Reed. It's your
fault that he left. He's gone. He will never be involved in your life again. Just accept it and be friends with him. And that's it. Nothing more. Forever.
Those words kept repeating in my head.
Upton was just talking beside me but I can't hear or understand anything because my mind was never with me at that time. It was back at
Easton where Josh might be in my room being happy with Ivy. It hurts so much to think about it. To think that after everything, me and Josh could
never be together again. And that's what did it.
I just stood up and said "Sorry. I can't. It's over." to Upton. Because I know deep down inside me that it's true. I like Upton. I like him very much
but I just don't love him. Because I have only loved one person in my whole life. And that person might never love me again because of what I just
did. And it's my fault, isn't it? So I should just continue to live the way I was before and accept it.
Upton just stared at me because of my sudden outburst as I ran for the door without another word to any of them.
As soon as I was out there, I started crying. I felt like I haven't cried for a very long time that everything I have been feeling lately just poured
out. Ever since I almost drowned at St. Barths, I promised myself that I would be strong. I promised myself that I would never let myself be
affected by everything I'm going through. But even strong people need a break, don't they? Even I, the person who probably experienced the
most number of problems in the history, can be affected, right?
I walked a few steps to sit on the nearest bench. When I felt that everything I was feeling was already poured out of my system. I finally stopped
crying.
I just stared at the random people who were walking on that street. There were families, couples, and people who were walking alone. Whoever
they were with, they all seem happy and normal. I suddenly felt a gust of envy because I know that I can never be like them.
I have a stalker and I feel so alone than ever. I could never be like them who just feel happy that the sun is rising above them everyday. For the
first time in my whole life, I wish I was just normal.
Before, I always wanted to be different. I don't want to live the very normal life I have in Croton. I want to excel in every aspect possible. I want
to be the best. And look where everything I wanted brought me. I wish I have never gone back Easton, after all.
I lifted my hand to wipe the remaining tears on my eyes for the last time. When I put my hand down on the bench, it settled on a soft and smooth
surface. I looked at where my hand landed and saw a small blue silk handkerchief. I lifted it and felt that it was damp. It felt and smelled familiar.
It's like something I used to have. I examined it more because of my tingling curiosity. I saw two letters embroidered at the corner of the small
handkerchief. It says: JH.
JH? Is it possible that this JH is Josh Hollis? But the smell of it confirmed everything. The smell was so familiar. I will never forget it. But why is
Josh's handkerchief here? Did he just sit at exactly the same place I am sitting right now? Why would he do that? I would have expected him,
because of the humiliation I caused, to immediately go back to Easton where he can escape me and be with his girlfriend who never gave him any
problem. And why is it damp? Was he crying? I don't think so. Josh would never cry because of me.
There are so many questions in my head. Most of which I can never even get the answer to.
"Reed? Are you okay?" I heard someone say behind me. I turned around and saw Noelle Lange staring down at me with pure concern present in
her eyes. I don't usually see Noelle having a concern for someone. But I guess, because of what I'm experiencing right now, she can't help but
feel sympathy for me.
"Yeah. I guess." I told her as I put the handkerchief on my pocket.
"Why did you do that, Reed?" Noelle asked and sat beside me.
"I really wanted to break up with for a long time already. This is just the time I had the nerve to do it. I didn't mean to hurt him." I answered
calmly. It's true, though. The problem is that I only realized that now.
"Not that. You really should have done that way back at St. Barths. What I meant was why did you flirt with Upton in front of Josh?" Noelle
answered impatiently as if she was saying something very obvious.
"What? You were even the one who brought him here. And as for the other one, I…..I don't really know why I did it." I said truthfully.
"I brought him here for you to realize something. But I guess that you're too naïve to see what that is. Admit it, Reed. You wanted to see if Josh
will be jealous. You wanted to see if he will be affected by your relationship with Upton." Noelle said as a matter-of-factly.
I opened my mouth to contradict her words but at the same time I realized that she was right. That really was my real intention, after all. And
there is no point in lying now.
"Fine. I'll admit it. It was the reason. But he wasn't affected. He even left because he obviously doesn't care. He was just humiliated because of
my actions. And that's it, Noelle. It's over. I know that I have said that it's over a long time ago, but now, it really is. " I told Noelle with a tone of
finality in my voice.
Noelle actually smiled at my words. Why is she smiling? "If that's what you want to think about it. Let's go, now. Sawyer said he'll just meet us
back at Easton. He just stayed to talk to Upton for a while." Noelle said.
I think she misunderstood my words. "Noelle, just to be clear. When I said "it's over" I meant not only that everything with Josh is over but most
of all is that my stay in Easton is over. I don't really want to come back anymore, Noelle. It's just too much already. I've had enough. And if I
leave, my stalker wouldn't be able to follow me anymore." I told Noelle. I stared at her face. It was completely emotionless.
"Reed, we've talked about this many times before. You can't just leave. Easton is your home. You're safer there." Noelle said.
"Safer?! Are you kidding me, Noelle? I have never been safe in Easton. Ever since I stepped in its grounds, lots of terrible things happened to me.
It won't stop until I leave. Just please understand. In fact, I'll just go back to Easton now to talk to Headmaster Hathaway then I'll pack and
leave. Today." I told Noelle firmly. I don't even expect her to understand since I haven't told her any of my past experiences with my stalker.
When Noelle made no move to speak, I stood up and turned away to hail a cab.
"Reed" Noelle said as she grabbed my arm. "Please. Fine. I'll let you go. Just please don't leave today. Just, at least, go next week, after the
dance. I'll even be the one to talk to Headmaster Hathaway about it. Don't just leave all your friends like that." Noelle said.
I thought about it for a moment and realized that she was right. I can't just leave like that. I can wait at least for one week.
"Okay. I'll stay until Saturday. But that's it Noelle. I'll leave after. It's final." I told Noelle.
She seemed pleased to hear what I said. "Well, that's settled. Let's go now."
And that's when Noelle's limo came and we both went inside.
We sat silently across each other in Noelle's limo for a few minutes. I don't know why Noelle isn't talking. She's never like this.
I was supposed to break the silence when I saw a tall boy with blond curls walking slowly on the side walk. He is wearing a blue coat, cargo
pants, and a pair of Chuck T's, His back was slumped as if he was thinking of something very depressing.
"Noelle, isn't that—?" I was interrupted when, as if to confirm my thoughts, the tall boy turned around and his brilliant blue eyes met exactly with
mine.
Why is he still here? Isn't he supposed to be happy at Easton already?
That was it! I hope you liked it!!! Please tell me what you think about it!! Review!! Do you want Reed to leave Easton and Josh already? She might have said it a lot of times already but she really means it now. Do you think Reed shouldn't have broken up with Upton? And even if its obvious already, who do you think is the guy Reed saw in the sidewalk? Review please!! ~ftlouie24hollis~