To Have Loved and Lost
Chapter XIII
Cloud and I ride through the night for several long hours, always in a comfortable silence, before he decides that it's probably safe to stop and get some sleep. We only speak once during the journey, when he asks hesitantly if I was successful in keeping Rufus from touching me. I assure him that I still only belong to him, which makes his shoulders visibly relax with relief. When we finally come to a halt it's in the cover of a few trees that are bunched together in the middle of a field, and the realization that we're actually on the run now hits me for the first time.
By tomorrow morning when someone either finds the note I left or notices me missing, whether it is Rufus or anyone else, there is sure to be an uproar around the castle. I'm desperately hoping that my father will get to read my letter and he'll know by my words that I am in good hands, but even then he may not be able to stop them from looking for me. I push the thoughts from my mind, deciding that I have to enjoy this time that we have together despite what might come later.
Cloud helps me down from the chocobo's back, and I sway groggily on my feet from fatigue. He throws down a blanket so we don't have to sleep on the damp grass, but that's about as much of a bed as either of us can ask for right now. I curl up next to him easily, the heat from his body keeping me warm even on this winter night, and his chest acting as a pillow for my head. He falls asleep even before I do, and his soft snoring lulls me into a sweet, dreamless slumber.
xXxXx
That's how we spend the next few weeks; riding on the back of our chocobo during the day, going through fields and forests and across rivers. Sometimes we stop in small towns along the way; buying food and other supplies or even staying the night there on occasion. I've never been so far away from home, and if I wasn't terrified of being caught and dragged back to the castle, this might actually be a wonderful experience. I'm content to be with him though, and the fact that he's here with me makes me happy despite the other circumstances.
Cloud tells me about the town that we're going to, and while he wasn't actually able to make the trip there and back before he had to come back and get me, he's sure that it's going to be a beautiful place for us to live; somewhere that we can find peace together. It's a little town out on the coast, called Junon, and it's so far away from my old home that it will be easy to leave it behind. We won't have much when we get there, but the prospect of making a house near the ocean sounds good to me.
That brief bit of happiness that we're allowed on those nights while we're traveling is shattered one night, though; when I am startled awake by the sound of chocobos approaching. We stopped for some sleep by the edge of a stream a few hours earlier, and though we're concealed by the trees surrounding the clearing, I soon realize with a stab of horror that we forgot to put out the fire before we fell asleep. Now it's creating a smoke signal to anyone who might be looking for us, and by the sound of the coming riders, I'd say they were able to follow it pretty easily.
Cloud sits up next to me, his eyes even wider than mine probably are. We both hesitate for a second, caught in the confusion of the shock, and then we're both up and moving as fast as we're able to. I grab as many of the supplies as I can and throw them onto the chocobo's back, and he leaps into the saddle on the animal, kicking it into a run as he circles around pulls me up behind him. As he urges the bird into a full-out sprint, the forest begins flying by us in a green blur, but as I look over my shoulder I see the beginnings of the other mounted men starting to break through the trees on the other side of the clearing.
"After them!" one of the men, who has obviously spotted us, shouts.
"Don't let the kidnapper get away with our queen!" another man yells; both of them sound furious.
As if I wasn't already terrified enough, my heart rate spikes yet again when I recognize the man on the chocobo in the front of the group. It's Rufus, dressed in armor like a night leading his men, and pointing his sword at me and ordering them to follow after us.
I turn back around quickly, hugging Cloud tightly around the middle and burying my face into his shoulder blade as I pray that we can outrun them. An arrow suddenly flies past my ear, and I realize with panic that this is not just a search party, but an angry mob. Rufus must have convinced some of the townspeople that I'm not a runaway, but that Cloud has kidnapped me, and now they've been given the order to kill him so they can rescue me.
I mentioned nothing of Cloud in my note to my father, so I can't imagine how Rufus could have known to look for us together, or to paint him as my abductor. I wonder about it for a moment, and then my thoughts suddenly hitch when I come to the obvious conclusion.
Though I had nearly forgotten about it, the image of the servant that had stared at me with such horror on her face that day she saw me kiss Cloud is now perfectly clear in my mind. She had obviously kept quiet before, but she must have told them about our relationship when I disappeared, or else Rufus would have had no idea that he would find us together. Whether Rufus really believes that Cloud kidnapped me or he is just overrun with jealousy because he knows I've betrayed him, I'll never know. One thing is for certain though: now that he knows Cloud and I really have run away together, I'm sure he will stop at nothing to take me back.
Time seems to be moving in slow motion, so I'm not sure exactly how long we ride away from them with the arrows flying past us and the sound of their angry shouts echoing around us. Eventually, the voices and the projectiles cease, and Cloud pulls our chocobo to a halt when we reach a small clearing. It's freezing cold outside tonight, and bits of white snow are even beginning to fall though the trees and stick to the ground, but fright has made my skin tingle with warmth.
I breathe a deep sigh of relief when we stop, though the adrenaline is still pumping though my veins with each rapid beat of my heart. Cloud slides out of the saddle, and when his feet hit the ground he grunts with what sounds like pain. Startled by the sound, I look down at him quickly as my fear is suddenly rekindled, only for a different reason this time.
"Cloud?" I ask him with concern, hopping off of the bird's back as well.
He stumbles backwards, landing in a sitting position on a patch of thick grass that's covered by the newly fallen snow, hunching over at the middle. He doesn't answer or even look up at me, and the fact that his breathing sounds labored is really starting to worry me.
"What's wrong?" I ask again, this time my voice beginning to tremble with dread.
I get my answer when he straightens up, and I'm able to see his hand clutching at the tail end of an arrow that's protruding from his chest, just over his heart. A sharp gasp issues from my lungs briefly before it's cut off by the constricting of my throat; the feeling of horror so strong that I feel like I'm choking on it. He suddenly yanks on the shaft of the arrow, and the sound of his teeth grinding together is audible as the metal tip slides out of his flesh, leaving a hole that's gushing blood. It soaks through his shirt quickly, and then runs off into the snow in a small red pool, bringing with it the acrid smell of rust.
My body reacts instinctively, my legs pushing me towards him as fast as I'm capable of moving. I kneel beside him, where his head is cradled in my lap when he falls back. His eyes are squeezed shut, and the intense pain is obvious from the expression on his now pale face, though he doesn't make a sound. Although my mind has been numb up until now, the understanding of what's actually happening suddenly hits me full force, knocking the breath from my lungs. Cloud must have been hit by one of the archers, probably when he turned back to lift me onto the chocobo when they first appeared. The nearest town is surely hours away, and with no way for us to stop the bleeding or heal his internal injuries here, he's going to die in my arms.
The tears start first; warm, continuous tears that won't stop streaming from my eyes, and the audible sobs begin shaking my shoulders shortly after that. It's the only way I know how to react, even if my mind hasn't fully wrapped around the situation yet. My insides feel as if they're being ripped apart, cut into shreds by a razor-sharp blade that leaves them mangled and stinging fiercely. The ache in my throbbing heart is so profound that I'm barely able to register that his eyes are open and he's looking back at me now, though the image is distorted by the moisture in my eyes.
I hear him say my name softly, asking me to look at him. I hastily wipe the tears from my eyes, clearing my vision a little, though they're still running down my cheeks hopelessly. When he comes into focus, the expression on his face surprises me, because it's one of peace. He gives me a gentle smile, his bright blue eyes burning in that intense way that always lets me know the depth of how much he cares about me, even without any words.
His hand comes up to cup my cheek, and I notice with a sickening lurch of my stomach that his skin lacks its usual comforting warmth. Another round of anguished crying hits me hard, but he still uses his hand to bring my face down to his. He kisses me softly, though my lips are trembling against his and my tears are spilling onto his cheeks. Even when our lips separate he keeps my face close to his, trying in vain to brush away all of my tears.
"I love you," he whispers, stroking my face gently before his hand falls back to his side.
I try to tell him that I love him too, but the grief overtakes me, and all I can do is weep brokenly, my head falling onto his chest. I lay my ear over his heart, desperate to hear it beating evenly, and trying not to think about the warm blood touching my skin or sticking in my hair. He wraps his arms around me as tightly as he's able to, and I give myself into the overwhelming grief for a moment, crying out in staggered sobs from the agony.
"I love you too, Cloud," I'm finally able to choke out past the tears that make my throat thick. "I always will," I promise him.
Forcing my muscles to respond, I sit up then, watching him smile at my words before I lean down to press one last kiss against his warm lips. I linger there for as long as I'm able to hold myself up, but the pain is so powerful that it saps the energy from my entire body, and soon I collapse back into his chest, my whole body shaking violently with the tears once again.
Neither of us says any more, and I loose track of the long moments that I spend laying there against him, trying to console myself with the sound his familiar breathing and attempting to memorize his comforting scent. I can feel it when he leaves me; not only because that soothing sound of his heart slows and then comes to a stop, but I can feel it in my soul, because part of me is suddenly missing. My heart feels much too empty, because the thing, the man, that used to fill it up so completely, is gone.
To be continued…
(A/N) Now you know why this is in the tragedy category. -.- I hate killing off one of my absolute favorite characters, but I think it makes quite an impact for the story. ;) Sorry Cloud, I still love you! And I tried not to make it too sappy, so I hope it doesn't come off that way. O.o Oh, and I know that typically the rule is that when you get some kind of object lodged into your body you're not supposed to yank it out, but I'm pretty sure that Cloud was screwed either way, so that's why I wrote it the way I did.
This isn't over though! (hence the "to be continued") I've still got an epilogue to post, even though it's not very long. :D
A simple "thank you" doesn't quite cover just how grateful I am for all of your lovely reviews… I would give you all a big hug if I could! :3
-punkiemonkie