Hey all! Ready for some epicnicity? No, I did not just make up a word. I heard it somewhere and decided to use it. So, disclaimer: I do not own the word "epicnicity." There, all better.

Darth Vadie: Yay I'm glad you think so! In response to your latest review, no, Darth Vader isn't even after Loki. He actually didn't know that Loki was there. You'll find out who he's after in this chapter. The My Little Pony thing will come up, though. ;)

AaylaKit: Okay, let's clear that up real fast. You can get more information by watching the Thor movie, but here's a quick rundown. Loki's father, Laufey, is a Frost Giant from the realm called Jotunheim. When Jotunheim and Asgard went to war, Laufey abandoned baby Loki in the snow because he was either a runt or a small bastard child. Either way, he was small for a Frost Giant, so he was left to die. Odin took him in and raised him to think that he was of Asgard. So he's Thor's adopted brother. The movie is a similar and different to Norse Mythology in many ways. In other words, understanding Norse Mythology will not necessarily help you understand Thor or the Avengers. The best advice I can give you is to watch Thor. A lot of things will become clear to you that you probably missed or didn't get in the Avengers. Whew. Sorry for rambling. I love talking about Loki.

Loki tried to remain calm. His eyes locked with the dark spots that appeared to serve as eyes for the thing in front of him. The helmet was a strange shape and the ominous breathing sound was unnerving. It wore a black cape and black armor of high-tech design. Was it a machine?

"Is this the dwelling of Jedi apprentice Liri Jefora?" the dark thing asked. The machine-like voice was as foreboding as the breathing sound. It sounded male, but you never know with droids.

"Who wants to know?" Loki challenged.

"It is of no concern to you, human of this planet. You will tell me what I need to know, or I will destroy you."

"Harsh," Loki said, raising his hands a little, palms facing the stranger. "Tell me, because I am immensely curious; what are you?"

There was a pause, filled with nothing but the machine-like breathing. "I am feeling generous today, so I will humor you with answers to your inquiries."

"You said you'd destroy me. How is that generous?" Loki asked. "I'd hate to see you on a bad day."

"Yes, you would, so do not push me. I am Darth Vader, dark lord of the Sith and apprentice to Emperor Palpatine, better known as Darth Sideous. You people would call me a cyborg. Part man, part machine, all-powerful. I am powerful enough to wipe out your whole planet with the Imperial army, so I suggest you cooperate with me."

"Wait. First of all, Palpatine is supposed to be the Chancellor of the Republic. And the army belongs to the Republic. And the Jedi. What has become of them?"

"What do you know?" Vader demanded, seizing Loki by the throat without warning. "How does someone from this remote planet know of the Republic? Are you a spy?"

Loki felt the airways to his lungs closing. "I…I…" He waved his hand, veiling them in smoke. Vader, coughing, dropped him.

Loki waved his hand again, making the smoke dissipate. The magic had weakened him even further, but he did not show it. "Here, we play by my rules," he said menacingly.

"Loki Odinson," Vader gasped, his flat machine voice expressing surprise better than Loki had deemed possible.

"Laufeyson," he corrected. "How do you know my old name?" It was Loki's turn to go on the offensive. "What do you know?"

"Lower your weapons, troopers," Vader ordered. "I must speak with this one." He turned back to Loki. "I am the one that played with you in the Temple as a boy. I am the one that fought in the Clone Wars as a Jedi Knight. I have a past that I wish to leave behind. I am a new man now."

"Anakin." It was Loki's turn to gasp. "No, I don't believe it. Anakin Skywalker would never become this monster. He is a good man. He was a martyr for the Republic!"

"That is where you are wrong, Loki. Perhaps this will refresh your memory: you were at my wedding. You changed the script. Padmé never did trust you."

"So it is you." Loki truly had lost Anakin. But in a different way. A way that was way worse than losing him to death's cold grip.

"Yes."

"Hmm." A memory suddenly hit him. "My Little Pony," he mused.

"What?"

"Nothing," Loki said quickly.

Vader stared at him a moment with those dark not-eyes. "If I recall correctly, you are friends with Jefora. If you reveal her to me, I may consider sparing your life."

Loki's eyes blazed. "I will not betray her to you."

"Then you will be used as bait."

Loki opened his eyes. He was in the kitchen of Liri's house. Looking around, he realized that he was bound to a chair. His hands were tied behind his back and a gag kept him quiet. Vader had knocked him out or something. He didn't remember what followed their conversation. So, basically, all he could do was wait for Liri to come home and fall into the trap. If only he had left sooner. Vader never would have been able to use him against her like this.

Hours passed. It was night when Loki heard the key turn in the lock. Vader must have locked the door to make the trap believable. Liri's soft voice called Loki's name. He could not respond to her call, nor could he warn her of the trap. She couldn't read minds. She could only see pictures and feel emotions.

"Loki?" Liri entered the kitchen. Her eyes fell upon him. "Loki!" She rushed over to the chair. He shook his head avidly, trying to get her to understand that she needed to get out as fast as possible. "Who did this to you?" she demanded, working to get him free. "Is he still here?" Loki nodded. "Oh."

"Jedi," Vader's voice said, echoing through the house. A red lightsaber ignited. "You are too gullible. You fell right into the trap."

"You're a Sith!" she realized aloud. She pulled her own lightsaber out of her white coat. "How did you find me here?"

"This planet of yours will be a great addition to the list of systems ruled by the Emperor. I came to establish it as Imperial territory. The Force told me of a rogue Jedi hiding here. I never expected to find Loki, however. This was not revealed to me."

"How do you know Loki? Unless…"

"Yes, Liri. I am the one once known as Anakin Skywalker. He is dead and gone now. Only Darth Vader remains. You, however, will not be so lucky." He lunged at her. She blocked and fell into a battle stance. "Impressive. You will be a formidable opponent." He lunged again. Again, she blocked.

They fought for a long time. The house was practically torn apart. Loki watched helplessly. He wished he could assist Liri somehow. He couldn't even speak. Finally, Liri drove Vader into a corner. "Game over, Darth. Release Loki and go back where you came from."

Vader pushed a button. "Did you really think I came alone? You did not consider that my army is hiding right behind your house." As if on cue, several troops streamed in. "Say hello and goodbye to the Stormtroopers."

Liri kept her gaze on her enemy. She knew that turning her back would get her killed. So, she said, "Do not kill me. I will submit to you. Just spare me and Loki."

If Vader could grin, he would. "You two will not be killed. The Emperor has given me authorization to do whatever I want and toy with any and all Jedi I find. Take them away."

The Imperials stormed the Earth, leaving death and destruction in their wake. The people were forced to submit. They had no choice. Vader was ready to claim the planet as the Emperor's.

Word of this spread to Asgard. Odin was deeply troubled by the recent turn of events. "I hope Thor does not hear of this," he said to Frigga. "He is very close to some people on Midgard."

Thor, naturally, heard word of it and burst forth into the room during said conversation. "Father!"

"We know of the events on Midgard," Odin said. "Before you get into a rant, let it be known that your heroic deed on the bridge keeps us here during this time of crisis. Though what you did was necessary, it also restricts us and therefore prevents us from taking necessary action. I do not want you to obsess over this, Thor. There is nothing you or any of us can do."

"So we're just going to sit back and let this happen? We—"

Before Thor could continue, he was interrupted by a voice from the doorway. "Perhaps there is something we can do." Heimdall stepped in and bowed, his arm crossed over his chest in the customary manner of respectful greeting. "There is a means of travel that no Asgardian is aware of." He paused to make sure they were listening. They were. "There is an ancient portal," he continued, "that can be used once per ten centuries. It has lain dormant. No one has used it in a long time. If you so choose, you can use it to get to Midgard and back once."

Thor turned pleading eyes on his father. "These outsiders will destroy the realm and force them into eternal submission. We must do something!"

Odin pondered a moment. "This portal is for emergencies, correct?" Heimdall nodded. "This is an emergency. Very well, Thor. Help me round up the army. We go to battle tomorrow morning."

Thor bowed. "Thank you, father."

"Well, this is a find mess I've gotten us into," Loki said.

"Stop blaming yourself," Liri scolded. "None of this is your fault and you know it."

Loki shrugged. It was pointless to argue. "Funny how I was finally on the road to recovery." He examined their beaten bodies. "If only my magic worked. I think these restraints are containing it somehow."

"Wonderful," Liri scowled. "Don't worry. We'll find a way out. One way or another. I won't let them kill you."

"It is not my life I fear for. It's yours. I am a god. I am way more durable than you are. No offense."

"Which makes you that much easier to torture," Liri countered. "They will be careful with their instruments of torture on my delicate mortal body. But they'll go all out with you."

"Point made." Loki wanted to say more, but he was interrupted by none other than Darth Vader himself.

"How did you make contact with Asgard?" he demanded, seizing Loki by the arms and shaking him violently.

"What are you talking about, Anakin?" Loki asked exasperatedly.

"Do not call me that and stop playing games with me! You ordered Asgardians to come down here and declare war on my Stormtroopers! How did you do it?"

Loki's eyes widened. "My father is here?"

"Yes, along with a massive army! Don't play stupid. Explain, Laufeyson!"

"Finally, you get the name right. I do not know what you're talking about. I have no communication with Asgard. In fact, I've cut ties with them for good. They should not be here, because Thor destroyed the Bifrost. I think you are jesting with me."

"Do you think this is a prank like the silly acts of mischief you make? This is war, Loki, and I intend to get some answers out of you!"

Loki snorted. "You lock me up, beat Liri and I to a pulp, and you expect me to cooperate and give you answers?" He smirked. "You haven't even extended the courtesy of asking nicely."

"Tell the Asgardians to call the fight off. It is not their place to interfere."

"Oh, I beg to differ. I'm sure the All-Father is very interested in your quest to take over this realm. As for your first statement, I will respond with what I already said. I have cut ties with Asgard. I want them to believe me dead. I do not intend on revealing myself to them."

"It's a shame that they will soon know of your existence as my prisoner. I am certain they will stop fighting me when they discover that I am holding Odin's son as a hostage."

Loki shrugged. "They won't believe you. My fall was pretty convincing." Even to me, he added to himself. I thought myself dead just as much as they did.

"We'll see." Vader ordered a Stormtrooper to come forward. "Take them out. I think it is time for Odin to see our secret weapon. His beloved son."

The restraints were removed. Loki was dragged outside and thrust to the ground. He surreptitiously focused his magic on concealing his identity. All the Asgardians would feel upon seeing him was a sense of déjà vu.

"As promised, All-Father, here is your son. In return for his life, I tell you to take your army and go. The Emperor will not meddle with your race. We acknowledge you as a superpower realm."

"He will not meddle with Midgard, either, because we will not leave," Odin responded. "That is not my son. That is a cheap imitation set up to trick me. I will fight this war to save this Midgardian's life among many others. We will not withdraw."

Loki tried not to smile. His magic had worked. Odin did not recognize him. Thor, however, felt the déjà vu that Loki had intended.

"Father, let us inspect the prisoner. Perhaps it is Loki." He bent down so he was eye-to-eye with Loki, who still sat on his knees on the ground. "Is it you, brother? Did you survive the fall?" Loki focused on making his expression slightly confused and bewildered, as if he had no idea what Thor was talking about. Thor stood up. "Tis not Loki. Continue, please, Father."

Odin nodded. "Let the war continue. If you will excuse me, I am needed on the front lines." He left with a dramatic exit. Thor flew away with his hammer, Mjolnir.

Loki looked up at Vader. "I am known for lies and mischief. I can fool my old family easily."

Vader knew that his army would be wiped out by the battle-hardened Asgardians. Which was less humiliating? Withdrawing or losing? Perhaps he could escape. But he always criticized General Grievous for his cowardice. Finally, he settled for the wisest choice: leaving with his troops while he still had some dignity left. "Troopers, make the order for retreat," he told a group. "The battle is over. This planet will not be subjected to Imperial rule."

"It will be done, Lord Vader." The Stormtroopers marched away in sync.

Loki sighed, relieved. Anakin and his army would be driven back where they belonged, and not one moment too soon. Perhaps he could live a life of peace in this realm. Perhaps he could put his past behind him.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or Thor.