I'm so sorry its taken so long to update but I've been moving house so have been waiting ages for my internet to be reconnected, now the phone line is sorted but it could be after Christmas before the internet is working again for some reason :( so I'm using my mums internet to update.

Disclaimer: Not mine if you've seen them on SVU.

Chapter 12

"Miss Mayer, can you tell me what your relationship with the Defendant is?" Barba asked Vanessa Mayer who had taken the stand.

"I have no relationship with him. I was assigned to be his attorney when he was accused of indecent exposure in Central Park by the SVU department."

"He was accused of a lot more than that during the time you represented him." Barba reminded her.

"Yes he was. He was later accused of raping a witness. Ultimately the SVU department said he had committed more rapes and murders out of state. One of which was a previous lawyer of his."

"Did you think then that he had committed these crimes?" Barba asked.

Vanessa swallowed into a dry throat and replied, "No."

"And now?"

Vanessa hesitated then quickly glanced at Lewis, "Now I can see how stupidly blinded I was by his charm."

"Why is this?"

"Because they told me what he did to Detective Benson and they showed me the pictures...and because I walked into my apartment and into my bedroom to see that he had tortured, raped and murdered my sister."

"If only you'd been able to see him for what he really was when you represented him. He's a monster and how you missed that fact is beyond me." Barba growled at her before he turned his back on the and walked over to stand in front of the Jury. "Perhaps if you hadn't been so blinded Detective Benson could have been spared the heinous torture and brutal rapes she suffered at the hands of William Lewis. She would have been spared the attempt he made to end her life. Perhaps your sister may still be alive now too."

"You think I don't know that!? You think I don't wish I could reverse time and do everything in my power to see that prick rot in hell! My family wouldn't let me go to my sister's funeral because they blame me for her death! I have nightmares every single night that he will come to my home and do to me what he did to Detective Benson and my sister. I'm more than sorry he got off! And I blame myself completely!" Vanessa yelled angrily as tears spilled down her face. She moved to look around Barba and right at Olivia, "I am so so sorry for what he did to you!" she said.

Olivia could only nod as she heard just how genuine Vanessa sounded. As Vanessa crumbled on the stand, Barba backed off and turned around to look at Olivia so he could offer a supportive smile he knew she would need. She attempted to smile back at him but the trial was beginning to get to her more and more. She was exhausted ]by it, all she wanted to do was hide in bed and sleep until it was all over.

~0~0~0~0~

After Court was done for the day Olivia and Cassidy had returned home to his place. He had poured her a bath which she had taken after having a quick nap on the couch having been unable to stay awake. The nap followed by the bath had done her the world of good and she felt refreshed. She was now dressed in some comfy sweat pants and a t-shirt and was in the kitchen making some food for her and Cassidy. She was stirring some sauce when she heard him walk out of the bathroom having been in the shower.

"Wow, something smells amazing!" he said to her as he used a towel to dry off his wet hair which he then threw around his neck.

She smiled as he walked over to her, wearing just a bath robe, and looked into the pans on the stove. "Its only spaghetti bolognese."

"It smells fantastic." he told her as he placed his hand on the small of her back and rubbed soft circles as he watched her stir the sauce. Cassidy almost jumped out of his skin as she suddenly jumped away from him, her hand almost knocking over the contents of the pan over. He watched as she struggled to catch her breath.

"Liv..?" he began.

"I'm sorry it's just your fingers touched the scar and I wasn't expecting it." she said unable to look him in the eyes. She was referring to the scar Lewis had made with the end of the spatula. "Sorry." Olivia said again looking up at him but her cheeks were red as she felt more than foolish for having reacted so but his touch upon the scar although more than gentle had triggered a flashback and she had practically felt Lewis holding the hot metal on her flesh as he raped her again. She turned her back to him and leant over the counter as she silently beat herself up for being unable to control the flashbacks.

"You don't ever have to apologize to me Liv. I'm sorry, I should have told you I was going to touch your back."

Olivia turned to face him and reached up and put her arms around his neck and gently used her body to push his back until he was touching the cupboards on the opposite side of the stove.

"I don't want you to ever feel like you can't touch me or that you have to ask for my permission to do so. I love the way your hands feel on my body. Your always so gentle and loving." she told him before she kissed him on the lips with all the love she felt for him. She then took his hands and one by one kissed them on the palm and on the top. "Once we've had food I want to feel these hands on me again." she told him with a playful but seductive smile.

Cassidy could only laugh as he watched her as she returned to cooking. With her back to him Olivia wished she could just go back to how she used to be, before William Lewis had tainted her mind, body and soul.

~0~0~0~0~

The next day

"How are you feeling today?"

Olivia looked at her therapist and smiled. "What you mean to say is how screwed up do I feel today?"

"Not at all, but if you feel screwed up then tell me why?"

Olivia hesitated before she said. "I had a flashback last night when my boyfriend touched my back, touched a scar on my back from Lewis. It was just a simple touch, there was no motive behind it it was just a lovers touch, but the moment his fingers touched that scar I was back in my apartment and Lewis was holding a scolding hot spatula against my back as he raped me."

"But you weren't. You were in your boyfriends apartment and it was a lovers touch, he didn't intend to hurt you. You just said that yourself."

"I know, but sometimes its like my head can't tell the difference and I just can't stop the flashbacks once they start."

"Why do you think you can't tell the difference between whats real and whats in the past?"

Tears filled Olivia's eyes as she confessed,"I think because I never truly believed I would get out of the situation with Lewis alive. I wanted to live but I didn't think I would and when he pulled the trigger and I was still there I didn't know if it was real or if it was just some other trick he was pulling. Sometimes I remember that I survived, and that I'm here but then the flashbacks start. Sometimes I feel like I'm still there with him and that I'm never gonna escape him and that he is just going to keep on raping and torturing me."

A moment of silence passed before Lingstrom asked, "Do you get the flashbacks as often as you did at first?"

"Not really, but throughout the trial I've had them, I think its seeing Lewis... When he's around they're always so real."

Dr Lingstrom offered a sympathetic smile and said, "You have to keep reminding yourself that they are just flashbacks. Flashbacks of something you've survived. Something that you did escape from. Something that's made you a stronger person."

"I don't feel so strong."

"Well perhaps you don't but from the few sessions we've had I can see how much stronger you've grown."

"I'll feel strong once Lewis is behind bars or dead."

~0~0~0~0~

Later that day

Lewis was stood in a toilet cubicle. Right outside it was a guard. "Hurry it up Lewis, we ain't got all day!" the Guard yelled at him, obviously bored playing babysitter for him.

"One more minute. Must be that fine prison food you all keep feeding us." Lewis said sarcastically as he continued picking at the hem of his trousers leg, "Blocks you up for a week." he added as he continued. He had managed to shove a small pill in the hem. The guards hadn't noticed the pill when they had checked him over before leaving the prison nor had the ones who had checked him over upon arriving at the Court house.. It was the perfect hiding place.

The pill was one he had been given on the yard that morning and it would be the very thing that would help him get free. Once free he planned on finding Olivia and finishing what he had started. It had been easy for him to get the pill as he was very popular among the prisoners. They all admired the fact he had tried to take out a cop and one who had helped put a lot of them away. They were happy to help him get free so he could finally kill Olivia.

Lewis held the pill between his finger and his thumb and as he studied it again he remembered what he had been told by the person who had suggested he take it and then gotten him the pill. "Killing that bitch will make the pain this little piece of shit will cause all worthwhile."

Lewis smiled and then threw the pill to back of his throat and swallowed. "I'm coming to get you Benson." he muttered to himself before he pulled the chain, just for effect, and pushed his way out of the cubicle.

~0~0~0~0~

Court had been back in session for just over twenty minutes after the short recess but it felt like it had been back in session for several hours for Olivia. She couldn't keep her eyes off Lewis. She couldn't help but notice how fidgety he seemed and she could see from where she sat he was sweating quite heavily.

"Your Honour at this point I'd like to call Detective Benson to the stand again." Langan suddenly announced.

His words sent whispers all around the court that only ended as the Judge slammed his gavel down and ordered silence. Olivia nervously pushed her hair back out of her face and pushed herself to her feet. She wasn't sure she could face more of Langan's questions. It was more like taking a beating and she felt nauseous and tired, far too tired for another round with Langan.

She was just about to make her way to the front of the court when she noticed Lewis double over the defense table. She heard him cry out in pain and the Judge call order as the court erupted into sound. Langan was quick to check Lewis was okay but it was clear he wasn't as he fell from his chair and onto the floor with his arms wrapped around his front.

Olivia took a few steps back as shock and confusion washed over her. She couldn't understand what was happening or if it really was...she wondered if this was all some dream, wondered if she was taking another short nap.

"Looks like signs of appendicitis! Call for a bus now!" A court officer suddenly yelled over the chaos. "Tell them to hurry its bad!"

Olivia raced forward so she could see Lewis. He was curled up on the floor with his arms wrapped around his waist. He was writhing in pain and she could see he really did look awful. She did noticed his eyes flicker towards her and she was sure the slightest smirk appeared on his face before it was twisted with pain again and he groaned loudly.

"Son-uva-bitch!" she muttered.

"Where the hell is that bus?!" The court officer yelled.

Olivia suddenly found herself being pulled backwards. She could hear Cassidy talking into her ear but she didn't have a clue what he was saying to her. Her mind was racing. It wasn't right...Lewis couldn't do this, he looked like death but that couldn't be it. He couldn't die before justice was served. She wanted him dead but she wanted him to die in prison.

She swatted Cassidy's hands away and barged her way through the crowd. She practically ran from the Court house and down onto the steps. She had to fight her way through the mass of the press who had gathered there. All of them were shouting questions at her. She felt sick and dizzy, really dizzy. Everything was suddenly spinning fast around her. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the questions the reporters were throwing at her. With a loud pop in her ears all the sounds around her suddenly disappeared and the last thing that she saw was the court steps coming towards her face...then everything went black.

~0~0~0~0~

Later that evening

Olivia came round from unconsciousness slowly. She could tell she was lying down on something warm and comfy. She sighed heavily and when she opened her eyes she saw Cassidy sat right beside her, looking right at her his eyes red and puffy.

"Where are we?" she asked as she looked around the unfamiliar room, still feeling a little groggy. Her mouth felt dry and her tongue felt like it was stuck to the top of her mouth..

Cassidy could see this and so passed her a cup of water he had been given, "Here, have some of this." she took a few sips then handed it back to him. It was then Cassidy answered her question, "We're in A&E. You fainted on the court steps and hit your head pretty hard. You were out cold." he said as he gently stroked her face.

Olivia reached up and touched a large welt just below her hair line on her forehead, it felt like it covered her whole forehead, it hurt like hell to touch. She moved her hand away from that and placed it on top of his, it was then she noticed the drip she was attached to. Cassidy watched her study the IV in confusion.

"The Doctor said you were a little dehydrated." he informed her.

"I just...I felt so dizzy and sick when Lewis... Oh my God Lewis! Is he here?" Panic washed over her like a tidal wave.

Cassidy was suddenly lost for words. Something Olivia quickly noticed. She pushed herself up on the hospital bed into a sitting position. "Brian, what is it? What happened? Is he dead?"

"No Liv... Liv, Lewis was faking. On the way to hospital he killed a medic and the guard in the back of the ambulance. He made the other medic drive to a remote location and he killed him too. No one has any idea where he is."

Olivia felt sick again, like the whole room was spinning around her. She held her stomach and groaned in a mixture of mild pain and discomfort. She presumed it was just from feeling so sick, however Cassidy's panicked reaction shocked her.

"Liv, what is it? Why are you holding your stomach?!" he asked as he placed his hand on her stomach below hers.

"I feel sick at the thought of Lewis being free and no one knowing where the hell he is." she snapped, not meaning to.

"You sounded like you were in pain." he said, sheer panic in his voice.

"Brian...?" She was about to ask him why he was acting so weird when another voice suddenly filled the room.

"Olivia, you're awake?" A Doctor said interrupting Olivia as she walked over to her.

Olivia turned to look away from Cassidy who suddenly looked away nervously, his hand brushing over his mouth.

"Yeah..." Olivia replied.

"How are you feeling?" The Doctor asked as she came to a stop beside Olivia's bed and quickly checked her chart.

Olivia wanted to reply but couldn't think how she was feeling so she just shook her head and sighed.

"Has Brian told you the news yet?" the Doctor asked.

"Yeah, its terrible. It's like I'm stuck in a nightmare."

The Doctor looked a little shocked by her words so replied, "Well, if you feel that way you do have options you can consider. There's always abortion..."

"Wait, what!?" Olivia shrieked in confusion, "Abortion! What are you taking about?" Olivia said quickly turning to look at Brian before turning to look at the Doctor again.

"I hadn't got round to telling her about that yet. I told her about Lewis." Brian told the Doctor.

"What do mean abortion...are you saying that I'm...?" Olivia asked, she had to have some answers, her mind was racing and confused.

"I'm sorry, Olivia. I thought Brian had told you. You're pregnant." The Doctor told her.

Olivia turned to face Cassidy then turned to the Doctor again as a horrible thought came into her head. She closed her eyes and tried to prepare herself for the answer to the question she had to ask, "How far along?"

Cassidy took hold of her hand and said, "They did a scan while you were out, as soon as the blood tests showed that you were pregnant..." As he spoke the Doctor walked out to allow them some privacy.

"Is it his baby?" she asked him in a desperate and shaky voice as tears filled her eyes. Her eyes pleaded with his to give her the answer she wanted and needed.

Cassidy smiled and shook his head. He placed his hand on her stomach. "You're over three and half months, Liv. " he told her. "I'm the Daddy." he added in a playful voice, his words making her laugh.

He moved closer to her so he could kiss her before they rested their foreheads against each others, Cassidy being careful not to hurt the angry welt on Olivia's.

"You have no idea how relieved I am that this baby is yours." she said to him after a moment.

"Ours, Liv." he corrected, "It's our baby."

"How did the not find this out when I was here last time?" she thought out loud.

"I think they were a little more concerned with keeping blood in you instead of taking it out for tests. Keeping you alive was their priority." Brian said with a smile.

"This should be the happiest moment of my life but Lewis has taken that from me aswell."

"No he's not. This is the happiest moment of our lives, until the day we get to meet this baby at least, and nothing Lewis has done or could ever do will change it. They're gonna find him and he's going to rot in prison for the rest of his life and you, me and our baby will be fine."

"And what if they don't. I don't know if I can keep this baby safe from him if he comes after me again. I couldn't even keep myself safe last time." Olivia said sadly, hating that Lewis made her feel so weak and vulnerable.

"Yeah you can, Liv. I think you are gonna be one hell of a mom and I think if Lewis does come after you now I think you'd make him regret the day he was born."

Olivia smiled but wasn't sure she felt as confident as Cassidy sounded. She knew she would sure as hell fight for the safety of her unborn child but Lewis was strong and determined and as deadly as a viper. She knew just like a snake he would be waiting for his moment to strike, waiting until she was most vulnerable before he would attack.

~0~0~0~0~

Lewis was sat in a quiet and dingy bar. He was hiding in a corner booth wearing a scruffy pair of jeans, a torn faded green t-shirt and a dirty brown coat. It was all stuff he had stolen from a homeless man after he had suffocated the drunk why he slept. His attack had been to quick for the old man to dodge. Lewis had left him in the alley he had found him in with some scrap cardboard covering his body. Rats would eat most of it before it would be found.

Although the effects of the tablet he had taken in order to escape had mostly worn off he would every now and then get a slight twinge of pain in his stomach. The whiskeys he was downing were helping ease it a little quicker. Of course he had no way of paying the tab he was running up but he would make a run for it before he was asked to pay up.

Every now and then a tall young and leggy blonde would come over and top up his glass. Lewis could tell she liked him, she had a flirty smile and eyes that begged him to fuck her. He fully intended to but not in the way she was thinking and it would sure as hell be her last time when he did. He wanted a warm up before he went after Olivia. The thought of having her again made him grow hard in his pants, uncomfortably so.

"What time do you get off beautiful?" he asked the waitress as she wiped down the spotless table, just so she could hang around Lewis a little longer.

"I have a break in five minutes." she told him with seductive eyes.

"Maybe we could find a quiet back room to chat in, get to know each other a bit better. What do you say beautiful?."

"There's no quiet back rooms here, but I always go out for a cigarette in the back alley on my break. You could join me if you want?"

"It's a date." Lewis said and flashed her a smile.

"Okay, meet you over there in five." she said with a seductive smile before she walked off.

"Slut." he muttered under his breath as he took another swig of whiskey.

As he swirled the woody tasting drink around his mouth he thought back to his escape. It had been so easy, so perfect.

He could feel every bump in the road as the ambulance he was in the back of zoomed along with its sirens blaring. The pain he felt was excruciating but it was a rush too, so was the thought that he would soon be free. He would be free to hunt down the bitch who had tried to send him down...god he would love every moment of the revenge he would have on her.

He lay there, his eyes partly open, pretending to groan in pain as the medic attached him to a drip. He glanced to the side and checked the guards gun was still so carelessly exposed. It really was perfect. He waited until the medic was about to stick him with a needle of some kind before he reached up and grabbed the medics hand, pushing it up so that he stuck the guard in the cheek with the needle. He then sat up, moving as fast as a flash of lightening, and grabbed the gun. One quick shot into the medics face sent him crumbling sideways, a neat hole between his eyes. One more quick shot and the guard joined the young medic on the bus floor.

Lewis quickly ripped the IV line from his arm, ignoring the ooze of blood that escaped, and climbed off the stretcher, he shoved the gun into the back of the other medics neck, the one driving, just as he was reaching for the radio. He was young and Lewis could see the shock and fear on his face.

"Touch that radio and I'll blow your fucking hand off. Do as I say and I'll let you walk out of this ambulance alive."

"Please don't hurt me. My wife just had a baby. Don't let my son grow up without a Dad, I'm begging you."

"Dad's are very important to a son. My Dad was my hero, my inspiration. He made me what I am today."

"I'll do whatever you want." the medic said as he tried to focus on not crashing the bus as fear overwhelmed him.

"Just drive." Lewis told him.

Lewis sat back in the booth and took another swig of whiskey, finishing the glass. He had been telling the truth when he had told the medic about his father. At a young age he had watched his father rape his babysitter and it had been the most thrilling moment of his childhood. It had in fact made him into the man he was today...The Beast.

Unfortunately for the medic his son would not grow up with a father to look up to. Lewis had let him walk away from the ambulance alive just like he had said he would, only to shoot him in the back of the head once he had taken no more than six steps.

A smile spread across his face as he thought about how naive the medic had been, as he wondered how his death would affect his son and his wife. He decided he may look them up to offer his condolences, once he was done with Olivia of course.

At that moment he glanced up and saw the blonde waitress waiting by a door on the far wall. He knew the door would lead out onto the alley. He smiled at the blonde, his signature grin, and then he walked over to her. He wondered if she had any idea that she had just moments left to live and he wondered if when the SVU department picked up the case Olivia would know he was the one responsible...he certainly hoped she would. He wanted to be the one haunting her dreams, making her look over her shoulder all the time. He was her own personal bogeyman and he was going to make sure she knew it.

TBC

Thank you so much for reading. Please review and I will update as quickly as possible. I will be seeing this story through until the end so please don't think I've given up on it.