LC; I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!...with my boyfriend.
Naruto; I didn't know you had a boyfriend.
LC; I've had a crush on him for like a year, and now he finally asked me out!
Sasuke; Your still here why?
LC; Cause the date isn't for another few hours.
Naruto; Then why did you say you were late?
LC;...cause I was watching Alice In Wonderland.
Naruto & Sasuke;...
LC; Don't dis the classics!
Naruto; Whatever.
LC; To crown the queen, we go to chapter thirteen! That rhymes, kinda.
Disclaimer; *Kishimoto glares from torture chair he is strapped to* Give me Naruto! "NEVER!" Please? "NO!" Then I sentence you to death by awesome!
Chapter 13, I spy with my little eye...a sannin?
"Come on brat! How are you going to make a new jutsu if you can't master the second part?" Jaraiya taunted his exhausted student. "What happened to all that demonic stamina?"
"I'll tell you where it went you old pervert." She growled menacingly from the ground. "It went to running after you and training like I was going to be killed if I didn't master this!"
Jaraiya just chuckled and continued poking her with a stick. It was all just harmless fun, until his perv sense started tingling and he poked her boob.
They stared at the motionless stick for several seconds, until. "Pervy sage!" She shouted angrily, instantly smacking her sensei to the next town.
"Kit, I would sleep lightly if I were you." Kyu suggested. No one, especially not an old man, was taking his student's virginity unless she wanted said man to have it.
"Noted." Naru replied, planning on rigging a trap just to be safe.
When they found Jaraiya again, he was in a bar surrounded with women. And there sitting on the table, was Naru's empty froggy wallet.
"Pervy Sage!" She cried desparingly. Jaraiya jumped and turned to see an absolutely fuming Naru. 'Maybe it was a bad idea to use her money.' He pondered as the heart broken girl picked up her wallet.
"You spent, all my money, on your perverted ways!" She roared, launching an immediate attack on the defensless sage. "Have mercy!" He pleaded, hand over crotch in a desperate attempt to protect it from her rage.
When Naru was done, she almost couldn't recognize the now bald frog sage. "That's what happens when you steal my money." She told him, nursing her sore fist.
Who knew that many punches would almost shatter her hand like that?
As the two came to another village where Tsunade was rumored to be, Naru finally managed to master the second phase of the training.
"Yes! I did it!" Alerting everyone within fifty miles that she'd done something. "Good job brat, now just a few more steps and your jutsu will be perfect." Jaraiya said cheerily. He knew the last three steps were always the hardest and it had taken Minato three years to finally finish them.
"Right!" She said eagerly. "What are they?"
Kyubi was chuckling despite himself, give Naru some ramen, she'll love you, give Naru a new jutsu to master, she'll worship you. All those boys who left flowers and chocolates on her doorstep didn't have a chance.
Only reason Kiba had any respect was because he was strong and Naru actually did like him.
"Okay, next, you have to do both step 1 and 2 at the same time, without blowing it all up in your face." Jaraiya explained patiently.
She was about to continue the training when she realized they'd reached the next village already. "Well, I have to go do some research." Jaraiya announced, eyeing a pretty girl who was shooting him bedroom eyes. "I'll just get you a room in that hotel and see you later, alright?"
"Whatever pervy sage." She said, noticing the same girl.
No sooner had Jaraiya left his student in her room, then there was a tapping on the window. It was a special code she and a long lost friend of her's had created several years ago, but she remembered every part.
"Did he follow me here?" She asked herself, opening the window and taking a step back.
Who other than Itachi Uchiha would be standing in her motel room? "Nice to see you too, Naru-san." He smiled, it was small, but it was definetly a smile!
"So what do I owe the pleasure?" She asked him politely.
"It seems Orochimaru has confronted Tsunade about healing his arms." He always went straight to the point, no time for pleasantries. "What's more, the akutsuki is going to lay low for a while. This mission I am on is to kidnap you while your still weak. However, they intend to go into hiding right after."
Naru slowly nodded her head in acceptance. "I can't wait for this chirade to end." She sighed sadly.
"You and me both." Itachi nodded in defeat. He'd been ordered to kill his clan, then join akutsuki to work as a spy, talk about a crappy life.
Itachi left via window, leaving Naru and Kyu to their thoughts. "Kit, how do you think Sasuke would react if you let slip why Itachi really killed his clan?"
Naru thought about it for a minute. "One of two things would happen. A; He doesn't believe me. Or B; he does believe me and forgives Itachi." It was as simple as that. Though he no longer actively sought power for revenge, he hadn't forgiven his brother by a long shot.
Somewhere in the village, Sasuke sneezed as he continued running, trying to find his teammate before it was too late.
Four hours later, Naru was so bored she was considering blowing something up just for the heck of it. 'I'm turning into a pyromaniac.' She noticed inwardly.
Not having anything better to do, she began to train in her mindscape with Kyu. "Your still moving Kit." Kyubi was training her to become a fox sage, she couldn't wait! Renewing her efforts to not move, she began training.
"Still the slightest quiver." Kyu commented smugly. He'd placed a bet that she could never master not moving. Considering who he was dealing with, it could very well be the best bet of his life!
(Seriously, how many people think Naru could ever sit still, perfectly still, for four hours?)
Her eyes snapped open when someone knocked on her door. Already knowing who it was, she sighed tiredly. "What's wrong pervy sage?" She called, pretending she thought it was Jaraiya. "She dump you already?"
Opening the door, she gasped. Yep, none other than Itachi and some shark guy stood in front of the door. "Uh, sorry, I think you have the wrong room." She stuttered adorably, trying to close the door.
Itachi grabbed the door with his hand and pushed it open. "Your coming with us." His voice was so monotonous it was annoying!
"Um, sorry I'm not suppossed to talk to strangers." I told them, backing away slowly, hand itching for kunai or tags, or whatever the hell could be defined as pointy.
"Hey Itachi, it'll be troublesome if the kid tries running away." Sharky pointed out. "How bout I chop off her legs for good measure?"
Um, no. Naru was very fond of her legs thank you very much. She didn't want them chopped off. Knowing Itachi, he wouldn't let him do that, but you never knew, besides, she had a part to play.
"Um, better idea!" She told the shark guy with the huge sword. "I kick your butts, you run home crying, and we call it a day! Sound good?"
"Sorry brat!" He said, raising his sword. Before he brought it down though, he triggred the trap Naru had rigged for Jaraiya. Meaning there was pink and orange paint, and many sparkles involved.
"What the hell is this?" Sharky roared, slipping and falling in the mess on the floor as sparkles rained from the sky. Naru sniggered, trying desperatly not to laugh at the pink and ornage S-rank missing nin in front of her, and failing. Miserably.
"AHAHAHAHAAA!" She roared finally, giving up the fight and taking a quick snap shot of the incident. "Oh it hurts! Mercy! Oh it hurts!" She moaned, falling to the ground in fits of laughter.
"You little brat I'm gonna KILL YOU!" He wasn't very intimidating now that he was also all sparkly. Upon seeing this, Naru burst into another set of laughs.
"Oh, oh, can't breathe!" She gasped. "Need air!"
Itachi meanwhile, was making a mental note to get a copy of the picture later. His normally stoic face now was a grimace as he waged war on laughter. He wasn't cold hearted, but he rarely found anything funny, this was one of those rare things.
Naru finally calmed herself down by imagining a naked Orochimaru on a cold day. Yeah, that could sober anyone up real quick.
"Listen fish boy, maybe you should get cleaned up." She suggested, sniggering. "I mean, do you really want everyone to see you covered in paint and sparkles?" He had not seen the camera, thankfully, this meant she got to keep black mail stuff!
Plus, how often would she get a chance to prank S-rank criminals?
Yeah, not often! She would not let this oppurtunity pass her by!
He raised his sword again, but just as he began to bring it down, Naru dissappeared in a poof of smoke. "Up here!" Like a stupid idiot, he looked upward.
Naru was squating down on the ceiling, and when he looked up, she sprayed him in the eyes with pepper spray!
"GGGAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" He screamed in pain, dropping his sword. "ITACHI KILL THAT BRAT!"
Itachi by now had regained control over his face and attacked the girl taking pictures on the ceiling.
At one point, they knocked her out the door and into the hall. Didn't matter though, cause the only reason they'd caught her like that was so she could drop copies of the pictures in Itachi's pockests.
What she was not expecting, was to see a furious Sasuke with sharingan blazing standing in front of the stairs and gasping for breath. "Um, hey Sasuke." She must have looked a sight, upside down against the wall with her legs hanging down around her face.
She got up again just as the shark guy charged out of the hotel room. The once serious face of the young Uchiha, turned to a smirking, sniggering one. "What are you laughing at brat!" Oh, he was not angry, he was pissed.
Naru took this chance to throw some kunai at his front, while a clone snuck up behind him and safety pinned a kick me sign on his back, dispelling itself afterward, enveloping the shark dude in smoke.
"And he was pink and orange and covered in sparkles, why?" Sasuke sniggered, unable to keep a straight face, but hey, at least he wasn't rolling on the ground in hysterics either!
"Um, he triggered a trap I'd set up for pervy sage?" She offered, making the seals for another few clones. "And then I blinded him with pepper spray, and stuck a kick me sign on his back?"
Sasuke made a mental note never to make Naru angry, imagine if she got a picture of him looking like that! Oh, the humanity! "Well then, it's no wonder he's angry, no, pissed is the word I meant to say." He corrected himself absently.
When the smoke cleared, it revealed the newest touch to this prank, flowers drawn with a permanant marker all over his face! Naru and Sasuke looked at him for a few seconds, then exchanged a look, then burst into laughter.
Unable to resist, Naru brought her camera back out and took about ten snap shots. "I'm gonna make a fortune!" She cried all the while, poor Sharky (I forgot his name btw) was fuming now!
Naru could actually see smoke climbing from his ears, and his blue face was turning red, fast.
(I'm not writing the rest, you know, the fight between Sasuke, Itachi, and the scene where Jaraiya comes in. I'm skipping straight to where Gai is about to leave for the Leaf village! Otherwise I won't finish!)
"Well, I'll be going now my youthful friends!" Shouted the green beast of the Leaf with his hundred watt smile and good duy pose. "But before I go! I have a youthful present for the youthful flower that is Naru-chan! The beautiful flames of youth shall shine all the brighter with this youthful gift!"
Jaraiya blinked. How many times had he just used the word youthful? Like, eight? What was he saying any way?
Naru saw her sensei's confusion and decided to translate. "He's saying he has a present for me." She explained.
And lo and behold, out came the horrible, orange, spandex of death! "It was customized specifically for the orange flames of youth Naru-chan favors! Her flames shall burn with the intensity of the Sun with such a youthful piece of cloth!" He yelled at them, of course, yelling was his normal level. "Behold! Lee-kun became strong in this same youthful package!"
"He's talking about how it'll make me stronger." Naru translated.
It was the very thing she had feared, the orange spandex! When Gai finally left, she held the offensive clothing like it would bite her.
"Where'd you learn to speak youthful-ese?" Jaraiya inquired.
"Tenten gave me lessons." She explained.
"Your not going to wear that, are you?" Jaraiya knew fairly well Naru would do almost anything to get stronger, and she did like orange.
"Are you kidding me?" She sounded hysterical. "This thing is the very thing that's been giving me nightmares since Gai said he was going to get me one! If I had to go up against a living orange spandex, I woud run away before the fight began! And you ask me if I'm going to wear it!"
Later that same day, the burned the offensive cloth in some hobo's fire. Naru shuddered in memory of the horrible thing. "I'm going to have nightmares until I turn thirty." She predicted.
At the next village, they decided to go to a pub for a bite to eat. Naru stopped outside the door. "I am a thirteen year old girl." She told Jaraiya. "Are you trying to corrupt me or something? I'm underaged!"
"Relax!" Jaraiya scolded her. "No ones telling you to drink! You can get some water or something! Besides, places like these are good for gathering information!"
No sooner had they walked in, then they realized it had been a good idea. "TSUNADE!" "JARAIYA!"
As they waited semipatiently for the food and drink to arrive, Jaraiya handed out some cards to Tsunade. "So what brings you here?" She asked calmly, picking up her hand.
"I'll cut to the chase." Jaraiya said. "The village Hidden in the Leaves has made it's desicion, Tsunade, you've been named the fifth hokage. Old man Sarutobi was killed, by Orochimaru."
Naru didn't fail to notice the way Tsunade's eyes widened at the mention of their old teammate. "Will you take the job?" He asked carefully.
Sighing, Tsunade put down her hand of cards. "Impossible, I decline." She said calmly. "Hokage is a fool's job! Sarutobi-sensei should have known better, playing the hero at his age!"
This woman was ticking Naru off faster than Jaraiya! Her eyes flashing purple, she stood up and slapped one hand onto the table.
"Don't you dare disrespect the old man!" She growled ferally. "You wanna take this outside brat?" Tsunade challenged her, bad mistake, if Naru's smirk of evil was anything to go by.
Now they stood facing eachother outside, carefully observing the other. "Let me ask you something brat, what makes you so touchy about Hokage?" Tsunade asked, hoping to distract the brat.
Naru smirked again, never taking her eyes off her opponent. "Because unlike you that's my goal! Just watch, someday I'll be Hokage! Remember this, to be Hokage, that is my dream!"
She threw some tagged kunai at Tsunade, but the medic nin saw the brightly coloured tags and jumped up to avoid the blast. To her amazement, they were only decoys.
Below her, Naru was making a rasengan, ready for when Tsunade fell back down to Earth. 'There's no way a kid could master the rasengan!' Tsunade cried inwardly.
Tsunade could see that this would be trouble if it hit her, so she drew out some senbon and aimed carefully. Naru barely dodged the attack, but ended up dropping the rasengan, canceling it out effectively.
After that Tsunade came down in a super powered axe kick, which Naru dodged just in time. On impact, several rocks flew up, one of them striking the still air born Uzumaki.
She landed on the ground hard, Tsunade walked over to her and was surprised to find the girl was concious and grinning. 'Maybe I should check her sanity.' Tsunade pondered, about to knock the kid out with a punch.
With speed and agility none could match, Naru avoided the blow and landed on the roof of another building. "Is all you can do, run away?" Tsunade taunted, trying to anger her.
"Nope!" Naru answered happily, clearly enjoying herself. "Wanna see what else I can do Grandma?"
"DON't CALL ME THAT!" Just as Naru had hoped, the blood had all rushed to straight to the sannin's head. When Tsunade got in a lucky hit, it turned out to be a clone, every time! It was starting to piss her off.
Suddenly, out of absolutely nowhere, Tsunade felt chills race on her spine. 'I got a bad feeling about this.' She couldn't find the brat, she'd just vanished.
Suddenly there was a bright red flash and the medic nin felt something ram into her stomach. She grunted as she was tossed like a rag doll ten feet away. (HIRAISHIN! YAY!)
There with fist outstretched, stood the Leaf's number one most unpredictable ninja. "Don't underestimate me!" She warned. Tsunade climbed to her feet and growled at the annoying pest. "I'm Naru Uzumaki, genin level kunoichi of the village Hidden in the Leaves, and the future Hokage!"
Naru charged the sannin, kunai in hand. Tsunade threw several kunai, forcing Naru to jump into the air like before. This time, she threw several tagged kunai mixed with a few senbon to catch her off guard.
On the side lines, Jaraiya and Shizune were placing bets on who would win. Jaraiya felt bad for doubting his former teammate, but betting on the underdog usually payed off.
After several more barely avoided kicks and punches, Tsunade finally got inside Naru's guard and knocked her flying through a wall and half way through a second one.
"Little fool, as if you could beat a sannin." Tsunade gloated, though she had to admit (To herself anyway) the kid had come close to getting her a few times. Naru groaned and looked up to face the approaching sannin. Her vision was blurry, but she wanted to say one thing before passing out. "Just wait a while, I'll be the next hokage, bet on it."
Tsunade caught her as she fell, and that's when she saw the curse mark on her shoulder where the cloth had ripped. "Heh, you did good brat."
/THE END!\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
LC; TA DA!
Naruto; SWEET! I almost creamed grandma Tsunade!
Sasuke; Why couldn't you put in my fight?
LC; Cause then I wouldn't have been able to fit this one in, plus I don't like shark guy.
Sharky; You couldn't at least remember my name?
LC; No, what is it?
Sharky; It's Kisame!
Itachi; Can I still have a copy of that photo?
LC; Sure!
Kisame; Itachi you traitor!
LC; Next time on a Kunoichi's tail! Naru's got a bet going with Tsunade! Can she possibly completely master the chakra sealing technique? If so, what crazy way will Naru think of doing it? And what happens when she one again comes face to face with the same monster who put the curse mark on her? Will Orochimaru make off with his next vessel? Or will he get his butt handed to him on a silver platter?