Alice Tetch opened the door to her and Arleen's apartment, putting Dinah down and flicking on the lights. She found the note from Arleen, read it, and then went into the kitchen, turning the kettle on.
"It's just you and me for tea tonight, Dinah," she said as the cat followed her into the kitchen, rubbing itself against the doorframe. "Arleen is visiting her parents."
Dinah miaowed. "Yes, it is odd to think about visiting one's parents," agreed Alice as she poured the boiling water into a teapot. "Arleen is very fortunate to still be able to visit them. Mine went to Wonderland a long time ago, you know. And someday Uncle Jervis and I will join them there. It will be quite the frabjous day."
Dinah miaowed again. "You do know what that is, Dinah, don't be absurd," retorted Alice, pouring milk from a carton into a small pitcher, and a saucer. "I've read you that poem many times. You must learn to listen. It's the day the Jabberwocky is slain. Or as we call the Jabberwocky, the Batman."
She placed the saucer down on the ground and Dinah began lapping up the milk. "The Jabberwocky's head gets cut off," murmured Alice, petting her gently. "Snicker-snack. The same thing will happen to the Batman, I promise you, Dinah."
She stood up, pouring the tea into a cup. "If only I knew where to find him," she muttered. "But he's so terribly elusive. The only way to attract him is to harm innocent people, and I couldn't do anything like that. I'm a good little girl. And going around hurting innocent people is not any way for a young lady to behave."
Dinah purred. "I know Arleen does it, but she is not a proper young lady," retorted Alice as she poured milk into her tea and stirred it. "I like her very much, of course, but she clearly has no idea of how young ladies ought to behave. She does not know etiquette," she murmured, sipping her tea with her pinky raised. "And if one does not know etiquette, one might as well be a savage," she said. "There is nothing more appalling than ill manners."
She suddenly whirled around and threw the hot tea at the face of the man standing behind her. "And sneaking up on a young lady is a most ill-mannered thing to do!" she hissed.
"I'm…sorry," stammered Damian, who had ducked just in time to avoid the scalding tea colliding with his face. Heeding Arleen's advice, he was wearing civilian clothes rather than a Batman costume this time, and from the homicidal and slightly psychotic look in Alice's eyes, he was very glad he wasn't.
"What are you doing in here?" demanded Alice. "I warn you not to touch me – any attempt to violate me will be met with extreme resistance, and result in your well-deserved demise!" she said, seizing a carving knife from the washing rack and pointing it at him.
"Look, I…don't mean any harm," said Damian, holding up his hands. "I'm just looking for Leenie."
"Why?" snapped Alice.
"I'm a friend," he said.
"Friend?" she repeated. "Arleen has no friends to my knowledge."
"She's never mentioned a Damian Wayne?" asked Damian.
Alice's arm relaxed a little. "Yes," she said, slowly. "Yes, she has."
She put the knife down. "Why did you break in here? There is a door, and its purpose is to let in visitors. It's terribly cruel of you to deprive a door of its purpose, you know."
"Um…sorry," stammered Damian. "It's just…erm…I wouldn't want certain people to know that we're together."
"Why?" demanded Alice. "Although I agree it is terribly improper for a young man to be in a young lady's flat without a chaperone. If anyone found out that we were having this conversation alone, it would be most scandalous. You are risking the ruin of my reputation, sir."
"Erm…right," agreed Damian. "It's just…uh…certain members of my family…and hers…don't approve of our friendship. So I thought it best that I keep my visits a secret…Alice, is it?"
"You may call me Miss Tetch," she retorted. "A young man may not address a young lady by her Christian name having only made her acquaintance two minutes ago."
"O…K," said Damian slowly. "I was actually hoping you'd be here too – Leenie told me about what…happened to your parents."
"Did she?" asked Alice. "She must know it is terribly rude to gossip about people behind their backs."
"I think she thought…I could help," said Damian. "Um…I've dedicated my life to…uh…researching Batman. I know him very well, probably better than anyone alive. And…er…I just wanted to talk to you about your…encounter with him."
Alice looked at him coldly. "Do you?" she muttered. "It is terribly forward of you to ask such things, and it's a terribly morbid discussion to have over tea. I would rather not," she said, pouring herself another cup.
"Look, I'm really hoping I can help catch whoever did this…" began Damian.
"Why? So you can kill him?" demanded Alice, turning to face him. She sipped her tea carefully. "That honor will be mine."
"Erm…no, I don't believe in killing people," replied Damian.
"Then you are as foolish as Batman himself," retorted Alice. "And I do not need any assistance from foolish people. You may go. Miss Joker is not here – she is visiting her parents. And I have nothing further to say to you."
Damian saw that talking to her was useless, and sighed. "Well, if you do change your mind about talking or if you remember anything that might be helpful, would you give me a call?" he asked. "You…uh…can work phones, right?"
Alice gave him a glance of withering contempt. "My guardian is Jervis Tetch, the man who invented mind control," she muttered. "I am intimately familiar with far more advanced technological systems than a telephone."
"Good," said Damian, handing her a card. "Well…ah…nice meeting you, Miss Tetch. See you around."
Dinah hissed at him as he left. Alice sipped her tea, sighing. "The presumption of young men these days, Dinah, is absolutely shocking," she muttered. "Letting themselves into a young lady's flat, with no consideration for her reputation. They must be mad."
She picked up the teapot and cup and then left the kitchen, heading into the living room with Dinah following her. She put the tea things down on the table, and then suddenly straightened up.
"I thought I told you to go…" she began, but she was suddenly seized from behind, and her arm bent back.
"Sorry, sweetheart, it's a shame I gotta do this," hissed a voice in her ear as she suddenly felt a knife blade held against her cheek. It cut down slowly and Alice screamed in pain. "It's hard to kill someone so pretty, like I told your Mom. Such a waste. But I gotta finish the job…"
The voice suddenly cried out in pain as Dinah attacked him, releasing Alice's arm. Alice whirled around and froze in shock when she saw who her attacker was. It was Batman.
"You!" she gasped. She instantly recovered herself, seizing the teapot and throwing it at him. The china shattered, spilling scalding water all over him. He shouted again as Alice raced for the kitchen, grabbing the carving knife again and rushing back out.
Dinah was sitting calmly licking her paws, and the window was open. Batman had disappeared.
Alice stared around wildly, panting in terror. She suddenly felt something hot dripping down her face and touched her cheek, which was bleeding heavily. "Curiouser and…curiouser," she stammered.
She grabbed the telephone and dialled a number. "Hello?" said a voice on the other end.
"Uncle…Uncle Jervis," stammered Alice, tears pooling in her eyes.
"Alice, my love, what is it? What's wrong?" asked Tetch, his voice rising in panic at the tone of hers.
"I…I need you, Uncle," she murmured. "He was here and I…didn't kill him. I…I…didn't kill him. He tried to kill me, but I didn't kill him. I failed…"
"I'm on my way, my angel," he interrupted. "I'll be with you in five minutes. Try to remain calm. I love you."
"I love you too, Uncle," she whispered. She hung up the phone and curled up on the sofa. Dinah climbed up and began purring in her arms. She stroked her absently as the blood dripped from her cheek. "Damian Wayne," she murmured. "Curiouser and curiouser…"