Whew, sorry it took so long to get this chapter up! I'm back in the game again and will be pumping out chapters again like before!
OC Facts:
Phillip's best friend in his squad, besides Whinny, is Connie.
Whinny and Phillip graduated together from the same Cadet Squad, but they never really spoke to eachother before being assigned to Jean's Squad together.
Sigrid's parents died because they volunteered for the first mission to reclaim Wall Maria, not knowing it was simply a plan to thin population. They were very idealistic people, just like their daughter.
Kasia doesn't remember her own parents, but she knows she came from the northernmost part of Wall Maria. Perhaps all the people of that region were people of her color before that segment of the territory was lost?
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Jean scanned his squad as they sat in the mess hall surrounded by Garrison soldiers and other Scout squads, his tawny eyes taking in each of their faces as he tried to get a read on their emotions.
Whinny's arm was in a sling and she was bruised and had several healing cuts on her visible skin, but her eyes were bright and she was talking animatedly to a dark haired Garrison soldier about her first Titan kill.
Phillip was watching Whinny out of the corner of his eyes as he drank deeply from his tin cup, he'd eaten so quickly and ravenously when they'd gotten their food that it had somewhat surprised Jean. Hopefully it was assign of his comrade's new desire to live…considering Phillip had always been more of the type to pick at his food and eat very little.
Connie was his usual self, chatty and cracking jokes and laughing easily. He didn't seem fazed by their first day of their new job.
Sasha was sneaking pieces of food from her boyfriend's plate since she had already polished hers off with the speed of a starving lion. Nothing off kilter here.
Armin was silent and when Jean looked at him he was shocked to see Armin's eyes were studying him closely…just as close as Jean was studying the others. Of course, Armin was worried about him.
"Don't worry about me, Armin," he said, nodding in understanding of his second in command's unspoken question, "I'm fine. I got a little shaken up out there with Phillip and Whinny but…we're all alive and I guarantee that won't be the last close call we have out there."
"It doesn't change the fact that you had to make a very difficult call yesterday," Armin said quietly, "It was the right call, Jean, but I know it was hard on you. Whinny understands…but are you going to be ok with your choice?"
"I have to be," Jean replied unhappily, resting his chin on his palm, "It was the only call I could make. Never risk your entire squad for the life of one of them. It sounds so simple when you say it to yourself…but it's not. It's not simple at all, it's terrible."
"You made a call," Eren's voice was quiet from beside Jean, and his shoulders automatically tensed up in anticipation of some sort of remark that would surely rub him the wrong way, but Eren's tone was thoughtful and distant, "We all have to make difficult choices sometimes…we'll never know until the moment is past if we chose right or not."
What was that? Did Eren Jaeger just make a comment that sounded well thought out and not stupid or suicidal? Jean lifted his chin from his palm and looked at the soldier at his side with interest, wondering if he had more to say on the matter.
"From what I heard, you made the right choice out there, Jean," Eren continued, "You're a quick thinker, good at reading the whole picture and not just your own feelings. I envy that…I wish I had that ability more times than I can even say. Maybe…maybe they would be here right now…if I had."
Ah, the old Levi Squad, Jean realized the reason for Eren's quiet thoughtfulness. Jean had only met the four acclaimed veterans a few times in his first weeks as a Scout, before the utter failure of the 57th recon mission, before their untimely deaths…but he remembered well Eren's respect for them and his many comments on their skill and kill counts. Eren had never been the same after their deaths…something about it was too hard for the dark haired soldier to retell and Jean had honestly never really cared enough to ask. But now he was curious as to why Eren was so deeply affected by it.
"It wasn't your fault they died, was it?" Shit. Why did everything he say to Eren come out like that? Harsh and cruel even now as he sat there feeling sorry for him! He waited for Eren to reply hotly and maybe even throw a punch…but his bright green eyes just turned to meet his own and he saw the truth shining from them in the form of unshed tears.
"Yes," he whispered quietly.
Honestly, it was not the answer Jean had expected and he was dumbstruck.
"Eren…" Armin's voice was soothing, he reached out for his best friend's hand across the table but Eren shook his head and leaned back.
"I'm sure it was nothing you did," Jean tried his best to lend his voice to the attempt of comfort, "You were just graduated from the Cadets…what could you have done?"
"I could have transformed," Eren whispered, "I could have weakened her at least…they would have been able to take her down if she was distracted. I shouldn't have listened to Petra!"
Oh…so that was it.
"Never let anyone else change your mind from what you know you need to do, Jean," Eren stood up from the table quickly and turned to leave, "The choice is yours and yours alone. At least if you fail you'll know you did the best you could."
Jean and Armin watched Eren's retreating back, both lost in their own thoughts.
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"Word has it your first day went well, no casualties," Sigrid commented as she and Jean walked along the streets of Karanese the next day. There was no proceeding with the wall building until Eren had recovered from his previous day's work so the Scouts were all free to take the day to recharge and relax before the next trip outside the Wall, so Sigrid had come to visit her friends…knowing full well every visit could be the last time she saw them.
"That's right, no losses," Jean replied, his voice bitter, "But hardly any progress either, at this rate it's going to take longer than the year we first thought. Eren can only do so much if we don't want to risk him assimilating with his Titan form. Not that it wouldn't an improvement on his looks."
Sigrid giggled. Jean said things sometimes that made her wonder how he had ever earned his Squad's respect. He could be so crass sometimes, his words harsh and not well thought out before spoken. But it was just one of those things you got used to after being around him for a while, if you looked past his harsh way of saying things, there was usually a good point behind it…he really needed to work on his consideration for other people if he planned on moving any further up the ladder of leadership.
"Oh, hush," she told him with a roll of her eyes, "You and I both know you respect Eren Jaeger."
"I don't respect that little twerp," Jean insisted hotly, "He's been a pain in my ass since day one and he always will be!"
"I think you talk big, Jean Kirschstein, but deep down you would kill for Eren," Sigrid commented, looking off towards a shop that caught her eye. It was a few moments before she realized Jean had fallen completely silent and she turned to look at him and found him staring down at the ground, his brows scrunched tightly together as his tightly clenched jaw twitched. Oh…that had not been the right thing to say!
"I have," he said quietly after a long time, surprising Sigrid with the darkness of his tone.
"Everyone has killed Titans," Sigrid attempted to soothe him, wondering why he looked so upset all of a sudden.
"Not Titans," Jean replied grimly.
"Oh."
Honestly, Sigrid didn't know how to reply to that. She had heard of the quick upriding that had taken place among the Scouts against the central government and the corrupt Military Police members…but she had never heard Jean or any of his squad speak of it so she assumed they hadn't had to take part in it much. Apparently she had been dead wrong.
"You were involved in the government takeover?" she asked quietly.
"I am close friend to Queen Historia," Jean admitted, a fact that made Sigrid almost fall over in shock, "I was a member of the Levi Squad up until this assignment, we were on the front line of the uprising. I killed human beings, Sigrid."
This news should affect her. She should be seeing him as a darker, crueler person. She should be running away from such a problematic individual…but, instead, she felt herself being drawn closer into his life, wanting to be a bigger part of it, wanting to soothe and comfort him and wanting to assure him he wasn't the monster he seemed to see himself as.
"Did it need to be done?" she asked simply.
"What?" he looked up at her in surprise.
"Did it need to be done to save Eren? You said you killed for him, so I'm assuming he was in trouble?" Sigird was surprised by herself, how calmly she was handling this revelation. But she was glad she felt how she did because Jean was looking at her with a sort of hopeful expression.
"Yes," he replied, the word coming out more as a sigh than anything, "He was kidnapped. I…can't really go into details for confidentiality reasons but his life was in very real danger, Historia's too."
"Then don't regret it. You did what you had to do to save your friend and our queen."
"Seems like I regret a lot of thing people tell me I shouldn't," Jean pondered unhappily.
"Let's just take a day and forget about regrets, yeah?" Sigrid suggested, tired of seeing the look of unhappiness clouding his handsome features, she wanted to see him smile, hear his laughter, catch that look of relaxed happiness in his beautiful tawny eyes. "It's your day off, let's do something to take your mind off the stress and worries. We have the whole city of Karanese at our disposal!"
"What would you suggest?" Jean asked, seeming grateful for her suggestion.
"How about we go grab some food and have a picnic on a roof somewhere?" Sigrid suggested happily, "And then we can comment on people passing by like I know you love and after that we can take a walk on the Wall and watch the sun set?"
"Have you ever been on the Wall?" Jean asked her, cocking his head slightly.
Sigrid blushed and ducked her head.
"Alright, you caught me," she admitted with a giggle, "I am using you to get me up there. I always wondered what it is about them that makes Kasia so eager to be a part of the Garrison. She told me once that nothing compares to the view from up there…apparently it's breathtaking."
"If you want to get up on the Wall, we can definitely do that," Jean assured her with a half smile.
"Picnic first?"
"Picnic first."
They headed for the nearest market and purchased enough for a modest meal for the both of them, Sigrid splurged a bit and bought them a small strip of pulled taffy to share after they ate. They carefully wrapped their purchases in a cloth and scouted around for a roof suitable for their picnicking needs, selecting one that was flat on top rather than the usual slanted terra cotta tiled kind. They spoke to the inhabitant of the house and were granted permission to go up, probably because Jean was in uniform and full ODM gear.
"This is perfect," Sigrid said as she laid out the food on their cloth and settled down with her legs crossed at the edge of the roof, looking down into the street, "It's a pretty busy section of town with lots of people to see."
Jean sat beside her, letting his legs dangle over the edge. At first they ate in silence, the only sounds were of them chewing and swallowing and the regular bustling street market sounds below, until Sigrid spoke up.
"See that guy in the tan vest with the grey shirt?" she asked, pointing with the piece of bread she was about to eat, "How much you want to bet he bumps into the back of that wagon?"
"Are you kidding? Why would he do that?" Jean rolled his eyes, "I'll be the last cherry tomato he doesn't."
Sigrid eyed the aforementioned tomato on their makeshift picnic "blanket" and nodded.
"You're on," she said with a grin, and she turned her head to watch the man down on the street, "Three…two…one…"
And Jean's jaw dropped in utter disbelief when the man suddenly looked off to the side and ran smack into the back of the wagon, making an "oof" sound and sitting hard on his butt in the dirt. He stood quickly and brushed himself off before scurrying away as fast as he could.
"How the hell…?"
Sigrid didn't answer right away, she was too busy chewing on the last cherry tomato, grinning widely as she did.
"You're observation skill need work, Jean," she said when she had swallowed, "You obviously didn't notice the drop dead gorgeous lady in the green dress that was heading his way. He was looking at her the whole time…so much that he wasn't looking where he was going."
Jean gaped at her and shook his head with a laugh.
"You're unbelieveable," he said with much amusement, "Well, ok, let me observe for a moment then."
He watched the crowd down below and then snapped his fingers as a thought came to him.
"Wanna play a game?" he asked with a smile bright as the sun its self, "My mom and dad used to play this with me. I pick something and I tell you a clue, then you have to find it."
"You're on!"
"Ok," Jean peered down from the roof and squinted his eyes, looking for the perfect item, "I see something…round."
"The wheel on that cart?" Sigrid pointed.
"Nope!"
"That little kid's ball?"
"Nu uh."
"The O on that market sign?"
"Good guess, but wrong."
Sigrid contemplated hard but came up with nothing and she threw her hands up in defeat.
"The watermelons," Jean said, grinning with triumph.
"Those aren't round, Jean!" Sigrid groaned, "Did you fail shapes and colors in school?"
Jean gave her an angry, squinty look and then crossed his arms over his chest, turning his nose up in fake insult.
"Fine, your turn, you mean woman," he said with a huff.
"I'll give you a real clue and make it easier on you," Sigrid teased as she scanned the crowd, "I see something yellow."
"The squash at the market."
"Dang it!"
They continued their game for quite some time and Sigrid was glad to see her plan of distraction had worked, Jean was laughing easily and enjoying himself for the first time in a long time…actually the first time since she'd known him, really. She'd never seen him so much at ease before now.
"Getting close to sunset," his comment broke her from her thoughts and she looked up at the sky to see that he was right. He stood up beside her and offered her a hand to help her up to her feet, which she accepted graciously, enjoying the feel of his strength as she was pulled up.
"We'll never make it to the lifts by the gate in time to see the sunset," she said sadly, annoyed at herself for letting the time get away from her.
"Who needs lifts?" Jean gave her a playful wink and he tapped the ODM case at his right hip.
Sigrid felt a wave of nauseous fear wash over her. The thought of scaling the wall with only two small wires keeping them from falling to their deaths was not an appealing one, she preferred to keep her feet on solid and reliable things…like the ground.
"I…I…don't…" she stuttered, trying to convey to him her discomfort.
"You scared?" Jean looked surprised, "Sigrid Wolfe, a woman who can face a committee full of man-eating officials in full confidence is afraid of a little climb up a wall?"
"Shut up," Sigrid moaned, burying her face in her hands, "It's just…I have a hard time trusting something that could potentially break!"
"Not my gear," Jean assured her, "No way. I triple check this stuff every day, every last inch of it. Now, do you want to see the view from the Wall before the sun sets or not? We have to go now if you do."
And she did, she very much did. So they soon found themselves at the foot of the Wall, their heads tossed back to look up at the sheer height of the massive structure, it was indeed a dizzying sight and Sigrid was beginning to second guess herself as Jean approached her with his arms wide open.
"Just put your arms around my neck and hold onto my sides with your knees," he told her, "Don't get your dress in the moving parts. It'll be fine, we have to carry eachother sometimes in the field so this is nothing new. Connie carried Armin once through the entire town of Trost DURING a battle so this will be a piece of cake."
The idea of wrapping her arms around Jean's neck and being that close to him was too nice of an image to resist and Sigrid found herself pressing her face into the junction of his neck and shoulder tightly as he prepared to launch his anchor for the ascent. Was it her imagination of did he shiver a little bit when she rubbed her nose along his neck as she turned her head to peek over his shoulder?
"Just, uh, just hold on and don't panic," he told her quickly, his voice sounding a bit strained to her for some reason, "If you get scared just close your eyes, we'll be at the top before you know it."
And that was all the warning she got before the sound of zipping wire filled her ears and she felt her feet leave the ground. At first she clenched her eyes shut, but then she allowed them to open slightly. The ground was already so far away and her vision tilted in a sickening way as she looked down.
"Oh, shit!" she squealed softly, to herself more than anything. It was horrifying, the sensation in her stomach as they rose higher and higher, swinging slightly as he unhooked one side and then the other...but there was also something about this that was wonderful as much as it was terrifying. She felt almost as if they were flying on wings instead of wires, the whistle of the wind in her ears was thrilling…and the warm, solid feeling of Jean against her was intoxicating. For the last moments of the climb, she took the opportunity to savor the feeling of him, taking in his scent as she buried her face into his neck yet again, her intention no longer out of fear, but out of appreciation for him as a very fine member of the male species.
"You, uh, you can let go now, Sig," Jean's voice sounded slightly uncomfortable and Sigrid pulled away quickly when she realized her feet were planted on something solid once again. They had reached the top of the Wall. Only seconds had passed, but it felt like a beautiful lifetime.
"That was scary," she whispered as she stepped back from him, her legs shaking…it was only half of a lie. She honestly wanted to do it again.
"Yeah, it's something you have to get used to," he agreed and then he nodded behind her, "I believe that's what Kasia wants you to see for yourself."
And when Sigrid turned around, her heart soared with a whole new sensation at the sight before her. Green hills as far as the eye could see, the river that ran through Karanese stretching out until it disappeared in the distant haze of the horizon, speckles of darker green that Sigrid knew were trees made the land look like it had a weird case of chicken pox. Fat, puffy cloud cast shadows on the ground far below as they drifted lazily over the endless expanse of blue…it was more space than Sigrid had ever seen in her life, more land than she ever dreamed existed.
"Oh…" she whispered, "So…this is…the world…"
"That's it," Jean said simply, leaning to one side and crossing his arms.
"It's so beautiful," Sigrid breathed, taking in every bit to commit to memory, "And you've been out there? What's…what's it like?"
"Dangerous," Jean grumbled, but then he looked down and saw her awed expression and he smiled gently, "But…it's beautiful too. Worth fighting for."
"If we could go out there," she said softly, "We…we would never go hungry. Never."
Jean nodded in agreement and they fell silent, each lost in their own thoughts. The sun was setting fast, casting rays of brightly colored light along the vast distance, like a painting only it was more beauty than a brush could ever capture and Sigrid wondered if anything would ever be this beautiful to her ever again…surely anything within the Walls would fall short of this.
"No wonder Kasia wants to be up here," she mused quietly.
"Someday," Jean said softly, and Sigrid never did know if he was speaking to her or to himself, "We'll take it all back."
And, standing the in the last rays of the sun's dying light, Sigrid believed him.
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