Disclaimer: I don't own Camp Rock or Wizards or the characters.
AN: Well I guess you can say i'm finally off hiatus. One year of college down and now I can focus more on writing, well partially since I'm still working. But anyway, to those of you who are still around HELLO, thank you for the patience. I hope you enjoy :) Also, i made a twitter and if you'd like to follow the user is heartfullofdemi
Demi's POV
One Month Later
Why is it that when things are finally going well, something has to happen to just to screw it all up? I was finally happy, I was finally learning to accept myself and maybe even love myself. But of course, when one good thing happens then a million other things have to go wrong. It's funny how it all works, really, you can be happy one second and struck with depression the next. The smiles and the laughs just fade and you're left to sit there and just pick yourself apart. Well, at least that's what I'm left doing.
My smile faded hours ago, I should have known this was going to happen, it was inevitable. I rushed it, thinking that I was ready or hell, I trusted her to be a little more supportive. Just when I was finally allowing myself to open up to someone, someone else has to close me off again. I finally accept myself and move past my insecurities, and she just has to shove her disapproval down my throat.
This isn't what you think. It's not some lame resentment over a girl who broke my heart, that's not even close. Selena has absolutely nothing to do with this… except maybe partially. See I had finally allowed myself to patch up the differences with my mom, to open up to her. After a few months of therapy, I was able to come to terms with myself and the next step was to fix things with my mom.
Wrong. I rushed it, and now I'm seated in my car, crying. After the fight with my mom, the only thing I could do was get out. I mean, I didn't have much of a choice anyway since she bluntly kicked me out. I needed to be as far away from her as possible, I wanted space. I had fought the desire to see Selena, I knew it wasn't fair for me to just show up at her door step in the middle of the night just to dump my problems on her. But after driving around my neighborhood for what ended up being an hour, I finally swallowed my pride and made it to Selena's apartments.
I'd been sitting in her parking lot since, contemplating whether I should just leave and find a place to stay, or risk it and knock on her door. I'm such a mess though; the last thing I want is for Selena to see me like this. She's seen enough of my vulnerable side. Quite honestly, I don't want the pity, I just wish I could see her and have her tell me that maybe things can get better. Maybe.
At some point during my two hours of reflection, which ended up just being me crying and sobbing, it started pouring. At first the rain was light, only barely noticeable. I hadn't noticed when it started to really pour however; I must have been too deep into thought. The rain was like a message to me that I should leave. Two hours and a good cry later, I figured it was time to make a decision.
My heart was telling me to stay but my conscience was telling me to just leave the poor girl alone. I've bothered her enough with my issues and if it wasn't enough, she was probably already very much asleep. It wasn't a hard decision to make, in fact I'm dumb for choosing as I did, but I knew nothing could be fixed unless she helped me. So I did what any other broken teenager would do, I caved. Before stepping out of the car into the storm, I checked myself in the rearview mirror only to find that I look completely devastated. My body had completely shut down on me, but it found some way to get out of the car and follow the short track to Selena's building.
The rain had picked up a little more now. If it wasn't pouring earlier, it was definitely doing so now. Leave it to me to wear a tank and shorts as I'm soaked by a surprisingly cold rainfall. I should have taken this as a sign to retreat, but I continued on anyway.
As soon as I arrive at Selena's door, I knock a few times and then step back. I mentally kick myself for having made it all the way over here. It was a mistake to bug her. I shouldn't have done it; I should have just gone straight to some hotel and avoided the embarrassment that was likely to come.
I hear the locks turning from behind the door, followed by two female voices whispering between themselves. I automatically recognized Selena's voice, although it sounded a little softer than usual, but the other voice was new to me. "Who is it?" The unfamiliar voice lets out.
"D-Demi." I manage to say. Between my nerves and my melancholy, plus the fact that I am soaking wet, stuttering was my only response.
The door swings open, revealing a very panicked Selena and a tall, confused blonde girl standing behind her. The look on Selena's face pretty much said it all. It's not everyday that your underage girlfriend shows up at your door in the middle of the night. Especially not on a rainy, cold night such as tonight.
"Demi, what are you doing here? It's late." Selena said softly. By the look of it I had just woken both of them up. Their eyes were droopy and Selena's hair was messy in the back. I make a mental note to inform her of how cute she looks half asleep.
"I'm sorry." I choke out. "This was a mistake."
I turn away in an attempt to leave but Selena catches my wrist and stops me from completely walking away. "Babe." She whispers. "Is everything okay?"
I had seen the sweet and softer side of Selena countless of times since that night at the bar, but this time it felt different. It was almost like it broke her heart to see me in this way. Maybe it was the fact that she was half asleep, or maybe we had reached the point in our newfound relationship where I mean too much to her to ever lose.
"I'm sorry." I cried out again. This time holding back tears was impossible and as much as I knew how wrong this was, I needed her. Hearing the care in her voice reminded me of why I was even here in the first place. I needed someone and Selena's the only one I have. She takes the time to hear me out, even when I complain about stupid things. No one's ever really done that for me.
"Get her inside, Sel." The blonde girl spoke as I fell into Selena's arms. I assumed that was her roommate, Taylor, whom she had spoken to me about in quite a few occasions. "She's shaking." She added.
"Dem, you do realize that it's past midnight, right? What happened? What are you doing here?" Selena bombarded me with questions as she finally pulled me inside. Taylor closed the door behind us as my girlfriend led me over to the couch.
I hadn't noticed how much I was shaking until Selena and Taylor both had to help me sit down. Taylor disappeared into the hallway while Selena just wrapped her arm around me silently. I couldn't make out any words for the time being, and she seemed to have understood that. I felt her running her fingers through my hair as she held me close. Being in Selena's arms like this felt almost like déjà vu.
"Don't pass out on me again." She whispered in reference to the last time I had a panic attack. She let out a nervous chuckle before continuing to try and calm me.
Her hand moved from my hair down to my arm, stroking me lightly. It was soothing to feel her fingertips as they drew circles around my skin. She slowly began to sway us back and forth. If my mind wasn't racing I could fall asleep here in her arms. I find comfort in the way she always seems to care, not just about me but she genuinely cares about everyone.
As I sat there with Selena, I couldn't get the image of my argument with my mom out of my head. Instead of calming down, I was just going to make it worse but I couldn't let go of the conversation. The tears slipped from my eyes but Selena was quick to wipe them away. "Dem, what's going on?" She asked again, the concern in her voice growing with each time.
"I brought as many blankets as I could find." Taylor interrupts with an army of blankets in her hands. Selena and her both wrapped a few blankets around me, leaving the others aside in case I'd need them.
"She needs tea or something soothing that will calm her." Selena whispered to Taylor. They were standing to the side but I could hear them rather clearly.
Selena looked over at me and smiled then turned to make her way over towards the kitchen. "No, stay with her!" Taylor insisted before Selena could disappear. "I got it."
In that moment I felt like I had become a hassle. Just five minutes ago they were both sleeping soundly in their beds and I had to come and bother them. "I shouldn't have come, I'm sorry." I wanted to kick myself for being so selfish.
"It's fine. You know I'm here for you." Selena had returned to her spot beside me. She had a sort of look on her face that indicated concern. She wrapped her arm around my side, allowing me to rest my head upon her shoulder.
I was finally in a position where I could talk. Even though I felt like a huge intrusion, it was too late to just pretend nothing happened. "I got kicked out." I admit.
"Wait, what?"
"My mom," I cried. "She kicked me out."
"What? Why? What happened?" Selena sat up abruptly. She looked panicked, like someone had just told her that her house was on fire.
"I came out to her. I told her that I like girls and she just… she just told me to get the hell out." I stated.
*Flashback*
"Mom?" I yelled out as I walked into the house. It was a surprise to see her car in the driveway at this time. Usually she works until 10 on Wednesdays, sometimes even later.
"In the kitchen." She quickly replied.
I made my way over towards the kitchen, skeptical as to what I may expect to find. My mom was standing by the stove, dressed in her work clothes along with a white apron. "What smells so good?" I ask.
"I'm making jambalaya," she answers. She was so focused on her cooking that she didn't even bother to look up.
It was a huge surprise to find my mom making such a time consuming meal. To be honest, she's not exactly patient enough to do so, and if she does it's because she has some good news to share.
"Go shower so we can eat as soon as I finish cooking." She finally turned to me and spoke. Her voice had turned into a demand and without bothering to respond I did as she said. "You can tell me all about therapy during dinner." She yelled out as I walked away.
I don't hate my mother. Maybe sometimes I exaggerate and claim that I do, but in the end she IS my mother and I appreciate her. I guess you could just say I don't usually agree with her. She has her tempers and she definitely has her bad days, many of them. Sadly, her bad days outweigh her good days, especially if my stepdad is out of town, which he is most of the time. Lately it's just been my mom and I at home, since Eddie typically flies out for a few weeks at a time on business meetings.
Every time Eddie leaves, my mother turns into the devil in person. She spends most of the day at work, and although most nights she pulls late shifts, there are times where she's home just in time to start yelling at me about any nonsense that she can think up. I always enjoy the days she works late night because those are the nights when I get some peace and quiet.
After my quick conversation with my mom, I follow her orders and take a shower. It's always nice to get home from a long day and just jump in the shower and reflect. Today was just like any other therapy day. I went to school then waited around in Selena's classroom until it was my time to head over to therapy. The last few sessions had been difficult, but this one had finally gotten through to me.
I had been stubborn and reluctant on many occasions, but my therapist finally helped me figure things out. Today was the first session where I came and left with a smile on my face. I usually show up happy, since I spend the time before with Selena, but end up leaving in a shitty mood. I guess all I really needed was to be more open, and to really listen to the things my therapist had to say. It's also nice that I have Selena's support in all of this, at least someone has my back.
"DEMETRIA, GET GOING." My mom interrupted my train of thought as she pounded on my bathroom door. I hadn't realized how long of a shower I had ended up taking. "You have five minutes to be in the dining room."
I sprinted to get ready in five minutes, barely making it downstairs in time so my mom didn't have to bitch. She had the dining room table set up for two with the food already served. She was seated at the head of the table with her napkin on her lap and a calm look on her face.
"This looks great mom." I complimented. I figured I'd go along with it since she did take the time to make it all.
"Glad you could finally join me." She added sarcastically.
I took a seat in my designated spot and thanked her before beginning to eat. This all felt completely awkward to me. We usually eat as a family when Eddie is home, but when he's not I'm left to eat on my own. It's a very rare occasion to have my mother cook a meal if Eddie isn't around.
"You seem very happy today." I point out to her in an attempt to figure out why she was acting so different today.
"You won't guess what your father just told me." She lit up. It was kind of cute to see the way my mother would light up when she'd speak about Eddie. Even if she could be a completely bitch to me most of the time, she still had a heart of gold for that man.
"You're right, I won't guess."
"He'll be home for the next two months after this week," She clapped her hands in front of her and threw her head back, smiling widely. "We'll have him home for two months, isn't that great?"
"That's awesome!" I cheered. For her it meant two full months with him, no more out of town business meetings, but for me it meant two whole months with my mother not treating me like a damn rag doll. "I can't wait."
"He'll spend Christmas here," She added. "And New Year's!"
"That's great, mom."
"So tell me, how was therapy?" She asks as soon as I stuff another bite into my mouth.
She hadn't given me a chance to chew so I just shrugged. "Same as usual." I finally reply. I was ready to tell her about me, about my progression but suddenly I felt a lump in my throat when I tried to speak. It was the perfect opportunity to tell her, however, since she was in such a great mood thanks to Eddie's news.
"Well I'm not paying hundreds of dollars for you to go to these sessions if they're always going to give the same results." She argued. "I expect to see some sort of change."
"I'm a lot happier." I suggest. My mom looked up from her plate then shook her head.
"I couldn't tell." She shrugged and continued to eat. There was a silence that fell between the two of us and I took this as the perfect opportunity to open up.
"Well…" I start slowly. "There is something that I actually want to tell you."
"I want to know about therapy first."
"It has to do with therapy, mom."
"Well then, what is it?"
"I'm not sure how to start this so I'm just going to say it and hope that you understand." I began to babble. I had thought up the perfect way to say this but all of a sudden I had gone completely blank. "I… It's hard to admit this to you mom, because I know it's going to be difficult for you to accept it but… I…"
"Just tell me what you have to tell me, Demi. You know I hate when you beat around the bush like that." She asserted.
"Well mom, I…" I froze again. The words just didn't want to come out and I was starting to sound like a broken record machine.
"Get to the point!" She sighed.
"I'm gay." The words slipped right out of my mouth before I could even allow myself the time to process it. "I mean, I li-like girls." I corrected myself. All I wanted was for this conversation to go smoothly, but I already fucked that up.
My mom cleared her throat but didn't look up at me. I couldn't read her facial expression so I decided to go on. "I like girls, you know, the way in which I'm supposed to like boys." I explained. "It's been so hard for me to accept and telling you right now is-"
"Stop." She interrupted me mid-speech and finally looked up. Her face was almost beat red, and her eyes were almost staring me down. "I don't care to her the rest." She shook her head.
"Mom, please just hear me out." I cried. "Therapy has really been helping me come to terms with this."
"I'm not paying this lady money to turn my daughter gay!" She spat out. She pushed her chair back and angrily stood up. She was definitely pissed now and I couldn't figure out a way to dig myself out of this hole.
"Mom, stop. She didn't turn me gay, no one did. It's how I am, this isn't anyone's fault."
"We should have never put you into these sessions." She flailed her arms around as she spoke. "They've done nothing but corrupt you!"
"I'm not corrupted, mom. I'm still the same person I just finally came to terms with the fact that I don't really like guys. I'm happy being this way, I like girls." I tried to reason with her.
My mother closed her eyes and sighed audibly. She moved her hand up towards her face and pinched the bridge of her nose. I could only imagine what she must be thinking right now. "You know what?" She started to say after a few seconds. A part of me felt like maybe I could get through to her, and then she spoke again. "Get out."
"What?" I asked. She had knocked me completely off guard, I never expected her to react this way. I thought the worst she could do was yell at me. This was like getting punched in the stomach and completely losing your breath.
"LEAVE." She yelled.
"Don't do this." I didn't bother to fight back tears; they just slipped off on their own. "Please just let me explain."
"I'm not going to have a lesbian under my roof." She spat out.
"Mom…" I pleaded.
"Get out of this house," She pointed towards the living room before slamming her hand down on the table. "NOW!"
I didn't want to hear her yell and call me names so I did as she asked. I could have easily made a scene about this but instead I just turned around and made my way out the door. I left her standing there, muttering profanities under her breath. To be honest I didn't want to know what else she had to say. She already hurt me enough.
As soon as I got into the car, I could feel my entire body growing numb and immediately I burst into a fit of tears. I sat there for a good minute unable to get myself to stop crying.
*End Flashback*
"So I just left." I finish telling Selena. We were still seated on her couch but at this point all the blankets had come off. She had one arm around me and her other hand was placed over her mouth, holding back a huge gasp. "I drove around for an hour and then I came here and just sat in your parking lot… crying."
At some point while I was explaining what happened, Taylor had brought the both of us some tea. She sat herself in the reclining chair across from the couch and just listened tentatively. I downed my tea slowly, sipping a bit between pauses. I needed these pauses to stop myself from crying again, or from completely breaking down like I had when I first arrived. I was surprised that I was able to recount what happened without bursting into yet another fit of tears.
"She's such a…" Selena started to say but stopped herself before continuing.
"I know." I nodded. She wiped away the last few tears that remained on my cheek.
"How could she just kick you out like that?" She shook her head in confusion. "She didn't even give you a chance to explain? Nothing?"
I shook my head in response. "She just said leave so I left."
Selena couldn't believe what my mom had done. "Wait, where are you going to stay?" She asked.
"I figured I'd just rent out a room at the motel by campus, just for the night." I replied. "And then tomorrow I'll ask Miley if I can crash at her place until things blow over."
"A motel?" Selena and Taylor both question.
"There's no way I'm going to let my girlfriend stay in a motel." Selena added.
"That's sketchy." Taylor followed. "You can just stay here."
"Yeah, stay here." Selena nodded and smiled.
"I can't do that." I shook my head. I never intended to be invited for a place to stay; I just needed someone to hear me out.
"Why not?" Selena questioned.
"I just can't." I felt weird accepting their invitation. Yes, Selena and I were dating, but things were still developing between us, we weren't at the point where we'd be having sleepovers.
"There's nothing wrong with you staying here." Selena tried to convince me. It was like she knew why I was refusing to stay. "Look, you can take my room and I'll sleep on the couch."
"No, you really don't have to do that." I shook my head again. I felt myself backing away from her.
"Yeah, Sel, you really don't have to do that." Taylor added. "She can sleep with you."
Silence. None of us spoke but Selena and I just looked at one another. Maybe she was thinking the same thing that I was thinking. We had been flirty since the first time we met, but this was different. Maybe this wasn't as awkward as I was making it out to be in my head. "I'm okay with that if you are." She responded.
"I already troubled y'all enough." I shook my head. "I mean it's like one in the morning now."
"Exactly why you aren't going anywhere!" Taylor spoke.
"Are you sure I'm not stepping over any boundaries?" I ask, turning towards Selena.
"Babe, you're fine." She smiled.
"I guess we should probably go to sleep now." Taylor laughed. She stood up from the chair and came over towards us to wish us goodnight. "I'm Taylor by the way, I've heard great things." She added.
"Demi, same goes for you." I told her before hugging her. She pulled away and hugged her best friend before disappearing into the hall.
"Come with me." Selena held out her hand for me, which I quickly took. Our fingers interlocked as we both stood up and she led me over to her room.
When we stepped in through the doorway, I felt a sudden eruption of gratitude towards the girl beside me. "Thank you." I whispered to Selena before pulling her into an embrace. My arms were draped over her shoulders, her hands tightly around my waist. "You're the only one I have."
"Hey, don't mention it." She responded by kissing my cheek.
"Do you mind if I borrow something to sleep in?" I asked as we pulled away. The last thing I wanted was to sleep in these wet clothes and leave a mess on her bed.
"Sure thing, buttercup." She smiled at me as she walked over towards her closet. She pulled out some pajama bottoms and a tank, the same type of sleepwear that she was wearing, and passed it over to me. "The bathroom is right over there." She added before pointing to the connecting bathroom.
I dressed myself in her pajamas and walked back into the bedroom. She was sitting down on one side of the bed and stood up when she saw me. "You can sleep on whichever side." She said awkwardly. It wasn't like her to be this shy with me, and for some reason I felt a little shy too. Maybe it was the situation that we were in that led for this sudden discomfort, or maybe I was just overanalyzing things.
"You look cute half asleep." I informed her as I laid out on her bed. She giggled at my comment and settled herself on the opposite side.
"You look cute in my pjs." She countered. There was a space between the two of us, almost the size of another person. She was at the edge of her side and I was at the edge of mine. "Goodnight." She finally said.
"Goodnight." I responded.
As soon as her sidetable lamp went off, I turned my body to face towards her bedroom wall. I could feel Selena shifting on her side too until she finally settled into her own position. My head was racing again. My thoughts were a mix of Selena and my confrontation with my mother all jumbled up in one. I was glad that Selena was laying beside me, though, at least she was keeping me company.
"Dem, are you asleep yet?" Selena whispered after a few minutes of silence.
"Nah." I responded. "Too much on my mind."
"Can I ask something?" She asked.
"Yeah."
"Does your mom know about you being in a relationship?" She had paused before asking.
I turned over slowly and looked at her. I could barely make her out in the darkness, but I could see she had been facing me. "No, I didn't even get that far."
"Would you have told her if she hadn't reacted the way she did?" She continued.
"I don't think so." I shrugged.
"Why not?"
"Because that puts you at risk."
"Not necessarily."
"She'd ask questions and I'm not really good at coming up with lies on the spot."
"Thank you I guess." She laughed awkwardly.
Another silence fell between us and I had expected her to fall asleep, but she suddenly spoke again. "Well hey," she started. "I'm sorry that this happened. I know you've been through so much and you didn't really deserve this."
"It's okay." I lied.
"If it makes you feel any better, I'm glad that you woke me up."
"Yeah, sorry about that."
"No it's okay," I could almost hear her smile. "I like waking up to you."
My mind was back to racing as the silence grew again. It had been such a good day until my fight with my mom, I didn't think anything would make it better. I hoped that seeing Selena would ease things a little, and thankfully, they did. She had a way of making me almost forget that my life can be complete shit sometimes.
"Demi…" Selena spoke, interrupting my thoughts.
"Yeah, Sel." I mumbled.
"You know everything is going to be okay? Right?" She asked softly. Her caring voice was back.
"I hope."
I felt the bed shift yet again followed by an arm being wrapped around my waist. She leaned over me, kissed my cheek and then proceeded to lay back and hold me. I smiled to myself at the gesture. We didn't speak after that, but honestly, we didn't need to.