Shinigami-cat: I'm immensely depressed lately… So don't expect anything too happy in this chapter. Is it funny for me to think that the previous chapter were cheerful? But then again knowing me it's going to change into something cute and fluffy… damn wait a second… this is the 13th chapter... bad luck, fun... I OWN NOTHING!

Suspicious, Returns and Confusion

Seems you're wanting me to stay
But my dreams would surely waste away
And I still have nowhere else to go
So I wait for you to
Take me all the way
Take me all the way

Push me under
Pull me further
Take me all the way
Take me all the way

'Take Me Under' by Three Days Grace

"Sorry Birdie. I have to go."

"Please don't! I want you to stay. Even if it's just for a minute… please."

Gilbert ran his fingers through his lovers hair. He loved it when his lover begged for him to stay. Gilbert leaned forward and whispered "I'm really sorry. I have to go."

"But you said you would stay!" His lover whined. "Please… you promised me!" His lover wrapped their arms around Gilbert's waist. "If you leave… I don't know what I'd do."

Gilbert hated it when his lover said things like that. He knew that his lover was unstable… really unstable… Like him. "Don't be stupid Birdie. I'll be back really soon. West would worry if I'm gone for too long."

"But-"

"I'm sorry Birdie." Said Gilbert. He softly kissed his lover's lips and got of the bed. "I'll see you later."

"Can we see each other tonight?"

"Sorry but I have stuff to do tonight. I'll see you the day after."

"I love you Gilbert."

"I love you too Mat-"

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"-thew. Wake up already!"

Matthew's eyes snapped open. He sat up in his bed and was face to face with Alfred. He was all wide eyed and sparkly. "What is it Alfred?"

"Dude! Arthur like totally said yes!"

"… To what?"

"Dude you totally haven't been paying attention to my life have you? I finally confessed to Arthur yesterday and I was all like what if he said no! Or hated me!" Alfred was going on and on slowly giving Matthew a head ach. "So long story short he called me a git and asked me why I didn't tell him sooner! It was so awesome!"

Matthew rolled his eyes. "You woke me up for that?"

"Well… that and you seem down lately… and being the hero that I am I wanted to know what was up."

Matthew sighed. "I've just been worried about Gilbert… He hasn't shown up all week."

"You're worried about him?"

"Well… that and I've been having weird dreams…"

"About what?"

"I don't know." Sighed Matthew. "They're just… weird." 'And also a bit erotic… I might need a cold shower… I so did not just think that.'

"How are they weird?" Asked Alfred. For once he seemed interested in Matthew's life.

Matthew shrugged. "I don't really know… They just seemed to start in the middle and end before it even begins… It's really weird."

"You're hurting my brain." Complained Alfred. "Arthur told me when you have messed up dreams you've eaten something weird or done something strange."

Matthew frowned. "I don't think I've eaten anything weird… And the only strange thing is that Gilbert hasn't been around all week when he said he was going to be back on Monday."

Alfred shrugged. "Sounds like you miss him a lot if you know what I mean. Wink, wink."

"What?" Asked Matthew. "Sure I miss him but I don't like him that way!"

"Sure Mattie." Said Alfred. He got off Matthew's bed and headed to the door. "Well see you Mattie. I got a date with Arthur! Enjoy your Saturday!"

Matthew sighed. Why did Alfred have to wake him up so damn early on a Saturday? He decided it was just his brother being stupid again. He got up, had a quick shower, pulled on his hoodie, ate breakfast and went for a walk. Yay Saturday.

It was a nice cool day so Matthew went for a walk in the park. Okay he did do that a lot but come on. There was barely anyone around so no one bothered or bumped into him. While he was walking he allowed his mind to wander… Not surprisingly he was thinking about Gilbert.

'Where is he?' He wondered. 'He said he would be back on Monday… but it's been a week… and Ivan's been away all week too. What if… The other day… Oh man… I should jump to conclusions… but they kissed and Ivan said that they had done it before… That's just sick and…'

"Look out!" Cried a voice. Matthew turned and was hit in the head with… an orange? "I'm so sorry!" Cried the voice. Matthew sighed and picked up the orange.

"It's okay really." He said.

The woman (who apparently belonged to said voice) took the orange from Matthew and smiled. She had short silverish hair and HUGE knockers. I mean these things were like two basket balls shoved down her shirt. "I'm really sorry." She said. "I tripped and everything went flying and, and I'm so sorry. Oh no! I smashed the peanut butter! Ivan is going to kill me!"

Matthew's eyes went wide. "Ivan… as in Ivan Braginski? My history teacher?"

The woman's eyes lit up. "My little brother is your teacher? That's wonderful! My name is Katyusha. Who might you be? Brother talks about his student's all the time!"

"I'm Matthew." Katyusha… why did that name sound familiar to him? "Do you know where he is? He hasn't shown up all week."

Katyusha frowned and looked at her feet. "Ivan's been really sick. He has a stomach bug or something. But he's feeling better. That's why I went shopping. Natalia wanted some things too."

Natalia… Now that name really rang a bell. She was that girl that Gilbert told him to stay away from… Now he remembered where he heard Katyusha's name before. She was someone else that Gilbert said to stay away from, but she seemed so nice.

"So Katyusha… do you know a guy called Gilbert?"

Katyusha visibly paled. "… Gilbert? No… I don't."

"But he's one of your brother's students. He should have talked about him. You said he talks about his student's all the time."

"But… he doesn't talk about that albino kid!" Cried Katyusha.

"If he doesn't talk about him how do you know he's albino?" Questioned Matthew.

Katyusha gasped. "I don't know… I… I was just guessing! Goodbye Matthew." She quickly turned and ran as far away from Matthew as possible.

Matthew frowned. 'What's up with that? What is she hiding?'

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Matthew was walking back to the house and thinking things over. He was still worried about Gilbert and after meeting Katyusha his fears grew. Francis was sitting on the front lawn of the house. He looked really glum. "What's up Francis?" Asked Matthew.

Francis sighed. "Oh, nothing much Matthew… just sinking into depression again…"

"Why?"

Francis looked up at the sky and closed his eyes. "I confessed to Arthur and he called me and I quote 'You're a disgusting slimy frog. I bloody hate you. You're nothing more than a wanka. Go away.' Then he poured a slushy in my face."

"Oh…" Matthew felt oddly guilty. He knew that Arthur was going out with his brother. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Said Francis. "It always ends like this… I guess I'll never be truly happy again… None of us will."

"Um… if it isn't too much to ask… what do you mean?"

Francis smiled weakly. "Well every time I fall deeply in love, someone always manages to snatch them away… Has that ever happened to you?"

Matthew thought for a second. He had never really fallen in love really… He was more at the stage of questioning his sexuality at the moment 'You know... strange dreams involving Gilbert, worrying about him and so on'. "I don't think so… do you know where Gilbert is?"

Francis shrugged. "I don't know. He just left a note. He'll turn up eventually. It's not like he hasn't done this before…"

"He's done this before?"

Francis nodded. "I wouldn't worry unless he disappears for about five… six years… after sixty we should presume he's dead… or has joined a circus."

Matthew was about to say something when the sound of a motor bike filling the street. Gilbert was back. He pulled into the driveway. Walked over to Francis and collapsed next to him. He didn't even take off his helmet. Francis looked over at Gilbert and took off his helmet. Gilbert rolled over onto his back and sighed. Gilbert looked terrible; dark circles under his eyes, chapped, cracked lips, splotchy red marks on his face and his eyes were dull… almost a washed out water colour.

"So… How are you Gilbert?" Asked Francis.

"My ass hurts." Sighed Gilbert. "Don't take that in a perverted way Francis. I was just on the bike for two hours straight."

"I wasn't taking it in a perverted way… Too depressed. Matthew's here by the way."

Gilbert looked up at Matthew and smiled. "Hey there Birdie."

Matthew smiled weakly. "Hi Gilbert… Where did you go?"

"Hiking." Said Gilbert. "I just had to get away for a while. Seven days roughing it out in the woods… Should have packed a tent or sleeping bag."

'I want to talk to him. I have to… I… I… Why can't I talk to him?'

"You might want to go inside." Sighed Francis. "I don't think Ludwig wants to drag you inside again."

"What happened to you?"

"Arthur rejected me… I'm going to go down to the pharmacy to get some anti-depressants or a knife… I haven't decided yet… Maybe both."

Gilbert groaned and stood up leaving his helmet behind. "Night Mattie. I'm going to sleep."

"It's early afternoon." Said Matthew.

"Don't care." Said Gilbert. "I'm sleepy."

Matthew's heart sunk a little in his chest. 'Okay Gilbert… I'll see you tomorrow… I guess…"

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Matthew was lying on the coffee table. He was surprised it could support him, but then again it had held his dad and Alfred when it was football season… Every stinking year. 'I want to speak with him… but I can't… I just can't… Why did he look so beat? I know he said that it was just tired but it just seems… Today's just too strange…'

"BIRDIE!" Screamed Gilbert and he ran into the room and tripped over the lounge. Matthew sat up and looked down at Gilbert; his ass in the air and his face on the on the ground.

"… Are you okay Gilbert?" Asked Matthew.

Gilbert looked up and smiled at Matthew. "Just wanted to know if you solved that riddle yet."

"Um…" Matthew hadn't even given it a second thought. "I haven't even thought about it…"

Gilbert's face fell. "Oh… okay… how was your week?"

"Um… Mr Braginski was away for a week and we had a sub."

"What was there name?" Asked Gilbert.

"Mr Ziwingli."

Gilbert laughed. "Ziwingil? What the hell kind of name is that?"

"Wouldn't laugh if I were you." Warned Matthew. "He almost bit off some kids head."

"That would have been cool." Smirked Gilbert. "Um… Mattie help me up please? My awesome blood is rushing to my head."

Matthew sighed and grabbed Gilbert's hand helping him to his feet. But when Gilbert was almost standing he quickly yanked Matthew's arm. After a brief struggle Matthew ended up pinned down on the couch and Gilbert was straddling him. Matthew could feel his face heat up. He turned his face away, but Gilbert grabbed his chin and made Matthew face him. Gilbert smirked. There was a glint in his eyes that truly terrified him. It seemed hungry and predatorily.

"Gilbert… What are you doing?"

Gilbert smirked and gently pressed his lips against Matthew's. Matthew froze unable to truly register what was happening. But when Gilbert's tongue brushed against his lips he was thrown back into reality. 'OMG! Gilbert is kissing me! HE'S KISSING ME!'

It was such a shock he involuntarily gasped. Gilbert took the opportunity to slip in his tongue. Matthew had to admit it… Gilbert was an amazing kisser. The way his tongue twisted and turned. He couldn't help himself. He wrapped his arms around Gilbert's neck, tangled his fingers in Gilbert's silver hair and pulled him closer. 'Why dose he taste like mint? I bet I taste like maple syrup… WHY AM I STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS?'

Soon they broke apart, each gasping for air. "Ich liebe dich Matthew." Panted Gilbert.

"I have no idea what you just said." Panted Matthew.

Gilbert rested his head against Matthew's shoulder. "It means I love you."

Matthew's eyes widened. 'WHAT? He loves me? Where did this come from? What do I do? What do I do? WHAT DO I DO? I… I… I haven't even figured my sexuality out yet!'

"I love you Matthew." Repeated Gilbert. "Please… say something… please…"

Matthew just looked at Gilbert with wide eyes he was freaking out so much. "Gilbert… I… I… I."

Gilbert sighed and got off Matthew. "Just forget about it. Forget we did… forget I said… just forget it." Gilbert walked out of the lounge room. Matthew didn't move until he heard the door slam shut.

Matthew's body was trembling. Did that really just happen? Matthew's fingers ghosted over his lips. Tears began to form in the corner of his eyes. "My… my… that was my first kiss." He curled up into a ball on the couch and cried himself to sleep.

TBC

Shinigami-cat: Crap… it did turn out cheerful and happyish in the end… fuck… please review… fuck…

Translations:

Ich liebe dich Matthew: I love you Matthew. (Seriously… If you didn't know that you are an idiot)