Chapter 13: Acceptable Losses
Judith strode determinedly towards th holodecks. All thoughts of deceiving Doctor Crusher by saying she was going to her quarters and ignoring her com-link calls, all thoughts of Data's outrage and obvious emotional pain unknowingly brought on by her, all thoughts of anything except retreat to her Temple and her Master were gone from her head. Retreat from the encroaching emotions that were threatening to drown her, once and for all.
She stumbled a bit, leaning against the deck wall outside of the holodeck. A familiar face came up to her, concern written all over his gentle features.
"Lieutenant Bethulia, Judith, are you alright?" Lieutenant Barclay asked her, reaching for her arm to steady her.
Judith's own arm whipped out, faster than Barclay's eyes could follow, and grasped his hand before it could make contact with her body. "I'm fine, Reg, just please, I need to be alone right now." Her face, paler than pale, looked up at the other Lieutenant's. He nodded, concern still obvious, and then gasped.
"Judith, your eyes! They're... there's something wrong! Let me get you to sickbay..." He started to reach for his com-badge.
Judith's hand whipped out again to stop him from making a call. "Lieutenant Barclay, NO, I'M FINE. Just let me go." Judith reached out to the holodeck's control panel and shakily but still quickly entered the per-requisite codes manually versus verbally since Reginald had yet to leave, but had indeed backed off, something akin to fear in his own eyes.
The holodeck doors whisked open, and she literally stumbled in, and they whipped closed before Barclay could see the program running or to try to talk to her again.
"Lieutenant Barclay to sickbay, Doctor Crusher, I think I have a situation down at Holodeck Three."
-oOoOoOo-
Captain Jean Luc Picard sat at his desk in his private office, unveiled rage written across his usual clam and controlled features.
"What do you mean, 'acceptable losses'? She was nearly killed, or worse! I will not stand to have this type of experimentation aboard my ship, on my crew! Since when does Starfleet use their own as..."
"Jean Luc, you don't really have a say in the matter. This has been debated and decided upon already, and Lieutenant Bethulia is well aware of her mission and is completely accepting of it. I am not going to ask you to initiate any of your other crew members into the training program." At this Jean Luc audibly snarled and was about to interrupt, but Admiral Hedgewick had no qualms continuing, with a snarl of his own in his voice and a look a contempt on his face. "Get with the literal program, Jean Luc. We are at WAR. This is not the time for your famous self righteous and useless morals to come into play. This is a direct order. You WILL follow it. Lieutenant Bethulia is to continue her training and research, and we will continue to upload new information AS WE SEE FIT, to her training programs, and do so with or without informing her, AS WE SEE FIT, until we call her back, and I'm about to do so right now, because I frankly don't believe you or your precious morals can handle her, Jean Luc. I have no idea what Janeway was thinking, she is an unbelievably useful commodity..."
"COMMODITY? She is a human being, for God's sake, man!" Picard was absolutely beside himself. Commander Riker, who had been standing off to the side, silent and out of the view of the Admiral, had to keep himself from automatically stepping forward to intervene in some way. He had never seen his Captain and mentor so visibly angry at a Starfleet Command official, nor heard such obvious animosity between two Starfleet officers.
"STAND DOWN, Picard! You are treading on very dangerous ground! You also might want to rethink about how human" Hedgewick said with a smirk "your new Lieutenant is. I thought that your ship's doctor would have mapped more of her DNA by now, since you only have the best Starfleet has to offer." Hedgewick said with obvious sarcasm. "This is also a direct order, have your Doctor Crusher send the test results of the Borg nano-tech's impact on the Lieutenant's system, and, oh yes, a possible report from your Counselor Troi on how it has effected her psychologically. That will be interesting for our scientists to consider... Hedgewick out."
Picard did something so out of character that Will Riker didn't know how to react. He picked up the porcelain cup he had been drinking from and flung it with full force across his ready room. It shattered against the wall, the residual dregs of his tea pooling onto the floor before seeping into the thick carpet. He then stood and began pacing.
"This is unthinkable, unconscionable, how dare they put this, this, VIRUS onto my ship and expose a member of my crew to it, like she was a damn trained lab rat!" He continued pacing, looking as if he had forgotten Riker was still present.
"Captain, I don't know what to say. She seemed to have been acclimating well, and was not showing any signs of danger to the crew. Perhaps you should take the Admiral's advice and send her back. I didn't, nor did any of us, believe she was harboring such secrets."
Picard whirled to look at his second in command, his fury obviously built even more if possible.
"Commander Riker, I say who will and will not be on my ship! Lieutenant Bethulia's presence aboard the Enterprise is not the issue or the danger! It is Starfleet who has put her, and us, at risk!"
Riker put his hands up in compliance and deferment. "Captain, I meant no disrespect, I am not Hedgewick. Who is that man, anyway?" The distaste was obvious in his voice. "I only meant to state that we were all, well, almost all, been concerned about her presence, and perhaps we were right to be..."
Picard seemed to deflate, a long sigh escaping from him, along with the unleashed rage. He sat back down at his desk, putting his face in his hands.
"I understand your concerns, Will, and I am sorry for losing my control. I do not know who Hedgewick is, although he certainly knows us, and me, and obviously has no qualms about expressing his feelings for said parties." With this, Riker actually gave a small smirk. "I have been trying to reach Kate Janeway, Judith's liaison, and have been repeatedly rebuffed and was sent immediately to Hedgewick as soon as I brought up Judith's name." He sat back in his chair, sighing again. "Judith..." he caught himself "Lieutenant Bethulia's presence isn't the danger, Will. I fully believe she will protect this ship and her crew under any circumstances. The danger is to herself, and the damn program codes they gave her. No one should be made to do what she is expected to do, a suicide mission if there ever was one... I had an idea what Starfleet had planned for her, but this... I can see it coming, Will. She will be made repeatedly to offer herself up as a weapon and defense, and with her mindset, she will. And she will not survive much more of it."
Riker sat himself, considering his friend and comrade, his mentor. He had never seen Picard so violently switch from emotion to emotion. And the way he said the Lieutenant's name... Will wondered. He decided to dare the moment. "Captain, have you considered that this is exactly what she was made to do? We've read her files, we saw, with our own eyes, what she is capable of today...she is a weapon, sir."
Jean Luc looked at Riker, and shook his head, almost in defeat. "And we also have seen her attempt to serve this ship to the best of her abilities, some of us also saw her laugh, and be..." Picard's thoughts seemed to drift away momentarily, he was thinking of the previous evening by the pool, the depth in her eyes, her humility, and how she had looked at him. "Be human. She is not just a weapon, Will. She might have been beaten and forged into what she is, but there is a lost woman inside the weapon that has been created."
"Captain, what if she's too lost?"
"I'm going to do my damnedest to ascertain that, Will, and try to help stop her from self-destructing. I expect the same, but do not command that, of all of you." Riker nodded his agreement immediately.
At that moment, his com-link came to life. "Crusher to Captain Picard, I need you down at Holodeck Three, immediately. Jean Luc, it's Judith... She's locked herself into a program, I have no idea what it is, and we cannot access it. And there's something wrong with her... I'm afraid very wrong. I'm calling Worf and Deanna, also."
Picard and Riker stood up immediately. "On my way, doctor."