DISCLAIMER: I neither own Glee nor the characters. They are the property of Ryan Murphy and FOX. This is purely for fun. Enjoy! :)
A/N: Voila! The final chapter of Escape (besides the epilogue)! I hope you guys enjoyed the angsty ride, and make sure you check out my other fics in progress as well!
Chapter Thirteen
Weep for yourself, my man,
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep Little Lion Man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself,
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems
That you made in your own head
Wash. Rinse. Dry. Stack.
Wash. Rinse. Dry. Stack.
Finn stood at the sink in the back of the kitchen, elbow deep in soapy dingy water, as the dinner rush created a mess that only he could clean up. Seeing as it was New Years Eve, the diner had been packed with people all day who were in transit to get to their parties for the night. It was barely 6 pm and it already felt like he'd washed every dish in the place at least twice.
And the work just kept on coming.
"Table Twelve, order up!" He heard Rich calling out the orders to Marion behind him and struggled to keep up with the mess that threatened to swallow the little kitchen whole. He saw Rich give him a strange look out of the corner of his eye and tried to ignore it and focus on the task at hand. Rich had been acting really weird around Finn for the past few days and he couldn't figure out what it was all about, but frankly, he didn't really care. Instead of trying to figure out the machinations of his greasy, rude, co-worker, he chose to ignore him completely and focus on work.
Work. Work. Work.
A heavy pot slipped out of his hands and landed right in the middle of the sink, splashing a tidal wave of soapwater sludge all over Finn and his thin apron. He cursed loudly and pulled his rubber gloves off with a snap, tossing them to the side and storming out of the back door like a certain ex-girlfriend of his that he really didn't want to think about. "Hey, where the hell do you think you're going?" He heard Rich call from behind him but he just ignored the grouchy older man and exited the diner through the back door. It was frigid when he hit the icy Michigan air, and he was standing in nothing but his wet, filthy clothes, but he didn't care. He rubbed his arms in vain as his breath fogged in the air, and he looked up at the crystal clear night to see the moon shining down on him, and little stars pinpricking the sky. It would have been a beautiful view, if he cared.
Right now,he couldn't muster up the energy to care about anything. It had been days since Rachel had left. Days. He had accomplished everything that he had set out to achieve: he'd found a place to stay and had a job that paid him good money. He was far away from Lima and didn't have to deal with anything in his past anymore.
But he was miserable. Absolutely miserable.
He missed her. It was something he would never say out loud, but after Rachel had left, all he could do was rip apart every second of their time together, and over-analyze every word that they had said to one another. He thought about their final night together and tried to discern anything that would warrant her leaving without even a goodbye. All he could remember, though, was whispers in the dark, smooth skin under his fingertips, and the long shuddering cry of release that would be forever burned into his brain. Everything had seemed so perfect as they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, and he thought that something had changed. Somehow his anger towards her had melted into something beautiful, and now he was right back to where he'd started in the very beginning of this mess: heartbroken over Rachel Berry.
Wasn't that what got him into this situation in the first place? When was his life going to stop revolving around her? No matter how hard he tried, or how far he ran away, she would always be there, trying to find different ways to inch herself back into his heart. He'd even tried calling Kurt the other day, under the guise of catching up, but Kurt wouldn't tell him anything about Rachel. He would get shut down every time her name was even mentioned, and he was too chicken to try and call her himself. He was lost in thought as the wind picked up, making his teeth chatter in the cold.
"Finn? Is that you, son?" He heard Marion's soft voice call out to him and he wished he didn't have to go back to work. He wished he was at his own New Year's party, with his mom and Burt and unlimited pigs-in-a-blanket and cheesecake bites. He wished he was curled up in front of the TV watching football, or playing his Xbox until it was time to watch the ball drop.
He wished he was anywhere but here.
Being an adult really sucked.
"Yeah, I'm here Marion." He called out through his shivers. Marion came to the back door and saw him in his t-shirt, which elicited a very motherly reaction.
"Boy, you get in here right this minute before you catch your death from cold!" She pulled Finn in the back door by his bicep and he idly thought that she was abnormally strong for an old lady. She fixed him with a serious look and stood with her hands on her hips in the narrow doorway. "What's the matter with you tonight Finn? Rich said you just stormed out of the kitchen for no good reason and we have tons of work to do."
"It's nothing." He lied, staring at the tile of the floor instead of Marion's kind eyes. "I'm just a little homesick, I guess."
"You miss Rachel?" She asked with a suspicious look in her eyes.
"Yeah, I do." He answered reflexively and paused while her face erupted in a glowing smile. How did she know about Rachel? He had never told her a thing about his life back in Lima. "Wait, how did you know about her?"
She was about to open her mouth when Rich called out to the two of them from his spot by the ovens. "You know, we kind of have some customers out here that need their grub if you two are done with the coffee talk!"
Marion turned around angrily with fire in her eyes. "Do it yourself, you fat bastard! This is all your fault anyway!" Finn could hear Rich grumbling as he took out his orders himself, and Finn was waiting patiently for some kind of elaboration. He watched as Marion pulled a small note out of her pocket, and when she handed it over to him, he could plainly see Rachel's modest scrawl across the front.
He stared at the piece of paper in awe as he opened it and read it to himself in the dim light of the foyer. His heart was beating like a booming bass drum as he held the paper in his hands. He didn't even care how Marion got it, he just needed to know what had happened to her. He ran his fingers over her handwriting before he allowed himself to read it, feeling almost apprehensive of what it was going to say.
My Dearest Finn,
I know that when you find this letter I'll be gone, and I hope you're not too mad at me for leaving without saying goodbye. I was afraid to face you after everything that happened between us and took the easy way out.
First and foremost, I want to say I'm sorry, but in truth there are still so many things I have to apologize to you for that I can barely keep track of them all anymore. I left Lima wanting to find you and make things better between us, but all I did was make things infinitely more complicated, and I can't begin to express how sorry I am for even attempting my idiotic trek. I can't help but think that things would be better if I had never come at all, but at the same time, last night would have never happened, and that is something I wouldn't want to trade in for anything.
I realized something this morning when I woke up. Last night changed me in more ways than I could possibly imagine, and I was so scared to face you, only to discover that you still wanted me out of your life forever. I thought this would be less painful for the both of us, a fresh start just like we agreed on. If last night changed things for you as well, then please call me and let me know. If I don't hear from you, then I can only hope that you're moving on like we promised one another, and I will keep my promise to move on as well.
Please take care of yourself, Finn.
I will always love you,
Rachel
"How," he stopped to clear the thickness out of his throat. "How did you find this?"
"Rich took it from the apartment when you weren't looking the other day. We had a bit of a bet going, you see, when you first showed up here. We weren't going to push you to tell us what had happened, but we kind of had our own ideas about it." She chuckled to herself while he re-read the letter over and over again, committing every word to memory. "Rich thought you had run away from home because of a drunk step-dad or something, but I knew from the second you stepped foot in this diner that it was a girl. He found the letter and showed it to me today to prove me right. I near beat him to death with his spatula for swiping it."
Finn had never been one for words, but right now he was completely speechless as he stared at the note like it had the answers to all of his problems.
"Finn," Marion called his name softly, but he couldn't bear to lift his eyes from the paper. He nodded his head softly to prove that he was listening and Marion continued. "You're a good boy, and I think we both know what has to happen." Finn finally pried his eyes away from Rachel's letter and nodded. He wasn't going to mess things up again by staying in Michigan. This was his last chance to make things right.
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, at a loss for words. "You've done so much for me, Marion. How could I ever repay you?"
She smiled at him and fixed the collar on his shirt, reminding him of his mother who he wanted to see so badly. "You go home and you give your Momma the biggest hug ever. Then you go right up to this Rachel girl and you lay a big one on her. She won't know what hit her." She embellished with a wink and Finn couldn't help but smile.
"But what about you and Rich? It's New Year's Eve!" She dismissed him with a wave of her arms and practically pushed him out of the kitchens so he could get his stuff.
"Don't worry about us, Rich will take care of everything."
"Hey!" Finn could hear Rich protesting and he had to resist the urge to go back to the kitchens and dunk his head in the sink for stealing his letter. Lucky for Rich, Finn was in a hurry as he ran up the stairs and packed up his belongings. He scribbled out a final thank you note to Marion before saying goodbye to her once more, hugging the woman tightly and promising to get in touch with her soon. He practically ran to the parking lot to start his car, thankful that he had taken the time earlier this week to dig it out of the snow. Rachel's note was tucked safely in his back pocket and for the first time since he left Ohio he wished he'd had a cell phone, so he could call her on the road and tell her that he was on his way home. He should have called her the second he realized she was gone. . . .
It was barely 7pm when he left Michigan, and the roads were crowded and full of crazy holiday drivers whose goal was to make Finn's life a living hell. He didn't even cross the border to Ohio until 9pm and when he finally made it back to Lima, he went against what he'd promised Marion and drove straight to Rachel's house instead of his mom's. He was still planning on giving her the hug of the century, but he had to see Rachel first.
He knew something wasn't right the second he pulled up to the house. All of the lights were off, and Finn knew for a fact that her fathers normally hosted a party for the neighbors every year. No cars were in the driveway, and Finn felt the prickle of uneasiness spread through him as he drove home. Where could she be on New Year's Eve?
Kurt! If she was with anyone, she had to be with Kurt! He got back into his car and drove over to his house, where his mom's party was in full swing. He burst through the doors, ready to find Kurt and track down Rachel, no matter how far he had to search. He didn't care that he was dirty, or still wearing his grimy work clothes, he needed to find her, just like she had found him.
Lucky for him, he didn't have to go too far.
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
The party was at full swing in the Hummel-Hudson house as Rachel picked idly at some spinach puffs and cheese sticks that she had helped Carole make for the party. Her father's decided against their annual party this year, seeing as Rachel had been so depressed and most of her guests were attending the Hummel-Hudson party instead. They had driven her over and were now chatting with Burt over the damage to the SUV, and how it had affected their insurance. She ignored the pang of guilt and focused on the party. She didn't want to be stuck in her house tonight anyway, she wanted to be with Kurt so he could stop her from licking her wounds and actually have a good time.
It wasn't working.
It was a bit awkward at first, trying to help Carole set up for the party. She was afraid that Carole would try to hold a grudge against her because of what had happened between her and Finn. However, Carole was actually grateful that Rachel had found Finn, and that she finally knew that her son was safe out there in the world. In fact, Burt was the angrier of the two parents, and now she was being forced to go to weekly auto shop lessons for her penance. So far, the only thing she had learned was that cars were greasy, dirty things.
There were plenty of her gleeks in attendance, but she avoided them and slipped into Finn's fathers chair, taking a deep breath and smelling nothing but Finn. Part of her wanted to close her eyes and lose herself in scent, and the other part wanted New Years to be over already so she could hand in her application to Bernadette's and escape from every last reminder of Finn Hudson. She had barely been home a week and already it felt like too much.
She was lost in thought when she heard the sound of a door opening, and a strange silence washed over the crowded party that snapped Rachel out of her trance. She looked up towards the door and thought she was hallucinating when she saw Finn standing there in the entrance, looking straight at her with something clutched in his hand.
No one moved or made a sound.
He walked up to her and the first thing she noticed was that he looked filthy. His clothes were dirty and his hair was disheveled but he had never looked more perfect. He was breathing heavily as he walked up to her sitting on his armchair, and she shot out of the seat like a bullet from a gun.
It was so silent that the sound of the armchair scuffing against the floor startled her as he approached her. She could feel every eye on her right now, and part of her couldn't believe this was real. What was he doing here? Why did he leave Michigan? And why was he looking at her like that?
"We need to talk." His voice was like gravel and she couldn't decipher the myriad of emotions that were being expressed on his face. Was he angry? Upset? Was he here for the night, or was there the possibility that he was home for good?
Don't get your hopes up, she thought to herself while he led her outside onto the front porch. It was chilly, but he grabbed a jacket from the foyer and wrapped it around her shoulders while she waited for him to close the front door so the explosion could commence.
He didn't say a word; he just kept staring at her until she felt so uncomfortable that she had to break the ice. "Finn," she said slowly. "What are you doing here?"
He shook his head and held out his hand, uncurling his fingers and revealing her letter. "Rich, my coworker, took this from the apartment the day you left. I never even saw it until a few hours ago." She could hear his voice growing thick as he continued, and her vision turned blurry from the tears that suddenly threatened to fall. "I thought. . ." He trailed off and shook his head sadly. "Remember the first day you showed up in Michigan, and you said that you didn't know if finding me had been a miracle or not because we'd been fighting so much?" She nodded her head and he continued. "It was a miracle, Rachel. I know that now."
"How can you say that, Finn?" She asked as the cold bit at her skin. "All we did was fight and yell at one another. We said things that we can never take back."
"We also shared something that we can't take back either, Rachel. You said that it changed you, and guess what, it changed me too. I felt it just like you did."
"I thought we had promised to move on Finn? I was getting ready to move on." She moaned.
"Well I can't move on." He stood in front of her with his arms crossed, more confident than she had seen him in ages. "Don't you get it, Rachel? It always comes back to you and me. I had to run away from home to realize that I can't escape you no matter how hard I try, and I know you feel the same."
She didn't want the bubble of hope in her chest to grow any larger, lest he burst it with bad news and she was left with nothing all over again. "Well, what about the diner? Marion and Rich?"
"I quit. I'm too young to be an adult. That shit sucks." She shot him a reproachful look for the curse and didn't want to believe him. She couldn't believe him when it all sounded to good to be true.
"Finn, I was going to apply to Bernadette's." She watched as his face slowly morphed from elation to despair. "It's an all-girls academy in Dayton. I'll finally be able to focus on my career and get out of Lima. . ."
"Rachel, you can't," he interrupted. "You can't transfer. You have to stay."
"Why? So we can just get back together and break up in a few more months? You really want to go through all of this again?" Why couldn't he just make up his mind and stick with it? "What happened to our fresh start?"
"That's exactly what I want!" He leaned forward until their foreheads were touching and his lips were mere inches away from hers. She inhaled deeply and breathed in his scent; a little greasy but he just needed a shower. "You know what tonight is? New Year's Eve. Tonight is the night we leave everything behind us and start fresh." She felt a tear fall from her eye and she sniffled lightly as he continued. "This year has been insane in so many ways, it's hard to keep track of all the craziness. We can't ever forget what happened between us over this past year, but that doesn't mean that we can't move on together. 2010 treated us like crap, and I want 2011 to be our year, Rachel. I don't want anyone or anything else to get in our way."
She couldn't control the flood of tears now, even if she wanted to. "You know Finn, just because we had sex, it doesn't magically erase everything we said and did to one another."
He nodded his head. "You're right, it doesn't. But now that I know what life is like without you, I never want to go back." He held her to him as close as the space would allow. "I'm home now, and I'm not leaving again."
She couldn't deny the anxious ache in her chest that things would never be the same. "We're going to wind up hating each other all over again."
"I never hated you, Rachel." He said softly as he kissed her on the forehead. "I loved you too much."
She couldn't control the flood of emotions any longer as she launched herself into his arms, pulling him down by the neck of the shirt and kissing him like none of this drama had ever happened. Like they were the only people in the world that mattered. She fell into the kiss when he reciprocated in earnest and could feel the love bursting out of every pore. No longer were they plagued by tension and anxiety, as he kissed her under the soft moonlight they only felt the deepest love. The emotion that they had been trying so hard to ignore was free to flourish once more as they held each other close and whispered apologies against the other's lips. There was so much to make up for, but now they had all the time in the world to make things right.
They would have their fresh start, and they would do things right this time.
They were lost in each other's embrace when Kurt suddenly opened the front door, catching them in the middle of their kiss with a thousand watt grin on his face. He raised his glass of sparkling cider in the air with a loud yell of excitement, and pulled them both inside so they could join the party.
Finn was passed around from person to person for a good chunk of the night, and she almost started crying when he lifted up his mother in a huge hug and started to spin her around the living room. He immediately fell back into old patterns with his friends, and it was like he was never even gone. She didn't know what was going to happen between them, but he was home and he wanted them to start over, which was more than she could have ever asked for. She smiled as they watched the ball drop, and she squeezed Finn's hand tightly in her own as they shared their New Year's kiss. He lifted up his glass of cider for a toast and clinked her own.
"To fresh starts." He said, and she couldn't help but think to herself, Mission Accomplished. Weeks ago, she had set out to find Finn and bring him home, and she had actually done so, even if it was in the most backwards way imaginable.
Nothing had gone as planned, but he was home, and she wasn't going to mess it up this time.
"Cheers."
Salut mes amis!
Epilogue should be up soon!
Lyrics from "Little Lion Man" by Mumford and Sons
Until next time, sings. . .Don't Stop Reviewing!
Merci Mille Fois!