Thirteen

Noah and Ed were sitting across from each other at Sarabeth's. In front of Noah was a flight of three different ice cream sandwiches, and in front of Ed was a s'more dessert in a jar. After entering the apartment and catching his son as he leapt into his arms, Ed bundled him up and took him for lunch before surprising him with a trip to the Upper East Side's upscale dessert spot. Noah had taken his time, carefully selecting what he would like from the menu before then instructing Ed to get the s'more dessert so he could have a taste.

So far the little boy had been cheerful, smiling and laughing as Ed would randomly recite a cheesy joke. He didn't stop his comedian act just because they were at dessert.

"How do you make a Kleenex dance, No?" Ed asked, taking a bite of his chocolate creation and giving Noah a little smirk as he scrunched his face up in thought.

"I dunno," Noah said, shrugging and trying to stop a smile from spreading on his face ahead of the punch line.

"You put a little boogie on it." Ed delivered the line just like he would say anything other thing, and he admired his spoon as he said it. But Noah dissolved into a hit of giggles, immediately causing Ed to break his demeanor and a large grin formed on his face as he watched how happy and at peace his son was in the moment.

"Daddy, you so funny!" he exclaimed, taking a larger than needed bite of of ice cream sandwich with chocolate filling. He'd already declared that one his favorite.

"Ya like your ice cream?" Ed asked, dodging the compliment and checking in on the order.

"UH-HUH!" Noah responded loudly, attracting some attention, but Ed didn't mind. He was just glad Noah was calming down. "We take some to Mommy?" His question was innocent, but it pierced Ed's heart and sent him hurdling back towards their family's reality. He offered Noah a small smile.

"Mommy still isn't feeling too well, pal," Ed said softly, leaning over the table and taking one of Noah's little hands. "But maybe when she's feeling better, we will bring her here?"

"That good," Noah said, still eating his ice cream but his own mood had obviously dropped. "We goin' home tonight?"

Ed let out a sigh. "I'm not sure, Noah," he answered honestly. "Mommy is feeling better, but the doctors are still watching her."

"The cancer?"

"Yeah. Sometimes the medicine makes Mommy really sick," Ed explained gently. "Just like yesterday."

"Yeah…" Noah said, putting his dessert down and frowning. "I miss her."

"Well," Ed said slowly, having already run his idea by the doctor, "how about we finish here, then I'll take you to see her?"

Noah's face shot up, his eyes wide and a smile on his face.

"I done," he said immediately, getting down from his chair and fumbling with his jacket. "We go see Mommy right now."

Ed smiled, threw a tip down, helped Noah with his coat, and ushered his son out the door.

"Good idea, son."

"Well, I'm officially caught up on the world's gossip," Olivia said, tossing a magazine onto the bedside table and lovingly rolling her eyes at Charlie. "Ya know, when I was still at SVU, this kinda stuff drove me nuts."

"Yeah?" Charlie scooted her chair up and leaned in, eagerly awaiting what story Olivia was going to tell.

"Yeah," she sighed out, moving to run her fingers through Charlie's hair. "I was so convinced that this kind of…gossip, obsession…led people to do really bad things…"

"Well, you were kind of right…"

"I was," she allowed. "But also kind of wrong."

Charlie let out a little snort.

"Nope," she said, "my Momma's never wrong."

Olivia just gave her a smile, trying to catch the young woman's eyes but Charlie was an expert dodger. "How are you doing?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"Well, the nurses ask every half hour, so you've heard my answer a few times…your turn."

"If you're okay, I'm okay," Charlie said, her Ed Tucker smile causing Olivia to almost laugh at her answer.

"You…are your father's daughter."

Charlie laughed nervously, pushing her hair behind her ear. "What do you mean?"

"He said the exact same thing to me earlier," Olivia said, her old detective tone coming out slightly. "I didn't believe him, and I don't believe you."

She didn't say anything, but Charlie reached out to take Olivia's hand and finally made eye contact. Olivia watched as tears swirled behind her daughter's blue orbs, but she didn't allow herself to release them.

"Hey…" Olivia whispered, feeling more and more desperate to reach her, knowing that it was her illness that had her this upset and withdrawn. But she kept hitting walls. "I'm…so sorry that I scared you last night. But you were…amazing. My amazing girl. And I'm getting better…stronger. And soon all of this will be behind us."

Charlie tried to smile, but her bottom lip began to quiver. Olivia watched her, patiently waiting on the outside but begging on the inside for the damn to break.

"It's okay, Charlie" she said softly ,scooting over on the bed and making room for charlie to climb up, but she hesitated. "Please…just let me hold you?"

Just as Charlie was about to give in and climb into the hospital bed with her mother, a knock on the door startled the pair and a jovial, plump nurse came in.

"Time for more vitals," she said, completely oblivious to what she had interrupted. "Your color is looking so much better, Mrs Tucker! You'll be out of here within the hour, I think!"

Olivia's face lit up and she smiled at Charlie, who squeezed her hand reassuringly and returned the grin.

"Oh that's just the best news," Olivia said, "I wonder if we are fast enough to surprise your dad and Noah?"

Charlie shook her head and pulled out her phone, already dialing Ed and feeling grateful for the emotional reprieve. "No way. Dad would kill me."

"MOMMY!" Noah yelled, breaking free from Ed's hand and darting across the hospital room. Charlie helped the boy climb up onto the bed and he collapsed against Olivia, his little arms wrapped around her neck. "Hi Mommy," he mumbled into her shoulder.

"Hi, my love," Olivia cooed, her eyes closed as she cuddled her son in the bed with her. "I'm so so glad you came." Noah didn't say anything, he just snuggled further into Olivia and let out a content sigh. "How was ice cream with Daddy?"

"Good," he said, making no attempt to sit up and leave the embrace, "I got THREE ice cream sandwiches. Dey called a fight."

"Flight, No," Ed said, smiling and taking the empty chair by Olivia's head. Charlie was in the wingback chair on the opposite side of the bed.

"Oh. A flight, Mommy," he said, craning his neck to look up at her, eyes wide and happy.

"That sounds so nice. What did Daddy have?"

"He say he didn't want anything, but den I wanted two, so he got one."

Olivia just let out a laugh and looked at her husband. Ed made no attempt to hide the fact he spoiled their son, so he just shrugged and smirked at her.

"Still Christmas," Ed said simply. "So he got two desserts."

"Did you save any for me?" Charlie asked, finally chiming into the conversation. She raised her eyebrow at Noah, causing Ed to laugh.

"I know it's impossible, but you looked just like Liv just then," he said, causing both women to smile and lock gazes.

"I'll take that," Charlie replied, but got back to the issue at hand. "Well, No?"

"Uh-uh," he said, shaking his head. "I eat it allllllllllll."

The room erupted into laughter right as the doctor strolled in.

"Well isn't this a sight for sore eyes," she said, smiling at the group before checking Olivia's IV bag.

"I hear we might get to spring her?" Ed asked, hopeful that they could all leave together. Otherwise, he would have a real fight on his hands with his son.

"You heard correctly," the doctor confirmed. "Olivia, I need you to take it easy okay? Eat light at first - soup, jello, pudding, toast, at least until you're feeling less queasy. Take naps. Don't push yourself. And call if your fever goes up again, okay?"

"Okay," Olivia responded, resting her cheek on Noah's head and closing her eyes in relief.

"Dr. Kamal asked that you call his office tomorrow and schedule a quick check-in next week, but other than that…you're good to go. Nancy will be in soon with discharge papers and your escort out," she replied, patting Olivia's leg and winking at Ed. It didn't take her long to realize Olivia would be less than thrilled about leaving in a wheelchair.

"Thank you, Dr. Stevens," Ed said sincerely, standing up to shake her hand, "thank you so much, for taking care of my wife."

"My pleasure," she responded, heading for the door. "Have a Merry-Belated-Christmas."

The door clicked shut and Ed looked at Olivia, his eyes moist but bright.

"We're taking you home, baby," he said softly. Olivia just nodded into Noah's hand and glanced over a Charlie.

"Home, or the apartment, sounds good."

Several hours later, Ed punched the button for Trevor's floor in the elevator and leaned his head against the wall, smiling as he observed his wife's profile as she anxiously watched the numbers rise.

"Happy to be out?" Ed obviously knew the answer, but he just wanted to keep talking. Her voice was comforting.

"Mmhmmm," she said, turning her head and returning his smile.

"Your eyes are sparkling," he observed, reaching out to stroke her cheek before kissing her forehead. "It's good to see."

"It's nice to feel semi-normal again," she quipped back, leaning her body into Ed's and letting him hold her as the elevator slowed. "And…as nice as it has been to be back in the city, I miss home."

"Home misses you too," Ed assured her, kissing her lips and pulling back slowly. "Tomorrow."

The doors opened and Ed picked up the overnight bag, grabbed Olivia's hand, and led her down the hallway. Her pace quickened as she realized how close she was to be reunited with her family. As much as she had enjoyed the brief hospital visit earlier, Olivia craved being in her pajamas and in a warm, cozy living room surrounded by those she loved most in the world.

"I'm curious what Charlie's secret was," Olivia mused. "I was shocked Noah left as willingly as he did earlier…"

"Me too," Ed admitted. He and Olivia had talked some once the kids left, about how they felt Noah in particular was coping with this latest episode. Ed had been honest, admitting that the boy was anxious and worried. Olivia took it in stride, but was obviously deeply concerned about how her illness was effected her family. "He was pretty wound up at lunch. I think we need to try and be more open with him about some of this. He's perceptive."

As they approached the apartment, Olivia paused.

"I hate what this is doing to him," she whispered, causing Ed to lean into her and cup her face. "To everyone."

"Hey," he whispered, kissing her once more and lingering for a few extra seconds, "we'll get through it."

Once he pulled back, Olivia's eyes stayed locked on his. The couple allowed themselves a moment outside of the apartment to just be together, and breath. But Ed lingered a tad bit longer than Olivia had the patience for.

"I love you, Ed," she whispered, "but I need you to open this door…"

He laughed and turned the key, ushering his wife inside. Immediately their nostrils were hit with the scent of freshly baked apples and cinnamon.

"What…" Olivia's eyes grew and her smile widened. The living room was filled with green, red, and white holiday balloons, everyone was back in their elf pajamas, and a nice hors d'oeuvre spread was on the large coffee table.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Noah yelled, hopping off the couch and sprinting to Olivia. "AGAIN!"

"Time to finish up our Christmas celebration," Charlie said, standing up from where she was playing on the floor with Trevor and Lizzie, helping her parents understand what they were doing. But they were both stunned. Ed stood, stoic as usual, looking around with his jaw set, clearly trying not to show emotion. Olivia remained squatting down, Noah wrapped up in her arms, and trying not to cry yet again.

"I…I love it," she said, her eyes closing as she turned her head into Noah's. "Thank you, sweet boy. Merry Christmas."

"Again," he said softly, his little hands gripping Olivia's sweatshirt. It was apparent, that even thought he got some time with his mother in the hospital, that he was still struggling. "We watch the Grinch?"

"Whatever you want," Ed said, moving over and giving Charlie a side hug, kissing her temple. "Whatever any of you want."

It was just after midnight and the apartment was quiet, save for the occasional faint horn from the street below. Olivia had dozed off on the couch just before eight, and the family had left her there until the movie ended. Ed went through Noah and Lizzie's bedtime routine, having missed the tranquilness of that particular act, while Trevor and Charlie cleaned up quietly in the kitchen. Once the kids were asleep, he scooped Olivia up and effortlessly carried her to the master bedroom, making sure she her forehead was cool but the rest of her was warm, before kissing at her face and returning.

The three remaining adults shared a few drinks and made small talk, reminiscing about the kids playing with their presents or how much brighter Olivia seemed, but there was also a heaviness in the living room. Ed chalked it up to how stressful the last few days had been and didn't think twice about refilling everyone's bourbon before retiring for the night.

Now he was perched on the edge of the jacuzzi tub, making sure the water temp was just right, as Olivia slowly made her way in. Ed lit a few candles and helped Olivia out of her pajamas and into the tub, making sure there was enough oil to leave her feeling relaxed.

"Mmmmmm," she moaned, sinking straight into the water and resting her head against the rolled up towel Ed held in place for her. "Thank you…"

"Of course," he said, straightening up but staying where he was and watching the strained emotion drain from his wife's face. She had woken up about half an hour ago, and while she wasn't as sick as she had been, she admitted that she still wasn't feeling great. Ed suggested a bath and knew immediately she wanted one. "Just soak, baby. Let the last few days just melt away. I'm right here."

"I know," she whispered, finally opening her eyes and reaching out to grab his hand. "So am I."

Ed just smiled at her and they maintained eye contact for a little while until he became a little uncomfortable under her watch. She could see right through him.

"Talk to me," she implored, running her fingertips along the palm of his hand, soothing him.

"Just glad to have everyone under one roof right now," he shrugged simply, watching their joined hands move slightly above the water. "It's been a crazy couple of months…and I had hoped that the holidays would be relaxing."

"Me too…"

"But it's not your fault," Ed said quickly. He was terribly worried that Olivia was taking too much of this on herself, when she needed to focus her energy on her own battle. "I don't want you worrying about all of this…"

"Ed…"

"No," he said, not ready to hear her argument. "You are in for the fight of your life here. It's my job, mine and Charlie's and Trevor's, to take care of everything else. It's killing me to think that you are worried about us, on top of the cancer."

"I'm going to worry," she finally said firmly, "there's no way to avoid that, Ed. You're my husband. Charlie and Noah are my children. I will never not worry, even when everything is okay. And as much as it's killing you to think that I'm worrying? It's killing me to have Charlie…and you…hold back from me."

Ed's heart snapped as he gripped her hand more tightly and leaned down to nuzzle her forehead with his lips. "Olivia…"

"You think I don't know that you're scared? That I don't see it?"

Ed was silent, but his eyes finally met Olivia's and they were pleading with her. He wasn't ready to deal with his fears, with his emotions, with the depth of Charlie's pain or Noah's anxiety. Ed Tucker wanted to solely focus on his wife's survival, but he knew that was no longer an option. Olivia was too perceptive, too smart, and way too strong for him to have expected otherwise.

"I see you, Ed Tucker," she said, sitting up and wrapping her arms around his waist, soaking his t-shirt. "I will always see you. And, we need to do this together…our children need us to do this together. And…well…I just need you…"

Ed's breath caught in his throat as he fought the rising sobs in his chest. "I need you too, baby," he rasped out. "Forever."

"Get me out of this tub, Captain," she said, her voice low and needy, "…and into our bed."

"Liv…" Ed hesitated, he knew that tone. "You're…we're…can we?"

"I'm tired," she admitted, "but we can get creative."

Ed pulled the plug on the bath and swiftly grabbed an oversized fluffy white towel to wrap around Olivia. As soon as she was on her feet, he pulled her into him and crashed his lips to hers.

"Ed…" she moaned as his tongue swept through every crevice of her mouth. "Ed….the bed…"

He backed them into the room and caught himself before he landed right on top of Olivia, continuing to pepper her body with kisses. Her hands caressed his arms and shoulders, moving to grip his gray hair and steer him back to her mouth. They pleasured each other slowly and lovingly with their hands and lips before finally collapsing back into the plush pillows. Olivia was on her side, Ed spooning her from behind, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

"Hey," he whispered, settling his cheek against hers. He was as close as he could possibly get to his wife. "Ya okay?"

"I'm good. So good," she said, voice barely audible, tightening her own grip on his hands. "I love you, Ed."

"Love you too," he said, kissing her once more and closing his eyes. "Rest."

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