AN: So sorry for the wait... this one took longer than I expected to piece together, I'm just hoping you like it. A huge THANK YOU to Sammygirl1963 who has been ever so patient in looking over my work... believe me when I say, my stories benefit alot from her!
John sat and stared out the window, allowing the others to talk amongst themselves – effectively ignoring him. He hated how things had turned out, but until Lucas started to trust them, there wasn't really anything he could do to put his torn family back together. Worse yet, if he was honest with himself, nothing would actually change; Dean and Sammy would hunt or do research while he took off on his own more and more often. It was a harsh truth, but one he needed to face if he had any hope of figuring out what to do.
The memories of times past when he'd completely blown some minute thing out of proportion had been playing in his head unhindered, showing him exactly how many times he'd failed as a parent and exactly why his boy thought he wasn't valued. It wasn't something he had wanted to see, much less admit to, but it was the truth. While he thought he was keeping his sons safe by leaving them alone taking care of each other, by allowing Dean the role of primary caregiver to his brother, he was actually turning his back on both while he continued on his own crusade with little or no results.
Rubbing the grit from his eyes made him suddenly aware of the quiet in the room. Turning, he saw that he was now alone and couldn't figure out where the others had gone.
"They went to get food and information, John. Don't worry though, they'll be back soon."
Startled, John turned around and stared openly at the man before him. "What… how the hell?" he asked, practically choking on the words as the implications took hold and prevented him from coming up with something from his normal list of sarcastic wit.
Pastor Simmons smiled slightly and held out a hand to show he wasn't there to harm anyone. "John, I came to tell you that I understand. You're worried and you blame yourself for what has happened. Although it took you longer than I thought, I believe you have finally pieced it together."
Nodding, John sat down and answered sadly, "Yeah, I had everything I needed and I basically tossed it away. Unfortunately if I had it to all over again, I don't know if anything would be different."
"Really? Even after knowing what you know now?" Pastor Simmons laughed before sitting across from the hunter. "I think that's the smartest thing you've said in quite awhile." Seeing John's surprise, the entity smiled wanly and shook his head. "This wasn't to show you how different you should have been, but to show you what you had and didn't appreciate. You know that you would have still hunted the supernatural like a maniac, but do you really think that you would have allowed the rift between you and Sam form like before? Of course not… not intentionally at least. You would have done everything you could to try and find common ground with him."
"That's what I should have done, to make all of this never happen?" John asked, sure he had stumbled across something very important, and possibly to his advantage if he could just…
"No. I'm saying that your paths would have led different directions, but for different reasons and with different results. I am not someone to be trifled with John Winchester. I have been around for quite awhile and know the frailty of humanity, but even gods and demigods get tiresome of seeing the same results happening day after day."
Looking at the person in front of him, John had a sudden realization and he wasn't sure what to do with it. "You're a… god?"
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It was good to kick back and relax for a bit, not that Dean was going to admit that to anybody, but it was still the truth. They decided to take a full day to rest up before hitting the road after breakfast in the morning, and now were holed up in a Comfort Inn that boasted of a hot tub somewhere on the property. Dean was pretty sure that that was the only reason why Lucas had insisted on stopping at all. Sure, the kid could play it tough, but even he needed to slow down to heal every now and again.
"So, you ready to hit the hot tub?" Dean asked as he unpacked a change of clothes and his shaving kit, assessing his reflection in the room's mirror - although he didn't shave every day, he drew a line at growing an actual beard like his dad. Not hearing a response, he turned his attention towards his brother, worry beginning to clutch at his gut.
Lucas continued to stretch out on the bed, content for the moment to be stationery. He was used to being the one in the driver's seat not sitting as a passenger, and it was more tiring than anything else he could think of. Even the physical therapy he had gone through before had allowed breaks in the monotony, time to stretch and get refocused. Taking a deep breath, he tried not to sound impatient, but he wanted to take a few more minutes before even thinking what the next step would be. However, he could tell that Dean was waiting for an answer and as he turned his head to look at the other man he saw worry lining his face.
"Not yet, but I'll get there." Lucas said instead of the biting remark that itched on his tongue. He saw the disappointment in Dean's eyes, but refused to ask about it. If Dean wanted to make something out of nothing, then what business was it of his?
Nodding, Dean searched Lucas' face before deciding to leave the subject alone. After all, if the kid wanted to be a stubborn ass, then what business was it of his? I'm his brother, damn it, that's what! Drawing on the long worn patience he still had, he forced himself to nod and make his way into the bathroom to take a shower, hoping that by the time he got out whatever was going on in his brother's head would have worked its way out.
Hearing the shower, Lucas sighed and pressed himself further into the pillow he was lying against. He knew he wasn't the only one feeling awkward about this whole situation, but he was really starting to wonder what he had been thinking when he agreed to go with Dean in the first place. No, he knew what he was thinking – he was thinking he could get rid of everyone staring at him constantly while trying to figure out what Dean really meant to him. If he was this Sammy kid, then it would answer a lot of questions, as well as cause a lot of problems. Coming to a decision, he maneuvered himself off the bed and grabbed his crutches. He needed to get out for awhile – without being constantly watched.
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"No, not in the sense you're talking about… closer to a demigod if you really needed to classify me, but I'd prefer if you didn't." Pastor Simmons said, amused at the man's assumption. Humans always wanted things neatly categorized, never allowing themselves to see a broader aspect. "You call me a trickster, but I have been alive for quite awhile and during my prime I was revered. Those times have past and I have learned to… adapt to my surroundings. You'd be surprised how many people go through life disappointed because it isn't turning out the way they expected."
John stared at the man before him and pondered what he heard. "So, you're not a man of the cloth… just who are you?"
Pastor Simmons laughed as he stood. "I've always liked the name Alex. It reminds me of a great man I once knew – arrogant, but definitely someone who knew what he wanted."
Footsteps echoed along the outside walls, bringing John out of his contemplation and back to the subject at hand. When the door unlocked, he looked around for the demigod, but only found an empty room. Taking a deep breath, he turned back towards the door as it opened to allow the other hunters inside.
"I'm going to see my boys." John stated plainly as he headed towards the door. "So, whose truck am I borrowing?"
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Normally Dean wouldn't have taken so long in the shower; he was the type of guy that wanted in and out in the least amount of time, hassle and fuss. Today though he allowed the hot water to work the kinks out of his neck and back, taking the extra time to gather his thoughts and push down the welling emotions that threatened to break free.
'Damn it kid, why can't you just admit you're Sammy and deal with it?' he thought sadly. He knew that Sammy was having a rough time too, but that thought didn't help at the moment – in fact, it made him feel worse; he'd give anything to keep his little brother safe from all this.
Dean felt the tub vibrate underneath him as if someone had just allowed a door to swing shut. It wouldn't have caused warning bells to sound in his head if it was any ordinary day, but that was the problem – he wasn't having ordinary days anymore, and the thought that his brother was possibly out there on his own sent cold shockwaves through his body and spurred him to jump out of his shower and into his discarded clothes before running into the empty room.
"Damn it!" he shouted as he reached into his duffle and grabbed his gun, putting it in his waist band before racing out the door nearly running into the very person he was heading out to find. "Sammy, damn it…"
The rest of his tirade was halted when he saw what his brother was staring at, and it was a tossup of whether he was just surprised or completely pissed off about it.
"You call him?" Lucas asked quietly while adjusting himself on his crutches. He hadn't needed to actually see Dean to know he was next to him, it was a strong feeling he had anytime they were anywhere near each other. He didn't understand it, but he did know that not everyone had it – what annoyed him though was how he was beginning to accept it.
Feeling as if someone had just kicked the Impala, Dean shook his head, "Nope. I said I wouldn't until we figured out what we were going to do and I meant it."
Lucas nodded and watched as the truck stopped in front of them before John and Bobby both got out of the vehicle and stopped in front of them.
"Boys," John began, clearing his throat before he continued, "I know I said I wouldn't follow, but I'm hoping you'll hear me out. Let's go inside."
Dean stood staring at the man he'd been angry with ever since they lost Sammy in the first place. No one moved, no one spoke, and to an outsider it could easily look like a bizarre face off with one man at a disadvantage with his crutches while two others looked tired enough to fall flat on their faces in the middle of the parking lot. Having enough of being a spectacle, Dean strode forward until he was in front of his brother.
"You couldn't give us a couple of days, a week tops? You had to show up because why? Let me guess, you've had a revelation… well good for you! How about you go deal with it your way and we can deal with it ours." Dean was mad. Not just because his dad hadn't listened to him, but because he had really believed the man would.
"You go inside - I've got someplace else to be." Lucas said as he began his trek along the sidewalk, ignoring the protests coming from John.
Feeling torn between making things right with his boys and the desire to keep his dignity intact, John paused only long enough to remember what the trickster had said. 'Great… now I'm thinking about a dead guy named Alex who knew what he wanted… how the hell is that supposed to help me right now?' he thought sarcastically to himself while trying to judge Dean's mood.
Staring at his dad, Dean focused on all the things that he should have said so many years ago, how many times he bit his tongue or just walked away when all he really wanted to do was knock some sense into the man. As he felt that familiar anger begin to burn once again it suddenly was tamped out when Sammy's face jumped in front of every other thought. His little brother had taken everything life had tossed at him and still gave forgiveness in his last breath. Sighing, he turned away and followed Lucas, motioned towards the open room.
"There's some snacks and sodas in the fridge... just… stay there." He said, not bothering to see if anyone was going to do what he asked. At the moment he had other things to deal with.
It didn't take long before Dean heard voices and paused to listen, smirking at the antics of man he heard in the hot tub.
"…no, really. I was just walking along the highway when this priest comes out of nowhere and hits me with his car."
"Oh… my… God! That is so like… un-bel-ievable!"
Lucas laughed at the girl who was sitting next to him. She and her friends had been more than a little hospitable when they saw him make his way towards them and before he knew it they had already made room for him, jeans and all, and started to ask what happened to make him have to use crutches for legs.
"Yeah, that's what I thought too when I woke up in the hospital with my hip stapled back together." He laughed at their horrified expressions and wondered how in the world there were still naïve people out in the world surviving. "Don't worry, I have a waterproof bandage on it right now… can't get too waterlogged, my brother would have a fit, you know?"
Giggling echoed through the small alcove until finally dying down to allow the sound of people leaving the water to take its place. When it was quiet again Dean walked into view and watched with admiration the bikini clad babes that were walking towards the small restaurant located on the property. Taking another moment to watch them as they entered the establishment, Dean was ready to follow when he heard Lucas snicker behind him.
"Yeah yeah… laugh it up crutch boy." Dean said as he pulled off his shirt, placing it and his gun on the concrete close by as he sat down on the ledge next to Lucas. "Just remember, I can outrun you and get to those babes before you knew what you were missing."
"Nah… all I'd have to do is call out and they'd trip over themselves to help." Lucas snickered; knowing that he had Dean beat. They sat in silence for awhile, neither one mentioning the others state of overdress as the bubbles played with their clothes. "I remember being someone else."
Startled, Dean turned and stared a moment before his vocal chords finally began to work again, giving a very distinctive, "What?"
Lucas nodded slightly before taking a deep breath. "Nothing major really, just the feeling of not being important enough – that I was lacking in some way. I don't know, it doesn't really make sense but when I woke up in the hospital with no one around who knew anything about me, it kind of hit me that maybe what I was feeling was the reason I was there… that somehow no matter how hard I tried it hadn't been good enough. It took awhile to come to the decision that it didn't matter anymore, that I was starting over and no matter what happened I only had to be good enough for me, and honestly… I don't want to give anyone that power over me again."
Dean sat back and let out a long deep breath, trying to process what he'd heard with what he knew. Finally, he nodded slowly before turning towards Lucas. "Yeah, well… I won't make excuses, I've done that for too long, but Dad… he… he's an ass. There, I said it, ok? For too long he expected you to jump in with both feet and follow some sort of timetable that only he knew about. I don't know how many times you two butted heads, too many that's for damn sure, but… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't stand up to him more for you, I'm sorry you thought you had to protect me one last time, I'm so damn sorry that you had to wake up alone in a strange place with strange people and no one around who gave a damn to help you put the pieces back together. I'm not saying we would have lived happily ever after if none of this had happened, I'm just saying that I really wish that we hadn't lost so much time not being there for each other, not being brothers."
The sounds of the hot tub filled the void of conversation, neither man willing to say anything else; content in closing the book on the whole ordeal until finally the latest subject at hand was brought up.
"So… what do we do now?"