AHHH I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN WORKING ON ORIGINAL STUFF BUT NOW I'M WATCHING GAME OF THRONES AND I'M INTO KINGS AND KINGDOMS AGAIN

also kunzek-abod means stone strike in Khuzdul, it's sort of like rugby but with less padding bc Dwarves are hardcore.

Hobbit (c) Tolkien

Stumbling upon Fili and Kili patching each other up is your introduction to Dwarvish sports, and in retrospect, you can't say you're surprised.

"What happened to you two?" you gasp, blinking at the slightly bloody rags lying about.

The boys wince. "Er...afternoon, Auntie," Kili says extremely guiltily.

You're at their side in an instant. "Did you two get in a fight? Who did you fight? Did you win? And who the hell would hit the princes?"

"It's not like that!" Fili exclaims. "Just relax a moment and let us explain."

"You'd better explain!"

"We didn't get in a fight. We were playing kunzek-abod."

"I...have no idea what that is."

"It's a sport," Kili explains. "Dwarves used to play it frequently, but I guess the professional teams never got back together after we reclaimed Erebor. We've been playing with some other lads."

"A sport," you repeat, interested. "I didn't know Dwarves had sports. That sounds fun. Can I play?"

They exchange glances. "It may not be the game for you," Fili says slowly.

You cross your arms. "And why is that?"

"Tell you what: we've got another game set up for tomorrow. Come with us and watch a round, and see if you want to play then."

"Fair enough." You nod, then pause. "Hang on - this game, it is legal, right? Because it's one thing for you two to break the law, but for me to do it - "

"It's completely legal," Fili assures you. "You're just not really supposed to play it without an arena or the proper gear, neither of which we have. You'll see why later."

You're very excited to experience this part of Dwarven culture that you previously had no idea existed. You wonder how popular the game had been before. Kili had mentioned professional teams; did people get paid to play kunzek-abod like humans did football? How did the two compare? More importantly, did Thorin ever play?

You're bursting with anticipation as you follow the boys down into the living districts of the Mountain. Your destination is the stone city equivalent of a vacant lot. There are others gathered there about Fili and Kili's age. All of them are shocked to see you.

"Don't worry, I'm not here to shut you down," you say pleasantly, seeing some uneasy expressions. "I'm here to watch! I've never seen kunzek-abod before, so give me a good game, yeah?"

They cheer and make their preparations. You get comfortable and prepare to learn.

As far as you can tell from the fast action and dreadful hits, kunzek-abod is a sort of rugby without any rules. There are two teams that try to get the ball, which is about the size of a cannonball, to their goal. The rest is tackles and body checks and headbutts that make you wince. It's no wonder the boys needed a first aid session after playing!

Fili's team wins. The game disbands, everyone much worse for the wear but beaming nonetheless. The boys strut back over to you, looking proud despite Kili's bloody nose and Fili's blooming black eye.

"That was brutal," you say, dabbing at Kili's face. "I can't believe you play that for fun!"

"But it is fun!" Kili replies brightly.

"Well, in any case, you were right about me not wanting to play. They're run me over!"

"It's a bit less painful with proper equipment," Fili says, "but somehow also less fun."

"How many people play this regularly?"

"Oh, loads. These are just the lads we usually play with."

"So if we were to build a real stadium and get proper equipment, it wouldn't go to waste?"

The boys blink at you. "Are you saying...?" Kili asks slowly.

"I'll talk to Thorin about it. Sports are very important, especially for kids."

They look like Christmas has come early. They run off to tell their friends of your proposal. Satisfied with the positive response, you think of how best to bring it up. You've never exactly asked for something so big as an entirely new - building? Room? Excavation? What did it count as? - but you're sure space will not be an issue.

In an entirely unforeseen turn of events, putting the question to Thorin is easier than expected. That night, as the two of you ready for bed, you begin casually, "I spent the afternoon with the boys today."

"Oh?" Thorin looks up from his papers with a raised eyebrow and smile. "You kept out of trouble, I hope."

"Yes, actually. They introduced me to kunzek-abod."

Thorin completely turns in his chair, his expression alight with a sort of excitement you've never witnessed. "They've been playing?" he asks eagerly. "So that's why they've been worse for the wear lately! I didn't know there were any new teams."

"Hang on," you say slowly, "Thorin...do you like that game?"

"Like! It was my entire childhood! When I was not attending to duties or misadventures, Dwalin and Frerin and I played on a team. It wasn't professional, of course, but we were no novices. Frerin would run the stone - he was smaller and faster than us - and Dwalin and I would block for him. We came home black and blue more than once. I have not thought of those games in a long time."

You're enthralled by his response. "I cannot believe," you say, fingers over your mouth, "that you are into sports."

"And why not?"

"You've never mentioned it before! Between this and finding out you like the theatre, I feel like I hardly know you!"

"Oh, you know me well. Those are just small things - "

"You looked like a little kid when you were talking about it!"

"I felt like a child talking about. But why do you ask about it?"

"I told the boys that since they were enjoying it so much, I'd ask you if we could build a stadium for them to practice in."

"A stadium!" Thorin's face lights up. "Yes, excellent! There is one, actually, or there should be - we had one before, but I don't know if they repurposed it or not. But you needn't have asked, love. You are queen, remember. You can do as you please."

"But I'm glad I asked!" You plop into his lap. "I would have never known about your glorious career as a semi-professional kunzek-abod player otherwise. Tell me all about it."

The two of you talk late into the night. Listening to Thorin relive his younger days is as much of an experience as watching him. You've never seen him so animated. You're very glad you brought it up; the memories are clearly good ones for him. You imagine a younger Thorin, hair blacker and demeanor softer; a younger Dwalin, with more hair but just as tough; and Frerin, his face unfortunately a blur, all of them laughing and tackling each other.

"Did you ever play any sports?"

"Huh?" You'd been lost in imagining. "Sports? Yeah, I played a few, but none quite as harsh as yours."

"What were they?"

"Er, well...there was baseball..."

"I've not heard of it."

"No, I wouldn't think so."

"What else?"

"We had football, which is kind of like kunzek-abod, and hockey. You'd like hockey. It gets pretty brutal."

"I'm intrigued. I never took Elves to be the sporting type."

"Most of them aren't. It was just...er...well, most of them aren't."

"Would you teach me?"

You raise your eyebrows. "Teach you those sports?"

"Of course. In fact, you could teach them to the children as well. Make a day of it like you did the flower crowns."

"I...yes, I will, if you want me to."

And that is how you find yourself standing in the field, the entire juvenile population of Erebor plus Fili and Kili and Thorin staring expectantly at you.

"Alright, well..." You drop the bag of equipment at your feet. You take out a small ball and one of the bats you lathed yourself. "I'll explain baseball first."

You go over baseball, hockey, and soccer in the easiest but most thorough way possible. You're sure that any professional player would cry at your oversimplification of the sports. Despite your manner of telling, or perhaps because of it, the children are eager to give these games a try. So you set them up with the equipment as well as you can and make your rounds to answer questions, settle disputes, and give reminders of rules.

Thorin stands on the fringe of things, watching. You move to stand by him. He comments, "Elves play such strange games."

"Not all Elves play these games. And not all games have to involve physical contact."

"All the fun ones do."

You look at him in mock outrage, and he chuckles endearingly. "So none of these look fun to you?" you ask.

"The one with the kicking ball does. It would be a challenge. What was it? So-kar?"

"Soccer," you correct. "Yeah, that one seems to be pretty popular. You should go play."

"Perhaps you can teach it to the lads and we'll have a private game. I'd prefer to make a fool of myself in front of friends, not children."

You laugh at the mental image of the company trying to kick a ball around. "That sounds magnificent."

Kili comes to retrieve a foul ball that has rolled in nearby. "This is excellent, Aniel!" he says brightly. "This baseball, I like it!"

"Then we can add a few baseball diamonds to the kunzek-abod stadium we're building," you say.

"A stadium? Really?" Kili looks between you and Thorin, ecstatic. "Yes! I can't wait! Fili, they're going to build the stadium!"

He dashes off to relay the news. His shouts are soon lost amongst the screams and laughter of the children. You're very glad you had the chance to discover this new facet of Dwarf culture, and you can't wait to see what else you uncover.