I can't stop thinking about Quinn. Ever since I left Max to head home after class yesterday, I've been trying to make sense of what she told me about the whole situation. Quinn liking Rachel did make a lot of sense. I re-read all of the scripts I had last night and it does make sense. They've known each other for more than 3 years, and the way Quinn acted towards Rachel was just… The typical behaviour of a closeted lesbian who is scared to face her feelings. I am not very good at reading people but it became obvious as soon as Santana mentioned it. Now I finally understand how Quinn feels, or at least I think I do. And I do think about her a lot. But this doesn't mean that I have feelings for her. I just- I care a lot.
How could I possibly have feelings for someone who was just a TV Show character to me up until 4 months ago anyways? I can't have feelings for Quinn, Dianna is one of my closest friends… Well, she was before I ended up here. And I can't have feelings for Quinn, I don't even know if I will ever go back home, and… I'm not Rachel! I can't just steal her these moments. That story with Quinn, it belongs to Rachel, it doesn't belong to me. Maybe I somehow just am too confused about this whole thing. Me being Rachel but not being Rachel. Maybe I should just tell Quinn the truth.
As soon as I exit my room first thing in the morning, I see Santana, holding her phone in front of my face. On the screen, a text message says "Hello beautiful, this is Justin Bieber, will you be my One Less Lonely Girl?"
"You gave her my number? What were you thinking about?" says Santana, rolling her eyes like she does it so well.
"I thought it would be funny." I chuckle, "And it is, I'm satisfied."
"Yeah well, I'm not going to answer. You're going to find another way to entertain yourself."
"She actually kind of reminds me of Brittany you know." I say as I sit on the couch.
"Are you insane?" Santana sits next to me.
"I don't know anymore to be honest." I shrug, "But Max, it's like she reads people. We actually… Talked about Quinn." I say. "I wanted to understand why she went to you if she has feelings for Rachel and Max had the perfect explanation."
"And what did she tell you? That Quinn used me to get to Rachel?" I nod. "How surprising of her, that's what she does Lea. She uses people." Santana is rolling her eyes again. She does that a lot. "And it didn't work because Rachel is gone and so Quinn probably has pink hair again now."
"You're so mean!" I say, playfully poking Santana.
"Not my fault. The bitch moaned someone else's name while I was working my magic on her. How would you react if that happened?" She looks at me.
"I-I wouldn't appreciate it either I guess." I'm not going to lie, but now that Max has put that stupid idea in my head that I might have feelings for Quinn, hearing about her adventure with Santana makes me kind of uncomfortable.
"My point. Q is a bitch. She is hot, surprisingly kinky but she is and forever will stay a manipulative and emotionally fucked up bitch."
"I don't really need to know that." I say. "I mean I know that you're mad but you shouldn't just… What happened in your bedroom should stay there I mean."
"Are you serious?" Santana chuckles.
"Do you think Rachel liked Quinn back?" I say to change the topic. I can't just let myself believe what Max told me. I need to understand, I need to stop feeling so confused all the time.
"Of course." Santana nodded. "Brittany kept telling me that the reason Rachel became over obsessed with Finn was because of Quinn. She didn't want Finn to have Quinn and so she kept chasing him. It makes sense eh?"
I stay silent, staring at the coffee table, and nod. It does make sense. And it's sad. Sad because it feels like Quinn and Rachel belong together and I don't know where's my place in all of this.
"Brittany also said that the reason why Rachel lost sight of her dreams at some point was because when you love someone your dream is worthless if it doesn't include them." Santana sighs. "Did I already mention that she's always right?" She looks at me. I can see the nostalgia in her eyes.
"Yeah." I say. "I don't doubt it for a second. I think I need to talk to her." I get up and walk towards my room.
"What for?" Santana asks.
"I need to understand. I need to understand and I feel like Brittany could be helpful."
"Whatever you say, I'm gonna watch Family Guy without you then." She says.
I enter the room and close the door behind me. I then grab my laptop and sit on my open before I open it. I'm lucky enough to see Brittany online.
Rachel Berry: Shouldn't you be in class?
A couple of minutes later, I get an answer.
Brittany Pierce: I stayed home because Lord Tubbington is not feeling all right.
Brittany Pierce: How are you Lea?
Rachel Berry: I'm confused. I need your help.
Brittany Pierce: Did you find out about Quinn?
Rachel Berry: How did you…
Brittany Pierce: I don't know.
Rachel Berry: Look Brittany, I do believe the fact that Quinn and Rachel love each other but there's something else. It's a bit more complicated.
Brittany Pierce: What is it?
Rachel Berry: I'm not Rachel. I can't like Quinn back. Right?
I'm nervously rubbing the palms of my hands on my thighs while Brittany is typing an answer.
Brittany Pierce: Don't you think you're here for a reason?
Rachel Berry: I don't know why I'm here, I just… I woke up in Rachel's life I don't know why. It wasn't planned. I didn't even know it could happen.
Brittany Pierce: Everything happens for a reason Rachel.
Rachel Berry: I'm not Rachel.
Brittany Pierce: But Rachel isn't gone. Sometimes I can feel her. She's still here.
Rachel Berry: Where?
Brittany Pierce: Everywhere.
Rachel Berry: You're not making any sense.
Brittany Pierce: If you know about Quinn, don't you think you should talk to her?
Rachel Berry: Why am I here Brittany?
I look at the screen, waiting for Brittany to type something, anything. I'm sick of not knowing what's going on. I need help. The more I understand Quinn and Rachel's relationship, the more confused I feel about being trapped in that life. This is not my life, this is Rachel's and I'm stealing it from her. I look down at my sweating hands and back at the computer to see that Brittany finally decided to answer my question.
Brittany Pierce: Rachel needs your help.
Rachel Berry: With what?
Brittany goes offline.
"Midget! There's a text for you on my phone. Why don't you start giving people your phone number instead of mine huh?" Santana opens my room's door and throws me the phone. "Your new friends are creepy you know?" She says before going back to the living room. I look at the phone's screen there's a new text from a blocked number.
"Glad to see you're finally making some progress Lea.
You've been trapped. Trapped by Kaboosh."