Chapter 8
They spent the remainder of the day in bed, holding and caring for each other. The storm blew over and they woke the next morning to a land of pristine white drifts and the sound of heavy white stuff dropping off the tall pine trees that surrounded their cabin.
"I wondered," Al suggested, setting his empty cup on the table. "Just wondered if you wanted to go out and do a little running around. We need milk and eggs, stuff that won't keep and the caretakers didn't stock up on." He was relieved by the distracted shake of Sam's head, his eyes on the snow-filled windows. "You go ahead. I want to go for a hike, maybe check out the woods." He grimaced at Al' s tight expression. "It won't hurt to give me a little time alone; as much as I love you there's times where I want to just walk, explore, and see the lay of the land."
"March around to your heart's content, kid," Al said casually, belying his relief. He was delighted by the eager look on Sam's face, and pleased that he had his little excuse to go out intact without worrying his lover's head about it. Security had called, long before his partner had rolled out of bed, and as Admiral, he wanted to check out their status and make sure they were qualified to do their job. Certainly, his old buddy at White Sands wouldn't have sent him anything but the best, but he wanted to alleviate his own worries and make sure the cabin was as secure as being home.
They left the house together, and Al stared with dismay at the snow buried car. For all means and purposes, it looked like a small hill. The driveway had been plowed out, courtesy of the neighbors, but there was still the matter of clearing the vehicle. Al glanced from the shovel that leaned against the wall, to the smirk that covered Sam's face. "You gonna help me?" he asked, hands on hips.
Tapping his cane on the porch floor, Sam gave his friend a wide eyed innocent look, clearly indicating his 'helpless' situation. He grinned wider as his exasperated friend snatched the shovel and proceeded to dig the car out of the drifts. After a few moments, Sam realized it wasn't the best of jokes, that his friend wasn't in any shape to be hefting the weighty snow. He tossed the cane aside and took the shovel from a relieved looking Al. "Grab the broom in the kitchen, and I'll dig her out, while you get the windows and doors."
Pleased at his own thoughtfulness, Sam dug the snow from the tires, feeling invigorated by the cold, sparkling fresh, mountain air. The baffled expression he received from his partner made him want to laugh almost out loud.
Simply put, Al was not a lazy man, but could never understand why Sam got so excited about manual labor. Shaking his head, he cleared the windows, and in no time at all, the car was clear and free, both men warmed by their exertions, faces bright and red from the cold. Dumping the broom on the porch, Al grabbed keys from his pocket and headed for the car. Stiffening, he froze as a handful of well-aimed snow smacked him square in the face. Maintaining his dignity, he neatly wiped the white stuff from his eyes and nose, not in the least bit amused at his hee-hawing companion; practically doubled over with laughter.
"That was pretty cute, Sam." Wandering over, he shoved his dissolving friend into the drift in front of him, smiling tightly at the sight of the kid buried to his neck in snow, his giggles muffled by the stuff. In a lightning quick move, he felt himself being jerked down, forgetting how deceptive looks can be, and pulled the length of the porch on the soft powder. His fingers clawed helplessly, leaving tracks in the snow, long lengths of jagged tears in the white.
Twisting around, he managed to trip his not too sure-footed buddy, dissolving into laughter as the larger man dumped on the snow, falling flat on his face. Outraged, Sam looked up at his captor, spitting ice from his lips.
"You can dish it out," Al said, taunting. ".But you can't take the heat... or the cold, as it were."
"Very funny." There was no anger in his voice. Sam hadn't felt this great in ages, full of life and laughter, wanting no more than to play with Al like a little kid the rest of the day. Reaching out, he tried to snag a retreating ankle, but the older man shook his head, stepping just out of range.
"Sorry, kiddo. You have fun, and I'll be back in an hour." Grinning, he went to the car, glancing back just once as Sam got up from the ground, brushing the snow from his coat and jeans. This was promising to be yet another great day.
Once Al had left, Sam felt the silence of the woods press upon his ears like the loudest sound in the world. No birds; just the rush of wind, and snow rustling through the tops of the evergreens. He craved the smell of pine, and the darkness. Retrieving his cane, he used it to help him through the heavy snow, his left side still a bit off and needing assistance.
The cold stung his nose, and he relished the clear air, bright blue sky a sharp contrast to the muddy white/gray of the day before. The world around him sparkled like the points of tiny diamond light, prisms in each glint; tones of pink and blue on the pure banks of white.
Resting for a moment, he pressed his hand against the trunk of a large pine, pushing against the slim trunk and rewarded by the sound of it's heavy cargo settling, falling in muffled thumps around him. A bit of snow slid down his collar, quickly melting. Even that didn't seem to distract from his sunny disposition. It was too beautiful a day to be cooped indoors, and he hoped Al would want to go for a walk when he got home.
The clearing in front of him was tempting, begging to be sat in. Heedless of freezing his nether regions, he tossed his cane one way and flopped down on the soft white, flat on his back. His gaze took in the clouds drifting between the treetops above him, making it look as if the world was spinning, the pines the very center of the earth, itself.
"Dr. Beckett? Are you all right?"
Startled out of his reverie, Sam jolted to a sitting position staring up at the uniformed man standing in front of him. A shock of black hair stood above the pale face, startling blue eyes gazing at him with concern. "Who the hell are you?" the physicist snapped, annoyed at the intrusion.
"I'm sorry." The long face was truly apologetic. "It is something, isn't it?"
"I asked who the hell you were." With a sinking feeling, Sam recognized the winter uniform of the U.S. Navy, and suddenly saw the light.
"I'm a member of the security team Admiral Calavicci ordered for your protection." He stuck his hand out, assisting the annoyed man to his feet. "And I'm very sorry that I disturbed you. You seemed to fall, and your cane went one way..."
"Thank you, " Sam said stiffly, his sweet mood fading. He accepted the cane from the man, his face masking what he was really feeling. One Al Calavicci was a dead man.
"My name is Kyle MacGruder," the guard said, dogging Sam's footsteps as he headed back for the cabin. "I live in Seattle; naval reserve, and work security at the base..." He stopped at the edge of the woods, watching Sam not lose one bit of his stride. "If you need anything, please know I'm at your service, Dr. Beckett."
"I'll do that," Sam gritted, his anger growing with each step he took. Damn Al, damn him anyway. Speaking words about trust, and now this. He took a seat on the porch, hands clamped over the top of his cane, watching for the car that would bring the man back, trying to decide what he'd do to Al when he returned. Security. It set his teeth on edge, the thought that he and his lover would never be alone now, all those watchful eyes scoping out their every move. Bending his head over his fingers, he sighed, knowing full well if he blew up it would push Al right over the edge, and he couldn't stand the thought of him going off alone and not coming back.
MacGruder waved from the edge of the trees before retreating. At least he didn't seem intimidating. What was the point of security if they were that friendly? A crawly, anxious feeling crept over Sam, and he slipped into the cabin, avoiding the eyes that he knew were observing. The cabin's warmth had faded, the fire only a memory. Huddling on the couch, he decided to not build another one, preferring to curl into a ball in his coat then to do anything else right now. Betrayal was a bitter taste in his mouth, and the Admiral had a shitload of explanations to make when he returned home.
"Sam!" Al glanced toward the woods, noticing two sets of tracks in that direction; one going, one coming. The kid had to be in the cabin, he thought, hefting the bag of groceries from the car and shutting the door.
"Hey, hey, kiddo, got you some..." Frowning, he set the bag on the kitchen counter and strolled over to the great room where Sam sat in the direct middle of the couch, coat pulled over his chest, face drawn into battle lines. The sight made his gut twist. "What's up, Sam?" he asked, sitting across from his lover, patiently waiting for the explosion.
"You ordered security." The words were grated out, every syllable doted as if measured. "I want to know why, and how many."
It was pointless to ask how he'd found out, Al thought. The damage was done. "Sam..." he sighed. "We didn't have much of a choice, pal. People know we're here and..."
"It's not just the fucking security." For Sam to use that word it meant more than just a standard temper fit. His words were deceptively calm. "You promised me. I want them gone, now. All of them. How many?"
"Thirty." Glancing at the floor, Al found it difficult to look into the green-gold eyes. Truth had to be told, and now, before more misunderstandings made their lives miserable and destroyed the time they had together. "And it's not just for privacy, or to keep reporters away. They'll help, but..."
"THIRTY?" Sam gasped the word, shocked at the number. He'd assumed maybe three or five, but not that many. "My God, Al! I won't stand for this, no way. They have to go, now!"
"No, Sam."
"Then, I'm leaving."
"Well, give me a damn chance to explain myself before you pack, okay?"
Sam paused at the look of devastation that crossed Al's face. He looked completely at the end of his rope, desperate. "This had better be good," he said, easing back on the couch.
"Sam, there's been threats. Kidnapping, the works. I'm not going to let that happen." Al glanced up, seething at the fear that crossed Sam's face. Damn them all; making him tell the kid this was worse than anything he could imagine. "Some of these nozzles want you dead out there, and the security is going to keep that from happening and insure our privacy. Kid, I couldn't avoid it, and we're stuck for the time being."
"Who?"
The single word held as much hopelessness as Al feared. "Name it. They want you, Sam. Guess I should've told you, but I didn't want to ruin our vacation. You found out, and I look like a total ass."
"Okay." Sam sighed, brushing a hand through his thick hair. "Guaranteed, I wouldn't have agreed to this trip if I'd known this. You don't need the extra worry, and I'm sick to death of it. When will it end, Al?" His voice had grown hollow, distraught at the thought of never having the privacy he'd demanded earlier.
"Sam, for a while it's not going to stop." Al leaned forward, hands dangling between his knees, meeting his friends despairing eyes. "The best, and that's the very best that we can do, is keep those guys around us. They won't infringe on our life, they'll insure it." It was easy to see that his words were reaching Sam, the very light in his eyes fading, contrasting with the bright mood of the morning. More than anything, Al wanted to hold the kid, carefully reassuring his friend with his touch, but somehow felt distanced from his lover for the moment, the intensity of his fear barring him from contact. "You saw the news." A nod in answer, the expression growing thoughtful. "It's bigger than Apollo 11, and people are believing it."
"What about Tom and Katie?" Sam had rarely brought up his family since his mother's death, that particular wound still fresh and hurting.
"Already handled that, no problem," the older man said quickly. "They've got full coverage. We can tap out some of this when we go home. Weitzman wants a press conference; I said I'd check with you."
"When did you speak to him?"
"This morning, after I ordered the security." More betrayal in the liquid gaze, but not quite as much. "I know you're up to it, and I think between the two of us we can handle those nozzles, but if you don't want to, that's your choice. It'll take some of the heat off, once we tell our side of things, that is, the stuff the Pentagon clears for us to tell."
"How do you know anything?" The words were a harsh whisper. "Damn it, Al I'm beginning to wonder how much of 'me' exists anymore, and how much is what you know. Hell, I've forgotten the person I was before I started leaping, and every day is another layer on my being, who I am."
It wasn't difficult for Al to see that Sam's condition, mentally, was deteriorating with every word he spoke, every new crisis. It's too damned much for him, he thought, not knowing quite how to stop the boulders from rolling down the hill. "Sam," he finally said, sighing. "You're the same guy, nothing's changed. You're a little more vulnerable now, like I was after 'Nam. That'll toughen out, with time. There's been some changes, I guess. You're less cold and demanding, more patient with things, than you used to be. Less of a prima donna, more of a human being, and I like that. Scared me sometimes, made me wonder why I was your friend." A tiny grin appeared on the expressive face in front of him, and Al reached and gripped Sam's shoulder. "You don't whine half as much as you used to, kid. That's pure heaven, right there. What say we go for a walk, alone, and just spend some quiet time together? I'll give the boys the law; keep their distance, and just watch our backs."
"I guess so." A long walk with Al at his side sounded great, but under the watchful eye of security he wasn't awfully thrilled. What if he wanted to kiss his lover under the snow, or hold him close? Feeling as badly as he did now, he needed, craved that contact, and he didn't want to have to be confined to the cabin the rest of the time they had together. After this, they might never get out of the goldfish bowl. Al had moved off, saying words into the cellular, demanding privacy, and telling whoever to stay away and guard the perimeter. Sounded like a war, to Sam's ears, and he wanted to simply crawl to the bedroom and sleep for a week, avoiding all of it.
"It's all set, Sam. Sam?" Al bent down, fingers brushing against his lover's cheek, making the greenish gaze lift to meet his. The depth of despair in them made his heart sink. "C'mon, kiddo. Let's go for a walk."
Snow crunching under their feet, Al led his friend back out into the spicy coldness. Without hesitation, he curved an arm around the slim waist, pleased at the warm look that shone from the broad face. "We're going to be all right, kid. You worry too much."
"I worry enough for both of us." He staggered a bit over a lump of snow, and felt himself caught by the warm grasp, and held close and secure. Hesitantly, he lifted his arms and returned the embrace, wanting to cry, or scream, and couldn't, muffling his fear in Al's thick coat, letting the warm gloved fingers soothe his hair. "You're a pretty tough guy, Sam. If these nozzles came at you I imagine you'd take a few out before they shot you, or took you away. If you keep security around, and me, that won't have to happen. You're still recovering from the Leaps, getting used to being yourself again. I'll help you, Sam. It's okay. There's nothing more in my life that I want than to be with you."
Gray/green eyes, as ever changing as the sky above them, opened as they parted, bright with tears. Sam didn't release his hands from his lover's shoulders, not wanting to break the contact, or the electricity that emanated from the other man, that seemed to keep him alive and living. A part of himself. "I love you," he whispered, vowing to say those words as much as he could, every day they were together. He almost broke at the tiny smile that lifted Al's mouth, precious and tender at the same time, and as rare as the warm sun that shifted under and over the clouds.
"Let's take that walk, Sam. I'll introduce you to some of the guys, make it a little more comfortable for all concerned."