The temperature had dropped dramatically overnight. It was so god damn cold out that Sanji didn't even want to go into the garage to get things out of the cooler. Every time he went out there he came back in shaking like a leaf. It was actually colder in the garage than it was outside. If he stayed out long enough his lips would turn purple. That's what happens when you have like zero body fat. Zoro was a different story, the guy was like a human furnace. It was amazing.

So when Sanji went out to get something from the car he made sure his hands were good and cold, when he came inside he snuck up behind the marimo, sticking his cold hands up the back of his shirt. Zoro nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Shit!" He exclaimed, turning on the spot, dropping his phone onto the carpet, "Why the fuck are your hands so cold?"

Sanji was laughing like a maniac, "I was outside, dumbass." He stepped forward and placed his hands on either side of Zoro's neck.

Zoro shuddered, and brushed his hands aside, "Don't do that, you're too fucking cold. You have ice sickle fingers," he said grabbing Sanji's hands and pressing them between his very warm hands and softly blowing warm air onto them. Eventually his hands did thaw out, at which point he was released and went to the kitchen to make hot chocolate.

Sanji loved hot chocolate but Zoro did not. Zoro though hot chocolate tasted like warm chocolate milk and that was gross. So instead of hot chocolate Zoro got some booze, fucking alcoholic. If he didn't die of like fucking some liver disease it would be a miracle. Dammit, all the alcohol related diseases he could think of had to do with livers.

While he sipped his hot chocolate Sanji looked up alcohol related diseases on his phone. Cancer, liver disease, pregnancy, brain damage- wait, back up. That's not right, you cannot get pregnant from drinking alcohol. That would be... Would less people drink if there was a risk that they would spontaneously become pregnant? It was a good question Sanji thought to himself.

"Oi, moss head, would you still drink like a fish if there were a chance that you would spontaneously become pregnant from alcohol?"

"Would you still smoke like a chimney if there was a chance one of those cancer sticks was dynamite?"

Sanji frowned, stirring his mug, "That's not an accurate comparison. You're only getting pregnant, not exploding. But what are my odds in this scenario? You know, hypothetically."

"The number of dynamite cigs is the same as the number of people who die because of cigarette related diseases every day, so that's kind of a lot I guess. Like ten percent of deaths world wide."

"That's a pretty high percent."

"Yeah, well sixty three percent of dudes in china smoke."

"Where did you find that little fact?"

"An environmental science book from 2008."

"What?"

"Just answer the fucking question."

Sanji hummed, "Well, I guess I probably wouldn't have started in the first place if this were the case. Eh, if I saw someone explode I would probably stop but I'm not sure, I do love a good laugh in the face of death. But would you stop drinking?"

"Well, what are my odds then?"

"I guess the amount of alcohol related deaths per day, which gives you better chances than me."

"Yeah, but imagine getting pregnant and being a guy. You wouldn't know what the fuck was wrong with your body and it would be a lot of time in the hospital."

"Are you saying you wouldn't want to be pregnant?"

"Yeah, the idea makes my skin crawl. Some little horrible fetus parasite growing and moving around inside you. That sounds good to you?"

"It's not a parasite, it's like a little seed growing in a pea pod, and it's adorable when babies kick in their mommy's stomach."

"It's creepy and I hope I never have to feel it."

"Well thankfully neither of us can get pregnant. Unless there's something you're not telling me," Sanji smirked.

Zoro gave him the finger.

Sanji sighed, "As I suspected. So does that mean you would quit drinking?"

"Nah, I would probably just have to get a bunch of abortions," he said bluntly.

Sanji choked on his hot chocolate. "Zoro! Oh my god, that's horrible!" He sputtered in horror.

"What? You gotta do what you gotta do and the little bastards would have to go."

"That is quite possibly the worst thing you have ever said. There are deterrents against abortions in this state, I hear that if you're going to get an abortion the state makes you see an ultrasound of it first."

"I don't give a fuck, I'll do it anyway."

Sanji glared at him, "You are a fucking terrible person and I hope something shitty happens to you. I hope you get struck by a meteor in your fucking face."

Zoro rolled his eyes, "Whatever, you asked. Go back to drinking your gross hot chocolate."

"You made it go up my nose," Sanji complained, rubbing his weird feeling nose tenderly.

Zoro was silent for a moment, then he spoke up, "If someone were to come up to you right now and ask if they could clone you, what would you say?"

"Well, my instinctive response would be yes but in thinking about it I'm not sure. I think I would... But then imagine that they grow up and I'm like fifty while he is like twenty, that would freak me out seeing what I would look like as an old man."

"So is that a no?"

"Hm, it's not like it would be an exact copy of me. We would probably look about the same but as a clone he would probably be more sickly and weak, you know because it is a clone. Plus the environment in which he would grow up would be dramatically different, changing his personality by degrees. It would be interesting and in the end we would be different people. So, I would say yes," Sanji concluded confidently.

Zoro blinked, "I was going to say that I wouldn't like to be cloned but now I'm not sure anymore. I still don't think I would, I don't want someone with my genes running around all over the place without my supervision. Sort of like how I would hate to not know I had a kid somewhere out there."

"Don't even say that it makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it." Sanji groaned.

"So bastard children no, clones yes?"

"Yeah, that sounds good to me. Unless you want to have my bastard child, that would be cool."

"I just told you being pregnant sounds horrible, I just imaging it making a sloshy feeling when I walked."

Sanji wrinkled his nose, "That is revolting and I'm positive that it doesn't actually happen. At least I don't have to worry about any little bastard marimos running around, because you're never fucking touched a girl."
Zoro scoffed, "Like you know anything about girls, you fucking queer."

"Zoro!" Sanji gasped in mock horror, "I am shocked and offended at your choice of words! Oh, how will I ever go on?" He whipped imaginary tears from his face.

"I'm sure you'll manage," said Zoro dryly.

Sanji pouted at the annoying response, "Ugh, just forget I said anything."

"Done," Zoro took a swig of alcohol and walked away.

"Moron," Sanji mumbled under his breath.

XxxX

A/N: This is the weird stuff I think about.

Thanks.