I lay there sobbing in shame as Edward gasped at the scars from my razor. He pulled me to my feet and shook me roughly. His eyes were pure black and angry. "Bella look at yourself! Look at what you did! Do you realize that you'll be stuck with these for the rest of your life?! Why do you keep doing these things to yourself?!" He growled as he made me face the mirror. I looked away, not wanting to see myself.
He grabbed my face, forcing me to look at him and I unwillingly complied. He gazed deep into my eyes for a moment, sadness slowly replacing the anger and he crushed me to him, holding me tightly to his chest. I closed my eyes as he carefully caressed the side of my face, like I was a delicate rose petal . "Please let me help you. It rips me apart knowing that you want to end your own life. It just kills me" His voice broke and I knew he was right about everything.
I always believed that I was fine. Always cutting myself and taking drugs so I could escape the pain and the memories. But I was wrong all along. I couldn't run away from it because deep down, a part of me always knew it was all real. It wasn't just a bad dream that I could wake up from and move past. I can't pretend that it never happened, because it did. I pulled back so I could see him and took a deep breath before making my final decision. I'm ready to change now, Edward. "Edward, I want to get better" I whispered and his eyes widened in shock.
"Really?" He asked and his smile widened when I nodded. "Yes, I'm ready to get help" I answered and he lifted me off the ground and spun us in a circle. He leaned towards me and I knew what he was trying to do. I pulled away and he looked at me with hurt and confusion, clouding his god-like features. "I'm not ready for that, yet" I explained quickly before he could jump to conclusions and he smiled, understanding. I gave myself to him too easily last time and ended up getting my heart broken and I'm definitely not going to make the same mistake twice. I trusted Edward to a certain level but not fully. "Bella, I swear I will never fail you again" He sealed his words with a kiss on my forehead and I rested my head his shoulder, smiling slightly.
****
The rest of the family came home later that evening and Edward announced the great news to them. They showered me with hugs and kisses and I was completely shocked when Rosalie pulled me into her embrace. We've never been on good terms and I have to admit, with the way she looks at me sometimes, it just scares the shit out of me. She gave me a warm smile before stepping back to let Esme and Carlisle by. Esme's eyes were glistening with tears that would never fall and Carlisle smiled happily.
"I apologize for my behavior lately. I have been very disrespectful to you and you guys have been nothing but kind to me" They both shook their heads in disagreement and I furrowed my brows in confusion. "Bella, you have been going through so much and you have no reason to apologize to us. We are the ones who should be apologizing to you" Carlisle said and Esme nodded.
I hugged both of them and was knocked to the ground immediately by a crazy pixie with black spiky hair. "OMG, Bella we are going to have so much fun! We could go shopping and buy the whole mall-" She was cut off by a furious Edward. "ALICE!" He shouted as he came to help me up "Ouch" I muttered as I rubbed the back of my head. "Sorry" She mumbled glumly and I had a strong urge to run and knock her over myself. "Alice, I would love to go shopping with you. I'm in desperate need for a girls night out" I said and she squealed so loud that I had to cover my ears.
"Thank you so much Bella, we are going to fun! Since your darker side has seemed to come out, Rose and I should take you clubbing sometime" She offered and I looked away, trying to hide my small blush. "I've already been clubbing" I mumbled and everyone gasped in shock, except for Edward who was fuming. "Really?! Does that mean you already had your first drink?" She asked and I nodded. "Drinks" I emphasized the (s) and I swear I heard Edward growl a little. "I never knew you had it in you Bella" Rosalie said and I blushed again.
"Tell me all about it!" Alice demanded and I chewed the inside of my cheek, thinking of a good enough summery that didn't include the 'incident' that had occured that night. "Um, well it was very interesting. Marcia got us fake ID's to get in and we just had a good time" I lied at the last part, but I hope it was casual enough. Pain struck me as I thought of her and I shuffled quickly through my head for a different subject.
"Details!" Alice pressed and I sighed, exasperated. Edward cleared his throat and we all looked at him. "Bella must be exhausted with everything that has happened today and I think it would be a lot better if we moved this conversation to a more appropriate hour" He said and I smiled at him. "Thank you" I mouthed to him and he mouthed "Anytime" in return. We shared our last hugs and murmured our "Goodnights" to each other before heading to our rooms. I went with Edward to his and he help me get settled to go to sleep. For once I could finally sleep peacefully with a smile on my face.