Summary: The war is over, and Sasuke is brought back to the village after his defeat by Naruto. But he is struggling to re-assimilate into the village. As his mental stability continues to erode, Tsunade and Kakashi ask Naruto to try a different treatment method. Naruto x Sasuke (Yaoi - boy x boy). Post manga chapter 693.
Author's note: Ok, so for those of you who saw my updated note on the previous chapter, this part of the story is incredibly painful for me to write and I hadn't expected it to be. Writing this made me think about all the things I could have/should have done to save my friend. It made me realize that I am not as good a friend as Naruto, and my friend was not as strong as Sasuke will be in this story. And that was hard to face. So the next chapter or two will be a little tough on me, instead of being therapeutic as I had hoped. I have to be in a certain headspace to write it and so there might be times when updates are a little delayed like this one was. Real life just really sucks. Fanfic is so much better. It always ends the way I want it to. *sighs*
-xXx-
Naruto teleported himself to his own apartment rather than going directly to Sasuke's. He had no idea if Sasuke had more of the drug in his house, or if the Anbu had had seen anything before Tsunade had called them back. But he needed to get his head on straight and try to figure out what he was going to say to the Uchiha when he got there.
As much as he still felt like hurling his friend into the nearest wall, he knew that wasn't going to help anything. And it wasn't any fun when Sasuke couldn't pound him right back.
He stood in his bedroom, hands on his hips as he considered his options. He needed a shower. And he needed some sleep. But he didn't want to leave Sasuke alone for very long. Sleep was out of the question.
He hadn't really had time to process the fact that Sasuke had been taking drugs as well as drinking. And what that might mean. Sasuke had always been meticulous about his home, appearance, and behavior. He was a man who liked to be in control of himself at all times. Naruto had been shocked to see the state of the Uchiha's home and person the first night he had gone there. But this… the idea that Sasuke would willingly diminish his mental capacities and slow his physical responses, that he would willingly hand over control of himself like shook Naruto to his core.
And while Naruto was still furious that Sasuke would do something like that to himself, the emotion he felt most strongly at the moment was panic. Sasuke would only do this if he had given up on everything else.
Ninjas who used heavy drugs didn't live long. The dulling of the mind and slowing of the reflexes, even if only slight, was a virtual death sentence in their line of work. Sasuke would be aware of this, which made his choice even more of a blow to Naruto.
Sasuke had always been one of the most driven people Naruto had ever known. He had been focused on his goals to the exclusion of almost everything else in his life. Friends, village, health, safety… all were sacrificed on the altar of Sasuke's goal for revenge. He had pushed himself relentlessly, going beyond any reasonable physical and mental limitations. He had honed himself into a nearly perfect, emotionless killing machine. One of the greatest ninjas of their time. And now…
Naruto's hand clenched as he thought about what might really happen to Sasuke. It wasn't just a matter of going to jail. Sasuke was… losing himself. And that terrified Naruto. Because he knew what it felt like to stand on that precipice of loss-of-self and look into that abyss. Iruka, Sasuke, and eventually Kurama had been there when Naruto had had his moments of weakness and helped draw him back. But Sasuke had no one now that Itachi was gone. Except maybe Naruto, but Naruto wasn't really sure how much Sasuke really felt a bond with him anymore.
Naruto drew a shaky breath. Was his friendship with Sasuke strong enough to be able to reach Sasuke? As much as he wanted it to be true, Naruto didn't think so. It hadn't been strong enough to keep Sasuke from leaving the village so many years ago. And if anything, time would only have weakened it. But he had to try. He just didn't know how.
Naruto knew that he wouldn't be 'the reason Sasuke went on living.' He was no longer naïve about things like that as he had been when he was a child. Sasuke needed an actual purpose. A tangible goal. Did he still know his friend well enough to help him find something? Would Sasuke even listen?
He honestly didn't know. Mechanically, he walked to the bathroom, quickly peeling off his clothes and wadding them up into a ball to throw into his hamper across the room. He stepped into the shower without bothering to let the water warm up, not wanting to waste any time. He quickly scrubbed the dirt and sweat of their journey from his body as he used the time to gather his thoughts.
He couldn't just go up to Sasuke and tell him that 'drugs are bad' and expect that to have any impact on the Uchiha. Sasuke was smart. He knew the risks of what he was doing, and had still made the decision to take them. And no matter how much Naruto disagreed with that choice, simply re-listing the facts of why drugs were bad or dangerous would do nothing.
The thought of beating some sense into Sasuke wasn't entirely unappealing, but Naruto knew that would only be temporary. No one could watch over Sasuke for the rest of his life and police him. In the end, it would be Sasuke's choice if he got off the drugs or not. What Naruto needed to do was to give Sasuke a good enough reason to quit.
Danzo and the council were dead. Sasuke didn't have any family left to protect or support. He didn't have a village he believed in to defend.
Naruto toweled himself off, not noticing that he had missed some soap on his back in his rush. He dressed quickly, jamming a few pair of spare clothes into his pack.
What would matter enough to Sasuke to make him fight this? What would be enough to make him want to get his shit together again? It was possible that Sasuke really just didn't give enough of a fuck about anyone anymore to fight for anything.
Naruto felt his hands prickle with a cold sweat, and a hollow nausea twist his stomach. He had always viewed Sasuke as his other half. Different sides but of the same coin. What is a coin with only one side?
Naruto felt unbalanced. He had fought so hard to earn the position of Hokage, always assuming that somehow, at the end of it all, Sasuke would be there with him. They would face the challenges of reforming the system together and make sure that what happened to them didn't happen again to anyone else.
What kind of Hokage would he be if he wasn't able to save his best friend? If his vision wasn't enough to convince his most important person to join him? It had always been about Sasuke first. None of it would matter if he lost Sasuke at the end of it all. When Itachi had asked Naruto if he had to choose between Sasuke and the rest of the village, the best Naruto had been able to come up with was 'both'. He couldn't lose either one.
He couldn't. Especially not now, after...
Naruto shut his mind off that line of thinking. He had barely been able to come to terms with the idea of Sasuke being on drugs. The fact that Naruto had fucked him when he was high was something he just didn't know how to process right then. He grabbed his pillow and blanket, rolling them up and stuffing a few changes of clothes into his pack.
Sasuke had always enjoyed his privacy, and Naruto knew he didn't really have any right to do what he was about to do, but that wasn't going to stop him. It had never been about 'rights' or 'permission' between them anyway.
Naruto wasn't naive. He knew that he couldn't make Sasuke quit if the man didn't want to. But he could sure as hell try to convince him. He wouldn't just sit back passively and watch it happen.
He had never been passive about anything that mattered in his life. He was not going to start now.
Sasuke lounged back on the futon in his living room. He knew he should probably worry about what Naruto was going to do now that he'd found out about the drugs, but that felt like a distant issue for the moment. The opium always made things seem better. At least, while he was on them.
Right now he felt good.
He had purchased a smaller vial of the opium, ignoring the shopkeeper's smug look. The man assumed that Sasuke had already gone through the much larger jar and was about to become a very profitable, long-term customer.
Sasuke knew better. He'd just purchased enough to get him through the next week or two without going into withdrawal. Then he'd quit. He wouldn't let some drug control him.
He must have miscalculated somehow. He'd seen Orochimaru's experiments on opium addiction. And he had been careful to use less than what he'd observed to cause dependency. But the brain chemistry of the sharingan holders had always been different. It had been the one variable he hadn't been able to account for.
Sasuke stretched, laying back on the futon and letting his mind go blissfully blank. He ignored the whisper of doubt as to whether he really wanted to give this feeling up. He'd deal with it later. He was sure he could control it. He'd stop when he needed to. Right now he was simply enjoying the feeling.
His thoughts drifted to Naruto. Despite how angry Naruto had been when he left, Sasuke knew the blond would be back today. Naruto wasn't one to just walk away from something he thought was 'wrong'. And evidently he had decided that Sasuke doing drugs was 'wrong'. Sasuke snickered at the thought.
In many ways, Naruto was still so innocent. He had been so shocked when he'd found out Sasuke had been using. It was somewhat amusing.
Sasuke had lost his innocence long ago. It had been hacked away by Danzo, the Council, Itachi, Orochimaru, and Madara. And of course, the village. Especially the village. He knew he had done things that Naruto would never even consider doing. Sometimes it puzzled Sasuke how Naruto had managed to retain his innocence and optimism in the face of the hatred and abuse the villagers had heaped upon him. It was something Sasuke could never understand. He wasn't sure if it was a strength or a weakness in Naruto. He supposed, in the end, it was both.
But it fascinated him… drew him. The darkness in Sasuke's soul hungered to touch that light. To possess it. But at the same time, he held himself back, knowing that in touching it he would taint it.
As everything in his life that he'd ever touched had been tainted and destroyed.
He didn't want that to happen to Naruto as well.
The thought of something bad happening to Naruto caused frisson of worry to cross his fogged mind. He wondered if the idiot had been able to relay the information that his clone had delivered, or if he'd garbled it all up. Hopefully, Tsunade wouldn't have to dig through all the pages to find what she needed. That would waste time that they didn't really have. Sasuke clicked his tongue in annoyance. Dobe.
He felt a familiar chakra appear literally on his doorstep, and wondered why it made him smile slightly.
Naruto stood on the front steps of Sasuke's house. He realized that there was a decent chance that Sasuke would realize he had teleported back here and… marked his house. He fidgeted briefly. The Uchiha's were fairly territorial. Their clan symbol typically decorated most of their belongings, proclaiming their ownership. He wasn't sure what Sasuke's reaction would be to him placing his seal on Sasuke's home.
Drawing a breath, he pushed open the door. Given that he was basically about to move in to Sasuke's house without permission, he figured that the seal was the least of the things Sasuke was about to get pissed at him for.
"Hey," Naruto called into the house, wondering for a moment if Sasuke was even home. "You still here?"
"Hn, Dobe," a lazy voice called from the living room. "Did your clone manage to remember all the information I gave him?"
"Tch. Yeah. Asshole. Tsunade wants us to come down to see her again tomorrow to try a few things out after she reads through what you found," Naruto said, his tone uncertain. He wasn't sure if Sasuke would be in any shape to do so. Setting his bag down, he walked into the living room. He looked at Sasuke for a moment, taking in the relaxed, languid expression on the beautiful face. They way Sasuke's body was sprawled carelessly, as though he were not one of the most highly skilled ninjas in existence. Naruto felt his temper flare at the reminder of what made the nin like this.
Sasuke easily read the flash of anger in Naruto's eyes, and smirked in amusement at it. "Did you come to tell me how wrong it was for me to do it?" Sasuke sneered.
Naruto clenched his fists, but held himself still, reminding himself that he'd already decided that beating Sasuke's high ass into the ground was not the best approach. As temporarily satisfying as it might be.
He took a breath, forcing his fists to unclench, searching for something that would throw Sasuke out of his complacency about the whole thing. "I was just surprised that you would be that stupid. I never thought there would come a day when I was actually smarter than you."
A slight flush of anger appeared along Sasuke's cheekbones, and Naruto knew he'd scored a direct hit. Sasuke might not be vain about his flawless looks, but his pride about his intellect hadn't changed over the years.
"What, you thought you could avoid getting hooked? That's what all junkies think," Naruto imbued that last phrase with all the disdain he could, taunting Sasuke, wanting to break through the drug-induced calm that he hated so much.
"Fuck you," Sasuke turned his head to the side and looking out the window to the empty, rubble-filled streets. "Like you've ever spent any time talking with the kind of nins who use drugs. What would you know about anything?"
Naruto bit his lip, not sure what to say. Sasuke was right. "I know you," Naruto stated softly, looking at Sasuke's profile as the late afternoon sun streamed in through the window, making Sasuke's black hair look almost blue.
"You always say that," Sasuke murmured, still not looking at Naruto.
Naruto didn't know what to say that he hadn't said already years ago. It was the same argument they'd had many times. Sasuke would say that Naruto couldn't understand how he felt, because Naruto had been alone from the beginning and didn't know what it was like to lose bonds that had been so core to his foundation. It was an impossible argument to win. How do you really prove that you understand someone? That your whole focus for so many years had been studying, watching, and thinking about that person until it felt as though they were a part of you?
Naruto studied Sasuke's perfect profile for a moment, aching with his swirling emotions trapped inside him by lack of any words to express them. He walked over and sat down on the futon next to Sasuke. They looked out the window together for several moments, neither speaking.
"I might not feel everything exactly the same as you, Sasuke. But I have learned about loss. Jiraiya was as close to a father as I will ever have. He trained me. Protected me. He… cared about me. But he went on a mission without telling me what it was. He left me behind, and I had no chance to help, to intervene, to do fucking anything. I only found out where he'd gone after he was dead. And I…" Naruto stared down at his hands, remembering the daze he had been in when he heard the news that Jiraiya was dead. Naruto felt his throat close, the memory still raw. "... I didn't know what to do. I was so angry that Baa-chan had let him go. And then I just… was numb. It got so bad that Shikamaru actually came and kicked me in the ass and told me to stop moping around."
Sasuke didn't look at him, but gave a soft snort at the irony of the lazy nin giving a pep talk to anyone.
"He had lost Asuma Sensei, and… he told me that… it was time to stop thinking of myself as the student… as the child… and pass what Jiraiya had taught me onto someone else. That we have learned things that deserve to be passed on, not just… wasted in grief."
Sasuke was silent for so long that Naruto wasn't sure he had even heard him.
"There are two differences between you and me," Sasuke said finally. "Both of you were given the chance to kill the people who were responsible for killing your mentors." Sasuke turned and looked Naruto dead in the eye. "And both of you feel like this village is worth giving a damn about."
He stood and walked over to his bedroom. "You know the way out."
Naruto stared bleakly after his friend, unsure how to reach him. Knowing that his first attempt had failed. "I'm not leaving," Naruto stated quietly. He was sure this would be no surprise to the Uchiha. Sasuke should know better than anyone that Naruto didn't give up.
Sasuke paused, but didn't look back over his shoulder. "Whatever," he closed the bedroom door behind him.
Naruto sighed, leaning back on the futon and scrubbing his hands over his face. He hadn't even gotten a response from Sasuke about Tsunade expecting them to come together to her office the next day.
Maybe Sasuke wouldn't even want to go. If he was even going to be in any shape to do so by then.
Sasuke closed the door and paused, staring blankly at his bed, carefully not thinking about what had transpired there just a few days ago. He had been a bit annoyed that Naruto had seemed to imply that he was moping, but he wrote that up to the blond not really being all that great with words. He understood what Naruto was trying to do. Trying to show him that he could understand Sasuke, because now he had suffered 'real loss' as well.
Losing a teacher wasn't the same as losing an entire family. But given how few bonds Naruto had and how deeply he had craved them, Sasuke knew it was not an insignificant loss, either. He had heard the news shortly after Jiraiya had died. News of the Sanin's death at the hands of Pein had spread like wildfire through the ninja villages. Sasuke had been surprised to learn of the man's death. Even Itachi had been unsure whether he could defeat the sage, and in Sasuke's mind, there was no one more powerful than his brother.
It had been one of the times when Sasuke had felt an almost visceral pull to go back and see Naruto. He knew that the boy who had craved a bond for so long would feel the loss deeply. But the reasons that had kept him from returning to his friend then were the same that had made him leave in the first place. If anything, they had only grown stronger now that Naruto no longer had the protection of Jiraiya. The Sanin had saved Naruto from Itachi the first time. Now, there was no one strong enough in the village who could save the blond, and Sasuke knew he had to stay away until he had killed Itachi.
But he had thought of his friend. Imagined his grief. Known there would be no one who could truly understand what it felt like to be completely alone. Not like they did. The loneliness of a child is different than that of an adult. It is laced with the fear, the inability to understand the events that had caused it. Loneliness like they had lived through as children ate holes in a person that never really went away.
Even though Sasuke always said that Naruto couldn't understand him, he could admit at least to himself that in many ways, Naruto was the only one would could. When Sasuke had found out that Naruto was the Nine Tails' Jinchuuriki, he had realized that they had yet another point in common. They were both viewed by the village as weapons, not children. Him for his sharingan and bloodline, Naruto for being the Kyuubi container. They were not considered human by the village. No one would try to comfort a weapon. So they had been left alone, watched over just enough to be sure they were sufficiently trained to be of use if needed. To be sure the danger they represented was contained. Controlled. Especially Naruto. Sasuke felt his anger at the village surge through the haze of his high as he remembered the sneers and taunts the villagers had hurled at the lonely blond child. How Naruto had acted out, so desperate for any sort of acknowledgement of his existence that he didn't care if it were only anger and fear that he received.
He had been the only one in their class to recognize Naruto's loneliness from the start. Because it was the same as his own.
With the death of Jiraiya, Naruto had learned the feeling of loss, as well. Sasuke had heard the grief and loneliness in Naruto's voice when he had spoken of Jiraiya's. It was a feeling Sasuke knew well. His entire childhood had been bathed in it.
Hearing that emotion in Naruto's voice had brought it back to the surface within Sasuke as well, and he hadn't been able to deal with it. It just made him feel impotent in his anger. He couldn't undo what had been done. And the people who had brought it about were already dead, past his reach for vengeance.
He was left with nothing.
Surprisingly, Naruto hadn't blown up at him for walking away or saying what he had. He supposed that, in a way, Naruto understood Sasuke. Maybe even agreed with him, at least in part. Naruto had not pretended to shed a tear when news that the Council was dead had arrived. And the blond ninja was trying to clear Itachi's name.
Sasuke could hear Naruto moving about in the living room… the muffled sounds of a pack being unzipped. Evidently Naruto hadn't left.
He had noticed the large pack that Naruto had brought. Presumably it meant the man was planning on staying here for several days. Probably to make sure Sasuke didn't take any more opium.
Sasuke knew that it should annoy him that Naruto he had any right to interfere. He should be angry. But somehow… he wasn't. He walked over to the bed and lay down, looking blankly at the ceiling. If anything, he felt… relieved.
He frowned slightly. Why should he be happy that the soon-to-be-Sixth Hokage had decided to take a personal interest in his drug habits? It would only make things harder. Make it more difficult for Sasuke to do what he wanted.
Sasuke paused a bit at the thought. He realized that he didn't really know what he wanted.
But he did know that he was glad Naruto had stayed.
Despite it being the middle of the afternoon, he stripped off his shirt pulling a light sheet over him and going to sleep.
Naruto checked on Sasuke several times during the evening. He created a clone to keep watch while he slept, both to ensure that Sasuke didn't get sick but also checking periodically for any telltale sign of the heavy, sweat smoke that would indicate Sasuke was trying to use again. He knew it would make him weary the next day, but he wasn't going to take any chances.
He'd have to figure out how to monitor Sasuke while he was at Tsunade's without the Uchiha simply dispatching the clone as he did before. Maybe he'd have it hide on the roof and mask its chakra. But then it wouldn't be able to tell if Sasuke did something. Naruto spent several hours scoping Sasuke's house out, trying to find a hiding place that the clone could use to stay in the house but not be observed.
The bar for a hiding spot that could fool an S-ranked ninja was fairly high, however, and Naruto wasn't able to come up with anything that he thought would last more than three minutes after Sasuke woke up.
He drifted off into a restless sleep, not sure what to do.
In the morning, Naruto made himself a quick breakfast. He showered and changed, knowing he would be expected at the Hokage's office soon. He was still debating on where to hide the clone and what excuse to give Tsunade about why Sasuke wasn't with him when Sasuke stepped out of his bedroom carrying a change of neatly folded clothes.
"I'm going to shower. We'll leave in ten minutes," Sasuke stated impassively.
Some of Naruto's shock must have shown on his face, because Sasuke frowned slightly. "What? You thought I wouldn't help?"
"Well, you…" Naruto just blinked, not really sure what to say. He hadn't even been sure that Sasuke would have remembered that they were going to meet Tsunade today. The Uchiha hadn't acknowledged it the other day. "... you didn't really say anything yesterday, and you were… pretty out of it, so I just figured…"
Sasuke looked at him a moment, his face its usual expressionless mask but somehow Naruto thought Sasuke was… hurt.
"Tch," Sasuke turned and headed into the bathroom, closing the door with slightly more force than necessary, but not quite slamming it. His black eyes had been sharp and focused, no residual sign of the drug affecting him.
Naruto slowly released a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. Had he thought Sasuke wouldn't help him? He just… didn't know. Sasuke had been willing to literally run himself until he dropped to get the information from Orochimaru's library for him. No one had made Sasuke do that. Naruto tried to remember if he'd thanked Sasuke for what he did. He'd been so worried when Sasuke was so sick. Then he'd found out about the drugs and…
Naruto walked over to the kitchen and heated up some of the rice porridge he'd made the night before while Sasuke was sleeping. He was pretty sure the other nin hadn't eaten dinner. Naruto would make him eat something before they left.
Sasuke came out of the bathroom, his hair still damp from the shower, a towel around his neck. He was fully dressed, his shirt zipped up completely, but Naruto couldn't help but remember the last time he'd seen Sasuke in the shower. He broke away from the dark gaze and turned back to the stove where the rice porridge he was stirring had begun to steam. He had no right to think about that. Not now that he knew what was happening with his friend. A wave of self-disgust washed over him that he still lusted after his friend even after knowing that Sasuke hadn't been in control of his actions when those things had happened.
"I made some porridge yesterday. You went to sleep without eating," Naruto said, not taking his eyes from the pan. He could feel the intensity of Sasuke's gaze, and for some reason he didn't know how to face it.
"Thank you," Sasuke murmured. He walked over to where the small laundry room was, placing his clothes in the hamper there.
The fact that Sasuke was showering and taking care of his dirty clothes made Naruto feel somehow much calmer. He dished some of the rice for Sasuke, and a smaller bowl for himself to keep the man company. He had eaten his own breakfast earlier, but he always found sharing a meal with someone a comfort. Probably due to the fact that so much of his life had been spent eating alone. Like Sasuke.
The silence between them felt stiff and slightly awkward as Naruto stirred the food in his bowl, not making eye contact.
"Thanks," Naruto said finally, looking up to meet Sasuke's questioning gaze.
Sasuke arched an eyebrow. "For what?"
Naruto stopped fidgeting with the spoon. "For… for helping me research the seal, even though…" he paused, but didn't break eye contact. "... even though you didn't have to, and had a lot to deal with here. And thanks for going with me this morning."
Naruto could have sworn that a small hint of color etched along Sasuke's cheek bones, but it could have just been the light. "Hn," was the reply.
Naruto rolled his eyes. Of course. "Are you feeling… ok?"
Sasuke nodded. "It had been three days before I got sick last time. I should be fine until the day after tomorrow." Sasuke shrugged, as though the thought of going into withdrawal again was no big deal.
"Ok, well… I'll be here," Naruto stated, half in comfort and half as an assertion, almost daring Sasuke to kick him out or tell him to leave.
Sasuke hesitated, a look of what on anyone else Naruto would have said was uncertainty before the pale hand picked up his spoon. "Hn."
Naruto couldn't help the grin that appeared on his face as he joined Sasuke in eating the rapidly cooling rice.
This time, the silence was comfortable rather than awkward.
-xXx-
to be continued…
So next chapter we will find out more about the seal, and what Tsunade wants to try. And Sai will be there.
I know some people might think Naruto is OOC in this chapter because he is not being an idiot with how to handle Sasuke's drug thing (e.g., not threatening him or trying to 'force' him off the drugs). imo I am drawing on the fact that canon!Naruto is able to read people and influence them even in really difficult situations. He seems to be able to say or do something that will cut through the shit and change people. And he knows Sasuke well, so he knows what would be useless to try. In the end, this is the element of Naruto's character that I will draw on in this chapter and the next. So I guess it is not his "IQ" but his "EQ" or whatever.