Chapter 13: Contemplative Feelings

Raven

Watching her improve from such a distance is a little unbearable. I mean, we have some missions together, but I would like to see all that she can do. I want to know how she improves and what she needs help in. I want to help her, but that's impossible. At least, that's what Robin said. He said that, due to our developing emotions and unfettered proximity, I'm not allowed to assist in her training. He figures that I'll either hold her back or make her do something stupid. It's the principle of teenage hormones working against us, I guess.

I know, just last week, despite all protest, she took a hit for me. I could have easily blocked it, but before I could even summon my power, she was standing in front of me with her arms crossed in front of her. She succeeded in diverting the creature's attention enough for me to capture it, but that was entirely too reckless. I can't believe that she put herself in harm's way like that.

I haven't really spoken to her since that little bout of impulsive protection. I can't even look her in the eye. I can't even thank her! It's like everything in me is at war. I want to hug her close and plead for her never to do that again, but I just couldn't bring myself to break my stoicism in that moment. The shock was a bit too much, I think. Very few would underestimate my powers or stand in front of a strike that could have hit them on both sides. It's an utterly fascinating concept, for sure.

Self sacrifice is something I can empathize with. I once stood at the precipice of power and turned it down for the world, for my friends, but I can't understand everything that goes on in people's' heads. The powers that I have only allots me so much control and access to others. She might have done it out of the goodness of her heart, but I really want it to be more than that. I want it to be because she cares about me, as I have come to care for her.

The conflicting emotions in me have all died to a low glimmer in the light of my developing feelings. I can feel all of the accurate responses that depict a budding attraction. I've felt them before, like with Aqualad, but it's stronger. My head isn't as clouded with stupid infatuation for shallow reasons but with genuine curiosity and beauty, both inside and out, from Adriana. She's so pure, yet I can sense that anomalous darkness that is so fettered within her. Her true potential, yet the distinct, inky blackness that could consume her heart, is left to the side. She could let it consume her, become something that would be almost literally unstoppable, but she doesn't let it. That strength is admirable, especially in someone who has that kind of emotional and psychological scarring within her.

She finishes her task, which I had been watching from the window. Robin had her on the bamboo again today, and I have to say that she has definitely improved. Something inside her just comes alive after these sessions, something that is utterly heartwarming, like she's come to some kind of conclusion about herself that leaves her in a joyful state of some kind. I would love to know what is going on in her mind as she stand there, serene and utterly at one with herself. That kind of dedication and concentration is remarkable for someone with her attention span.

Yes, she can be rather focused at opportune moments, but otherwise, she's all over the place. Well, not ALL over, but she can be distracted by the silliest things, like a squirrel or a butterfly passing by. Once, the team had gone out for pizza, and she had tagged along, as per Robin's rules, and there was this flock of birds that seemed to take all of her attention. She watched them for the longest time before jumping back into the conversation. It was slightly adorable to see her face just go slack before her eyebrows drew up in curiosity. Then, the smile she had when she looked away was brilliant. It was like a thousand suns lighting the darkness inside my soul, alleviating me of all shadows. I could bask in that glow for eternity and never tire of it.

That brings me back to my current ordeal. This emotional development, as I've been calling it, has done a few things to me. I can tell that I smile more, and I'm not as brooding as I was before she showed up, but that's not all. There's touching. I give small caresses to her face or arms in passing, just to feel that connection. The constant eye contact, always followed by somewhat identical smiles, and the fact that we seem to gravitate toward one another is quite unsettling to me. I'm used to wearing my hood all of the time, but with her in the room, I find myself with it down more and more.

All of these acts and feelings are like a virus. spreading through me until my body can no longer fight them. I just wish that I had at least a little control over myself. Ha! Right, like that could ever happen where love is involved. I shake my head. Love? Where did that word come from? Can it be? Do I love her, even with as little time we've had together, with as little true interaction as we've had? I don't know, but there's really only one way to find out. I think we're going to have to have that date that I promised her that first night. Maybe that can assuage this need for answers that I have, for this particular situation, anyway.

I smile as I see Adriana start to head back into the tower, and I move to intercept her. When the elevator doors open, I walk straight up to her. Wait. What will I say? How can I ask? I was so confident that first day. Where is that now? My heart constricts as I peer at her tired visage. So much has happened in the past two months, in the way of her training, yet she's still like this at the end of every session. I bite my lip and try to gather my courage. "I, um. I was wondering if you'd like to go out later."

She looks at me with genuine amusement lighting her eyes. That smile shines upon her face, as well, completely captivating me. "Are you asking me on a date?"

I can't help the smile that seems to spread across my own face. "Yeah, I guess I am."

She winks at me as she passes me to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. "Sure, Raven. When's later for you?"

Inside my head, I squeal like a schoolgirl. She said yes! Okay, Raven, get it together. It's just a date. "Um, maybe tomorrow, before your training?"

"I can't wait." She passes me once more, heading to the elevator again. Her fingertips trail across my cloak before she disappears behind the door, and I can't hold back the excitement anymore. I suppose, outwardly, I look pretty ridiculous, but right now, I couldn't care less.

"Yo, Rae, are you having a seizure or something? That doesn't exactly look good." Beast Boy says as he enters the living area.

My excitement dies there, at least on the outside. "Shut up, Beast Boy." I glare at him and leave before I he can reply. Not even Beast Boy can ruin this high right now.

A/N: Well, I thoroughly apologize for being so so late on this. I'm giving you two chapters and a bit of a surprise in the next one... I'm watching a guy play FNAF 1... fucking hell... this is fucked up. Anyways... yeah...

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