Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

Title: "We Only Regret Having to Reach Our Destination"

Tunes: Hopesfall "Secondhand Surgery" and "Bird Flu", In This Moment "Beautiful Tragedy", Brand New "Sowing Season" and "MixTape", Alexisonfire "PulmonaryArchery", Life of Agony "Justified" and "BrokenValley", Deftones "Change (In The House of Flies)", The Pixies "Levitate Me"

People: Same as before. Only this time I remembered to add Doesn'tMeanMuch who's writing the most amazing Jay/Alex fic out there. The characterization is just... dead-fucking-on, y'know? I think it's safe to say that "Trying" is the only Jalex fic I enjoy. Amazing talent. Go read, and leave a few reviews. You will totally not be disappointed.

Author's Note: Nothing much to say. Read and enjoy.

Her hands shook, just slightly, as she fixed her hair in the mirror. Behind her, Spinner coughed and zipped his jeans up. She felt dizzy and a little nauseas. A thick, hot sheet of guilt wrapped around her stomach. Spinner's soft grunt as he struggled with his clothes brought none of the usual comfort. She placed her hands flat on the dresser and stared at them. There was a small, pinprick beauty mark on her right ring finger. The nail of her left thumb was chipped just slightly. Oh, that wouldn't do. Not at all. How could she be expected to run a business if she couldn't take care of her own hands? And she really should moisturize more often. Her knuckles looked a little dry.

Spinner cleared his throat again behind her. She jumped at the sudden noise. She spun quickly to meet him and found he was so close that if she puffed her chest out it would brush his.

She measured her breathing to maintain its shallowness.

"Uh… here," he tried to shove a few crumpled bills at her. She stared dumbly at his big, clumsy hands. Thick, rough fingers. Hard calloused palms. Chipped, dirty nails. An open, crusty sore between two of his knuckles. She stared as they trembled slightly. She remembered where those hands had been. She remembered what they had done. Who they had betrayed. She remembered the tears they had dried. She remembered how they felt.

Paige felt sick. Disgusted with herself. She looked into his muddy brown eyes. She shivered when she found nothing at all familiar or comforting. Nothing to identify with. They were pleading. She felt…

Paige felt cold.

She felt dead.

She slapped on a plastic smile and pushed his hand away. "No, hon. It's… on the house."

His eyes were dark. Spinner frowned, shaking his head, "But, Paige-"

"Spinner," her voice lacked the fake playful tone from before. It sounded tired and sad. "No. Just… no."

His brows furrowed but he shut his mouth and made a fist around the money. He shoved it deep into his pocket and stepped back. She reached out, took his hand, and began to lead him out of the room.

They walked in silence down the familiar hallways, eyes downcast. Paige still held his hand, searching for some semblance of comfort in the small act. She found little.

"Well," she murmured as she pushed open the door to the lobby. "Don't be a stran-"

The words died in her throat. Her eyes widened. Mouth dropped open. The air left her lungs and there was feeling similar to being punched in the sternum that seized her entirely.

"Alex?"

She dropped Spinner's hand.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was a sensation akin to jumping into the ocean late at night; drunk and stupid and almost innocent in your own ignorance.

There was shock. The kind that made every muscle clench painfully and lock impossibly still. Then the merciless cold took over. Warm breath made a desperate leap from the lungs. The freezing temperatures turned blood to ice and bones to brittle, frozen wood.

It was a silent process, though. Utterly internal. Alex felt as if she was outside of herself, watching from someplace far away. Look at the girl on the screen. If her eyes were open you might be able to watch her heart being crushed by her imploding ribcage. What fun. What entertainment.

Alex opened her eyes. Paige was kind of pale, there was an odd look on her face. Her lips opened and closed rapidly, eyes wide, hands flitting about like dying birds. She was speaking. Alex registered no sound. Her gaze drifted to Spinner. He seemed to have sunk into his over-sized coat. His hair was thick and matted. He looked dirty. There was a large, purple bruise that took up most of his cheek. He kept his eyes on the ground, arms hanging limply at his sides. His large, clumsy hands clenched and unclenched around the air.

Memories and reactions pregnant with emotion clawed their way up her throat. She could practically taste the blood on their fingernails. Thought swam in desperate circles in her skull. She didn't try to make sense of them.

Alex clenched her teeth and swallowed back everything. They sat heavy and rancid in her stomach. It was like eating a lead cube. Concentrating on breathing she forced a casual expression on her face. Flesh was weak. She would be plastic.

Bitterly, she wondered if Paige would be proud.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Well," Jay mumbled, "this is awkward."

It never ceased to amaze him how easily he could piss off a room full of people.

Hazel watched nervously from the corner. Spinner still refused to make eye contact with anyone. Paige's expression was reminiscent of what a trout looked like when it was pulled from the water. Alex appeared to have attempted swallowing a grapefruit whole.

Spinner cleared his throat, "I should… I should go."

"Yeah, no shit," Jay muttered, "Glad to see all the booze hasn't damaged your brilliant mind, Gavin."

Spinner looked up sharply. His brows furrowed but he remained silent. Jay spared a glance at Alex from the corner of his eye. She didn't appear as amused as he hoped she would be. In fact, she looked downright nervous. Doing that thing where she gnawed on her bottom lip, her right hand was picking at the nails on her left hand, until she dropped them to her sides, hesitated, and ran them through her hair.

Spinner shuffled out of the room. The bright tink of the bell seemed painfully out of place. Jay stopped himself from laughing at the sheer strangeness of it. It seemed that in their current situation bursting into random fits of giggles would be frowned upon.

"Alex… it-it's not what-"

"Whatever, Paige," Alex shrugged and bit down hard enough on her lip to make Jay wince. Her hands clenched and unclenched methodically. Her breaths were so even that he knew she must have been counting them. He wanted nothing more than to race outside and kick the Furby in his stupid, asshole face until Alex stopped looking so hurt. "It's cool."

No. No it's not, Alex. You know that. You know. Don't-

"Lexi, please."

"Paige," she had never sounded so desperate.

Jay knew what was coming and he was not about to stick around to watch Alex's heart get stomped into the cheap carpet by laboriously imported designer heels.

"It's fine. Can we jus-"

"Well, fuck this," he said it just a bit louder than he intended. Jay spun on his heel, shoved his hands in his pockets and walked out the door.

He didn't need this shit.

End Notes: Review.

-Orange