Amazing Race III: Paper Mario: TTYD Edition

by milesyoshidino34

Twelve teams of two race across fourteen destinations inspired by sixteen games throughout Mario history! The first team to cross the finish line wins one million coins! Across land, sea, space and sky, alliances and rivalries rise. Who will win The Amazing Race?

13. Episode 12: Blooper Bay

Leg 11: Blooper Bay

~*ARPMTTYD*~

Loading the Memory Card… The save file in Slot A has been loaded!

…

Blaise: "Previously, on the Amazing Race…

"Five teams of two returned from the underwater world of Bloocheep Sea and raced to Shy Guy Beach. Most teams had navigational woes that later translated to time penalties."

A montage played of Koopinator sneezing away the compass, Pierre losing his grip on the portolan chart and celestial map, Kojo and Kory fiddling around bewilderedly with the mariner's astrolabe, and Gloomtail and Hooktail asleep in their rum-runner.

"Such was not the case for Lahla and Rocko, who played a nearly error-free leg…"

Clips were shown of the two arriving at the buoys in the dead of night, Rocko hitting the onshore target with the cannon, and Lahla scoring a bull's eye with the spear.

"…and were rewarded with a spot near the top."

"YES, YES, YES!" Lahla screamed, laughing as she and Rocko hugged in celebration.

"Pierre and Rana lost the Fast Forward to former allies Koopinator and Shellshock…"

Looking very distraught, the dating couple departed the site as the fighters finished the last maneuvers in the beach umbrella dance.

"…and nearly lost their minds when car problems cost them their slim lead."

"We have a penalty and we're in last and we have a flat tire! There's no hope! We're done!" Rana cried tearfully. "And it's so not fair!"

"However, Kojo and Kory's penalty was greater, and they dropped to last place."

"…And I'm sorry to tell you that we've added a new twist to the race."

Everyone stared at Blaise in shock.

"They were saved by the final non-elimination pit stop, but found themselves facing a new kind of reprimand."

"At some point during the next leg, you two will encounter a Speed Bump, a task that only you must perform…"

"If that's the worst, we'll gladly take it," came Kojo's relieved response.

Koopinator & Shellshock "Cheat"; Kojo & Kory Penalized

"Five teams still remain." (Rapid shots of the competitors in question.) "Who will be eliminated…next?"

~*ARPMTTYD*~

Miles: "This is Shy Guy Beach. Appearances are deceiving – it may look serene, but its history as the battlegrounds for several rival pirate factions and the presence of the reigning crew drive away any hopes of stable tourism. And, located several miles from the main beach is Heyho Cove, a suspected treasure hiding place connected to the Crimson. It became the tenth pit stop in a race around the world!

"Will Lahla and Rocko, and Gloomtail and Hooktail, having left the bottom slots, continue to place in the top three? Can Kojo and Kory overcome both their time penalty and the awaiting Speed Bump to escape last? And with the next two legs ending in guaranteed eliminations, who's gonna fall short of the finals?

"Koopinator and Shellshock, who were the first to arrive…"

"YEAH, BABY!" Shellshock shouted, latching onto Koopinator in a hug.

"…will depart at 11:04 P.M."

~*ARPMTTYD*~

Nighttime embarkation once again.

An apathetic crescent moon presided over the eerily quiet coastline. Usually at this hour, incessant racket from rogue pirates who'd downed a flask too many at supper would disturb the ambience for miles around. Not tonight.

Waves crashing against the rocks, bombarding the shore with sprays of water. Nocturnal wildlife, chattering in the background. Nothing out of the ordinary, and that was the problem. A "something's amiss here" factor was lacking, thrusting a sensation of lifelessness upon the unremarkable beach. As some would have quoted for the sake of quoting, "'It's quiet… Too quiet…'"

This was, without question, but the calm before the storm.

(Heyho Cove)

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Departing in 1st Place
11:04 P.M.

Slightly less than twenty-four hours ago, Team Glitz Pit had departed the junk pit stop in second place, behind rival alpha males Kojo and Kory.

Entirely different story now, and dang, did it feel good! Leg eleven, and finally leading the pack onto the course! Along with the power and security from their time and placing advantages, there was something inexplicably special about being the first racers to learn the next destination. Both fighters reveled in anything and everything about their victory and just knew it wouldn't be their last. This intoxicating cloud nine was like an addition too good not to revisit. Speaking of repetition…

One simply had to question the hygiene of wearing something for over two weeks without cleaning it. The Dark Koopatrol's battle armor had been a constant since the very beginning, and it continued to remain as such. His Shady Koopa partner wore no outer-shell clothing, but the all-hours sunglasses and spiked choker and wristbands were present and accounted for. Flashlights hugged their foreheads; it would've been nigh impossible to navigate this wilderness otherwise.

Before perforating the envelope, Koopinator shot the camera a confident smirk (while Shellshock threw in a snazzy grin and two thumbs up). The Razor Blade Brigadier felt so much better after some proper rest. It was a great reason to smile.

Riiiiiip!

"'Drive yourselves to Blooper Bay and locate the Clubhouse—'"

Miles: (walking along, holding a tropical drink glass) "Teams must now drive themselves approximately 202 miles to Blooper Bay. This luxurious resort town is integrated with a 36-hole golf course, the front 18 of which received worldwide coverage as a stop on the Toadstool Tour tournament. Once there, they must check in at the Clubhouse (more like a mansion, really!). Because the majority of its holes contain some sort of water hazard, Blooper Bay is notoriously known as 'the golf ball eater.' To compensate, the Clubhouse contains a mock near-Olympic-sized swimming pool of dimensions 164 by 82 by 3, or about 40,000 cubic feet – and it is filled with over 25 MILLION golf balls. That's a LOTTA LOTTA golf balls!" (a demonstration shot showed him standing in the sea of white chaos) "And in this probability test gone absolutely psycho nuts, they're searching for one of only 100 imprinted with a race flag design, located within a single marked lane, to trade for their next clue." (pause) "…Yeah, they might be there awhile."

"'…You have 77 Smash for this leg of the race,'" Koopinator concluded with a faint frown.

"Dude…how many golf balls can fit in a freakin' Olympic pool?" Shellshock asked incredulously, voicing the immediate question on both their minds (and unfortunately for them, the Route Info conceded no answer). In any other context, the idea was pointless trivia, something hardly worth fretting over. But for it to be the first centerpiece of this leg screamed trouble to the power of bloody murder. The road ahead did not look promising.

"I have no idea, but we're going to find out," Koopinator replied humorlessly, stepping off the mat. Though he tried sounding as nonchalant as possible, the prospect clearly struck fear in his heart, too.

"It's gotta be like, what, a million?" Shellshock (under)estimated, jogging after his teammate.

"It's official: we've gotten further than some of our Glitz Pit rivals! Yeah, baby!" Shellshock whooped jovially. He exchanged a high-five with Koopinator…but the intent of the other's outstretched hand had been to indicate "stop (making a fool of yourself)." Oh well, it still counted. "Now all we gotta do is make Final Three and win this thing! Hasn't been done by a GP team yet, so it'd be super sweet if we were the first! Huzzah!"

"We represent all the fighters who put their health at risk for the entertainment business," Koopinator deadpanned. "If we haven't proven to you yet that we're more than deserving enough to win…well, hold tight and keep watching."

"We can't concern ourselves with the golf ball pool yet, Shellshock; we have to get there first," Koopinator reminded as he put the vehicle in reverse.

"Right, right…" Shellshock agreed, fastening his seatbelt. "Uh, I guess we'll stop at the first open place we can find for directions?"

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(en route to Blooper Bay)

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners

Soon after turning onto the main road, Team Glitz Pit came across a gas station. However, Koopinator drove right by. There was no point in stopping somewhere if no one was around, after all.

"It's late at night, so many places are either already closed or in the process of closing," Koopinator explained to the camera while keeping his eyes on the road. "And, not all gas stations are attended to around the clock. The other teams are hours behind us, so this works to our advantage."

"Yeah, definitely, since the Koopas are leaving at like, what," Shellshock snickered, "four in the morning?"

"Kojo and Kory got saved by a surprise NEL, so they're still in the game. I, uh, have nothing against them personally," professed Shellshock honestly, "but they REALLY just need to leave already, follow their alliance back home. I'm hopin' that this Speed Bump business is the knockout punch. Racing them is fun and intense and all, but I don't wanna face 'em in the finals. They're the game's biggest threats…below us, of course."

Somewhere, further down the road, they happened upon another commercial district.

"Lights! I see lights on in that one, 'Nator! Turn off," Shellshock directed. After passing two more unmonitored gas stations, they'd finally located a Shell (resemblance to the real-world counterpart was a mere coincidence, really!) whose convenience store was still open. Proceeding blindly any further would've been foolish, so they entered intent on obtaining crystal-clear directions. "Hi there," Shellshock greeted the cashier. "D'ya know how to get to Blooper Bay?"

"Blooper Bay… Sounds familiar, but I don't know where it is or how to get there," the Koopa admitted, shaking his head. "Sorry. We have some maps, though."

"Alright, thanks…" Shellshock turned to find Koopinator already studying an unfolded road map. "Good job gettin' on it, 'Nator! …See where we're going?"

"…Not yet…" Seconds later, he retracted that statement. "Found it." With Shellshock peering over his shoulder, he dragged a gloved finger from Shy Guy Beach to Blooper Bay.

"Dang, that's a long drive!" Shellshock's eyes bulged comically. He approximated the distance with the scale. "We're…gonna have to stop for gas down the road, huh?"

"It seems so," Koopinator mused. "…Do we have enough money to buy this?"

"…Uh, you're asking me this why?"

"On the off-chance we get lost, I'd prefer we have something on-hand instead of stopping again."

Glitz Pit superiority subconsciously placed rank #1, the Razor Blade Brigadier, as the de facto leader (essentially dictator) of this team, while the representative of rank #7, the Turtles of Hurtle, was simply another set of hands. Koopinator, in general, controlled the important matters. Any instance he'd inquired into Shellshock's opinion (e.g., which Detour option to complete) had been to maintain the illusion of team-based decision-making. He could usually predict his partner's predictable responses in advance, anyway. Both fighters, interestingly, were fully aware of this unspoken chain of command.

Last leg, the choice to pursue the Fast Forward had been solely by Shellshock's persuasion. It ended up as unnecessary overkill (a waste, really) since three other teams made such huge blunders, but it was a healthy reminder to Koopinator that this competition was a two-person effort. His Shady Koopa teammate was indeed one of the lower ranked team leaders in the Glitz Pit major league, but that status meant little here; Shellshock's input was just as valid as his own. And, as Shellshock had just pointed out, the drive was probably long enough to warrant a gas stop later on, and gas was not cheap. Koopinator felt genuinely insecure about their financial standing after their bankruptcy at the close of Leg 8. If they purchased this map, Shellshock would have to justify every coin and make good use of it as the navigator. Under these circumstances, that one question placed direct and total control of something vitally important in Shellshock's hands.

"Ah…" Shellshock hesitated, noting the subtle way the other averted the intent of his query. "I think…I think I can get some directions based on the map, write 'em down… We need to save money, right?"

"…If you think so."

"…Yeah."

With the cashier's reluctant approval, Shellshock judged the shortest route and jotted down the list of roads they would take to Blooper Bay. He also roughly estimated the distance they would travel on each to prevent their having to worry about whether each possible place to turn was the right one. Solid directions at the ready, they returned to their car.

"It's gonna be a looooong night." Shellshock sighed, buckling in. "Again."

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(Heyho Cove)

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers – Departing in 2nd Place
12:11 A.M.

Five legs, and a seemingly unbreakable chain of fourth place finishes. Yet, the Kitty Boo and Pianta pair had defied the odds and miraculously broken free of their curse! While everyone else had incurred penalties at sea, the employees did not, and their solid performances at the challenges secured them a well-deserved second. No doubts about it now – they were contenders.

All of Lahla's giddy bouncing around, akin to a fighter's anticipatory warm-up movements, fluffed her cerise bowtie and jostled her head-mounted flashlight, nearly knocking off her cat-ear headband. The relatively warm temperature discouraged excess clothing, so Rocko simply wore a white tank top and leaf skirt without his usual leather jacket. Obviously, the sunglasses stayed no matter what.

"'…and locate one race flag-printed golf ball to trade for your next clue…'" Lahla read in a tone holding disbelief.

"No one expected us to make it this far, but here we are!" Lahla announced in a singsong tone. "Y'know, I really think last leg was a wakeup call to everybody else. 'Oh, wait, who're these here people, and how'd they get second?' Heehee! Though, I think it wasn't really so much that we got second as it was HOW we got second – it came outta nowhere!"

"Weird, I…didn't know enough golf balls even existed to fill a pool," Lahla remarked offhandedly. "Did you, hon?"

Rocko made a grunt of indifference as they continued traversing the dirt path back to the parking lot.

"So…the Petalboys approached us with a verrry interestin' proposal durin' the pit stop," Lahla recalled, an intrigued and conspiratorial note dancing in her voice. Unlike the previous sound bite, recorded some time during the post-Leg 10 interviews, this footage had been filmed just minutes before the coworkers' scheduled departure. "Somethin' about us takin' the Fast Forward…"

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(Heyho Cove Pit Stop – Resting Period)
Flashback Footage

Ever since the alliances dissolved, pit stop socializing had become less confederated and returned somewhat to the open integration characteristic of the earliest legs. Casual fraternizing provided an invaluable outlet to the stress and exhaustion that plagued everyone's minds on the racecourse, especially at this stage of the game; talking to someone besides the person one orbited twenty-four-seven equaled some sense of normalcy, which granted a degree of release to all the pent-up negative energy. This applied to some more than others (e.g., Koopinator tended to spend more time meditating than interacting), but for the most part, the limited behind-the-scenes "mingling" aspect of the pit stop presented an entirely new inter-team dynamic that closed-minded television-exclusive viewers would've never expected.

For example, footage edits completely failed to show that childhood buddies Kojo and Kory and dating couple Pierre and Rana were friends from the very beginning. They'd met as fellow passengers aboard the first flight to Snowflake Lake and instantly hit it off. Rana joked that the three guys with spiky anime hair were just destined to be pals, and it seemed true. Aside from Pierre's criminal affiliations, all four were easygoing characters with rather ordinary lives. Between them, conversation flowed like a smooth-running river.

Things grew complicated when the two teams suddenly joined opposing alliances before Leg 5, but they remained civil outside of game mode. Kojo and Kory served as confidants when the unlucky Squeeks obtained a flat tire and the retreating rearview of their alliance in Ribbon Land. Similarly, Pierre and Rana expressed sympathy when the Koopas lost their allies in back-to-back eliminations and became Yield victims in the Toads' last-ditch bid for safety. Despite the circumstances, they remained sociable and enjoyed each other's company, especially now that the alliances were whispers of the past.

That's why it killed Kojo and Kory inside to execute this so-called plan…

Relaxing in a shaded clearing in the forest, Lahla and Rocko were holding a one-sided discussion (mostly Lahla's ranting) on the pit stop greeter's flamboyant attire when they approached. Fresh out from debriefing and post-Leg 10 interviews, the Koopas were carrying their late lunch and the most amiable of smiles.

"Afternoon," greeted Kojo. "Mind if we join you guys? This feels like the perfect spot for a picnic."

"Not at all, make yaselves at home! Just warnin' ya that Rockster might charge ya for yer chips!" Lahla joked. Unbeknownst to her, this invitation was their first mistake of Leg 11…which hadn't even started yet.

They all shared a laugh at Rocko's disbelieving "Yeah right, whatever" expression, and from there, the new conversation shifted naturally. The coworkers were, overall, an affable team that got along with almost everyone remaining, sans Koopinator. (Everyone had long ago established that Rocko, despite his tough guy exterior, was simply the big, silent teddy bear type, much to his chagrin.) They listened to the tale of Kojo and Kory's hardships – how they struggled with the challenges, arrived fourth to the mat, and were proclaimed last under their 2.5-hour penalty – with genuine interest as both friends and competitors.

"Wooow, that's gotta suck," drawled Lahla. "Y'all are gonna be really behind now, huh? With this…Speed Bump business and all…"

"Yeah…" Kojo agreed, nodding thoughtfully as he took another bite from his fourth sandwich. "…Hey. We were…wondering if you guys were planning to take the Fast Forward." Seed planted.

His voice had been as laid-back as possible.

But still, the atmosphere immediately changed.

"Uhhhh…" Lahla glanced at Rocko, suddenly feeling very unsure of herself. "…Depends on…our placin' when it comes up." If the weather's right and if we feel like it, maybe. "…Why?"

"Just curious." Kojo's tone sounded mischievous, almost teasing. Before they had a chance to dwell on it, Kory cut in to elaborate.

"You guys are hours in front of us, so…if we're not flying out of here, there's a good chance we won't catch up. If you win the Fast Forward, well, uh, then Pierre and Rana won't, and…we'll stand more of a chance."

"…Uh…huh…" Lahla drew out slowly in comprehension. Beside her, Rocko continued staring at the Koopas, mask emotionless, face unreadable.

"Um, yeah, that's it. So, just…just a thought," Kory concluded awkwardly.

"Seeing if, y'know, you guys could help us out," Kojo added.

"Ahhhhh…" Lahla glanced at Rocko again, but he looked too lost in thought to exchange any communication. Uncertain of what to say, she opted for the default. "…We'll…think about it, hon."

"Cool," the guys chimed together.

What followed were several moments of overpowering silence that threatened to stretch on and never end, suffocating Lahla with the sheer awkwardness. For the entire game, she and Rocko had never discussed any sort of tactical maneuvering with another team. This was certainly new. Would it be smart to start working together now, though? With Kojo and Kory, who'd had the most first place finishes (FOUR!) so far? Heck no!

With a nervous chuckle, Kory sliced the tension and launched the conversation in a different direction. "So, Rocko…how'd you get the cannon down so fast…?"

Poor Lahla and Rocko were none the wiser. After they concluded this talk over lunch, Kojo and Kory would go to the Squeeks…and plant and water the same seed.

After all, what were the chances of Lahla and Rocko and Pierre and Rana co-conspiring not to take the Fast Forward? Pfft, get real.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(Heyho Cove)

"…in order to wall Pierre and Rana for 'em. It's…a really confusin' thing, y'see? Why would we wanna help THEM out? They're such threats to win that doin' so'd be just plain stupid!" laughed Lahla. "And yet, I can't help but keep thinkin' 'bout it, y'know? If we find ourselves in trouble and go for it…are we playin' right into their hand?"

"Gonna need to get directions somehow…" Lahla pointed out the obvious as she shifted to get comfortable in her seat.

"How's dat gonna be?" Rocko inquired hesitantly. He turned to see the rear as he backed the car out and gauged his partner's facial expression as she responded.

"Just…uh, drive around 'til we can get 'em from a gas station, or somethin'. I don't see how else we can…"

Rocko sighed softly and nodded.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(en route to Blooper Bay)

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners

"There ain't much to see out here 'cept palm trees, grass, and these creepy deserted asphalt roads," Shellshock remarked offhandedly to the camera. "I'm a bit…uh, disappointed that we're not getting much scenery right now, 'cuz I've always wanted to vacation at a beach resort for a week and just take in the atmosphere. We hardly stayed a day at Shy Guy Beach." Man, I just wanna hit the waves right now…night surfing sounds way more fun than this night driving…

"By the sounds of things, Blooper Bay is probably a beach resort," came Koopinator's voice. "And our prize from last leg is a cruise around a bunch of tropical islands, so…you'll probably get your time on the beach one way or another."

"True, true…forgot about that…" Shellshock chuckled. He paused to quickly check his written directions. Reassured that they wouldn't need to worry about locating a turn for another twenty miles or so, he looked back up and continued dispensing his thoughts. "We're always in such a hurry and focused on racing, though. We'll only get to visit these places once in our lives, and sometimes I feel like it's all passing by in one big blur 'cuz we're not pausing to just take a look around…y'know? Live in the moment, baby!"

"…I guess," Koopinator replied in a noncommittal manner.

As their ride lapsed into a comfortable quietude accompanied by the quiet hum of the vehicle's motor, Shellshock allowed himself a small smirk. Ouch, shot down… Having raised the subject several times before and received the same type of response from his teammate, he should've known better. Koopinator had even once directly stated that he was here solely for the competition, not the scenery. ("It doesn't matter to me whether we're racing in a volcano or a black hole, as long as the end result is the same. …No, Shellshock, I'm talking about winning, not a premature demise.") In Shellshock's opinion, this particular apathy was an unfortunate character flaw on an otherwise near-flawless character.

Yet, in a way, this was a good thing. Shellshock considered himself the type of guy who was in touch with his feelings (feminine side…?), so his emotional passion balanced out their dynamic. He didn't necessarily like being the dude who always cried too easily at movies or received odd looks for displaying sympathy for the losers of Glitz Pit battles, but this sentimental zeal provided an alternate drive for striving to achieve his goals. That, he liked. Investing himself on a level that Koopinator fundamentally could not… Yeah, take that, guy who's good at everything!

"Is it me, or is it getting cloudy out there?" observed Shellshock. No answer came. Talking more now for the sake of entertaining himself, he pressed his beak up to the window and continued, "I remember being able to see the moon and stars and stuff when we left, but I don't see 'em anymore…"

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers

"Alright, thanks hon! Have a nice night, hear?"

After wandering around for a good deal of time, the Pianta Parlor employees had finally located an open convenience store with a purchasable map showing Blooper Bay's location, and some eyelash fluttering and coy words on Lahla's part rewarded them with a specially discounted price. With her sister in sales and her own mind on a future in retail, she recognized that preying on unwitting male cashiers at one in the morning wasn't exactly the "right" thing to do, but…conserving money would only help them in the long run. Gotta do what it takes.

"Okay, soooo…" Lahla unfolded the map again while Rocko pulled out of the gas station. "Looks like we're in for a really long drive. Sure ya won't fall asleep at the wheel, Rockster?"

"Course not. I got dis."

"That's what I like to hear!" Lahla chirped, radiating infectious positive energy even at this late hour. The trip ahead would take longer than the previous leg's rum-runner navigation, so they needed all the momentum they could get (which explained the selection of energy beverages included in their reduced purchase). "Turn right, and we'll keep followin' this road a ways…"

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners

Fast forward through time. At some point along the drive, where they'd followed the same road for over an hour, Shellshock dozed off. To him, it seemed only a minute had passed between his mentioning the next turn and Koopinator's voice telling him to wake up so that they could fill their car's depleted gas supply. Once they stopped at a station and did so, he remained awake for the rest of the trip.

"We're getting close," Koopinator noted, relief just barely evident in his tone. "That last sign places us within ten miles of Blooper Bay."

"Alri-hight!" Shellshock pumped both fists in celebration.

"…And, by the way, Shellshock…good job on the directions. We got here without any problems."

"Aww shucks, 'Nator, thanks!" Laughing appreciatively, Shellshock gladly accepted the compliment. "Let's make it so the rest of this leg is smooth sailing too, baby!"

~*ARPMTTYD*~

Meticulously crafted into an exotic beach paradise, Blooper Bay held a unique distinction as the world's lone combined resort town and golf course. Players and spectators alike voted it first place time and time again in course ranking polls, and with good reason. Perfect climate, beautiful scenery, elaborate and entertaining hole design…not to mention superior customer service, luxurious accommodations, and delectable food… This place was truly the full package and more.

Entrances to the hybrid city were marked by Blooper Bay's customized flag, which obviously also graced each of its thirty-six holes. A palm tree growing atop a hill constituted the simple centerpiece, while a bright blue sky with fluffy white clouds and the outlines of soaring seagulls served as the background. Framing the delicate scene in an oval like something out of a scrapbook was a lighter blue border, marked with two horizontal white stripes and suns in the corners. Needless to say, the one modest scene was an extreme underrepresentation of the haven's true splendor.

Circa 4:00 in the morning, the first marked car drove under a dark basalt archway bearing the aforementioned flag. A new sort of competition had just infiltrated.

(Blooper Bay)

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners

As they entered the outskirts of town, Shellshock had his window rolled completely down. Much to the recording crew's consternation, he hung his head out like a dog and shouted his words to the passing world, causing interference on his clip-on microphone.

"Just smell that awesome tropical ocean air!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms wide and taking an exaggerated whiff.

"…It smells just like Shy Guy Beach," Koopinator deadpanned, not actually bothering to check.

"No, no, there's a difference, I can tell!"

"Right…" muttered Koopinator disbelievingly. "While you're out there, make yourself useful and look for the Clubhouse."

No effort was necessary. Within less than a minute, their headlights illuminated a sign directing between the outward and inward nines. Naturally, the Clubhouse was also included on the board, being positioned within easy access of both Hole 1 and Hole 36. Koopinator honed in on it with little trouble. He steered into the parking lot and both immediately anticipated the worst at seeing the grounds devoid of other vehicles.

"You'd think that people'd be golfing around the clock here," Shellshock commented with a certain level of surprise as he undid his seatbelt. "Guess not."

.:Clubhouse:.

For first-time tourists, the Clubhouse's imposing structure and elegant woodwork often were marvel-worthy enough to warrant stopping and staring for a few moments to take it all in (and maybe a few pictures as well). That compulsion registered somewhere in the back of Shellshock's mind, but was overridden by an altogether dissimilar concern: the lack of lighting from any point of the building.

"I'd forgotten we were gonna search a freakin' Olympic pool with all the driving business going on," he admitted nervously as they power walked up the stairs. "We need all the lead we can get."

"Opens at…five A.M." Koopinator announced, placing a finger on the operation hours. To this, they both breathed sighs of relief. "At least that makes it impossible for any of the last three teams to get here before it opens."

"Thank the stars for those crazy early birds," Shellshock joked, referencing the morning risers who probably set the opening hour demand.

Typically, the fighters would have chosen to camp outside the doors in such a scenario. Every advantage mattered, right? However, since they had few worries at the moment (there was no placeholder at risk, so whether or not Lahla and Rocko caught up before five was inconsequential), they elected to spend the remaining time in their car.

"Least we can get a little more rest now," Shellshock stated approvingly. "We have time to regroup and prepare ourselves for the day ahead, which is something everyone else probably won't have."

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(en route to Blooper Bay)

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers

Meanwhile, at approximately four hours into their drive, the employees were not sharing the same fortune as Team Glitz Pit. Navigation began without a hitch, but spiraled downhill somewhere along the way. Whereas Lahla had earlier been hugging the map like a holiday gift granted from a wish list dream, she now only stared at it in pure confusion.

"Am I missin' somethin' here? I swear, I haven't seen the road we needed to turn on yet…"

Not having the greatest confidence in their progress, Rocko glanced anxiously at his partner through the rear-view mirror.

"This is so weird… I feel like we've done somethin' wrong…" Lahla speculated anxiously, studying the map in hopes that it would spell out an answer.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(Heyho Cove)

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings – Departing in 3rd Place
3:51 A.M.

Everyone's favorite racing quadrupeds started Leg 11 in their birthday suits! (Party time!) They grinned toothily and shredded their beginning envelope.

"Drive yourselves—'" read Gloomtail.

"Guess who's not in last?" Hooktail sang in her gruff voice. "We fought, and we made it happen! Top three finish for yours truly!"

"That's right, bow down to our greatness!" Gloomtail laughed. On a more serious note, he added, "I bet the other teams now recognize us as the threats we are. If not, they better watch out! 'Cause, no matter what happens at the end of this upcoming leg (and of course we'll still be in it to win it!), we get influence over what happens! Mismatch Rod, anyone?"

"Hear, hear!"

Having stored their cash, the dynamic (more like dynamite) duo was all set to leave. However, just as Gloomtail prepared to jet down the hiking trail, Hooktail, in a most unconventional fashion, prevented him from doing so – by tripping him.

"OW!" he (totally had not) squeaked, crashing unceremoniously and kissing the dirt. "Pchtoo! Pthahft!" Spitting out what grossness he could, he turned and glared at her, already feeling his blood pressure rising. "…What was that for, stupid?"

"Just checking to see if you're awake, Gloomy-kins," Hooktail taunted. "Guess not."

"Stop it, just stop." Gloomtail exhaled noisily, like a mad bull about to charge. "It's way too early to be pushing my buttons, Captain Hook. We haven't even stepped off the mat yet!"

"Well, you have, but that's beside the point," Hooktail teased, remaining perfectly calm. "I have a good reason – I just had a super idea!"

"Why can't you communicate things like a normal annoying little dragon sister?" Gloomtail complained. "Oh, wait. I know why. It's impossible!"

"He's just jealous because he's been locked up for like, a thousand years, while I've been free to roam the world and wreak havoc!" Hooktail cackled. "I've gotten to watch civilization grow up, while he's probably just been sitting down there in that musty old palace, training his golems or something. Innovation's rubbed off on me, and it SO works both ways. Did you know that I was the inspiration for the airplane? This race wouldn't have been possible without me!" Beside her in the interview, Gloomtail rolled his eyes. Hard.

"At this stage of the game? Are you stupid or something?" Gloomtail hissed, making to stomp off and leave her behind. "What were you thinking – oh, wait. You weren't! This was a total waste of time, you idiot!"

"No, it's not!" Hooktail insisted forcefully. "You just don't get it, do you? It's so obviously the smart thing to do, c'mon!"

"Smart my—"

"Excuse us."

PIERRE & RANA: Dating – Departing in 4th Place
3:53 A.M.

Clearly uncomfortable to have strolled into the midst of this argument, the Squeeks waiting for a chance to shed their black leather and blue jean jackets stepped up to the mat regardless. Deprived once more of their beloved morning caffeine and having come straight from pre-Leg 11 interviews, a verbal war consisting of pointless insults between the dragons (who could magically conjure up a fight about anything, it seemed) was not how the archeologists envisioned the start of their journey to redemption.

"Sorry, but at least have the decency to move away so we can leave," Rana requested, clinging to her boyfriend's arm. To their surprise, the brother and sister complied. Gloomtail, with a scowl. Hooktail, with a smile.

Suppressing a shudder, Pierre ignored the loitering pair and opened their clue. "'Drive yourselves to Blooper Bay and locate the Clubhouse. Search a marked area of an Olympic-sized pool of golf balls and locate one race flag-printed golf ball to trade for your next clue. You have 77 Smash for this leg of the race.'"

"An 'Olympic-sized pool of golf balls?'" Rana repeated disbelievingly, storing the money. "I'm already not liking the sound of this."

"Me neither, babe, but we'll get it," Pierre assured, sounding equally incredulous. "Let's roll."

To their further astonishment, the siblings hadn't budged an inch, and were currently blocking the direct route out.

"Can we…help you two with something?" Pierre asked, subconsciously running a hand through his spiked head fur. His other arm clutched protectively around his girlfriend's shoulders.

"Yes, actually," Hooktail replied after a moment of hesitation. "I…almost can't believe I'm saying this, but…do you guys wanna work together?"

Say what?

In editing, the music comically derailed with a screech of the record player and switched tracks to mirror the mice's flabbergasted expressions. Rana's lasted all of five seconds…then, she suddenly understood. "Ohhh, I getcha. Collaborate to find this place, beat out Kojo and Kory, hopefully eliminate a huge threat before the finals." She clacked her tongue and stuck out a conspiratorial finger. "Done and done, sister."

"Glad someone gets it," Hooktail said appreciatively.

Giggling, the two females winked at each other and started hurrying back to the parking lot. Gloomtail and Pierre shared a brief look of utter bewilderment before taking chase.

"So, how're we gonna do this?" Hooktail asked airily once they'd all loaded their backpacks into the trunks of their vehicles.

"Well, I was thinking…" Pierre vacillated in disclosing his idea, but one look at Rana's supportive expression broke his dam. "…we could try the hotel we didn't sleep at last night. Er, Rana and I didn't, you guys did. There should be a receptionist or someone who can point us in the right direction."

"Sounds perfect!" Hooktail declared, as if the plan were her own. "We'll follow you guys, 'kay?"

"…Sure." Unlike his girlfriend, Pierre sat on the fence in regards to this on-the-spot coalition. But for now, he climbed into the backseat and went with it.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(en route to Blooper Bay)

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers

No longer feeling secure enough to continue traveling their current path, the Pianta Parlor workers stopped elsewhere to reconfirm their directions. Coincidentally, the most convenient method at the time of their reluctant decision also involved a hotel receptionist.

"You came from Shy Guy Beach…and you're trying to go to Blooper Bay?" repeated the Koopa, sounding both amazed and amused.

"Yep," Lahla affirmed. "Uh… Somethin' the matter with that…?"

"…You've driven hours the wrong way," he told them at length. "You need to go that direction."

Immediately, Lahla's expression downright plummeted; shocked speechless, she stared at him openmouthed. But…But we have a map…! Rocko looked on disapprovingly, arms folded.

"Is dat so," he muttered after several moments of inactivity. "Could we ask you fer a favor…like a printout of directions, or somedin'?"

"…I don't see why not," the Koopa decided, turning to his computer. Both Rocko and Lahla smiled thankfully at his considerate present, but rejected the attached tag of pity. To his credit, the Pianta withheld venting his frustration until they returned to the relative privacy of their marked car.

"Dis ain't good at all. Da guy told us we drove hours da wrong way," Rocko recapped grimly once they were on the road again. "No question now: we gotta do the Fast Forward."

"Don't go jumpin' to conclusions," Lahla berated lightheartedly, still secretly paranoid about playing into Kojo and Kory's ploy. "Someone else could get lost too." Unfortunately, she snatched his bait and unintentionally threw out her own.

"Can't control dat. Wouldn'ta mattered if you'd navigated properly."

"Whoa there, why're we pointin' fingers here?" Lahla asked, taken aback.

"I ain't," he claimed, defending himself exasperatedly. "But you're in charge of da map, and all I can do is trust you're tellin' me da right way. D'ya get it?"

"You got just as much a right to question me if you feel somethin's off, y'know," she insisted.

"Da directions ain't my job," Rocko shot back sternly. "I'm at da wheel, you're wid da map. Team effort. We split da responsibilities, and you were irresponsible wid da directions."

Making a sour expression, Lahla chuckled humorlessly. She could feel her temper rising. "Okaaay… I'm so sure this is the lack of sleep talkin' here. Brakes on the accusations."

"Not da lack of sleep, it's dat I drove how many hours da wrong way, and now I gotta drive all dem back, plus where we gotta go!"

"If that's all, do ya want me to drive?"

"No, 'cause you'd prob'ly screw dat up, too."

"…Wow, this is just ridiculous. Here I am, tryin' to be the bigger person, and you just shove it back in my face!"

Somewhere in the middle of her retaliation, Rocko cut in and began trying to talk over her. "Own up ta your mistake!

Lahla naturally reacted in kind. "I always thought you were nice, so I never imagined this side of you even existed! Guess I was wrong! We learn so much on the race, huh?"

"You controlled da map, you messed up, and now you're tryin' ta blame me!"

"This argument is totally unnecessary! Stop actin' like it's all my fault!"

"Just—just shuddup and lemme drive! We're prob'ly gonna be eliminated 'cause of your mistake anyway!"

That stopped the rapid-fire of word weaponry from Lahla's mouth. Eliminated…because of her? A sliver of guilt pierced her heart at this realization, but not a nanosecond later, she gladly allowed the anger and resentment at such an insinuation to take over, melting away all else. Gone was the rational thought, the dam to her cattiness and capability of holding horrific grudges. They'd worked far too hard and far too long for him to just carelessly throw that idea around like a plaything! The burning rage tinged her ghostly face an impossible shade of light red.

"If that's how ya feel, fine." Her voice was dangerously low, her drawl accented brilliantly by her heightened emotion. "…See if I care."

Unfazed by her quiet fury, Rocko simply scoffed and shook his head. His obstinance, which made him the perfect "act first, ask questions later" bouncer for the Pianta syndicate, allowed her tantrum to glance off without a worry. He resolutely stood by his opinion and found himself rewarded with two scraps of information salvaged from the clash. Number one: Lahla was not always right. Duh. Although she'd worked a taxi miracle in Western Land and saved them from sure elimination back then, that didn't mean he had to blindly obey her like a slave now. She was no goddess. Like everyone else, she made mistakes.

Number two: He was not limited to the single role of dumb muscle – the brawn of the operation – that everyone, including himself, had cast him in. While he wouldn't be admitted to Mensa anytime soon, he had the street smarts and common sense to make good decisions. Based on that fact, he'd been irresponsible by letting Lahla take charge all the time. Well, no more.

Despite Rocko's enlightenment and Lahla's boiling anger, the temperature in the van continued to plummet.

PIERRE & RANA: Dating

During the trip back to Shy Guy Beach, the Squeeks inevitably passed the unmarked scene of the flat tire that pushed Rana over the edge to an emotional breakdown. Both pointedly avoided searching for that spot and any reason to bring it up in conversation, even at their recording crew's prompting. Almost forcefully, Rana shifted the topic.

"We have nothing against Kojo and Kory, don't get us wrong – this is just part of the game. I love them to death, but they're too much of a physical threat, and Pierre and I aren't in this for anything but first place," Rana told the camera while driving. "Hopefully this loose…union with Hooktail and Gloomtail to Blooper Bay will make a difference."

"It gets even more complicated because, during the pit stop, Kojo and Kory asked us to, if possible, take the Fast Forward to help them overtake Rocko and Lahla," Pierre commented.

"Yeah, that…" Rana nodded slowly in remembrance. "…But…this golf ball swimming pool thing, though, it could really mix things up, I think. We might or might not need it."

"They're hours ahead of us, so if they get lucky at the needle-in-a-haystack challenge, they might end up taking it anyway, leaving us without any options," Pierre hypothesized. "It's a messy situation, no matter how you look at it."

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings

"Those two sure made a big deal about this task on the Route Info," Hooktail noted, rereading the details. "I wonder why? How big is an Olympic-sized swimming pool?"

"Beats me," Gloomtail shrugged, his attention mostly devoted to following the dating couple's marked car. "What the heck is an 'Olympic?' And what's a golf ball look like again?"

"Uh… I'm not sure…"

Though they wracked their brains pondering these questions, they found no openings to voice them to their circumstantial allies when they joined them at the Masquerade Beach House.

"Blooper Bay? I can look it up for you if you would like," offered the night receptionist.

"Please," Pierre said with a nod. After a few moments, the Shy Guy located it on a map and described what he felt was the fastest route; Rana and Hooktail wrote down his directions. Amongst a chorus of other thanks ("Thank you so much, you've been a great help!"), Pierre briskly shook his hand once they finished. Then, the four hurried back to their cars.

"It okay if I lead?" Gloomtail called out while climbing into the driver's seat of his team's vehicle.

"Fine with me!" Pierre replied dismissively, doing the same. Once he closed his door and started the ignition, he looked at his girlfriend through the rearview mirror and deadpanned, "This is where they beat it, see?"

Sure enough, Gloomtail floored it upon getting all four tires on the main road. Cackling together, the dragons watched the receding van eat their dust.

"That was too easy," Hooktail commented smarmily. "See, what'd I tell ya? Free directions, and now we're all set!"

"How stupid can you get?" Gloomtail guffawed.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(Heyho Cove)

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends – Departing in Last Place
4:24 A.M.

Knowing that time was of the essence, Kojo shredded the envelope open (and nearly tore the Route Info in the process) when their departure finally hit. Both Koopas entered this leg without their usual jackets, somewhat symbolizing their desire not to be weighed down by extra clothes (though they were obviously stored in their backpacks).

"'Driveyourselvesto…'" he began reading, speaking as quickly as possible while remaining coherent.

"We came in last last leg, but we're still here. Somewhere this leg, though, we're going to hit a Speed Bump, which is a task only we have to do while everyone else keeps racing, so we might lose some time on them," Kojo summarized briefly. "All I've gotta say is this: bring it on! We've come too far to lose here!"

"77 Smash, got it," Kory affirmed, storing it.

"Lesgo," Kojo urged, and they took off at a fast-paced jog down the forest path.

"Since Lahla and Rocko and Pierre and Rana haven't used the Fast Forward yet, we gave a little push to their thoughts during the pit stop," Kory recapped. "We're kind of hoping that one or both of them overthinks it and makes a blunder big enough for us to catch up. There isn't a lot we can do in this position, so we have to exploit whatever we can get. And I'd say that confusing them with some…reverse-reverse psychology was the best we could do with our limited moves."

"Yeah, and both teams have at least one person emotional enough to be susceptible to the paranoia," Kojo agreed.

"First things first: directions." Kojo stated, steering onto the road. "I'm thinking first town, any open service building, police station, fire station, hotel – anything."

"Good enough for me," Kory rapidly nodded his head.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(en route to Blooper Bay)

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings

"…I have no idea how it happened. Seriously. Just, somehow, the dang mice actually caught up and passed us," Gloomtail reported flatly. "Pshoom! Outta sight. I—"

"You mean, 'passed me.' 'Me' as in 'you,' Gloomtail, of course." Hooktail interrupted, chiming in helpfully from the backseat. "You're the one driving."

"Shut up," he promptly responded. "…Where was I?"

"Rambling."

Resisting the urge to answer that squabble invitation, Gloomtail resumed his diatribe. "Some cop better pull them over, 'cause there's no way he can go that fast and still be under the speed limit. Urgh. …It really sucks, because this means we're now in fourth. Second-to-last is unhappy territory."

PIERRE & RANA: Dating

"He's been driving like some sort of super-secret agent in a getaway vehicle, and it's so awesome!" Rana gushed, praising her partner. She leaned forward and massaged his shoulders. "…Not to mention really hot."

"Aw, thanks. But isn't it the boyfriend or girlfriend's job to shower their significant other with compliments and call everything about them, y'know…deliciously shmexy?"

"Maybe," Rana chuckled, "but I wouldn't exactly call that buildup in my boyfriend's ears when he forgets to clean them 'shmexy.'"

"Gross, I'd sure hope not." Pierre jokingly shuddered. "This guy sounds nasty." Rana broke into a fit of giggles, causing him to follow.

The lighthearted banter from their old days on the archeology team really hadn't changed much. Late nights poring over texts and scrutinizing artifact details became bearable – nay, enjoyable, when filled with delightful duets of their laughter. Special moments like these genuinely made him question why he'd desired to throw something this wonderful away in the first place.

"Goodness, how I love you," Rana murmured admiringly. Only the softest of inflections exposed how exhausted she truly felt, too small to notice for those who didn't know her well. Pierre caught it and felt his chest swell with an indescribable feeling, knowing that he was the rock keeping her going through this trial.

"Love you too, babe."

He kissed the tip of his pointer finger and held it back behind his head. Giggling softly, Rana did likewise and feather-touched his outstretched digit.

"I think you just jumpstarted my heart again," Pierre commented with a smile.

Not to be outdone, Rana quickly gave her response. "Likewise. Either that, or mine forgot how to beat for a few moments."

To outsiders, hopelessly corny. Between the two of them, hopelessly romantic.

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers

"Turn right up ahead," Lahla directed in a clipped voice.

It was an uncomfortable ride, to say the least. Under normal circumstances, Lahla's chatterbox tendencies easily overshadowed Rocko's penchant for avoiding unnecessary words. Hence, her mirroring desistance hung a stale tension in the air that neither of them was sure how to clear.

Though, for what it was worth, Rocko felt sincerely grateful that Lahla cared enough to give him directions.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(Blooper Bay)

.:Clubhouse:.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners

At long last, the skies reigning above Blooper Bay had made their decision. Clad in gray and blue ponchos respectively, the fighters stood underneath the overhang covering the Clubhouse's front entrance and watched the light drizzle with an air of fond remembrance. Several other vehicles had joined theirs in the parking lot, but the passengers were present for their own leisure-seeking purposes. Tee-off early in the morning, even with rain, was apparently not a problem in paradise.

"Glad we're not out driving in this, huh?" Annoyed at the allusion, Koopinator mumbled something inaudible and turned away. Shellshock chuckled a little and tilted his head towards the camera. "Normally operating hours ruin everything for the leaders, but they're civil for once, which is awesome for us. We got about an hour's rest, it's almost five, and no other teams are in sight. This is perfect."

5:00 A.M.

Coinciding with the local time hitting the hour, an unseen worker turned on the automatic doors and granted Team Glitz Pit access. It had escaped their notice before due to the parking lot's positioning, but the Clubhouse was built into the side of a hill. They actually entered on the second level of three.

"This Olympic pool should be on the first floor," Koopinator stated as they passed the first clothes racks of name-brand golf polos. "The escalator and stairwell are over there."

"I see 'em."

The Clubhouse vaguely resembled the atrium of a vertical mall; the second and third stories had holes in their centers, as if the floors were simply large wraparound balconies. Upon reaching the fancy palm tree-shaped balusters, the pair was able to get a glimpse of the first floor.

And all they saw were golf balls…

Golf balls…

Golf balls…

All they could see were thousands upon thousands upon thousands of golf balls.

Shellshock promptly screamed a rapid string of expletives in horror.

"So you walk in, and if you go straight, you can look over the railing. Dead-center on the first floor is this HUGE pool of golf balls; you can't even see anything else!" Shellshock exclaimed, animatedly describing the Clubhouse layout and his reaction to it. "I'll be honest: as soon as I saw it, I nearly soiled my shorts!" Koopinator failed to suppress a snort of laughter. "It was freakin' INSANE!"

Jogging down the descending escalator, the Dark Koopatrol and Shady Koopa found themselves in a golfer's dream: a golf ball heaven. Except…the occupants were always on-call to return to the land of the green. The natatorium contained many retrieved strays once lost to water hazards and other traps, as well as used recyclables imported from other courses, all at reasonable discounts. Lining the walls were even more golf balls, packaged and price tagged in various displays. Shellshock tossed their raingear over one, if only to hide a few from sight.

"The depth all around is only three feet, so this technically isn't a true Olympic pool." Koopinator casually remarked, noting both the depth markers tiled into the decorative tropical-themed border and the lane markers sectioning off one-tenth of the pool's total area. His calm demeanor as he immersed himself in the white spheres completely bewildered his partner. "It's implausible to check from out there, so get in. It's not like you can drown."

"Yeah, but what about losing my sanity?" Shellshock retorted, following his command with a halfhearted attempt at a pencil dive. "Dude, this isn't gonna be easy…each thing has its own colored little picture!" He held up a ball and pointedly jabbed at its design of red splotch marks for emphasis.

"Better get to work then. There are a hundred available," Koopinator reminded him, referring to the additional vague tidbit of information included with their Route Info.

In theory, 100 out of 2.5 million plus sounded like unspeakably horrific odds. However, while wading around in the golf balls, racers could easily and efficiently scan several each second. It wasn't truly as bad as they (Shellshock) thought.

Maybe.

"We could be here forever," he muttered, gazing around at the expanse of white sea and feeling so hopelessly small amongst so many small things. On a whim, he gathered a batch of golf balls and let them sift through his hands, watching disinterestedly as they fell and bounced every which way. Nope, no yellow and red…

Their lead was slipping away in a similar fashion. He just knew it.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(en route to Blooper Bay)

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends

After obtaining solid directions from a small town's inn, the Petalburg Koopas set their sights on catching up during the challenges at Blooper Bay.

"This golf ball challenge sounds like trouble," Kory commented after perusing the Route Info, a slightly anxious expression on his face. "Everyone could be still searching or long gone by the time we show up. There's no telling."

"Hey, I'm all for it – I'm feeling lucky today!" Drumming his fingers on the wheel, Kojo continued, "I don't care if we have to dig through a million golf balls, complete a Speed Bump, get a tattoo or piercing, or shake our butts to some tropical hula! We are staying in this game!"

Kory laughed upon hearing the last item. After free-falling from a flying city, floating around in outer space, and spending nearly a day underwater, however, it would've been unwise to discount any prospect. Anything was possible.

"I'd bank on a food challenge before the piercing. We're overdue for one."

"As long as it's not sand or seawater, sure," joked Kojo. "Just, anything…anything that can help us stay in this!"

PIERRE & RANA: Dating

"I would've loved to be her cuddle pillow right now, believe me," Pierre admitted, chuckling lightly.

He paused his monologue and gazed meaningfully at Rana through the rearview mirror. Their current route included over an hour's worth of driving on a single road, so Pierre had urged her to take a power nap in preparation for the grueling day ahead, to which she eventually complied. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful, so untarnished like this, face completely at ease as she snoozed away without a care in the world. Replace "beautiful" with "handsome" and she would be thinking the same thing about him, he just knew it.

"I don't think I'd ever truly appreciated the importance of sleep until last leg, and that says a lot, since we've pretty much been the dead walking for a looooong time now. Adrenaline kicks only sustain you through so much. So, we're not making the same mistake again. She'll rest for a while until I need directions. Around halfway through the rest of our trip, we'll switch roles so that she'll drive and I can rest a bit. But…of course, when I say 'halfway,' I sorta mean 'three-quarters.' Y'know." He winked knowingly at the camera.

Who says chivalry is dead?

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(Blooper Bay)

.:Clubhouse:.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners

Time whizzed by in that outdoorsy room, but in Koopinator's mind, no such parameter existed. After swiftly shooting down Shellshock's early suggestion to bypass this "abomination with worse odds than the lottery" via penalty, he'd become entirely engrossed in the task at hand, methodically scouring the layers like a high-speed precision machine. Although Shellshock's opinion of the challenge nosedived at increasingly faster speeds with each passing minute, he too maintained focus. He shoveled however the motions came to mind, providing periodic commentary whenever he encountered imposters taunting flashes of yellow and/or red.

"I could understand having a swimming pool filled with something edible like those chocolate fountains, but one with golf balls just doesn't make sense to me," he quipped.

Wading forward a step or two, he continued scouring the dimpled spheres. A vaguely irritated frown was set on his beak.

"We've been here over, uh…nearly three hours now, and I'm dreading the moment where another team shows up, 'cause it means we've completely lost our lead." Pausing, he inspected a candidate golf ball up close…only to discard it tiredly over his shoulder. "Speaking of which, I'm really wondering where the heck Rocko and Lahla are…"

~*ARPMTYD*~

(en route to Blooper Bay)

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers

Insert shot of the employees driving along in uncomfortable silence here.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(Blooper Bay)

.:Clubhouse:.

"It's really, really, strange, because they should've gotten here a long time ago. But, I'm not complaining." Mixing up the surface stratum, Shellshock glanced up randomly and noticed Koopinator staring at him.

"…Found it," the Dark Koopatrol announced smugly, displaying something in his right hand.

Shellshock felt his heart stop beating and his brain go dead for a split second. Then the constraints lifted, and he reacted. "What? No way! Awesome job, 'Nator! Way to use those x-ray vision red eyes!" He made an enormous commotion as he excitedly sloshed through the golf balls to double-check his partner's find. "Finally got one at last, baby! WHOO!"

"Let's go, the trade-in is back upstairs," Koopinator reminded him, alluding to another addendum from the Route Info.

Team Glitz Pit collected their ponchos, hopped up the escalator, and made a beeline for the employee doubling as race personnel. Right before the checkout lanes stood a yellow diamond sign bearing a certain Koopa team's picture. Although it didn't apply directly to them, the fighters noted the Speed Bump's location with great interest.

"Ta-da!" Shellshock exclaimed in fanfare, doing jazz hands while Koopinator presented the marked ball. In return, the Blooper handed over the much-desired envelope, along with a conspicuous set of keys.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Currently in 1st

Having located the elusive object, Koopinator earned the honors of reading the Route Info. "'Grab your golf bags and drive your golf cart,'" – here Shellshock broke into a wide, face-splitting grin – "'to the back tee of the hole with three dolphins.'"

Miles: "Teams must now retrieve their pre-stocked golf bags and load them into one of the sweet luxury golf carts commonly used on the roads of Blooper Bay in place of normal vehicular transportation. Then, they must figure out that their next destination is Hole 2, which features three dolphin-shaped bunkers. At the back tee, they'll find their next clue waiting."

"I call drive!" Shellshock hungrily swiped the key ring from Koopinator's finger. "Man, I've always wanted to drive one of these things!"

"The extent of our aspirations these days," Koopinator muttered sarcastically under his breath. He actually seemed mildly annoyed about his partner stealing the privilege, but didn't bother fighting back.

Pre-race, the majority of the racers had never so much as touched a golf club in their lives. To avoid spoiling too much, the custom jobs for this leg were based solely on careful estimations and previous measurements. Consequently, Koopinator and Shellshock were pleasantly surprised to discover a set of metallic bluish-gray bags awaiting them on the nearby wall.

"Do we look like professionals, or what?" Shellshock toted the weighted bag vertically over his shoulder. "This is so sick! All I'm missing is the visor!"

"And the expensive name-brand golf polo."

"That too!"

The fighters donned their raingear once more before dashing through the rain to the building across the street from the Clubhouse: a parking garage. For golf carts. Prior permission to leave their heavy backpacks under the care of production allowed the duo to load their equally cumbersome golf bags into a marked cart without doubling back.

"Huh. Wouldn't they make the third hole the one with three dolphins? It's simple and obvious, but still kinda clever," Shellshock mused, hopping into the driver's seat.

"I really don't think that's a safe assumption," Koopinator warned, begrudgingly plunking down into shotgun.

Not quite listening, Shellshock just smiled like the Cheshire Cat and steered the golf cart out onto the paved road. Koopinator shook his head in exasperation, feeling rather powerless at the moment. However, he did nothing to change that as they disappeared into the dim, rainy morning.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(en route to Blooper Bay)

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings

Although the novelty of complaining about Pierre's supposed speeding had worn off long ago, the quadrupeds continued passing the time with idle chitchat. Prior to the race, they'd been completely separated for over a millennium with zero means of communication. The concept of late nights or early mornings spent just talking was nothing new, but definitely something they'd missed. Even if neither would willingly admit it.

"Stop interrupting, geez, Gloomtail! I'll tell you when it's time to turn, okay? Let me finish before I forget, because I remember what she said word-for-word right now, it's too perfect, haha!"

"Alright, alright…"

"It's really weird. When we're in game mode, we're at each other's throats pretty much all the time. When we're not…I guess we get along okay," Gloomtail observed thoughtfully. "You'd think with the whole 'older brother-younger sister' thing we'd be fighting every waking minute, but we're not. We've spent several weeks together, and we aren't…completely sick and tired of each other. Yet. I still want to claw her eyes out sometimes, though."

"Okay, turn right, turn right!" Hooktail shrieked. "Turn, dangit, Gloomtail! TURN! TURN! TUUUURN!"

"I'M TURNING, I'M TURNING!"

Gloomtail swerved back into the correct lane, griping under his breath. Hooktail, after recovering from being thrown around in the backseat, huffed self-righteously.

"Pay attention, will ya? Yeesh! If you'd missed that, we wouldn't have known how to get back on the right way!"

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(Blooper Bay)

Hole 2
Par 5
Front 567 Y
Back 611 Y

Hole 2 began on the Blooper Bay mainland with both tees and spanned an additional series of eight islands in varying shapes and sizes. On the three biggest were spacious dolphin-shaped bunkers, swimming motionlessly amidst seas of trim, verdant grass. No players of the course could deny that the extra incorporation of tropical designs was a fantastic aesthetic touch. However, such thoughts typically evaporated if their shots unfortunately happened to land in those sand-filled depressions.

Five motorboats were parked at the bottom of the rather high cliff provided by the tee-off peninsula. Like a vulture, a mysterious sailboat slowly circled nonstop in the semicircle-shaped bay formed by the islands' arrangement.

Driving onto the scene, the first team found themselves in a grassy grove of wild trees and shrubs bearing vibrant pink and red flowers. An inconvenient and time-consuming venture into the marked area for Hole 3 had them baffled when they literally found no hole in sight, and another into Hole 1 had proved fruitless when they failed to locate the tees (normally provided by a stationary yacht). So, they sighed with great relief upon spotting the clue box planted in the center of Hole 2's back teeing ground.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Currently in 1st

Shellshock fetched an envelope and revealed its contents: two folders in the colors of green and yellow. He shielded the latter from the rain, opened it, and began reading.

"Detour! 'Long Putt or Short Approach. How will you go green?'"

Miles: "While it usually places as an outlier on lists of the world's most challenging golf courses, Blooper Bay's beautiful and unique design work sets it apart in terms of scenery and novelty. In this Detour, teams will get a select tour of millions of coins worth of landscaping. Their options? 'Long Putt' or 'Short Approach.'

"In 'Long Putt,' teams will use the provided motorboats and tackle the five holes where the green is not located on the mainland: 2, 3, 4, 6, and 17. On each green, a circle with a radius of given length has been marked around the cup. Teams must sink one ball on each hole from any location outside the circle, mark their scorecard accordingly, and turn in proof of their game to the station on Hole 13 to receive their next clue.

"In 'Short Approach,' teams stay in their golf carts and may select any five of Holes 5, 7, 8, 11, 12, 14, and 16. Each hole has a predetermined spot from which teams must make one approach shot onto the green and land within a three-foot radius of the pin. If a team gets lucky and sinks a ball with an approach, it will count as clearing two holes. After marking their scorecard, they must turn it in to the same station on Hole 13 to receive their next clue."

Distance information regarding each hole's mission had been provided. The fighters studied it intensively under the cover of their golf cart before choosing.

"Isn't putting easier than hitting the ball into the air?" Shellshock asked quizzically.

"From what I've heard, it's actually considered the hardest part of the game," Koopinator replied grimly. "You have to have extreme control. And we're beginners, so it's something we don't have. Hole 17 on the 'Long Putt' list requires a minimum distance of twenty feet, which I really don't like."

"Twenty feet? That's not so bad."

"A lot can go wrong in twenty feet. It's one-hit putting into a very small target."

"We can 'one-hit' as many times as we want though, right?"

"Yes. But, I think the tradeoff is better for a bigger target – we get a bigger margin for error."

"…Really? Well, uh, I guess I'll trust you on this one…I guess," Shellshock decided, still sounding highly unconvinced. "'Short Approach' it is. Which hole are we hitting first? Down the line sound good?"

"For right now." Clearly Koopinator still felt mildly dissatisfied with their driving arrangements.

"Hole 5, here we come!"

Hole 5
Par 4
Front 410 Y
Back 426 Y

All beings present in the Blooper Bay area today declared the present weather absolutely crummy…or any other choice word at their disposal. It was an unspoken rule that omnipotent Mother Nature occasionally dared to break; in the vacationer's golfing playground, rain was never welcome. Never ever. No exceptions. (To defy her, dedicated fans and resolute sightseers often ventured out anyway to enjoy the course. Ha, take that!)

Incidentally, Hole 5 featured a weather-based design. Puffy cloud-shaped bunkers lined the fairway, culminating in a nine-pointed sun at the green. A small palm tree marker, right on the edge of the fairway and projecting between two points of the sandy sunrays, marked thirty yards from the pin.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Short Approach
0/5 Approaches Successful (-/-/-/-/-)

A high sedimentary rock cliff face bordered one side of this hole. Shellshock entered through a tunnel and drove up the steady incline to the pin. Even though they had no aerial view of the pleasing sky-like picture, they made an educated guess at the theme judging by the shape of the bunkers they passed.

"Here's the spot…and there's the sun. The irony's killing me," Shellshock commented dryly.

Due to golf cart limitations, teams were unable to chauffeur personal judges from hole to hole. Blooper Bay's ample staff compensated by providing an individual mediator for each of the thirteen eligible Detour spots. The Hole 5 Blooper tutored them on proper equipment care before letting them attempt the challenge. Opting to give themselves faster access, the fighters removed their bags from the vehicle, stood them upright on the built-in leg mechanisms, and set the included umbrellas in place.

"We're playing up a hill, so all we can see is the top of the flag," Shellshock realized. He hiked up a few steps and took a gander at the cup's location. "It's…in the center of this grass."

"Thirty yards," Koopinator recited. "Make sure you pick a high-numbered iron."

Shellshock stared at him blankly.

"The higher an iron's number, the harder you can hit it without getting distance."

Shellshock stared at him blankly. "Uh…"

Koopinator facepalmed.

"When you get out there, you're pretty much on your own. No instruction, no nothing. I took it as a sign that all you gotta do is aim and hit the ball, and things come together, but…" Trailing off, Shellshock shook his head and laughed.

Despite his apparent unfamiliarity with the sport, the eager Shellshock still insisted upon having the first attempt. He removed the marker, placed down a (race flag-marked) ball, held his 9 iron baseball bat-style, brought it behind his head, swung it, and missed spectacularly!

"Boy, was I wrong!"

For his first try, Koopinator wielded his 7 iron. Displaying some semblance of knowledgeable club grip, he lifted only partway to shoulder level before swinging. Instant results. Not only did he hit the ball, but it actually landed in the target area. However, its forward momentum carried it out to rest a few inches beyond the circle.

"…You've…secretly done this before, haven't you?" Shellshock accused, gawking.

"Nope," Koopinator answered, a hint of smugness on his face.

"Well, maybe a little," he admitted in an interview, prompting Shellshock to playfully sock him in the shoulder, exclaiming, "You liar!"

The Shady Koopa's best efforts only conferred several more whiffs before Koopinator succeeded on his fifth swing.

1/5 Approaches Successful (5/-/-/-/-)

"I hate you so much right now," Shellshock fumed jocularly.

"I know."

Hole 7
Par 4
Front 396 Y
Back 420 Y

What a waste it would be if thousands of hours of work and millions of coins in funding were destroyed by a natural catastrophe in one foul swoop. Fortunately, the tall volcano looming over Hole 7's green harmlessly dribbled sand, not lava. Miniature rock formations artistically scattered here and there across the hole attempted to mimic the same phenomenon, to no avail. Aside from them and some vertically inclined flora, the overall landscape was comparatively level, drawing attention to the faux mountain as the main attraction.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Short Approach
1/5 Approaches Successful (5/-/-/-/-)

The fact that no teams had challenged their lead at the Clubhouse was not lost on the major leaguers. Unless Murphy's Law decided to turn the universe against them, they knew they wouldn't be eliminated today. In fact, their second first-place finish also seemed imminent. Time and the odds were not on the side of the other teams, including any prospective Fast Forward user. Not with that enemy-turned-ally known as the Olympic-sized pool of golf balls in the way.

Shellshock's easygoing attitude as his thoughts started wandering reflected this confidence most. His relatively golf-savvy partner was already the apparent hero of this challenge, so, since he desired an important role besides driving, he appointed himself their unofficial tour guide.

"If you'll look to my right, you'll see some of Blooper Bay's famously crystal clear deep blue seawater!" he remarked as they passed by an inlet cutting into the middle of the hole. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

"And if you'll look at the shape of this place…you'll see that it's kinda like a boomerang! Or a backwards 'S!'" he observed while bringing the cart into a smooth turn. "Cool layout, right? Magnificent planning on the designers' part!"

"And, wow! Look at that! Would you just look at that vol—"

"If you look to my immediate left, you'll see a nonstop chatterbox in desperate need of a functional off-switch," gibed Koopinator.

"…Whoops, what's this? Sounds like the 'Nator's just blown his top!" Shellshock joked, laughing at both of their statements. Koopinator facepalmed.

Like a visual instruction for escape if the volcano ever actually erupted, the green was shaped like a gigantic shoeprint headed towards the water. For this hole, the approach marker rested in the expansive bunker formed by the sand volcano's refuse. Twenty-five yards.

"Hitting out of the sand…?" Shellshock voiced his confusion. During transit, they'd decided to avoid the future trouble of setting up and taking down their bags' raingear, so they worked out of the cart's rear area.

"It's mostly the same as normal," Koopinator assured him. To demonstrate, the Dark Koopatrol selected his 8 iron and took a swing. His golf ball flew off to the side, but Shellshock still looked impressed.

"Alright, alright, my turn! Lemme have a go!" He eagerly set down a golf ball and readied himself with his own 8 iron. Saying he "dug in" would've been an understatement; he kicked up enough sand to fuel a miniature sandstorm. Still, the flurry of particles did not deny him the pleasure of seeing his ball slice far, far to the left. "Woohoo! I hit it, I hit it!"

"Remind me to step further out of the way next time," Koopinator groused, wiping his unprotected facial armor of sediment.

Much to their mutual surprise, there was no next time, because his second try successfully stopped in the target zone. Shellshock whooped as he went and retrieved their golf balls, while Koopinator flashed their scorecard before the judge.

2/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/-/-/-)

"Blowing through this thing!" Shellshock exclaimed admiringly. They stored their equipment and departed for the next hole, the Shady Koopa once again at the wheel.

Hole 8
Par 4
Front 421 Y
Back 442 Y

Rock art rocketed to new heights in Hole 8. The stairlike landscape featured jagged crags protruding from bunkers, like teeth embedded in gingivae. After progressing straight for approximately 200 yards, the course took a sudden forty-five degree pivot to the right, revealing a colossal, seemingly impossible rock formation shaped like a shark's gaping upper jaw, complete with its own sharp fangs. Although overlookable in comparison to all the denticles, the wooden bridges leading from and to the preceding and succeeding holes were also another unique characteristic of this particular hole.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Short Approach
2/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/-/-/-)

"That…is so freakin' cool," enthused Shellshock as they approached the immense structure. They'd glimpsed it upon entering the shark-themed territory; its highest point towered over the surrounding cliffs! "How the heck did they do that?"

A certain sparkle in Koopinator's blood-red eyes silently expressed his own awe. He and Shellshock both craned their necks to gaze appreciatively at the spectacular formation as they passed underneath it.

"That one hole with the shark teeth was my favorite one, hands down," Shellshock later emphasized in the after-leg interview. "It was like, part of the cliff on one side or something, and…I don't know, it just looked so unreal, surreal even. And, in the rain, it had this dark, foreboding atmosphere and all that, y'know? Plain awesomeness right there, being able to look so amazing even with the crappy weather."

Three more pointed, tooth-shaped boulders jutted out from the bunkers surrounding the green. Bisecting the space between the two on the far side of the fairway, the marker sat casually in the rough, thirty yards from the cup.

"It's like we're running particle dental floss through these things," Shellshock remarked nonchalantly. Koopinator quirked an eyebrow at the ingenuity behind that observation, but said nothing.

From this angle, the fighters were treated to a stunning rear view of the shark's jaw rock formation. Shellshock continued ogling it while Koopinator made his first attempt. By design, a rough area's thicker grass was meant to hinder a golfer's ability to place a good shot. Koopinator remembered that detail, but severely misjudged the needed power difference. Thus, his swing sailed straight into the bunker separating their position from the green.

"I'm guessing this is a hard one?" Shellshock asked, noting the ball's displacement.

"Yes. Very." Koopinator shuffled around in his bag, searching for a more appropriate iron.

Meanwhile, Shellshock stepped up to the plate (marker) with his randomly-selected sand wedge. He plopped down a golf ball, clenched his poncho-covered hands tightly around the handle, raised the club to shoulder level, and swung…and pulled a Flare by accidentally letting go of his club. Fortunately, no one was in its flight path to get beaned upside the head. With an indignant squawk, he chased after it.

"Aren't you a health and safety hazard," sighed Koopinator. When he'd retrieved his unwitting projectile, Shellshock returned to the golf cart and sheepishly slid it back into the bag.

"Yeah, um…we can stop trading off now. I'll let you handle this," he decided, laughing shakily.

"…Good choice," Koopinator replied dryly.

Technically speaking, that type of arrangement was off-limits: a certain clause in this Detour's extra papers explicitly required participants to at least alternate swings (otherwise, it became a Roadblock). Team Glitz Pit's intentions just barely fell within the guidelines. Shellshock gave up on seriously hitting the ball and whiffed each attempt, cutting down the necessary setup time. Additionally, when Koopinator finally scored on his ninth shot, there were fewer golf balls to retrieve.

3/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/8/-/-)

"Definitely a difficult one…" Koopinator glanced at their half-completed scorecard with satisfaction as he moved to repack his equipment.

"You did great," Shellshock complimented.

Hole 11
Par 3
Front 176 Y
Back 197 Y

Stretching at least two-thirds of the zone's length, a giant seahorse-shaped bunker dominated as the gimmick for Hole 11. The stacked mesa-like nature of the elevated tee-off area produced the impression of a whimsical alcove, possibly as a secret hiding spot or feeding grounds. Maybe, in another dimension, the numerous palm trees circling the peninsula represented miniature crustaceans or invertebrates. But for the meantime, the seahorse's eye hosted this hole's marker. Fifteen yards, in the rough.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Short Approach
3/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/8/-/-)

"Come on, 'Nator! You got this!" cheered Shellshock. He idly spun his pitching wedge and pawed at the sand underneath his shoes, awaiting his turn.

Abruptly, the Dark Koopatrol broke his stance to regard his partner and say, "In golf, observers are normally quiet so the players can concentrate."

"…Pshh, that's no fun," Shellshock muttered.

The brief mental distraction probably contributed to Koopinator's first approach wedge shot lacking power. It landed on the fringe and rolled an inch or two onto the green, but came nowhere near the targeted area. Purely by accident, Shellshock actually "hit" his ball, knocking it sideways into the bunker.

"Least I know not to quit my day job," he jested. "Man, I suck at this!"

Rather than vocally agreeing, Koopinator drove the point home by miraculously getting into the circle on his second endeavor. Caddy boy Shellshock whistled in jealous admiration as he made his round to fetch the golf balls.

"Attaboy, 'Nator! Woohoo!"

4/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/8/11/-)

"One more, and we're freakin' done!" Shellshock marveled excitedly, starting the cart's ignition once more. "You are breezing through this thing, 'Nator! There's no way the other teams can catch up now!"

.:Clubhouse:.

PIERRE & RANA: Dating

"And here's the Clubhouse!" Rana sang in celebration, turning into the parking lot.

"Nice!" Pierre applauded, affectionately rubbing her shoulders. "Great job, babe!"

As planned, the Squeeks had briefly stopped at some point to refresh their systems, refill the gas tank, and switch drivers. Thanks to their skillful driving overall, among other factors, the dragons never passed them. Once they finished securing their vehicle, the couple quickly donned their raingear and dashed through the downpour to the building's entrance.

"I'm really hoping that this pool of golf balls isn't as bad as it sounds," Rana imparted, recollecting the details of the upcoming task. Pierre murmured in agreement.

"We're about to see, so brace yourself…"

Dodging a vacationer leaving for tee-off on their way in, the two scurried over to the railing to preview their adversary. What they saw frazzled their nerves.

Pierre whistled lowly in astonishment and commented, "That is a LOT of golf balls."

"It's like…" Rana wracked her mind for a suitable comparison, "…a giant dot painting of a white canvas."

"Immediately I thought to myself, 'Digging up fossils has got nothing on this,'" she joked.

Descending by the stairs, the Squeeks discovered themselves alone in the giant room. The multitude of golf balls simply sat there in silent greeting.

"Oh man, we're all by ourselves. Looks like the other two teams are ahead of us," Pierre posited. "I guess…we're fighting without the Fast Forward."

"That sucks. It would've been so nice to have it," Rana concurred, "but hopefully the Speed Bump will be enough to keep us safe."

"I sure hope so."

Shedding their wet layers, the dating couple hopped into the dry pool. Would their experience as archeologists provide them an edge?

"I don't see any 100 percent effective way to do this," Rana told her boyfriend with a tone of unease, "so we'll just have to get super lucky."

"Gotcha. I dunno about you, but I'm feeling lucky today!" That optimistic declaration brought a small smile to Rana's face, and they began combing through the pool.

Hole 12
Par 4
Front 399 Y
Back 429 Y

Set along a gentle, inclining cape, Hole 12 began with a rush of thick, rich foliage, verdant trees and flowering bushes assembled together in one aesthetic and ambrosial bouquet. Soaring all about the ground were sandy seagull-shaped imprints, two miniatures dancing above the front tee, two titans hugging the fairway. Up near the green floated two more bunkers of ambiguous likenesses. Interestingly, the marker sat on some nondescript part of the fairway, thirty-five yards down from the cup.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Short Approach
4/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/8/11/-)

"Last one, baby! You can do it!" Shellshock rallied encouragingly, completely disregarding his teammate's elucidation from the previous hole.

Said teammate huffed in annoyance and tried to retain his focus. The aptly-named approach wedge had granted him second-swing success on said previous hole, so he employed it again in hopes of another quick finish. No such luck. His first shot flew to the side and again lacked ample distance.

Realizing they would probably soon bid adieu to their personalized clubs, Shellshock played this final hole intending to enjoy the last remnants of their time together. He managed to make contact with his ball, but failed to even achieve the green.

Somehow, Koopinator recreated the exact opposite of his first swing on his second. It sailed far, far to the other side.

"Inconsistent much? Nerves getting ya?" Shellshock teased. Like he could talk – his own second attempt traveled all of two feet.

"Hush. I'm not a professional at this," Koopinator defended himself.

"I wouldn't say that. Compared to me, you might as well be…"

For some reason, it took Koopinator five more tries (which included four more spectacular flubs from Shellshock) before he placed a ball in the circle. That final approach certainly delivered; shot number seven actually rolled into the cup. Chip in!

"'Nator, you jerk! Why didn't you do that on the last hole?" the Shady Koopa laughed. "We could've gotten done earlier!"

"Whatever," Koopinator muttered, failing to suppress a small grin.

5/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/8/11/12)

The five Blooper moderators had signed off on the scorecard. All that remained was to exchange it at Hole 13. Shellshock continued hogging the wheel, but as they drove through the plateau's cavernous tunnel connecting Hole 12 with the mainland, he fondly shook his partner's shoulder.

"So, Koopinator's hardly golfed before in his life, but he can pick up a club, swing it a few times, and end up kicking serious tail," Shellshock recounted proudly. "And then you have me, flailing and hitting air like some idiot." Addressing his partner with a wide grin, he continued, "He's…like a prodigy or something. I obviously don't know much about golf, but after today, I do know that it ain't easy, so… For him to just, y'know, get it so quickly…it's pretty dang sweet."

.:Clubhouse:.

PIERRE & RANA: Dating

"Doing really, really good, babe. Keep up the hard work," Pierre called out approvingly.

"Same to you! I can feel it; we are so going to find it soon!" Rana mirrored his optimistic attitude as she shuffled the layers of golf balls.

"…You have GOT to be kidding me."

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings

To onlookers, the dumbstruck looks on the dragons' faces were downright hilarious. Their outrageous expressions were frozen as they stared, transfixed by the unholy sight of so much white. Not having wasted time with ponchos, they dripped residual raindrops on the escalator (vigorously shaking themselves like dogs before entering the Clubhouse apparently hadn't done the job) that brought them closer to the pit of ridicule with each passing moment.

Working closer to the level access, Rana noticed the new arrivals first and alerted her boyfriend. "Look who just got here."

"As soon as we saw the mice, we were like, 'Aw shoot.' Rana had knocked out that excavation dig back in the desert really fast all by herself, so we were worried they'd get the thing faster than us," explained Hooktail, a bystander for the second Leg 6 Roadblock.

"This looks worse than the freakin' bone room traps," Gloomtail groaned, sizing up the newest evil obstacle. "And these things don't even move by themselves—we have to find a ball with a race flag on it?"

"Yeah." Hooktail nodded listlessly.

"A teensy-tiny race flag?"

"Unfortunately."

Gloomtail muttered a short series of curses in some ancient language. As they trotted over and unenthusiastically jumped into the marked lane, both brother and sister were thinking along the same lines. Ugh, THIS would've been the perfect time to take a penalty! However, after the previous leg's scare, they also conceded it really wasn't.

Hole 13
Par 5
Front 622 Y
Back 662 Y

The playful hole exhibiting Blooper Bay's greatest yardage fittingly also exhibited the world's biggest marine animal. Three whale-shaped bunkers, spouting bubbles and sporting cheesy grins, commanded the secluded cove. Their master, a leviathan of an island, frolicked in the bay and beckoned invitingly as a possible shortcut to the green. Arguably the most paradisiacal destination of the course, the hole also featured a strip of beach nearly three hundred yards long, as well as crystalline seafoam waters fed by both a silent river and a majestic waterfall extending from the mainland.

However…something planted today for race purposes cranked the utopia notch down. Waaay down…

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Short Approach
5/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/8/11/12)

Driving onto the scene, the competitive fighters did not discover production's unpleasant new addition until they were nearly at the check-in tent stationed on the beach. Koopinator's naturally heightened senses enabled him to notice it first, and he immediately scrunched up his face in bewildered repulsion. Upon catching wind of the same thing, Shellshock, however, was decibels more vocal.

"Dude, what is that smell? Something reeks around here!"

The unfortunate Blooper appointed to the Detour endpoint supplied his own immunity using nose plugs pinched underneath both of his eyes. It looked rather silly on him, but it also pounded in the reality of the stench smothering the area. Wordlessly, Koopinator handed him the scorecard. Wordlessly, the personnel examined it and then relinquished their next envelope.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Currently in 1st Place

"Route Info. 'Dig up a sack from the sand and bring it to the teeing grounds of the fruit-themed hole,'" Koopinator read, voice instantly dripping with displeasure. "'Have the contents prepared and then eat them to receive your next clue.'"

Miles: "Buried shallowly on the Hole 13 beach are five heavy-duty bags, each containing four of the species known as the 'king of the fruits'—the durian. There is almost universal agreement on its terrible smell, but when it comes to taste, connoisseurs tend to find it either hit or miss. Teams will have no trouble locating the 'odorific' bags by smell alone (trust me!), which they will need to bring with them to Hole 15. Professional fruit carvers will at least make the durians look nice before teams have to consume them, two per team member. Once their exotic taste test is over, they've definitely earned their next clue."

"Don't tell me that we're lugging around and eating whatever it is that smells so bad," moaned Shellshock.

"Let's not gripe about this and just get it over with," Koopinator instructed.

"Who's griping? I'm just saying this is gonna suck. A lot."

Suddenly, war-ravaged Shy Guy Beach, with its bloodstained and gunpowder-washed sands, seemed infinitely more pleasing than this malodorous excuse for a paradise.

(At least there it didn't smell so bad.)

Perhaps it was an insulting testament to the totes' contents that people could act like scenthounds and discern their location by stench alone. Team Glitz Pit pinpointed and unearthed one effortlessly, but they backed away, coughing, at the effluvium that escaped when it became exposed to air.

"I officially regret recovering from my sickness," Koopinator deadpanned, craving his stuffed-up nose at the moment.

"If you take off your hood for long enough, you might catch a cold," Shellshock offered with equal seriousness.

They hurled the weighted mystery bag into the back of the golf cart, not bothering to check its contents for fear of releasing (more) noxious fumes. Before their haste to depart dominated their actions, Koopinator pointed out they had no idea where they were going.

"Fruit-themed hole?" Shellshock looked to the Blooper for assistance, but he waved them away insistently. "Big help… Guess we just have to search…"

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(en route to Blooper Bay)

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends

By this point, the Petalburg boys were close enough to experience the precipitation affecting the Blooper Bay area; Kojo had activated the windshield wipers accordingly. While the rain relentlessly assaulted the outside of their car, a brewing storm of emotion whirled around on the inside. Excitement. Anticipation. Anxiety. Desperation.

"We've fought back from last before, but never like this," recounted Kory. "The Yield was one thing, but the Speed Bump is another. It's an entire extra task, and there's no telling how long it'll take us to finish." In preparation for their upcoming urgency, he'd already removed their ponchos from their backpacks, collected the head-mounted flashlights, and strapped the fanny pack around his waist. "Not to mention the absence of a Fast Forward cushion to fall back on. At worst we'll only be competing against three other teams to stay in."

A pregnant pause.

"…It's going to be tough…that's for sure."

"Bring it on," Kojo said, prudently monitoring the mirrors and the dashboard indicators. "Just, bring it on."

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(Blooper Bay)

.:Clubhouse:.

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL / PIERRE & RANA

With two teams present, obvious differences in strategy had emerged. Whereas Pierre and Rana took care to mix the layers thoroughly and bring as many unchecked golf balls as possible to the surface, Gloomtail and Hooktail impatiently stormed through, scanning only the uppermost covering along the lane's edge.

"Oh my gooooosh, this borders on – no, this is impossible!" Hooktail whined irritatedly, correcting herself. "How many stupid golf balls are in this stupid thing? Urghhhhhhhhhh!"

Working several steps in front of her, Gloomtail seemed torn between letting her grating voice aggravate their big-eared competitors and ordering her to shut her obnoxious gob. Rapidly leaning towards the latter, he truly could not tell whether her moans were part of some ingenious strategy or just a byproduct of genuine exasperation.

"I swear I've seen, like, at least twenty stupid lookalikes with stupid yellow and stupid red! This is sooooo annoyiiiiingguuuh!"

Maybe both.

"It's funny how our little 'alliance' with the –tails lasted less than half an hour. They stuck with us just long enough to get information, and then it was a mutual breakup, like something out of a bad high school drama," quipped Rana. "Um, no offense to them, but…there's a likely reason why no one allied with them long-term."

"Is that really necessary?" Pierre grumbled under his breath.

"Don't let her get into your head, babe," Rana reminded him softly, although she also wore an irked expression. "She's probably doing it on purpose."

"Well, she's doing a pretty dang good job of it," Pierre responded, pursing his lips together.

"Focus, just focus…"

Hole 15
Par 4
Front 393 Y
Back 423 Y

While Hole 15, one large mound amongst a valley of knolls, could not boast a city upon its tallest hill, it could offer a bunker crafted in the form of a three-banana bunch. A sparkling blue freshwater lake shaped like a pineapple waited patiently as a water hazard adjacent to the green, while a nearby citrus half bunker shed a tear of juice at its dearth of defining traits. The virtually landlocked hole spared no plant life, with extra smatterings of trees, fronds, and flowers arranged in one protective harvest circle.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners

After some aimless, confused searching (with a stinky motivator riding in the trunk), the major leaguers were relieved to see the canopy tents and picnic tables set at the two tee boxes for Hole 15. They approached a pair of Piantas sitting at the nearest station, clued in by the formal culinary uniforms.

"Do we give this to you?" Shellshock inquired, pinching his nose. Koopinator held the layered bag out from his body as far as possible.

"Yup. We'll have these ready for you in a minute," one replied, taking the goods from the Dark Koopatrol. "Please have a seat."

Left unsaid in that invitation was the fact that their seat was a front row view to a high-speed fruit carving demonstration. Neither fighter expected the chefs to brandish sharp knives ("Whoa!" Shellshock exclaimed, startled), juggle them a few times ("Whoa!" Shellshock exclaimed, fearful), and then proceed to turn the fruits of their labor into quick works of art ("WHOA!" Shellshock exclaimed, flabbergasted). Within five minutes, the frontrunners were each staring down at a platter of heaped durian slabs cut into reasonably eye-catching tropical blossoms. Koopinator noted the sad irony – these imitations mirrored the real thing in appearance, but failed stupendously in the aroma department.

"Bon appétit," the Piantas said in unison, bowing and backing away.

"Uh, thank you…?" Shellshock tried to smile appreciatively, but the sincerity levels wavered. No matter how hard he tried, his face automatically contorted into an abhorred expression because of the horribly offensive stench of the food set before him.

The big question now: Do they taste as bad as they smell?

.:Clubhouse:.

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers

Eight long, excruciatingly exhausting hours of driving, and the Pianta Parlor employees reached paradise at last. At last! Their nightmare, rife with navigational struggles and emotionally taxing quarrels, was finally over. The light at the end of their tunnel just happened to be a mansion-like wood-constructed marvel containing one of the most unusual "swimming pools" ever created, and beyond it existed the possibility of redeeming themselves from their errors.

"It was our biggest fight, and our nastiest, for sure," Lahla reported. "Somewhere it all just fell apart, and it was so drainin' and heartbreakin' 'cause we'd…never gone at each other like that before. It was the worst feelin' ever, 'specially when we had to face each other afterwards. All we could do was try and put it behind us. Not let our past get in the way of the present, y'know?"

Although Rocko's luggage included a bulky poncho, he didn't bother wasting time locating it. Lahla tried vainly to shield him with her criminally hot pink umbrella as they dashed to the Clubhouse entrance, but he picked up his pace to avoid being taped under such a gaudy thing.

"Prayin' 'gainst all hope we haven't fallen too far behind," murmured Lahla, voicing both of their wishes. She seemed oblivious to Rocko's reason for willingly getting wet.

Looking to save a few seconds, the two plowed straight through the multicolored maze of golf apparel en route to the escalator. Any saved time was nullified instantly once they caught sight of the white sea and froze in their tracks.

"Ohhh, gosh," Lahla choked out, staring in wide-eyed disbelief. She felt her already pallid tone lose even more color at the sight of the rectangular behemoth.

"…Dis looks impossible," Rocko muttered, intimidated by the maddening probability test sprawled out nearly the length of the room. "We could be here five minutes or five hours…and I'm bettin' on five hours."

"Whoa, is that really…" Rana blinked rapidly, not trusting her optics. Yes? Yes! It really was them, Lahla and Rocko, riding the escalator! "Pierre, Pierre, look!"

Swiveling around, Pierre spotted the newcomers instantly and gasped. "No way. They're just getting here…?"

"Ohmystars Pierre, we're still in this, we can still do it, we could still win the Fast Forward!" Rana babbled urgently.

"This is insane," Pierre commented simply, returning to his hunt with renewed vigor.

Currently searching even further from the level access than the dating couple, the siblings only learned of Team Pianta Syndicate's arrival when they overheard the Squeeks' sudden spike of conversation.

"No way, we actually beat them!" Hooktail guffawed. "And they left, like, how many hours ahead of us again?"

"I know, right? Leave it to them to get that lost," Gloomtail concurred, unable to resist making a dig at the perennial underdogs. "If the Koopas were somehow dumb enough to do the same, we're golden."

Catching sight of the foursome across the pool, Lahla and Rocko pushed their fatigue aside and let yet another surge of adrenaline take over. Hitting the pool with a sizable splash courtesy of Rocko, they began their search.

The coworkers were back in this game.

Hole 15

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners

"So, uh… I'll eat if you eat," Shellshock offered. "Er…maybe."

"I've gotten extreme food poisoning just from eating a seemingly innocent cake," he explained. "Not fun. You can't blame me for being super-paranoid about what food I eat."

"Mind over matter," Koopinator declared. He plugged his nose, shoved a flower towards the back of his throat, and dry swallowed it. The entire thing.

"Dude, where the heck's your gag reflex?" Shellshock cried, alarmed. Even the Piantas stared.

"Don't remind me, or else you'll activate it," Koopinator growled testily, not desiring to repeat his little hurling stunt from the previous leg. "But you're right. Chewing thoroughly is good for digestion, so…" Still pinching his nostrils, he bit into another. A few seconds passed, and he gradually released his ardent hold on his beak, acquiring a pensive look. "…It's…not that bad."

"Really?"

"Really."

Heavily unconvinced, Shellshock poked the topmost flower of his pile and instantly withdrew his hand, shuddering. It smelled bad, it felt bad, it sounded bad, and it looked highly substandard. Serve up vomit on a silver platter, and it's still vomit, just on top of a ruined platter. Therefore, by inductive reasoning, it tasted awful, and would probably give him delightfully explosive diarrhea, horrific stomach cramps, and an extended family of pathogenic bacteria, amidst a myriad of other—

"Well?"

Shellshock ripped himself from his mental tirade and found his partner looking at him expectantly, a half-finished piece of durian in his hand. His heap of edible flowers had already depleted considerably.

"'I'll eat if you eat,' remember? I've eaten, or rather, I'm eating," Koopinator reminded. "It's not going to finish itself."

"'Nator, I, uh, I…" Stammering, Shellshock felt his cheeks flush with color. Red from embarrassment or bluish-purple from lightheadedness, he had no idea. All he knew was that…well, he…honestly didn't know anymore. "I…don't think I can eat this."

"What are you talking about?" Pausing mid-chew, Koopinator turned and really looked at his teammate.

"I mean, I don't think I can eat this…this. I don't want to eat it. I can't."

"You 'don't want to?' You 'can't?'" Koopinator repeated disbelievingly. His eyes narrowed as his brain zeroed in on the situation at hand. "…Shellshock, we are not going to take a penalty because you're afraid of food."

The Shady Koopa winced. Gossip traveled fast through the close quarters of the Glitz Pit, and when word spread that he'd fallen ill to a piece of cake, he became the laughingstock of the locker rooms for several days. (Thank goodness the spectating public never found out…) His subsequent development of minor cibophobia really did not help matters. An environment so jam-packed with testosterone brutally attacked at any sign of weakness, and attempting to ignore the insults only spurred the more unsympathetic fighters (especially the lower-ranked ones) to make him the butt of cruder and cruder jokes. That brutal time was far in the past now, but there was no denying that it still hurt inside sometimes…

Naturally, the number one ranking at the time, the Razor Blade Brigadier, had heard all the trashy derision from the grapevine and was aware of Shellshock's problem. Because of that, something in the way he phrased – timed – intoned that last mouthful struck a nerve. It threw Shellshock back to an unpleasant time he had no desire to relive.

"Real classy, 'Nator. You just have to pick on that, huh?" Biting his lip, Shellshock glanced restlessly at the camera. The condemning little device that would make his humiliating trait known to all the world. Great. Just great. Too late to take it back now. "Well, I'm sooo sorry I can't be as perfect as you! Am I not allowed to have fears or something? Are you the freakin' phobia police? It's not my fault I got turned into a writhing mess by some—"

"It's an irrational fear, and you're being irrational right now. Eat."

That careless comment ticked him off. "I am not eating this!"

"Shellshock. Shut up and just eat. It's not that difficult."

"No! Shut up! I don't want to!"

Beginning to feel really annoyed with the unnecessary resistance, Koopinator started raising his voice to get his point across. "You're making this much harder than it has to be. Stop acting like a drama queen and put one in your mouth!"

"Are you not listening to me? I am not eating this stuff!"

"Yes, you are. We aren't taking a penalty, and we aren't going to lose the race because you're afraid of—"

"Shut up!" Slamming his fists on the table in anger, Shellshock sprang from his seat and glared down at him. "Just, just stop mentioning that, you jerkwad! Stop it! I'm not eating this smelly crap, and that's final!"

"Yes, you are!" Koopinator also stood, forcing his natural height advantage into play. "It's not going to kill you! Sit down and eat already!"

"I don't want to eat it, I'm not going to eat it, you can't make me eat it—"

"Eat the stupid fruit! Sit down and eat the stupid—"

"No, I'm not going to! Stop trying to make me, I don't want to! Stop—"

"Stop being a spoiled princess throwing a temper tantrum! This retarded fear of—"

"I SAID NO!"

In one final act of defiance, Shellshock broke from Koopinator's hold and shoved the platter away. The force sent it careening off the table, and it smashed into the ground.

Fruit-first.

.:Clubhouse:.

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL / LAHLA & ROCKO / PIERRE & RANA

"Why do I suddenly get the feeling that we're missing out on something good right now?" Gloomtail asked aloud out of the blue.

"…What are you talking about?" Hooktail queried.

Hole 15

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners

It smelled bad, it felt bad, it sounded bad, and it looked like garbage. No. Worse.

Shellshock glared disdainfully at the platter. What was once a spray of fragilely alluring carvings now mimicked amorphous slabs of gelatinous custard, like something slithered out of a lame horror movie. Flecks of dirt and shavings of trimmed grass dotted the opaque substance, further cementing its plainly unpalatable status. He turned his head and glared spitefully at the entity that had saved the dish from its unloved fate, but that individual was too busy demolishing his own servings to care.

"This crap smells like something left to rot in a dumpster under the sun. You're an animal," Shellshock sneered, voice devoid of humor.

"You brought this upon yourself," Koopinator stated, expressing no empathy. He devoured the durians mindlessly, too incensed to smell or taste them. "Whether you like it or not, you're going to eat that. We aren't taking a penalty."

"What? There's no way I'm going to eat this," Shellshock jabbed at his dirty plate angrily, "especially not now! Look at it!"

"It's going down your digestive tract one way or another. Even if I have to force-feed you," Koopinator ground out menacingly.

"…Wooow," Shellshock drawled, snorting in disgust.

"You know I'm being completely serious," Koopinator averred icily. As an afterthought, he added, "You can make yourself throw up afterwards."

"Some 'friend' you are," Shellshock spat bitterly, shooting him a glare with even more venom than before. "That has got to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"

"You brought this upon yourself," Koopinator repeated. "…Anyways, prepare yourself. I'm almost finished."

"I hate you so much! I hate you!" Shellshock screamed savagely, slamming his fists into the table. He jumped to his feet once more. "You've pulled crap all through this race, and I'm SICK OF IT!"

Whirling around, the poncho-less Shady Koopa stormed off into the rain.

.:Clubhouse:.

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends

"What…is this? What the crap is this?" Kory huffed with pronounced disbelief as they barreled down the escalator.

"…Squint really hard: it's our ticket to staying in this game," Kojo decided firmly. He nodded to himself a few times. "We're still in this; we're definitely still in the running."

Noticing the rapid downward movement through their peripheral vision, all of the teams caught the Koopas' arrival. Both the mice and the dragons disappointedly noted the ephemerality of their lead, while the coworkers shakily reevaluated the fatalness of their error.

"Kojo and Kory just now arrived, so everyone's here," Rana narrated, though not looking at the nearby camera. She kept her eyes trained dutifully on the golf ball labels before her. "We're pretty sure Koopinator and Shellshock are out in front, maybe even at the pit stop by now, but seeing how Rocko and Lahla got here after us, we have no idea. All we can assume is that it's a four-way fight to stay out of last."

"In other words, we're grabbing the Fast Forward, first chance we get," Pierre revealed. "As long as we make the Final Four, we don't care who gets there with us."

Hole 15

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners

"If they were bad in any way, I would be lying on a stretcher, getting medical assistance right now. And I'm not."

It was painfully obvious that Shellshock's continued resistance – akin to a child's refusal to so much as touch those icky-looking vegetables! – agitated Koopinator to no end. He miraculously still remained the more lucid of the two, however, and inwardly he marveled that, despite all the threats and tantrums, Shellshock had not yet gotten in a judge's face and outright screamed for the penalty. That one valuable detail indicated there was still a chance to talk things out. Somewhere in that mess, Shellshock was still open to persuasion. Even though he didn't want it, his rational side still held some sway.

"Quality control sucks. Show me that every single piece of that dirty snot is safe, and I might consider it," Shellshock dared him.

"You know I can't do that."

"Exactly," Shellshock agreed, prompting Koopinator to groan in frustration. They both knew their respective statements applied to different sets of logic.

"…This is for a million coins, you know," Koopinator said at length, opting for another approach.

"Ha, really? Stooping so low you have to play tha—"

"I'm just stating a fact," Koopinator interrupted him, and before he could respond, firmly continued, "You are less than three legs away from winning one million coins, Shellshock. We will win this race; there are no doubts in my mind. But that certainty becomes an impossibility if we do not make it to the finals."

With that, the metal-wearing warrior stopped speaking. He'd said his piece and worked his best angle. So, now he stood back in Shellshock's corner, offering encouragement through silent support. Everything was in Shellshock's hands once again. Realizing this, the Shady Koopa sighed in extremely reluctant resignation.

"The stuff smelled worse than the stale, sweaty Glitz Pit locker rooms, which says A LOT."

After much deliberating, Shellshock finally sat back down at the picnic table. One hand tightly pinched his nostrils while the other tentatively prodded the mushy durian slabs. He wiped off the visible chunks of grass and dirt and bravely popped one into his mouth, only to nearly spit it right back out again.

"Plus…the taste…didn't make up for the stink at all. Er, I guess it wasn't as bad as it could've been, but…uh, never mind. It was pretty gross."

Shellshock forced a tired grin onto his face; he was met with applause and shouts of approval from the Pianta chefs as he swallowed his final piece.

"It's a once-in-a-lifetime deal. You won't see me getting near one of those things ever again."

"Willingly taking a penalty is, to me, the equivalent of quitting," Koopinator remarked. "After today, I can safely say that Shellshock is certainly not a quitter."

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Currently in 1st Place

Never one for wild celebratory behavior, Koopinator emitted a quiet, concise "Good job" that was lost among the steady downpour as Shellshock ripped open their next clue.

"'Make your way to the hole with its own wooden shelter and search for your next clue.'" He paused, fooling his teammate into believing the message was complete before nearly hollering, "'Warning: Yield ahead,' baby, heck yes!"

Miles: "Teams must now drive themselves to Hole 10 and locate this wooden gazebo, where they will find their next clue."

"Yield…" Koopinator repeated uncertainly, already looking distinctly uncomfortable.

"Yes, Yield! This is like, I don't know, payment for punishment! Christmas morning!" Shellshock exclaimed giddily. "What perfect timing!" Ironically, right after he said those words, his expression morphed. Complete one-eighty.

"…By deduction, the next hole should be one we haven't had the option of going to yet," Koopinator mused, switching the topic. "I can analyze that in the golf cart."

"Waitwaitwait, before we go, uh…I think I'll take you up on the vomiting offer real fast," Shellshock said queasily, edging towards the bushes. "Holdononesec…"

That probably would not help matters in the odor department…

.:Clubhouse:.

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL / KOJO & KORY / LAHLA & ROCKO / PIERRE & RANA

"Gloomtail, if we don't find this within the next five minutes, I'm going to throttle you!"

Said potential victim simply scoffed and brushed off the idle threat. Having realized the precariousness of their situation, the dragons had switched their searching technique to something more thorough. Though her normal belief in superstition was somewhat limited, Hooktail vividly remembered the quirky moment at the Shy Guy Beach Roadblock when a ridiculous declaration was followed by an unexpected success, and naturally, she wanted any edge she could get. This time, however, her scapegoat of a brother was present, saving her the absurdity of threatening to drown herself in golf balls. Is that even possible?

Although she shook her paw at the powers that be and whatever dragon protection societies existed in the world, Lady Luck decided to smile upon someone else first.

"Find it?" Kojo asked expectantly.

Kory inspected the dimpled sphere closely.

"…No. It looks so close, too…" he lamented, tossing the reject out of the search zone.

"YES!" Rana squealed joyously. Attentions stolen, everyone watched her hop, skip, and jump out of the pool and flash a flag-imprinted golf ball at her boyfriend.

"No way! Good job, babe!" Pierre waded over. The couple reconvened, retrieved their ponchos, and dashed for the escalator.

"Shoot," Rocko grumbled. Their competitors in the Fast Forward race had just surged ahead. Not good.

PIERRE & RANA: Dating – Currently in 2nd Place

"Thank you so much!" Rana chirped to the Blooper, gratefully taking the envelope and keys.

"Have I told you I love you yet today?" Pierre questioned cheekily, earning a giggle from his companion. "Because I do – you are amazing."

"I think so," Rana replied earnestly. "'Grab your golf bags and drive your golf cart to the back tee of the hole with three dolphins.' Golf bags and a golf cart? Oh, wow!"

Dazzled by the custom-made jobs, the Squeeks eagerly hurried off with their burgundy-colored golf bags, only remembering to double back and take care of one very important detail at the automatic doors.

"Do you have any maps or tourist guides we could use?" Pierre inquired.

Hole 10
Par 4
Front 406 Y
Back 435 Y

A combination of small circles and amorphous blobs constituted the random collection of bunkers on Hole 10. While no common theme united the hole's elements into one neat package, the permanent wooden gazebo suspended in the water added a unique tropical touch to the already tropical beach. Large as the structure was (and despite the lively Calypso music emanating from within), however, it played second fiddle to the eye-catching Yield sign planted before the pier.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners

"There it is!" Shellshock shouted, perhaps a little too giddily for someone who'd recently voided his stomach's contents and gone through intense emotional trauma. He ran over and planted his feet on the yellow mat like an athlete finishing off a triple jump.

Miles: "This is the third and final Yield of this race. Any of the remaining teams can Yield another team…or, you know, force them to stop racing for a set amount of time. If a team is Yielded, they must flip over this hourglass and wait for all the sand to run to the bottom before they can continue on. And, no, it won't take an entire hour, in case you've been wondering."

True to his code of honor, Koopinator had his reservations about halting another team in this manner. Game elements like the Fast Forward and Yield bestowed an unfair (dis)advantage, so he preferred pretending as if they didn't exist. Unfortunately for him, his partner did not carry the same concerns.

"We can get them out – we can get them out for good!" Shellshock argued, gesticulating wildly before stuffing his hands into the container of photographs.

"…As much as I dislike the idea, it's a good one," Koopinator said in resignation, pointedly turning his beak away. "Go ahead."

"Knew you'd see it my way! Not doing this'd be a terrible mistake at this stage of the game," Shellshock proclaimed with satisfaction, drawing another team's picture from the box. "We—er, I," he hastily corrected himself, rolling his eyes, "choose to Yield the Koopas! Yeah, baby!" Slapping the appropriate stickers onto the board with a manic grin, he added, "Sorry, but this is the end of your road! Peace out, homes!"

Next order of business: the clue box standing further down the pier.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Currently in 1st Place

"Roadblock. 'Who's got the tropical beat?'" read Shellshock.

Miles: "Although Blooper Bay resonates with only silence and applause during tournaments, the region is actually also home to a thriving community of musicians specializing in the stereotypically tropical instrument known as the steel drum. In this Roadblock, team members take center stage to fill in the melodic line of a widely popular tune. The catch? They have to play it completely by ear. A judge will rate their performances subjectively and hand over their clue if it is to his satisfaction. If not…team members will have to go the back of any line that forms and keep trying until they pass."

"Doesn't take a genius to figure out it's something music-related," Shellshock assumed, noting the conveniently-placed band inhabiting the pagoda. "My turn, right?"

"If you want," Koopinator acquiesced.

After scanning his mission, Shellshock enthusiastically escaped the downpour and threw off his poncho to a soulful blend including guitars, saxophone, trumpet, and, of course, steelpans. He listened with rapt attention as they launched straight into his test piece – an extended rearrangement of the Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour advertising song. When they finished, he broke out in applause and smiled sheepishly at the pannist Pianta, who had expectantly held out his mallets.

"Er…replay, please? I didn't really catch all that," Shellshock chuckled nervously. "It's, uh…kinda long…"

Hole 2

PIERRE & RANA: Dating – Currently in 2nd Place

"So we're going for it, right?" Rana prompted, anxiously shuffling the two folders in her hands. Second thoughts and warning klaxons had suddenly bombarded her when she again laid eyes on the troublemaker from the previous leg.

"Yes, no sense not going for it," Pierre reasoned.

"There is some," she corrected him.

"Doesn't override the fact that we really need this right now."

"…Right." Rana stuffed the Detour back in the envelope and inquired into the Fast Forward. "'Successfully complete Hole 9 in ten strokes or less—'"

Miles: "This is the final Fast Forward available on the race! Any eligible team that completes it may skip all remaining tasks and head directly to the pit stop. And no matter what, everyone will be getting a dose of golf – it's unavoidable this time! Aren't we evil?

"To lay claim, Lahla and Rocko or Pierre and Rana will need to drive their golf cart to Hole 9. Alternating swings, they will need to play the hole and finish within ten strokes, which is twice the number allowed for par. If they can sink it with a satisfactory score, they'll be rewarded with the Fast Forward award."

"Full-on golfing, and we've never golfed before in our lives," Rana noted warningly. She turned on the golf cart engine and started forward.

"It's ten strokes. That's a ton of room for error. We should be fine," Pierre assured with a confident tone as he shifted his eyes back to their map.

Hole 10

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK

"So, the steel drums had these lines and letters drawn on. Y'know, where you hit them to get a certain note? At first I thought they would've been helpful, but then I realized I had to figure out what all the notes were by myself!"

On some unknown-numbered attempt, Shellshock uncertainly capped off with a few random beats and gaped questioningly at the judge. The verdict?

"Not good enough."

Shellshock groaned, requested for the band to perform the piece again, and hunched back over his notes, pencil at the ready.

"The song was…it felt like thirty seconds to a minute, I dunno. Just, long enough to be impossible to get on the first few tries unless you're really musically inclined. Which, I'm not, by the way."

"No good," the Pianta replied, waving his hands in the negative.

"But I eventually got it before anyone else showed up."

A thumbs up. "You pass."

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – Currently in 1st Place

"Yeah, baby!" Shellshock hollered, gleefully snatching the envelope. "Thanks!"

Nodding lightly in satisfaction, Koopinator wore a small smirk as his teammate dashed over. "Easier or harder than our Fast Forward?"

"What? Dude, way harder!" Shellshock freed the Route Info. "You couldn't have done it," he added cheekily as an afterthought, and launched into reading before the Dark Koopatrol could retaliate. "'Make your way to the next pit stop—!'"

Miles: "Teams must now make their way to – you guessed it – Hole 18. This challenging par 5 hole closes many a golf tournament with a shaking of the standings and closes this leg as the pit stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here…WILL be eliminated!"

"', and it's not us!" Shellshock cheered. "C'mon 'Nator, I smell victory waiting, and it's oodles nicer than those durians!"

Anticipating a high finish after their solid leg, the fighters hightailed it back down the pier.

Hole 9
Par 5
Front 573 Y
Back 598 Y

"It's like Shy Guy Beach all over again," Pierre mused, removing his finger from their tourist guide (treasure map!).

Avast! Take a gander! Yonder hole harkened back to Leg 10 and its pirate-themed antics! (Arrr!) Nestled into a gorgeously clear bay flanked by rocky mountains, the adventurous Hole 9 seemed like a patchwork of sticker book pages due to the unique bunkers strategically placed around as hindrances. An anchor. Two skulls. A hook. A rapier. And to top it all off, an authentic pirate ship, docked near the green. The Crimson could have called it a second home.

PIERRE & RANA: Dating

"Are you our judge?" Pierre's reminder that they were no longer actually in pirate country was the Lakitu nodding to him in reply.

"Go easy on us, okay?" Rana requested. "We've never done this before."

Pierre's superficial knowledge of the sport helped him determine the purpose of the prestocked tees in their mauve-colored bags, but it took several tries before a golf ball would stay balanced on one. "We have ten tries, five each," he reiterated. "Alright…" Lifting his driver in a manner similar to a swinging pendulum, he aimed for the fairway and swung.

Stroke Count: 1

The ball flew to the right…and sailed into the water with a neat KER-PLOOSH!

Stroke Count: 2

"…Well, shoot. That's not how it's supposed to work…" Pierre muttered, embarrassed.

Hole 18
Par 5
Front 548 Y
Back 583 Y

Out of this world~! Twinkling star-shaped bunkers, a planet wearing a sandy ring, an owlish crescent moon, and a shimmering circular lake populated this green space. Its mountainous landscape and abundance of hazards presented one final challenge to golfers; the long, treacherous climb up to the perfect vantage point for viewing the sunset was the course's last-ditch effort to shake up the standings at the end of the day.

Visiting as an esteemed guest from another tropical golf course, Palms Singles Cup champion and Doubles Cup co-champion Sherry stood behind the mat as honorary greeter. The orange-haired professional shared a large umbrella with Miles and represented the leg by dressing in her normal golf attire: a light green polo, blue shorts, orange shoes, and a left-handed white glove. Both heard the approach of a rumbling motor over the light rainfall and inquisitively craned their necks to look.

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners

To reach the pit stop on the elevated green, teams had to drive along the highest flat that spanned the length of the hole. Thus, they were treated to an overhead view of outer space on earth. The first two intrepid adventurers to reach the checkpoint eagerly leapt onto the mat, their enthusiasm a standout contrast to the sullen weather.

"Welcome to Blooper Bay," Sherry said with a smile.

"Thank you."

"Koopinator and Shellshock?" Miles paused. Shellshock seemed on the verge of exploding with elation, and barely contained himself the long, agonizing seconds before the inevitable confirmation: "You're team number ONE!"

KOOPINATOR & SHELLSHOCK: Sparring Partners – 1st Place

"YEAAAAAAH!" the Shady Koopa hollered victoriously, latching onto his partner for a tight, extended manhug before he had a chance to escape. Koopinator rolled his eyes, but smiled politely and dealt with it nevertheless.

"And I have some more good news!" Miles added with a boisterous game show host voice.

"Really?" Shellshock squeaked giddily, laughing.

"Really!" the orange Yoshi responded, all too glad to fuel the festive atmosphere. "See that thing you drove here in? It's now officially yours, along with its conte—"

"WE WON A GOLF CAAAART!" Shellshock screamed (in his teammate's ear), hopping up and down ridiculously like a hyper kangaroo. "Is this a dream, somebody pinch me, I—ow! 'Nator, what was that for?"

"Golf cart, customized golf bags and clubs, and a one-week stay in a private resort house on the beach so that you can experience this vacation paradise when the weather's not so crummy," Miles summarized. "How's that sound?"

"Amazing!" Shellshock gushed. "I'll get a chance to actually learn how to golf!"

"It's about time we hit our stride, baby! We didn't see another team the entire leg. If we can keep this kind of momentum all the way to the end, we're a shoo in for the win," Shellshock guaranteed with all the confidence in the world.

.:Clubhouse:.

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL / KOJO & KORY / LAHLA & ROCKO

Tick. Tock. Tick-tock. Ticktock. Tiktoktiktoktiktok—

"I swear, this is the most frustrating thing I've done in my life," Hooktail griped, struggling to pick up her feet. "It's death by golf balls!"

"Stop whining and keep looking!" ordered Gloomtail.

"Shut up, Gloomtail! I am looking!"

Meanwhile, Fast Forward prospects Lahla and Rocko scoured as quickly and methodically as possible, an underlying panic driving their urgent movements. Both they and last-place arrivals Kojo and Kory had isolated a particular search zone, reasoning that the teams before them had probably already exhausted the overall surface stratum. Still, their chances looked bleak.

"I could be completely missin' somethin' right underneath my nose," Lahla murmured fearfully, doing her best to shovel spheres aside en masse. "We could be here for hours…"

Rarely had the coworkers found themselves in a true dogfight to stave off elimination; their journey thus far had mostly been an unspectacular cruise in the middle of the pack. Now, with the numbers dwindled and their fate leashed by a demonic probability test with no guarantee of escape, the duo was rapidly losing hope. The Fast Forward could not be their salvation if this pool drowned them beyond reach, and as time passed, the odds of Pierre and Rana swiping the one-team capacity path to safety increased exponentially.

Hole 9

PIERRE & RANA: Dating

Or not. A montage played of the Squeeks' rather cringeworthy attempts at golf. Pierre repeatedly smacked the ground, creating plate-sized divots and sending the ball hardly a few strides' lengths away. Rana fared little better, often whiffing or nudging the ball just far enough to land it in a bunker or the rough.

"We can't stop and apologize after each failed shot, babe, we gotta get this done," Pierre told Rana after her umpteenth air shot and umpteenth plea for forgiveness.

"Sorry," she muttered tersely, biting her lip.

Stroke Count: 10
Attempt #18 – Failure

Frustrated with their overwhelming lack of progress, the dating couple hurriedly hiked back to the tee box.

"It was raining, and we were cold, and tired, and trying our hardest, with no success," Rana narrated. "Golf isn't a sport where you can just pick up a club and be good at it instantly. We were out there for who knows how long before we realized that."

"Babe, I'm really starting to think we made the wrong decision. We haven't even gotten the ball past the first bend yet," she pointed out worriedly.

Stroke Count: 8

"You want to give up?" Pierre asked gruffly, his natural stubborn streak and current mental state causing the words to come out rougher than intended.

"Not 'give up.' Change," Rana emphasized pleadingly. "We're not good at this; we might fare better on the main track."

After a moment of contemplation, Pierre decided to humor her and retrieved the Detour information. When they read its contents, however, their hopes plummeted and were pounded into the ground by the pouring rain.

"Oh. My. Gosh. More golf?" Rana cried in disbelief. "How are we supposed to…?"

"…One of these is putting," Pierre realized. "We haven't tried that yet."

"Okay. We're switching to 'Long Putt,'" Rana decided immediately. "Anything but this."

And so the two jumped back in their golf cart and abandoned this futile endeavor. Goodbye, Fast Forward. Good riddance.

.:Clubhouse:.

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings

"…You have GOT to be kidding me." Hooktail glared flatly at the retreating figures for several seconds before the anger really kicked in. "Urgggh! The heck? This is so unfair!"

"Stop yapping! Keep looking!" Gloomtail barked at her.

"Shut up, Gloomtail!"

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends

En route to the checkout counter, the Petalburg Koopas discovered their mugs pasted on the race's newest signboard.

"Oh, wait, what's this?" Kory skidded to a halt and backtracked to the stand. He pulled the single envelope from its clue box. "Kojo, here's our Speed Bump!"

"Hurry, hurry, open it. What do we have to do?" Kojo glanced over his friend's shoulder in anticipation.

Miles: "Having been spared elimination in the previous leg, Kojo and Kory have now hit a Speed Bump, a task only they have to perform. With its tropical climate and scenic landscapes, the Blooper Bay golf course is a popular vacation and practice site among professional circles; Kojo and Kory will play caddy to one of the celebrity faces that frequents the area. First, they must each clean a golf club to the approval of the clubhouse supervisor, and then stock a golf bag with all the essential equipment. Then, they will have to carry everything on foot to the nearby Hole 1 and locate smokin' ho—er, gorgeous Grace, former champion of the Palms, somewhere on the grounds. If they do all of it correctly, she will give them permission to continue racing."

Spotting the marked station over in a secluded corner, the two wasted no time in rushing over and getting to work. The materials at their disposal made the procedure obvious common sense: give the clubhead a dip, brush off the dirt, dry with the towel. Cleaning the golf clubs took virtually no time with their urgency and efficiency, and they quickly received approval; the provided list also made loading the bag straightforward. Now came the hard part.

"This is…kinda heavy," Kory noted. "How do you want to do this?"

"Here, let me take this end," Kojo directed. "Lift…alright. Match pace."

Walking on the brink of running with a golf bag between them, the duo stormed out into the rain.

Hole 2

PIERRE & RANA: Dating
0/5 Putts Successful (-/-/-/-/-)

Travel by golf cart and high-speed motorboat eventually landed the mice on the final island of Hole 2, where they brought only their putters and several golf balls ashore. The Blooper judge overseeing this green desperately wanted to cover his eyes at their horrible technique.

"I have no idea how to do this," Rana professed honestly, holding the club like a broomstick. "Um…"

Within the first few strokes, the Squeeks corrected their major issues and began hitting the golf balls "normally." However, they still found their attempts mysteriously rolling away from the cup.

"We don't suck at this as much, but the ground's not cooperating. It's all wet and all uneven." Pierre understood the major problems, but didn't quite know how to work around them. This hole's unforgiving ten-foot radius requirement thwarted each and every putt, mocking them.

Hole 1
Par 4
Front 425 Y
Back 459 Y

Inclement weather undermined the splendor of Hole 1, which featured a mermaid-shaped bunker with long, flowing hair. Her mesmerizing rain dance involved frolicking amidst a school of fish in a cloud of bubbles. On an unrelated note, the wooden "WELCOME" sign facing out to sea looked rather strange due to the absence of the yacht normally carrying both teeing grounds.

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends

Modest raingear did nothing to protect the turtles from the onslaught of raindrops intent on smacking them in the face. Seemingly growing heavier by the minute, their dead weight of a package leeched the energy from their arms, which were already feeling numb from being partially exposed to the wet and windy cold. All in all, Kojo and Kory felt understandably exhausted by the time they even set foot on Hole 1. Their one blessing at the moment was their head-mounted flashlights, which they'd kept handy after leaving their marked car. Amidst the downpour, their sweeping beams of light were their only hope of locating their celebrity target.

"Where could this person be…" Kory panted. "'Somewhere on Hole 1' isn't descriptive at all."

"I'm willing to bet they're far, far away from the entrance…" Kojo sighed humorlessly.

Much to their annoyance, Kojo's hunch turned out to be true. They trekked a fair distance before encountering a hooded figure, seated on a lawn chair that was safely shielded by a large umbrella. Red bangs, blue raincoat, and matching mini-dress flapping in the wind, Palms Doubles Cup co-champion Grace stood to receive her guests. Her beauty easily overshadowed that of the sandy mermaid.

"Hello, there. Please just set the bag down," she requested, "and I'll double-check the contents."

"Yeah, there isn't any other way to say it: she was really hot." Kojo asserted.

"I'm sure you're in a hurry, so you'll be glad to know that you're all clear to go." Grace flashed them a warm smile and waved them off. "Good luck!"

"Thanks!"

Jogging carefully, so as not to trip into a bunker or an unexpected dip in the ground, the Koopas began making the long journey back to the Clubhouse.

.:Clubhouse:.

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL / LAHLA & ROCKO

Rocko had never been a numbers kind of guy. Forget algebra, geometry, calculus… Math in general. Not his thing. Now more than ever, however, he understood that numbers were against him.

"YETH!" Hooktail shrieked in exultant triumph around the object in her mouth.

This was bad.

Very bad.

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings – Currently in 3rd Place

"Finally out of that torture chamber! It's about time!" Gloomtail enthused.

"Wha, no 'goo' jo?'" Hooktail joked.

Their bottled cheer emptied instantly, replaced by two full servings of confusion when they received the envelope.

"'Grab your golf bags and drive your golf cart to the back tee of the hole with three dolphins,'" read Gloomtail. "…Any place could have three dolphins. They swim where they want. What the heck is this supposed to mean?"

"Beats me. Hey, you. What's a hole?" Hooktail directed the question to the Blooper. He stifled a laugh, but remained silent otherwise. "…Ugh, some help you are. Let's just ask someone else, Gloomtail."

Briefly, the dragons scanned the second floor for another possible information source. Finding none, they decided to head straight for the golf carts ("So…heavy!" Hooktail gawked at the weight of her charcoal bag) and tackle the destination problem when more candidates for help were around. Returning Koopas Kojo and Kory did not fall into that category, and the two teams ignored each other as they crossed paths in the Clubhouse parking lot.

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends

"The –tails just left," Kojo noted, removing his hood as they entered the building. "We're still in this. All we gotta do is exchange the golf ball."

Their blatant urgency rubbed off on the checkout lane Blooper. He observed them expectantly, and after a few moments of still, motionless silence, they did likewise with each other.

"Well…?" Kojo lifted an eyebrow.

"'Well' what?" Kory retorted confusedly. "I don't have it."

"…Huh? I swear you did!"

"Uh, no. Nono-no." Kory's wide-eyed comeback responded to the possibility of what torture they would have to throw themselves back into with this unfortunate development.

"Shoot! You've gotta be kidding—!" Kojo looked ready to snap and rampage the specialty store, but he shifted from anger to hope as quick as a heartbeat. "Wait! Maybe one of us loaded it into the golf bag!"

"Into the…" Kory's expression plummeted further. "You can't be serious."

"It's worth a shot, c'mon!" Kojo urged, taking off for the automatic doors again. When his teammate refused to budge, he added over his shoulder, "C'mon, Kory! If ya really want to jump back in that pool, be my guest!"

Grimacing, Kory took chase. Regardless of whether or not their missing treasure ball was where Kojo believed, they were losing a lot of time.

Hole 3

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings

Once Gloomtail finally figured out how to work the golf cart ("Evil contraption!") without nearly maiming something every ten feet, the quadrupeds started wandering around, soliciting the sparse tourists for guidance. One equally clueless Goomba's guess named Hole 3, and the dragons accepted it immediately. Three dolphins, third hole – it made sense, after all.

"…This doesn't look right."

Or maybe not. The golf cart's headlights had limited function as searchlights in this gloomy weather, so the siblings bemoaned their lack of foresight in not retrieving any flashlights. Even with very limited vision, however, they swiftly realized their eyes weren't playing tricks on them. This tiny, grassy meadow led straight to a sandy oceanfront. Nothing important existed here.

"That sign back there says this is Hole 3, but…" Gloomtail glanced at his sister questioningly. "I don't see anything."

"If that jerk gave us bad directions on purpose…" Hooktail grumbled. "…What the heck are we supposed to be looking for?"

Hole 1

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends

Welcome the team, check the bag, deliver the verdict. Grace's task duties were short and sweet. Once she fulfilled her role, she had no real reason to remain out in the rain. So, after sending the Petalboys on their way, she packed her things and began migrating towards shelter. Production barely had time to warn her site of the Koopas' reappearance.

"…Oh, hello. Did you gentlemen forget something?" Grace inquired from underneath the safety of her own golf cart.

"Maybe…" Kojo panted vaguely, out of breath from their mad dash out to Hole 1. "Can we…check the bag?"

"If you need to…" Truth be told, the redhead had given the contents only a perfunctory glance. The poor young men had seemed in an awful hurry. Her hasty counting aimed to help, but maybe it had the opposite effect instead…?

"YES! Got it!" Kojo shouted triumphantly, holding the flag-marked ball out to his partner.

"Don't lose it this time," Kory ordered.

With that, they departed as quickly as they'd arrived.

"Hoppla," Grace murmured quietly to herself.

Hole 2

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings – Currently in 3rd Place

Bad directions sometimes happened. Accepting this fact, the duo turned the tables and used the faulty suggestion as a springboard to find the correct location. Just next hole over.

"Detour. 'Long Putt or Short Approach.' …Is this more of that stupid golf stuff?" Hooktail demanded.

"No clue. I guess." Their eyes took in the information on the page, but the information failed to process. "…Should we just, I don't know, pick something and run with it?"

"Er, yeah. Let's take 'Short Approach' so we don't have to deal with the annoying motorboat stuff again."

"Fine with me." Next stop: Hole 5.

PIERRE & RANA: Dating
0/5 Putts Successful (-/-/-/-/-)

While the Squeeks had no complaints about this leg's "motorboat stuff," the same could not be said for the golf. By this point, the latter was probably exponentially worse. (At least with the motorboats, they could believe they were making progress…)

"Oh my gosh…" Rana wearily kneaded her forehead. Discovering that rainwater had easily penetrated her poncho's meager defenses, she groaned and made a face. "We've been at this for a long time, and it's not looking any better than the Fast Forward."

To outsiders, their brute force strategy was perfectly sensible. Keep putting golf balls from the required range, and eventually you'll get it, right?

Wrong.

Factor in the wet grass, the hard-to-read slopes, and pure lack of experience, and this was a task signed, sealed, and delivered straight from the netherworld.

"Dangit!" Pierre shouted.

.:Clubhouse:.

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends – Currently in 4th Place

"Got it," Kojo proclaimed, trading the golf ball for the envelope and keys. "'Grab your golf bags and drive your golf cart to the back tee of the hole with three dolphins.'"

"Golf bags? Golf cart? Dude, nice!" Kory remarked. "What's this 'hole with three dolphins' business, though?"

"Guess we have to figure that out for ourselves. Come on!"

"…Hold up," Kory called out when they were several paces from the doors. At Kojo's questioning (and partly irked) glance, he reasoned, "We're in the course's freakin' Clubhouse – there's bound to be information on that! Aerial pictures, or trivia, something!"

"Good call," Kojo relented. "Weren't there some books over there…?"

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers

"This is just plain awful," Lahla sniped, not bothering to hide her disgust and frustration. "We're really gonna be here forever, or 'least 'til someone comes out and mercy eliminates us! I don't know if we'll ever find this thing…"

Hearing his partner losing hope discomposed Rocko more than anything else. Even when they'd stared down the barrel of elimination before, her defiant optimism warded away all evils and worked some indescribable magic to return them to safety. But not this time. Not this challenge. As the bubbliness and sunshine left her voice, as her hope and confidence evaporated before this insurmountable obstacle, so did his own.

And the worst thing of all?

He was completely powerless to stop them from spiraling into this pit of pessimism. Once you lost hope…it was all over. They were doomed to fail.

"Why…?" Lahla sniffled angrily. "Why is this so hard…?"

Hole 2

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends – Currently in 4th Place

"Here's the Detour. 'Long Putt or Short Approach. How will you go green?'" Kojo read. "Alright, now we're actually using our golf clubs…"

"Neither of us play golf, but one of the few things we knew beforehand is that putting is reputed as the hardest part of the sport and extremely difficult to master," Kory narrated. "Given that it was also raining…it was an easy choice."

"We're missing out on more motorboats, but I can live with that," quipped Kory.

"Not all they're cracked up to be," Kojo agreed.

"Our choice is 'Short Approach,' so we'll just go down the line, starting with Hole 5," Kory explained as Kojo started driving again.

Hole 5

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings
0/5 Approaches Successful (-/-/-/-/-)

Unbeknownst to them, the dragons were barely holding their lead over the Koopas. The modified golf cart evidently hated Gloomtail; its sudden erratic steering on the wet roads gave them a needlessly bumpy ride and hoarse voices from so much screaming. Still, they arrived at the weather-based hole without causing property damage and soon learned that this demonic leg was out to get them. Naturally, they retaliated at the closest being they could hold responsible.

"Wait. We have to do what now?" Hooktail cried in disbelief. Under the combined strength of the siblings' glares, the Blooper wilted nervously.

"Do you even know what you're talking about?" Gloomtail demanded. "Are you some kind of nut?"

If their arguments with each other were frightening, arguments where they joined forces were flat-out embodiments of the horror genre.

"Humor me, please," the employee insisted meekly, taken off-guard by the unexpected personal attack.

"Right, sure. Like you're one to talk! You actually have tentacles, like eleventy or whatever!" Hooktail vented sarcastically. "Look at us! We don't have arms or that freaky no-hands power!"

Another golf cart arrived on the scene somewhere in the dynamic duo's angry tirade relay, giving the Blooper a much-needed way out.

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends
0/5 Approaches Successful (-/-/-/-/-)

"Whoa, they're here, too," Kory noticed.

"Makes me wonder how they're going to do this," Kojo mused, hauling his cerulean golf bag into a more accessible position. "That'll be a sight to see."

That was a big mistake. Careless mockery, even without malicious intent, within earshot of two very pissed off dragons…would not be allowed to fly without repercussions.

"Shut up, Ko-whatever-your-name-is!" Gloomtail lashed out, startling both Koopas. "You think it's funny, huh? You think it's funny? Go back and burn in whatever pansy village you came from!"

"Hey, back off, man," Kojo raised his hands defensively. "I didn't mean anything by it!"

"Right, and I'm the freakin' Shadow Queen! Like heck you didn't mean anything!"

"What'd the little appetizer say?" Hooktail demanded.

"Hair-for-brains thinks it's slap-his-knees hilarious that we can't do this Detour!"

"I never said that; stop putting words in my—"

"Ooh, I knew I should've eaten the two gatekeepers on that last run!"

"H-How dare you bring that up, you murderer!" Kojo raged wildly. Though incredulous and livid himself at that last comment, Kory held his friend back by the arms. "Let go, Kory! If that isn't a death threat, I don't know what is!"

"It's not like I can do anything now, stupid," Hooktail retorted.

"Do you have any idea what kind of mental torment you left on Petalburg, you b—"

"Like I care! Besides, it's not like they're de—"

"Calm down, calm down! I'm sure this is all a…er, misunderstanding," Kory tensely allowed through grit teeth. "Let's just all get to the task already!"

"You retard!" boomed Gloomtail. "We've already established we can't do it! What don't you get?"

"Then get outta our way and let us through!" Kojo demanded.

"Yes. It's their turn now," the Blooper concurred, stepping in. "You've long exceeded your allotted swing time."

"…You better hope you get eliminated today, or else you'll wish you never entered this race." Gloomtail seethed.

"Hooktail was the monster that ate Petalburg residents. ATE them. There was naturally bound to be some bad blood between our teams," Kory reasoned. "…That being said, I guess I'm a little surprised it took almost the entire race before we had a serious confrontation like that."

"I don't know why you casted monsters like them," Kojo deadpanned. "I didn't even know Hooktail was female until we met this fairy dog-looking thing in the airport and she introduced herself. I hated them the day we met."

Neither Koopa succeeded on his first approach shot. Here the Blooper intervened and offered to let the dragons take their turn, but they simply snarled and stayed on the sidelines. Several swings later, Kory got lucky, netting them their first signature.

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends
1/5 Approaches Successful (5/-/-/-/-)

"Just chill out," Kojo advised their new enemies. "Geez."

"Just shut up," Gloomtail retorted lackadaisically, rolling his eyes. Once the Petalboys were gone, the winged legends weighed their options. "You saw how they were hitting those balls, right?"

"Durr. There's…no way we can replicate that."

"You never know until you try," the Blooper piped up. "…Er…um…shutting up now…"

"...Ugh." Hooktail acquiesced to her inner thoughts, knowing she would regret it later. To everyone's shock, including her own, she pulled a wood from her bag and carried it to the palm tree marker. She looked like some kind of weird dog playing some kind of weird fetch.

"Are you serious, sis?"

"Migh' asch well," she enunciated. Gloomtail's eyelid twitched.

First, Hooktail positioned the golf club's end in her mouth, allowing her teeth to fall into the grooves. This allowed her to gauge the distance for her standpoint. Preparing to whack the ball, she unsurely lifted her head to the right and caught Gloomtail's anxious gaze from the corner of her eye.

Then…

She swung.

"OWWW! GRAH!" Fury rumbled in her throat as she spat the offending club aside and screamed with the magnitude of a thousand scorned sirens. "I HATE THIS STUPID GAAAAME!"

A horrified (but secretly, just infinitesimally…morbidly amused) Gloomtail rounded on the stunned Blooper. "Don't just stand there, stupid! Bring in the dang medical team!"

"No, no, it's fine – call in your lawyers instead!" Hooktail threatened. She blinked rapidly to clear the tears from her eyes and felt around her mouth with her tongue. No blood…that was good. "Argh…well, I was just asking for that to happen…"

"…You've proved your point: this is freakin' unsafe. Let's just go," Gloomtail ordered flatly. He reluctantly retrieved the equipment for his reeling sister. Leave it to these stupidly complicated modern games to have such prejudice against quadrupeds. "Get in the cart thing. We're done."

Hooktail spat on the ground.

"We've overcome a lot, having to do things with our mouths or front paws that most of the other teams could do with their hands. But there's definitely a limit, and I took the hit finding it. The moment I smacked the ground was the moment we both knew our only option was to quit," Hooktail said, shaking her head.

Hole 2

PIERRE & RANA: Dating
0/5 Putts Successful (-/-/-/-/-)

"I really don't know what to do."

Pierre hugged his teary-eyed girlfriend for comfort, doing his best to console her with reassurance he didn't have. This was absolutely insane. They had been at this hole for over an hour with zero progress. Hundreds of putts, and not one had landed in the cup.

"I'm sorry babe, but I don't know what to tell you," he replied, voice strained by the weight of an entire mountain of frustration. "It's either this or the Fast Forward, and…"

"I know. We can't afford to keep changing," Rana nodded understandingly. "It's just…what are we doing wrong? It's hitting a ball with a stick, and we can't even get that right."

Without even the shelter of their golf cart to sit under, the Squeeks took a break and stood there in the rain. Sighing quietly, Rana rested her head against her boyfriend's shoulder, no longer caring about the water on his poncho that smeared against her cheek.

Hole 13

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings
0/5 Approaches Successful (-/-/-/-/-)

"What is that smell? Is something rotting?" Hooktail scrunched up her face as they drove towards the whale cove's beach.

"Not even my dungeon has ever gotten this rank," Gloomtail commented with equal repulsion.

He swerved dangerously close to the final Blooper before stopping the cart. It felt very much like a stickup.

"We quit," Hooktail proclaimed indignantly. "Hand it over."

"U-Uh…your scorecard is blank. Are you su—"

"Hand. It. Over."

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings – Currently in 2nd Place

"Six hour-penalty, huh?" Hooktail muttered as her brother opened the envelope. "Someone better screw-up big time, or else we're sunk."

"'Dig up a sack from the sand and bring it to the teeing grounds of the fruit-themed hole. Have the contents prepared and then eat them to receive your next clue,'" Gloomtail read. "…We better not be eating whatever smells so bad."

"Today's theme has to be sadism, so don't count on it."

Oh, how their noses knew! Expecting the apocalypse to burst forth, heralded by a stench of mass destruction, the dragons instinctively leapt back upon unearthing a sack. Since Hooktail had risked injury attempting the Detour, Gloomtail graciously placed his life on the line by transporting the mystery delivery back to their golf cart.

"Ew, ew, ew, I don't even want to know what was near my mouth just now," he remarked, hopping back into the driver's seat. "…Wait, there's another stupid riddle, isn't there? Great, just great…"

Hole 7

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends
1/5 Approaches Successful (5/-/-/-/-)

Meanwhile, the Koopas struggled to clear the hole in the shadow of the sand volcano. While neither had Shellshock's sheer incompetence, not even a smidgen of Koopinator's natural genius shined through either.

"That last one was really close. You can do this," Kory encouraged supportively. Kojo nodded, aimed, and fired, clouting out an unreasonably large spray of sand. Miraculously, the ball also rolled just into the safe zone.

"Wh—yes!" Kojo pumped a fist. "Don't know how that happened, but it doesn't matter! Three more!"

2/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/-/-/-)

Hole 15

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings

Luckily, the dragons' arbitrary reasoning to try higher numbered holes eventually brought them to the right place. A wasted trip into the aquarium-like Hole 14 only earned them more time with the ultimate stink bomb, so they were relieved to find the small encampment at its neighbor.

"Special stinky delivery," Hooktail announced. Gloomtail dragged the durians over and flung the sack onto the Pianta chefs' table. They were treated to the exciting knife show, but it did nothing to pique their appetites, especially when the finished products were set before them.

"This doesn't look edible," Hooktail deadpanned. "Is there any way you can, oh I don't know, change the color, or better yet, change that awful odor?"

Amused, the carvers simply grinned. In their opinion, such an exotic smell was simply part of the experience.

"We have a six-hour penalty," Gloomtail reminded her. "Just ignore what you're eating and eat it."

Despite his words, he was equally unwilling. Several seconds later found the two face-deep in durian. Their expressions were priceless.

Hole 8

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends
2/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/-/-/-)

Similarly to their Glitz Pit rivals, the Petalboys were very impressed by the shark rock formation looming high above the fairway. The key difference was that the Koopas faced a much more difficult time overcoming the tall grass near the green.

"Whenever we hit it, the ball has this tendency to fly all over the place," Kory told the camera. "There has been no set trend in where it goes."

"Kor', you're up," Kojo announced. His most recent shot, swing number fifteen, had rolled straight into the bunker.

"We're not very good at this," Kory mused. He unintentionally fired straight for the sand as well.

"Understatement of the year." Sighing, Kojo rummaged through his bag, retrieved another golf ball, and stepped up to the marker to try again with his pitching wedge.

Eventually, Kojo succeeded, landing a ball just within the circle.

"Finally," he breathed, heading over to get proof of completion from the judge.

3/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/8/-/-)

"Make sure we don't miss a single one," Kory stated as he began picking up the golf balls strewn about the area.

"Well, better hope we get lucky, 'cause I sure don't remember how many we hit…"

Hole 15

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings – Currently in 2nd

"You guys are sick," Hooktail complained, nudging away the mostly-empty platter with her snout.

"I know, right? Such schadenfreude," joked the Pianta who handed over the envelope. Hooktail scowled.

"Ignore him," Gloomtail said flatly. "'Make your way to the hole with its own wooden shelter and search for your next clue. Warning: Yield ahead!'"

"If the fighters were smart, they would've already used it," Hooktail stated. "If not, well, I know who I want to put up there!"

They scampered back to their golf cart again before realizing that just getting there would be half the battle.

"Another riddle," Gloomtail groaned. "…Don't all of these hole-thingies have trees?"

"Don't be stupid, they wouldn't call a tree a 'wooden shelter.'" Hooktail immediately criticized his idea.

"Maybe it's a really big tree."

"…Oh, brother…"

"What?"

Hole 10

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings – Currently in 2nd

Regardless of their initial cluelessness, the dragons stumbled their way over to the correct hole and found the game-relevant stands on the pier.

"Yes! Koopinator and Shellshock Yielded Kojo and Kory!" Gloomtail notified. "Instant celebration right there!"

"And all the world rejoiced," Hooktail laughed. Further down the dock, they encountered the clue box. "Roadblock. 'Who's got the tropical beat?' Gloomtail?"

"What? No way, I've already done more than you!"

"I seem to recall someone risking her life to prove a point about golf, the stupidest game on earth, today," Hooktail remarked, feigning an oblivious air.

"Stop wasting time, Hooktail! We have a penalty, if you recall!"

"Oh, alright, alright," Hooktail conceded, scowling. However, she instantly changed her tune when she discovered her challenge. "Dangit, Gloomtail, I hate you! I have to play one of those…those things!"

"Don't you dare quit!" Gloomtail called out warningly. "Ten hours, and we might as well just hop on the next plane home!"

"I hate you so much!" Hooktail reiterated. She stormed into the pagoda, shook some raindrops off (causing complaints by the instrumentalists), and glared around. "Okay. What the heck do I have to do?"

Hole 2

PIERRE & RANA: Dating
0/5 Putts Successful (-/-/-/-/-)

Wet. Cold. Tired. Their last stubs of patience had worn down long ago. Still, the archeologists kept trying.

"I love you so much right now, babe, I really do," Pierre whispered into his girlfriend's ear. She was in the middle of lining up another putt, but held off, smiling faintly at her partner's encouraging words. "Anyone else – even professional golfers – probably would've given up looong before now. I'm so proud."

When the little white sphere suddenly just disappeared from sight, what had happened didn't immediately register. Rana blinked. Once. Twice. Then:

"I DID IT, I DID IT! OH MY GOOOOSH!" she shrieked joyfully, jumping up and down. Catching on, Pierre hopped with her, laughing in disbelief.

1/5 Putts Successful (2/-/-/-/-)

"Four more, four more like that, and we're golden!" Pierre exclaimed, taking control of the motorboat once again.

"Pick up the pace a little, and then we're golden," Rana corrected. "I don't think spending two hours on each hole is going to cut it."

Shaking his head and chuckling a little in relief, Pierre happily patted her shoulder. "Good. Job."

.:Clubhouse:.

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers

"What a way ta go…" Rocko muttered quietly to himself.

It really wasn't fair. After ten long, grueling legs, several of which involved staying afloat in a brutal alliance war, to be done in by a needle-in-a-haystack challenge was an unfitting end to an unbelievable underdog journey. Taking a penalty had popped up in his head as an option with increasing regularity as time wore on, but he really didn't know if it was worth it, or if it would even benefit them in the end.

"ROCKO! ROCKOROCKOROCKO!"

A bewildered bouncer turned. As he laid eyes on her, he felt his thoughts of doubt dissipate, replaced by a surge of hope he never knew he could harbor. Please say what I dink you're gonna say…!

"FOUND IT, HON!" Lahla screamed joyously, holding up a golf ball. "Got a race flag and everythin'!"

"Alright!" Rocko applauded.

"Still in it!" Lahla continued, wading towards the pool's edge. "We've still got a chance!"

At long last, the race bid adieu to the accursed golf ball pool. For poor, victimized Lahla and Rocko, it couldn't have been any sooner.

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers – Currently in Last Place

"'Grab your golf bags and drive your golf cart to the back tee of the hole with three dolphins,'" Lahla read hurriedly. "'Back tee of the hole with three dolphins?'"

"I'm dinkin' dat's Hole Dree," Rocko speculated.

"Exactly what I was thinkin', hon," Lahla agreed. "Let's go! …Oof, that thing is heavy…thanks, hon."

Hole 3
Par 3
Front 155 Y
Back 194 Y

As yet another team made that incorrect assumption, one of the duos that hadn't stepped foot onto the true Hole 3: one large island inhabited by three flamingos. Not dolphins. The social marine species would contentedly rest on one leg for all eternity, but molting was completely out of the question. Two bird bunkers proudly displayed their sand-colored feathers for all the world to see, while the main fairway presented a more unusual coloration of green. Definitely different from the pink plastic icons sneakily ornamenting lawns in their grand plot to take over the world…

PIERRE & RANA: Dating
1/5 Putts Successful (2/-/-/-/-)

"This one's another ten-footer," Pierre noted, shielding the Detour information from the rain.

"And, once again, the hole is directly in the middle of a slope," Rana added, observing the green.

"We can get this," Pierre stated. He placed a golf ball down at the edge of the circle and gave it a tap. No dice. "Come on, babe. I'm betting you'll clear this one, too."

Hole 10

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings

With one steel drum mallet in her mouth, Hooktail slowly and deliberately beat her way through the song.

"There were certain loopholes that really saved my tail on that Roadblock," she recounted. "For instance, even though I told them to slow down, the band wouldn't do it when they played the song for me to learn."

"Slow down! Slow down, dangit! Ugh, I can't follow your hands if you're going so fast – slow! Down!" Naturally, the steel pannist just grinned smoothly and upped the pulse by a few beats per minute, although it was hardly noticeable to Hooktail's untrained ears.

"But, when it was me performing it, they followed me and went at my speed."

The other instrumentalists were a mix between amused and annoyed at the red beast's chosen tempo. It made the normally upbeat tropical jingle sound like either a disjointed slow dance or an undecided burial march.

"All the judge cared about was notes. Not so much on rhythms. I could go as slow as I needed to for thinking time, and as long as it kinda sounded like the original thing, I was okay."

"Okay," said the Pianta with a nod.

"No freakin' way," Gloomtail guffawed. Indeed.

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings – Currently in 2nd

"Told you it would work," Hooktail huffed, her self-righteous air visibly inflating her ego.

"Yeah, yeah, less of that and more reading, sis! Hurry!"

"'Make your way to the next pit stop at Hole 18. The last team to check in will be eliminated!'" she read quickly. "Your turn! Get us there fast!"

"I know, I know! Run, run, come on!" The two sprinted full-force down the wet pier (which wasn't unsafe, nope, not at all) back to their golf cart. After taking this enormous penalty, would Hooktail's Roadblock be their last…?

Hole 2

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers – Currently in Last Place

"Here it is," Lahla trilled, floating up to the clue box. "Hole 2. Who'da thunk it? Det—"

"Wait, why're youse openin' dat one?" Rocko interrupted.

"Huh? What're you talkin' about?" Lahla gave him a confused glance, but plowed on. "'Long Putt or Short Approach. How will you—'"

"What about da Fast Forward?" Reaching over, Rocko brought the green folder into view behind the open yellow one.

"The Fast Forward?" This time, Lahla gave him an "are-you-stupid?" look. "Rocko, are we on the same page? Surely Pierre and Rana've got it by now."

"Guess we're not, and youse don't know dat," Rocko insisted stubbornly. "Just 'cause dey left ahead of us don't mean dey took it."

"Uh, yeah it does. They'd have to be stupid not to, and we both know they're not. Now stop wastin' time. Which Detour side should we pick?"

"Neider, 'cause we're lookin' at da Fast Forward first."

"What is up with you and this weird fixation on the Fast Forward, Rocko? I'm tellin' you, it's smarter to stick with the main track here!" Lahla argued.

"You don't know dat Pierre and Rana took da Fast Forward."

"Doesn't matter! Do you know how long we were in that pool, hon? That was more than enough time for them to win it!"

"Let me see dat," Rocko demanded, swiping the green folder. He did his best to shield it from the rain with his body while he read. "Dis sounds manageable."

"My stars, Rocko, did all that time in the pool make you lose your mind?" Lahla quizzed rhetorically. "I am tellin' you, we are not wastin' time lookin' for somethin' that's already gone."

"Humor me just dis once," Rocko demanded. "We're already in last anyway."

"What? That's terrible reasoning! The time we waste drivin' out there – heck, the time we're wastin' arguin' right now could be better spent catchin' up on the Detour!"

"My gut instinct tells me dat we have a chance on da Fast Forward," Rocko maintained, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"…Yeah, you've lost it," Lahla concluded flatly. "I pick 'Long Putt.' Come on, Rocko, back in the cart. I'm drivin'."

"No. I'm drivin'. We're goin' ta Hole 9 ta check on da Fast Forward."

"No we ar—hey!" A shocked Lahla found herself bumped aside into the passenger seat. She managed to have enough wits about her to swipe the keys before Rocko could start the cart. "Oh my gosh, Rocko, what is wrong with you today?"

"I should be askin' youse da same question. Here youse are, closing a possibility dat might end up savin' our 'hinds."

"Rocko. Get. Out. Of the car."

"No. Gimme da keys."

"No! Get out of the driver's seat!"

"Gimme da keys."

"Move!"

"Keys."

"ROCKO! We are wastin' time! Seriously, get a grip! They've already got the Fast Forward!"

"Youse don't know dat," Rocko stressed. "It's betta ta check fer ourselves dan just make dat assumption. You're not always right, y'know."

"I nevuh said I was always right, and I dunno where you got that crazy idea, but in this case, I am, so please, let me drive."

"Gimme da keys. We're goin' ta da Fast Forward."

Lahla narrowed her eyes, sighing and frowning in utter disbelief and frustration. She had no clue when or where Rocko acquired this insane notion that the Fast Forward was still available. Several hours had passed since Pierre and Rana left the Clubhouse. Several hours. More than enough time to claim the Fast Forward, whatever it was. Rather than waste time accommodating this ridiculous idea, they needed to get a move-on along the main track in hopes of catching up. Not sit here, arguing like the –tails.

We're in last, it's not smart to try for it, we'll be playing right into their hands… Mind racing with a million thoughts a second, Lahla recognized only one thing as a definitive fact: they needed to compromise. Now.

"…Know what? Fine," she caved in at last. "But when we see the 'Fast Forward Taken' sign, you better be ready to haul it, hon."

Hole 18

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings

Running up to the mat with an even bigger penalty than before, the dragons just genuinely did not know how to feel. Whether to be angry with the producers for allowing such an unfairly-designed leg to pass or with themselves for being so ill-equipped to tackle such an assignment or neither of the above was simply too much to think about at the moment. Their bodies seemed to lag, acquiring more and more dread with each step. And who could blame them? Six. HOURS.

"Welcome to Bloo—"

"We know." "Thanks."

Sherry had the decency to continue smiling despite the interruptions.

"Gloomtail and Hooktail, you are the second team to arrive." Miles wasted no time cutting to the chase. His voice, his countenance – his entire being was abnormally solemn. Quite frankly, it freaked them out. "But yeah, you quit the Detour…"

Silent flashback footage played of Hooktail's failed golf swing and their subsequent declaration at Hole 13.

"…so you have to wait six hours before I can check you in."

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings – Penalty Time Remaining: 5:59:59

"In the rain," he added as an afterthought. Great.

Today the entire universe hated them. Having gone without raingear since entering Blooper Bay, the uncaring dragons dragged themselves under a palm tree for its negligible cover. They had just been sentenced to wait six long, agonizing hours of uncertainty and anxiety in the cold rain. At least the sky would cry along with them at the time of their elimination.

"This sucks." Hooktail said miserably. "This sucks so bad."

Hole 9

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers

"What?" Lahla gaped in disbelief. "Pierre and Rana didn't take the Fast Forward? Are you pullin' my tail?"

"Um, no…?" The Lakitu wasn't sure if his answer was right or not when the Kitty Boo suddenly dive bombed her teammate.

"Rocko you miracle worker oh my stars I freakin' love ya hon!" she babbled. "How did you know that?"

"Gut instinct," he grunted, fishing a driver from his burnt orange bag.

After witnessing her partner's uncanny ability to speedily adapt to aim-based challenges time and time again, Lahla had no doubts he would excel at golf, his lack of prior experience notwithstanding. Sure enough, the golf club fell into his hand perfectly (from her perspective, at least), and he swung like someone who'd spent hours under the watchful eye of a clinician (okay, maybe an exaggeration). Overhead cameras caught the golf ball's magnificent slicing flight away from the tee…and its arc into the water.

"…I'm guessin' dat's a bad ding." Rocko muttered.

"Yes. Hitting into a water hazard adds a penalty stroke to your score, so you now have eight more strokes," the Lakitu supplied before flying off to retrieve the ball.

Stroke Count: 2

"…Er…it's prob'ly better than what I'll do, hon," Lahla offered helpfully, hopping into the passenger side of the golf cart. Rocko groaned.

Hole 11

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends
3/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/8/-/-)

If landing the shot from the rough on Hole 8 had been a challenge, accomplishing it on Hole 11 bordered on herculean. Having smacked away at the marked area long enough to pepper a series of unattractive bald spots into the grass (in other words, damaging the seahorse's eye), the Koopas began to consider exercising the flexibility of "Short Approach" by trying their luck on other holes.

"We might get it in the next ten shots or the next ten hundred," Kojo argued. "All I'm saying is that some of the other holes don't have us starting from this heavy grass. It's killing us."

"It's more time lost," Kory reasoned, unconvinced. "Like you just said, we might get it within the next ten."

"We might not." Kojo shot back immediately. Sighing in frustration, the two looked at each other long and hard. No doubt about it, the idea of giving up was unappealing. The big question was whether or not any long-term benefits would come out of it.

"…Obviously we can't just stand here arguing about it," Kory pointed out. He took his place at the marker and gave it another go. It was a flubbed shot that was more grass than anything else.

"Kor', I'm serious." Kojo had already replaced his golf club in the bag. "It's my turn to swing, and I'm not going to make it. Help me pick up the balls again."

Kory rolled his eyes, almost unable to believe that he'd just been strong-armed into this decision by a technicality. Recognizing that no good would come out of reopening an already decided dispute, he obeyed.

"It's the fairway on Hole 12," Kojo informed him reassuringly once they were back in their golf cart and on the move. "It'll be easier."

Hole 9

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers

Rocko took longer to adjust to golf than any of his previous breakout challenges, but once he started getting into the swing of things, their chances began to look promising. Only one of his naturally large, fingerless hands could reasonably fit on the thin club at a time, so each swing was a risky one-handed affair that would deal most orthodox clinicians an aneurysm. But he made the improbable work, and that was all that mattered. What he lacked in aim, he made up for with increasingly consistent distance. By their fifth overall iteration at the hole, his opening drive traveled a solid 250 yards and miraculously landed in the fairway.

"Shoot!"

Lahla, on the other hand, never hit her stride during her many attempts. In fact, she rarely hit anything but air. Her round body structure forced her to adopt a similar one-handed stance that involved lots and lots of spinning and lots and lots of whiffing.

"Urgh, I keep missin' the dang ball!" she griped in dismay, dizzily floating away to give Rocko space.

With most of her strokes ending as such phenomenal failures, the handicap for the Fast Forward essentially disappeared. The question transformed from "Can Lahla and Rocko finish within ten strokes?" to "Can Rocko finish within five?" Or rather, "Can Rocko basically meet the level of an experienced golfer and finish within par?" While this game and their performance in it apparently thrived on making the impossible possible, Lahla knew enough not to expect miracles.

However, that didn't mean she wasn't receptive to one happening. Oh, most certainly not!

Unfortunately, Rocko himself buried their present campaign, tragically hitting the ball into the water.

"We gotta go back to the start," she decided. "This 'un's no good."

Exasperated that he'd ruined such a decent setup, Rocko tiredly addressed her with a none-too-receptive expression.

"C'mon, Rocko, ya know there's no chance of finishin' the hole like this," Lahla pressed. "We're hittin' outta the tall grass again, with an extra stroke!"

An internal debate flashed behind Rocko's sunglasses. After a few tense moments he finally relented, nodding slowly.

"…Right. Get in da cart."

Looking back on this moment later on, Rocko felt proud that, despite their arguments earlier in the day, he could still trust her judgment.

Hole 3

PIERRE & RANA: Dating
1/5 Putts Successful (2/-/-/-/-)

Meanwhile, the other team technically still in contention for the Fast Forward found themselves questioning their own judgment. Rana's random success on Hole 2 was now but a distant memory and a repressed spark, long overrun by numerous instances of failure and desperation. Every new ten-foot putt elevated their hopes, only to slam them back down harder and harder with each miss. Digging for the unknown existed like a skill to them, as evidenced by their occupations and track record in similar tasks. Hitting a ball with a stick, on the other hand, did not. Their current performance told all.

"No matter how many times we readjust our aim or hit the ball just a little harder, it doesn't make any difference," Pierre wearily explained to the camera. Behind him, Rana let out another sound of disappointment. Not enough power. "…Even if we're getting better at this, even marginally, success isn't measured in improvement."

"Golf is not our thing," Rana added, moseying up next to him, ball in hand. "…Your turn, babe."

Pierre swept some accumulated water from the fur around his eyes, sighed, and ventured over to the circle to go through the motions again.

"…Do you think it's worth trying to switch?" He halfheartedly lined up the shot and tapped the ball. His bad club-holding on this attempt caused it to go way off.

"…I really don't know." Between her putts, Rana had started taking temporary shelter under the golf cart's cover. Refuge from the rain, even for only a few moments, gave her something to look forward to and helped dispel this uncomfortable notion of a depraved beggar trying to ride out the storm. To get such imagery while on a world-famous resort and golf course made her feel thankless, but she could forgive herself, considering her circumstances. "…We did so horribly on the Fast Forward. I don't know how it'll be any different…"

"…Your turn," Pierre said, retrieving her from her musings. She slowly moved her head in acknowledgment and stepped back out under the downpour.

Hole 12

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends
3/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/8/-/-)

The moment Kojo swung his first shot on the seagull-themed hole was the moment the Petalboys knew they had made the right decision. Increased distance versus rough grass? Hardly a difficult choice. Their only qualm was that they had not switched holes sooner.

"We have to use a little more power in these swings, and the change is affecting our aim," Kory analyzed. "Still, we're way better off here than we were on Hole 11. Our approaches have come a lot closer to the target area."

As his teammate stepped forward to take his turn, Kojo took his place before the camera with a small smile.

"Once we get this, we aren't going back to Hole 11, that's for sure."

Sooner, rather than later, Kory managed to land a shot directly into the marked circle. It was not a chip-in, which would have completed their scorecard, but neither Koopa could complain after such a long drought between new signatures. Kojo hollered in excitement as pencil met cardstock.

4/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/8/12/-)

The village gatekeepers took their time on Hole 11 into serious consideration as they planned their final move. Unfortunately, no more generous fairway shots were available; they had to really weigh their options to deduce the lesser of the two evils. Every last available detail regarding the remaining two holes' lay and green conditions was quickly scrutinized, compared, and noted. In the end, they decided the additional distance to Hole 16 would be worth it.

"Just one more, and we'll finally be done," Kojo remarked, lightly knocking a fist into his teammate's shoulder.

"Let's just hope it was fast enough to survive," Kory reminded him.

Hole 9

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers

Similarly to their rival teams remaining on the racecourse, the Pianta Parlor employees had long ago lost count of the number of times they had to reattempt the challenge. However, that figure no longer mattered in their eyes. Because now, it finally looked like they realistically had a chance.

Swing Count: 8

Rocko's fourth swing, an approach shot from the fairway, had landed their ball onto the green. Approximately only five feet stood between his final stroke and the Fast Forward award. No offense to Lahla, but they both knew this final touch rested on his shoulders. Her only successful club-to-ball contact during this attempt had sent the ball spinning sideways a few inches. Leaving their fate in the hands of that kind of…well, skill (or lack thereof)… It did not sound promising. Hence, they wanted to avoid it. Desperately. They were so close!

"C'mon, Rockster, c'mon…" Lahla whispered. "You can do it…"

Both of them were painfully aware of the other big problem here. Having never reached the green in four strokes before, this was Rocko's first time putting. Ever. While all these attempts had given him practice in generally making the ball go aerial, he had not obtained any experience whatsoever in his ground game. Perfection, on his first try? The pressure was on.

"You can do it…" Lahla quietly repeated, like a mantra. Like a magic spell. "You can do it…" Left unsaid was the worry that if he did not, she would have to. And…she really did not want to think about that.

Steadily exhaling, Rocko jadedly studied the distance one more time. His sunglasses masked his eyes from the camera, but his tense posture betrayed his nervousness. Last shot. Make it count.

He practiced the motion of bringing his putter to the side in a level arc four times before stepping forward to the ball. The bullets of sweat slowly dripping down his face were indistinguishable amongst the many raindrops racing down his yellow skin.

Thud.

"…" Lahla slowly let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

"Drat…" Rocko muttered. He had not remembered to take the wet green into account. Thus, his putt lacked the necessary power, petering out quickly to a stop a yard from the cup. An apologetic glance to his dejected Kitty Boo partner had an unintended effect: suddenly, she felt all the pressure transfer onto her incapable shoulders. And immediately, she wanted to give up. Because there was no way she could do this.

Swing Count: 9

"…Um…" Lahla bit her lip. She locked eyes with him pleadingly.

"Please…just try," Rocko shook his head. "Put some power into it and aim…slightly to da left, I dink…?"

"I really don't—"

"Try." Rocko insisted. "Please."

Frowning, Lahla slid the otherwise untouched putter from her own burnt orange bag. She looked between the ball and the cup balefully, but quickly decided it was not enough. Hovering over, she floated the distance and gauged the terrain. A barely noticeable reduction in the necessary levitation force informed her that a slight downward slope was present, and the hill's normal force enlightened her that aiming to the right would counter the gradient. Though unsure how this information would translate under these rainy conditions, Lahla knew everything was still important somehow.

Without her umbrella, she felt the constant pitter-patter of the raindrops against her apparitional body. It made her want to turn both transparent and invisible so badly at this moment…

She brought her arm back, hoped for the best, and followed through.

Swing Count: 10

When the pasty white sphere suddenly disappeared from sight, everyone believed it to be an illusion. Lahla in particular looked on with incredulity. It wasn't until the awestruck Lakitu fished the golf ball from the cup that everything registered and the duo went hogwild.

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers – Currently in 3rd Place

"OHMIGOSH! OHMIGOSH! OHMIGOSH! NOWAYYY!" Lahla screamed happily, bouncing up and down in sheer disbelief. Uncharacteristically overcome with emotion, Rocko grabbed her and initiated a fierce hug.

"Good job!" Major understatement. Still, Lahla squeezed back just as tightly.

"Couldn't have done it without ya, hon!" She squeaked giddily.

"For clearing this hole, you may now proceed to the pirate ship to claim your bounty," the Lakitu notified them, unable to remove his own smile.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Lahla cheered, eagerly floating over to and invading the docked vessel. Treasure chests, pirate ships, and to top it all off, little ol' her defying the odds? It was a total rehash of the previous two legs, but overcoming such a formidable obstacle made it that much more special! Within the lone container on the top deck, Lahla discovered the coveted Fast Forward award. Rocko dutifully shielded it with his hands, allowing her to read, "'Congratulations! You may now make your way to the pit stop at Hole 18—'"

Miles: "Having won the Fast Forward, Lahla and Rocko may now skip all tasks and proceed to the pit stop. I'm sure you already know where it is."

"Pit stop, pit stop, pit stop, pit stop! Finally!" Lahla squealed. "Hurryhurryhurry, let's go!"

Once back inside the golf cart, reality slowly but surely filtered back in. The sobering possibility still existed that their horrendously long time at the Fast Forward site actually rendered it useless.

"Please…I hope all this wasn't for nothin'…" Lahla murmured anxiously. Keep the hope alive!

Hole 16
Par 4
Front 402 Y
Back 431 Y

Towering majestically over the hilly landscape bearing Hole 16's furious wavelike bunkers and beach, the gray and blue lighthouse steadfastly preserved its role as a rustic touch in a technologically enhanced world. It stood barely fifty yards from the approach shot marker located within the center of the three-pointed bunker framing one portion of the green.

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends
4/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/8/12/-)

Twenty yards of distance and one yard of elevation. That, plus grains and grains of sand. The final test between the Koopas and their final signature. It wouldn't be easy, they held no illusions about that, but they favored their chances here over more untamed grass at the aquatic animal-themed Hole 14.

"Shoot…" Kojo grimaced, watching yet another ball land but three yards in front of him.

For some reason, their hours of on-the-task training failed to kick in, even with a similar experience on Hole 7 and its sandy lay under their belt. But at long last, Kory lucked out, hitting an approach onto the outer edge of the target.

"Aw, yes!" Kojo clapped. "Free at last!"

5/5 Approaches Successful (5/7/8/12/16)

"Well, we did it." Kojo started up the golf cart.

"Took us long enough…" Kory stated wryly.

Hole 18

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings – Penalty Time Remaining: 4:18:41

Production had taken special care to make necessary accommodations for the rain. Miles, Sherry, and several members of the filming crew shared a tent that was hidden from most of the preplanned camera angles at the check-in mat. Some time after the beginning of their penalty, the dragons also found themselves with shelter; Sherry had graciously showed mercy, permitting them to take cover when a cameraman who'd witnessed their rudeness jokingly delegated the decision to her.

However, the roof over their heads did nothing for them. What was the point? Allowing a dying animal to spend one last night indoors wouldn't change its death come morning. In fact, both brother and sister were flat-out insulted that Miles refused to "SAVE US OUR SANITIES AND ELIMINATE US ALREADY!"

Hooktail's demand was followed by a flurry of angry team-up tirades that almost made the normally happy-go-lucky host ignore them when they contradicted themselves by insisting they didn't want to quit. Their camera content past that point lacked the usual bite, so the interviewers quit for the meantime.

When another team arrived, the dragons barely stopped themselves from dashing back out into the rain to extinguish their dying flames.

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers

"Welcome to Blooper Bay," Sherry greeted.

"Thanks, hon!" Lahla chirped, Rocko echoing the sentiment at a lower volume.

"Lahla and Rocko?" Miles managed a grim countenance, holding out long enough for the Kitty Boo's hopeful expression to droop. "…You're team number two!"

LAHLA & ROCKO: Coworkers – 2nd Place

Screaming delightedly, Lahla again leapt onto Rocko in a celebratory hug, while he just sagged forward in disbelieving relief.

"Turnin' a day from disaster and despair ta victory and accomplishment? Only this here race can plunge a girl through such an emotional rollercoaster and leave her smilin' at the end of the day and wantin' more." Flying solo in her interview, Lahla beamed with the intensity of a thousand stars. "I've never been happier and more proud to be here!"

"Second, second, second!" she repeated, still dazzled by the revelation.

Hole 13

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends – Currently in 4th Place

"I have no idea what we're digging up," professed a sand-covered Kojo, "but if it tastes as bad as it smells, I don't think I'm going to enjoy it."

"As long as we're not golfing, I have no complaints." Kory quipped.

A sudden spurt of foul air from the uncovered sack smacked them in the face.

"…You were saying?" Kojo asked, blinking rapidly in an effort to clear his watering eyes. Once his coughing fit ended, Kory fixed his partner with an annoyed look.

"This whole leg is one extended torture session."

Silently agreeing, Kojo hauled the fruits over to the golf cart.

Hole 3

PIERRE & RANA: Dating
1/5 Putts Successful (2/-/-/-/-)

"We must be so behind right now…" Rana moaned, kneading her forehead tiredly. Off-screen, Pierre cursed at yet another miss.

"After we left the Clubhouse, we didn't see another team for hours. It was extremely nerve-wracking. We had no idea what our position was in relation to everyone else."

"Babe, I'm… I'm having second thoughts. Maybe we should switch…?"

"Are you sure?" Pierre instantly inquired.

"Um...no?"

"Well alright, then. There you go."

"Our minds and bodies were shot," asserted Rana. "Searching the pool of golf balls drained us, but all those hours in the rain, going through the same motions and getting absolutely nowhere sent us over the edge. We'd never invested so much time into a challenge. It was frightening."

"…Okay. I think we should switch now," Rana decided shakily.

"Are you sure?" Pierre repeated. "That one putt came really close—"

"But all the others after it sucked. I don't think we can finish this."

"A while ago, you reasoned that 'we gave up on the Fast Forward, so we can't do "Short Approach,"'" Pierre reminded her. "Make up your mind, will you?"

"Now I want to switch, Pierre. Maybe we have a shot, okay?"

"You're not making any sense…"

"And we'd randomly start bickering with each other. It hurt, how much the stress had gotten to our heads. It really hurt."

"…Fine." Pierre turned to the camera and gruffly declared, "We're changing to the other side of the Detour."

Hours of effort, thrown away and wasted. Just like that.

Hole 15

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends

"This is one of the most disgusting things I've ever eaten in my life," Kojo remarked, a hand pinching his nostrils closed. Beside him, Kory fought to keep his gag reflex from activating. Eventually the threat in the back of his throat retreated, and he removed the fist from over his mouth.

"Makes two of us," Kory agreed humorlessly. He carefully inserted a durian flower into his mouth and began chewing, the disgust still readable despite his face's movements.

Without warning, he heard an odd gagging noise to his left. Kory made the mistake of questioningly looking over just in time to see Kojo puke all over the table.

It was yellow.

Several thoughts zoomed through Kory's mind, attempting to process all at once. Only one succeeded. Kory obeyed it, and within the span of a second, he redirected his head just in time to puke all over the grass.

If the durians hadn't smelled like vomit before, they most certainly did now.

Hole 5

PIERRE & RANA: Dating
0/5 Approaches Successful (-/-/-/-/-)

What little "instruction" the Squeeks received from the first "Short Approach" moderator did nothing to assist their game. However, after a few practice (but serious) shots into the sun-shaped green, they were shocked to discover the teensiest of trends in improvement.

"Too little, too late?" Pierre voiced confusedly.

"Better late than never," Rana quoted firmly. Pierre acknowledged it with a small smile.

Following hours of aimless failure, the welcome change encouraged them forward.

Hole 15

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends

Wisely choosing to switch tables, the Koopas put as much space between them and the durian-vomit mixture as possible. Though the place currently stunk to high heaven, they wouldn't let their recent setbacks halt their forward momentum again.

"I can't think of many people who'd wipe off their food and continue eating it after what just happened," Kory complimented quietly between bites. "You're a real trooper, Kojo."

"You and me both—we're both troopers," Kojo corrected his friend. "I love it!"

Both of them diligently worked to clean their platters, intentionally avoiding the unpleasant stains marring Kojo's shell. He ate slower than Kory due to the threatening nausea fuel still camouflaging into some of his remaining flowers, and more than once had to stop and just breathe to drive those unwanted feelings back and consciously force his body into check. Kory supportively murmured calming words during those instances, and no further retching occurred.

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends – Currently in 4th Place

"Thank the stars," Kojo breathed out in relief once the Piantas took the dishes away.

"'Make your way to the hole with its own wooden shelter and search for your next clue. Warning: Yield ahead,'" Kory read urgently.

"…That's not good," deadpanned Kojo. "We better haul tail over there…"

"Question is, where's 'there?'"

Hole 5

PIERRE & RANA: Dating
0/5 Approaches Successful (-/-/-/-/-)

After some time of blind approaches from the fairway, Pierre finally obtained their first ray of sunshine. The same deceiving phenomenon had struck for their first score on "Long Putt," so the couple didn't celebrate much.

1/5 Approaches Successful (5/-/-/-/-)

"Just four more," Rana whispered optimistically, placing a hand over his on the steering wheel.

Hole 10

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends

The moment the athletes entered the hole, they feared the worst.

"Should've expected this…" Kory muttered, hopes already dashed. Even from afar, the presence of pictures plastered onto the Yield board was still somewhat visible despite the rainfall. "Someone's used it."

A few seconds more, and they were close enough to confirm it. Kojo brought the golf cart to an abrupt stop and lashed out, startling his partner.

"Argh, we've been Yielded by Koopinator and Shellshock!" He resentfully stomped up to the stand and glared daggers at the fighters' picture. Two seconds later he deflated, the momentary burst of emotion gone. Tiredly he mumbled a "Dangit!" and flipped the hourglass over.

Having joined his partner in time out, Kory sighed in annoyance. They both longingly contemplated their makeshift golf cart shelter at dock's end.

"By that point, we had no idea what place we were in, but we were almost fully convinced we were last because we'd taken so long with everything," Kory recalled. "With that kind of perspective, the Yield seemed rather…superfluous. It was just another obstacle keeping us from reaching the pit stop and ending it already."

Hole 7

PIERRE & RANA: Dating
1/5 Approaches Successful (5/-/-/-/-)

As quick as it had come, the earlier wind in the archeologists' sails had disappeared. Much to their dismay, the volcano's sand flow presented an entirely different set of problems from the previous hole's fairway lay.

"I don't know how much more I can take of this." A disbelieving Rana looked down at the dimpled sphere that had traveled all of six inches. Stupid sand. Their never-ending troubles spawned from infinite golf balls and infinite grains of sand, it seemed. What next?

"You and me both." Pierre glanced at their two scorecards, each soaked through and through yet only bearing one signature to show for all their troubles. He frowned and bit his lip. "…As much as I hate to say it…quitting sounds like a fantastic option right about now…"

Hole 10

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends – Currently in 4th Place

"Roadblock. 'Who's got the tropical beat?'" Kojo read. The two naturally made the connection to the festive Calypso band they'd been listening to. "What do you think, Kory?"

"I'm not feeling much but a pounding head from an eminent headache, but I guess I can take it," Kory sighed.

After watching the steel drummer perform through the song once, he instantly regretted volunteering.

Hole 18

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings – Penalty Time Remaining: 3:20:34

"The hours ticked on by SO slowly," Hooktail emphasized.

Cue obligatory shot of two zombified dragons sitting forlornly under the tent. Narrations from the younger of the two continued while this depressing image remained on-screen.

"This leg was like a leg from the netherworld—it was insanely difficult, and it showed. The Koopas and the Squeeks took forever to check in. Inside I got more and more pissed with each passing second they didn't show their faces, but I simply had no energy to express much of anything except anxiety while we waited."

Close-up of Hooktail's tense, but otherwise neutral face. She blinked. An inaudible comment from her off-screen brother drew her attention, and she civilly replied something before they lapsed back into silence.

"At the same time, I was holding onto this ridiculous hope that they wouldn't show up. So, in my head, I had this conflicting battle of 'Hurry up already! Hurry up already!' and 'Stay lost. Stay confused. Stay helpless.' Combine that with the constant chant of 'We're so doomed.' I was going insane."

Movement. Gloomtail and Hooktail struggled free from their funk when another marked golf cart finally completed its slow procession over the space-themed hole. The distance separating them from the pit stop and the uninterrupted rain effectively prevented them from eavesdropping, so they squinted and attempted to read lips instead.

UNKNOWN TEAM

"Welcome to Blooper Bay," Sherry greeted. She failed to maintain impartiality; the unbelievably visible haggardness of the drenched duo standing before her pulled her heartstrings.

"Thank you."

Miles gazed between the two racers, drawing out the suspense longer than normal. They flinched when he finally spoke.

"Kojo and Kory?"

Uncertain what the Yoshi would say next, the Petalburg Koopas stared forward at him with grave expressions.

"…You are the fourth team to arrive."

Like a light switch, the shocked gate guarders flipped moods instantly. They weren't last? Say what?

"On top of that, someone else is actually waiting out a penalty, so…" Here Miles broke out into a face-breaking grin. "You're team number three!"

KOJO & KORY: Childhood Friends – 3rd Place

"Oh my gosh!" Ecstatic with this news, the two momentarily tossed aside their exhaustion and celebrated harder than after some of their first-place finishes, hugging tightly and repeating that phrase over and over amidst other relieved babble.

"We overcame a huge time deficit, a Speed Bump, and a Yield, and we're still here." Kojo smirked and jabbed towards the camera. "Koopinator and Shellshock, you better watch your backs. It's so on now, and you're going down."

An indiscriminate period of time passed.

The rain continued.

Gloomtail and Hooktail continued to suffer.

But at long last, the final golf cart journeyed down to the green.

A familiar dating couple walked onto the mat, holding hands and smiling faintly.

"Welcome to Blooper Bay." Sherry shook hands with the two mask-wearing mice.

"Thank you very much."

"Pierre and Rana?"

Miles sternly looked between the two competitors. Pierre had drawn Rana close in a side-hug. They stood there, ready and waiting to accept the verdict.

"…You're the last team to arrive."

Somber nods. Rana wiped something from beneath her eye. Whether raindrop or teardrop was impossible to call.

"…And, as I understand it, you had to quit the Detour?"

"Yeah. It was just too much for us, unfortunately…" Pierre sighed sadly.

Flashback footage played of Pierre and Rana handing their incomplete scorecards in at Hole 13. They kept hands clamped over their sensitive noses during the transaction.

"For that, you have incurred a six-hour penalty."

These words caught the Squeeks off guard. They glanced at each other in confusion.

Why was it necessary to administer a penalty when they were already last?

"Gloomtail and Hooktail are over there waiting out their own six hours because they also quit the Detour."

Ah. So that's why.

"Despite that, it's still conclusive. The numbers don't lie—you'd still be the last team to check in." Miles sadly delivered the final blow. "With that, I'm really sorry to tell you that you've both been eliminated from the race."

PIERRE & RANA: Dating
Finish Place – 5th (ELIMINATED)

Shakily, Rana turned to Pierre for comfort and they hugged tightly.

"It's okay…" He soothed. "You have no idea how proud I am of you…"

Suffice to say, this display greatly bewildered the dragons when they were finally brought up to receive their own placement.

GLOOMTAIL & HOOKTAIL: Siblings – 4th Place

"I couldn't have asked for a better time. Our relationship is stronger than ever, and I'm so thankful," Pierre explained genuinely. Throughout their joint interview clips, he had an arm slung around his girlfriend. "We came onto the race mainly to get back together, and this bonding experience made it happen and more. Although we fell a little bit short, I feel that we're both winners."

Flashback footage played of the two having to devour durians following the unpleasant discovery of Kojo and Kory's accidental vomit fest.

"If we haven't dispelled the image that all we stuffy archeologists do all day is peer through magnifying glasses, dust rocks with our little brushes, and play in the sandbox, I don't know what else we have to do," Rana joked. "We apparently can't hit a ball with a stick to save our lives—"

"Apparently not," Pierre chimed in, laughing.

"—but we still accomplished a lot and got to experience so many incredible things."

Flashback footage played of Rana providing the steel drum beat for the Calypso band's song with a nearby Pierre cheering, clapping, and dancing along.

"The most important things I'll take away from this," Pierre stated conclusively, "are what I learned about myself, what I learned about Rana, what I learned about the amazing world around us, and what I learned about life. Call me just another dumb lover, but after this race, I firmly believe that some people are worth giving up everything else for. I was a fool to leave her hanging the way I did, but I'm glad we patched things up before things took a different turn."

Pierre and Rana shared a chaste, brief kiss and then looked back to the camera, beaming.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

(Blooper Bay Pit Stop – Resting Period)

After essentially camping out in the wilderness during the Leg 10 pit stop, the four remaining teams hadn't exactly looked forward to more of the same at Hole 18. Much to everyone's glee, however, their accommodations were a fancy set of secluded beach houses not far from the elevated pit start.

The rain refused to cease.

Several hours after they'd finished debriefing, interviews, and all that immediate post-leg jazz, Fast Forward winners Lahla and Rocko found a valet service knocking at their door. His directions forced the half-asleep Lahla to abandon their laundry and a half-bathed Rocko to make himself decent before they were shuttled out to another lodging, this one considerably more spacious than their individual space. An equally clueless Kojo and Kory were herded in through the front doors behind them, but when the four entered a fireplace-heated sitting room already containing the two other duos, they came to the rapid realization of what was going on.

Coming into close quarters with their rivals for the first time since the Leg 10 pit start, the victimized Koopas shared an interesting silent conversation with the responsible back-to-back first place finishers, Koopinator and Shellshock. Thanks for the Yield, but we're still here. Game on.

However, that trade of challenging glares quickly fell asunder to the true reason they had all been gathered together so suddenly.

Gloomtail and Hooktail knew they were the team of the hour, and the others knew it as well. The Leg 9 Hazard had handsomely rewarded them with one of the game's most powerful abilities, and it was time for them to finally unleash its wrath. Seated commandingly at the head of the room, the dragon siblings enjoyed watching their competitors squirm in uncertainty and fear. How delicious!

Miles strolled in carrying a colorful tropical smoothie. He obliviously emptied the glass before several sets of envious eyes and got the proceedings rolling underway.

"And a good evening to this season's Final Four!" Tense silence. Slightly confused, he lowered his outstretched hands. "Gee, tough crowd," he muttered under his breath. Lahla clapped once. His face brightened. He cleared his throat and continued, "So I'm sure everyone here probably knows what's going on by now. Gloomtail and Hooktail, if you'll take it away…?"

Wearing smarmy little smirks, the quadrupeds delighted in lapping up every single moment of this power shift. Taking their sweet time, they pranced down the center, eyeing the others like predators on the hunt.

"Guess what, boys and girls?" Gloomtail called out.

"It's Mismatch Rod time!" The two siblings sang in off-key unison.

An unimpressed Koopinator rolled his eyes and bit out, "Just get on with it."

"Ooh, touchy." Hooktail giggled evilly. "…I guess you have good reason, though."

"Shoot…" Shellshock dropped his face into his hands. Koopinator scowled and glared at them angrily.

"Lahla and Rocko?" Gloomtail turned the focus to the other male-female team still alive.

The casino girl fearfully gazed at the black poison-breather's feet. The bouncer stared fearlessly into his eyes. Smirking, Gloomtail didn't back down from the challenge.

"Huh… We're going through this in check-in order," he realized, feigning airiness. "I feel like a host." Rocko's glare bore into him. "…Relax with the leering, Sir Jaundice!"

"As if we'd waste this on you two," Hooktail added.

Lahla pouted, mixed feelings washing over her. Kojo and Kory tensed. By process of elimination…

"Snackbites, you can sit back too," Hooktail told them. "You're not involved."

"Yup," Gloomtail confirmed to the room of stunned faces. "We're taking down public enemy number one from the inside out! …PSYCHE!"

Kojo and Kory felt their hearts stop again.

"Kory, say hello to your new best buddy: Koopinator! Shellshock, meet Kojo!" Hooktail said cheerfully. "Boy meet boy times two!"

"Alright, here's how things'll go down," Miles cut in. "Kojo and Shellshock, Kory and Koopinator…you will both leave at the median of your original pit start times. Some monetary compensation is provided to you for this obstacle, as you'll receive twice the amount of the other two teams at the beginning of the next leg. How you split your funds is up to you."

Former enemies, forced to put aside their rivalry to work together and survive. Warily regarding each other from opposite sides of the room, the two Koopa teams knew not what the future would bring…except that the penultimate leg would be, without a doubt, their most difficult challenge yet.

"Gloomtail and Hooktail. For activating the Mismatch Rod, you will incur a half-hour penalty at each pit stop from this point on, Finish Line included if you make it there," continued Miles. "As you know by now, any team can check in during that period to drop your placement. It's a big risk, but it's too late to turn back."

"Thanks, Captain Obvious. We can handle things from here," Gloomtail retorted sarcastically.

"Well…have fun, everyone! I don't envy you guys, that's for sure," Miles concluded, leaving the room shortly thereafter.

"…We are so screwed," Shellshock agonized.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

Blaise: "Next time, on the two-part season finale of the Amazing Race—

"A season notorious for its alliance wars comes full-circle."

Conferencing together in an airport terminal, Gloomtail and Hooktail had Lahla and Rocko pinned down.

"It's imperative we work together because, let's face it, if both of them make it to the finals…" Hooktail trailed off.

"Whichever one of us is in there with them will have almost no chance of winning." Gloomtail warned.

"We're united here today for a common cause!" Lahla dramatically proclaimed. "To eliminate a threat!"

"Nice doing business with you." Gloomtail smirked.

For the two Koopa teams, their alliance began even earlier.

"No matter what, we must stay together." Koopinator interviewed alongside Shellshock. "Our survival depends on it."

"Seriously, who would've thought we'd ever be in an alliance with them?" Kory queried, Kojo nodding in agreement. "It's surreal."

"Let's leave it all out there," proposed Kojo before ripping open his envelope.

"However, Mismatch Rod victims Kojo and Shellshock struggle to cooperate."

"You don't know this person like you know your partner," Kory explained in an interview.

"Dude, when I say turn left," Kojo made a 'Duh!" pose, "turn left! It's not that hard!"

"Shut up and stop yelling at me!" Shellshock rejoined. "You gave me zero warning time—it's not my fault!"

"But after surviving over eight hours' worth of penalties in previous legs, could siblings Gloomtail and Hooktail ultimately be shut down by thirty minutes?"

"If we see them on the horizon, we're dead," Gloomtail muttered bitterly.

"We're so close to the end. So. Close." Hooktail shuffled on her feet, on the brink of tears. "Please…"

"One thing is guaranteed. One of these four teams—"

Rapid shots of Koopinator and Shellshock performing the parasol dance.

Lahla and Rocko pumping the oil transport platform.

Kojo and Kory grinding rails on skateboards.

And Gloomtail and Hooktail anchoring their eco-friendly newspaper segment.

"—will watch weeks of effort amount to nothing as they fall short of the finale. Who will be eliminated next?"

~*ARPMTTYD*~

Trivia

- The in-game Blooper Bay course has only 18 holes. Logistically speaking, racing on those 18 and allowing non-racers to be present is both impossible and unsafe. Hence, it was, for story purposes, expanded into a 36-hole resort where the race occupies the known first 18 and vacationers take the unknown 18 on account of filming activity.

- Recent (American) TAR seasons sequester teams at pit stops. Obviously, the practice does not apply to this series; interactions were necessary for forming alliances before Leg 5 and Kojo and Kory's push prior to this leg.

- The Shell gas station mentioned parodies the real-life American oil subsidiary only by name.

- The original Olympic pool of golf balls challenge required teams to search the entire pool, not just one lane. The number of flagged balls would have changed accordingly.

- The original Detour ("Putt It In" or "Shovel It In") split the two "series staples." In "Putt It In," teams completed a mini-golf challenge on the Front 9. In "Shovel It In," teams shoveled sand to fill a bunker and uncovered a dish of non-Blooper calamari that they had to eat in the process.

- Blooper Bay is considered the fourth tournament in standard game playthrough. Hole 13 has the highest front tee yardage (622) and highest average yardage (642) in the game. Its main competition is Bowser Badlands' Hole 13, which has the highest back tee yardage (666; average is 615 due to front being 564).

- Sherry and Grace are from Mario Golf for the Game Boy Color and Mario Golf: Advance Tour for the Game Boy Advance. Their descriptions are taken from their more recent appearance.

~*ARPMTTYD*~

Author's Note: (Updated racefic on June 4, 2011). Hello.

Whereas Leg 10's text is relatively clean and succinct, this episode's sections got needlessly lengthy at times. Especially fight scenes—those dragged on and on, cluttering some of the big moments. The quality decline was unintentional, and I can't apologize enough. Hopefully I can redeem myself on the final two legs, even with the dangerous Mismatch Rod nuances involved.

This leg's difficulty is ridiculous, even for a late-gamer. Squishing needle-in-a-haystack, golf, and gross food challenges together into one leg would probably never happen on the real race, especially with these parameters; it's like I designed it to be impossible. The fact that I planned the finishing list and route separately didn't help matters, easily becoming my downfall (yes, I'll fix that next season) when I encountered the quadruped golf problem. Saving Gloomtail and Hooktail for their necessary inclusion in Leg 12 and manipulating Pierre and Rana into a last-place arrival and doing so believably became impossible, like the leg itself. I don't think I accomplished that task. Playing with large penalties two legs in a row this close to the finals makes little sense. Oh well…this is a learning process.

Gratuitous scenery, anyone? Blooper Bay is my favorite course in Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour. However, I've never had to do so many establishing shots for a single episode before (at least thirteen), so I quickly ran dry on ideas how to keep them fresh. Hopefully that didn't compound on top of the other problems discussed above.

Special thanks to Tom Nooke, Master Ruck, DryBonesKing, JetCordFTW, Charz456, and Met Guard for reviewing Leg 9: Bloocheep Sea; Master Ruck, Princess Toady, Champ 15, Charz456, and Tom Nooke for reviewing Leg 10: Shy Guy Beach; and JetCordFTW and Bad Asp for providing encouragement after Part 1 of this leg. I always really enjoy reading everyone's feedback. Some of you analyze things and find connections that I would've never discovered otherwise. It's so cool.

Contrary to the direction suggested at the outset (troubles reconnecting), Pierre and Rana ran the race as if they'd almost never had previous relationship issues. Blame that on my inconsistent storytelling and lack of planning ahead. Nevertheless, I feel bad about having to eliminate them right after they finally got some proper screen time and development. It's obvious I have no relationship experience, right? Their interactions seem so unrealistic sometimes…

Here comes the home stretch with Leg 12: Sky Land and the final destination, Leg 13: Rainbow Valley, and things won't be getting any easier for anyone! In the meantime, please drop by my profile to take my survey on this episode if you feel so inclined.

Concrit? Bring it.

~ j-cag