The Last Honest Look – Chapter 13

Sara POV

I woke up in a cold sweat - the nightmares were back. It was a long time since I had tossed and turned and woke up feeling empty. Luckily I hadn't woken Tegan as she still slept soundly by my side, her arms wrapped around my waist. I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe. I needed space and fast. I tried my best not to disturb Tegan, gently lifting her arms away from me and scuttled to the end of the bed. I felt too hot, I felt nauseous, I needed to get away.

I crawled out of bed and towards the stainless steel toilet in our room. I hugged the bowl, dry heaving and retching. I couldn't throw up but my body was certainly trying its best. I felt an arm rubbing the middle of my back and jolt away from the attempted comfort. 'What's going on babe?' Tegan asks me. She sounds alarmed but for now I can't answer her. I just keep moving my body so her hands can't comfort me.

Tegan POV

I can hear noises in the darkness of the cell. Through the shadows, I see Sara leant over the toilet. I leap out of bed and try to comfort her. Her reaction startles me. She shrugs away my hand and when I try again, she continues to shrink away from my touch. I have no idea what is going on but obviously Sara needs to be left alone. Everything inside of me wants to help her, to make her feel better, but I can feel she needs me to not be there.

When I wake up, Sara is curled up next to the toilet and I am sitting against the wall. She looks so weak and pale. I move towards her, hoping she will now let me comfort her but the second my fingers touch her skin she pulls away from me like I am burning her. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve this but one thing I'm sure of is that Sara still does not want me around. I get her a glass of water from the sink and set it next to her face. 'Let me know if there is anything I can do babe.'

She turned away without speaking. Sara actually turned away from my face as I spoke to her like I was a stranger. I had to get out of our cell. Too many thoughts were running through my mind. What if I had moved everything too fast? I was sure she wanted what I wanted, but her response last night and this morning was making me doubt everything. I walked to the cafeteria. I didn't want anything to eat but I didn't know what else to do.

The girls were at the usual table but I didn't want to talk to anyone. I sat in the furthest corner of the room, away from everyone. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted LB, she had obviously been let back into the population. I was shocked by whom she had her arms around. Rach and LB were sat so close to each other LB was practically giving her a lap dance. This was too much, the two women have had hurt Sara were arm in arm.

There was not a single rational thought in my mind. All I knew was that I wanted to hurt them both, like I was hurting right now. As I marched over to their table, I pulled Rach backwards off her bench by her ponytail. The immediate commotion attracted a crowd of woman who circled the three of us. Once Rach was on the floor, I started to kick her in the ribs. LB started punching in kicking me from behind but I felt no pain. All I felt was revenge as Rach whimpered on the floor. Just as I was about to cause some serious damage, two guards grabbed me. They drag me out of the cafeteria, down the hall, to the solitary cell. They throw me into the padded walls as I am still kicking and screaming. I think I hear Sara scream my name, then a nurse comes into the cell with a needle, after that everything went dark.

Sara POV

I don't know what it is I am feeling right now. I don't know why I turned away from Tegan when all she wanted to do was help me, take care of me. I know I need to talk to her. I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling, but I'm hoping she can help me figure it out. I pull myself together, get dressed and clean my teeth. Trying to let the normalcy of routine get me through this. As I reach the top of the metal staircase I see a prisoner being dragged out of the cafeteria. I immediately recognise the colourful tattoos and mullet haircut. I scream Tegan's name as I don't know what else to do in that moment and start to run towards the cell she is being tossed in to.

A nurse and the two guards slam the door shut to the cell and I continue to scream her name. 'There's no point doing that love, it's sound proof', the guard grabs me by my upper arms. I look into their mocking eyes, 'Wha happened' I manager to stutter out. 'Looks like she went psycho on another inmate. She'll be questioned and the head warden will have to decide what her punishment will be.' I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I turned away from the guard in a daze and retraced the path back to our cell where I began to throw up.