Authors note: So I had most of this written weeks ago but I still needed to finish and edit it. Then we had a massive wind storm where I live and it knocked out the power of like 200,000 people in the city I live in. Personally this left me without power for eight days. fallowing was thanksgiving and then having to work almost double my scheduled hours because a coworker got injured and missed some work. My hours in this upcoming work week are quite a bit less extreme and I plan to have a few chapters up. My plan is to finish this story by New Years.

WARNING: Description of injuries.

Chapter -13

Olivia listened as the phone rang. When she heard the ringing stop and the muffled noise on the other end she held her breath she hadn't meant to wake him up. Of the people she had considered she figured he would be awake.

"Hello" Rafael muttered.

"…Hey, sorry for waking you up…I… I couldn't sleep. I was hoping you would still be awake…" Olivia mumbled suddenly feeling embarrassed that she had made the call.

"No. It's fine Liv. Are you ok?" Rafael said more clearly. A thin layer of worry floating thru the phone.

"I…I…I Just can't sleep." Olivia said. She began to feel panic rising in her. And anger for being so scared.

Tears slowly made their way down her checks. Olivia felt as though she would be crying for the rest of her life. She was crying because she was afraid, crying form her anger, crying at her weakness, crying over every painful and humiliating thing that had been done to her.

" Do you want me to come over there? We can just sit. I wasn't sleeping much myself." Rafael spoke softly.

"Yes…Please." Olivia cried into the phone.

Rafael felt his heart being ripped out of his chest for what felt like the millionth time.

"Okay, do you want me to stay on the phone on my way over?" Rafael offered.

Olivia felt a more tears crash down her face.

"No...It's okay." Olivia choked out. She needed to get off the phone. She felt so embarrassed.

"Okay, I'll be right over. " Rafael said ending the conversation.

Olivia laid there starring at the ceiling her heart pounding she had never wanted to be in this situation. She hoped Barba would make it to the hospital quickly. She felt bad for waking him up. But of the people she had considered he was the one most used to her middle of the night calls.

The Squad was used to the late calls as well but mostly from Cregan calling to say they had caught a case in the middle of the night and to head to a scene or the hospital. Barba was the one she would call to just talk.

So much had changed after Elliot had left. She had felt so alone. Elliot wasn't hers but he was. He was her partner, her best friend. They watched each other's backs; they had talked when the case got too hard. Although Barba wasn't in the field with her he had in some part filled that emptiness. He had helped her reconnect with someone.

She was pulled from her thoughts by a light knock on the door. He eyes darted up and her heart rate tripled. The door slowly swung open and she watched as Barba walked in and closed the door behind him.

"Hey." He said softly as he walked over and took a seat next to her.

"Here I know it's three in the morning but I figure if we are going to be up why not." He said handing her a hot cup of coffee.

"Thank you, Sorry for dragging you down her in the middle of the night. Guess I'm not quite ready to be alone."

Rafael nodded his understanding. He sighed loudly and ran a hand over his face. He took a long sip of his coffee and turned his eyes to Olivia.

"Don't worry about it. I was going to head back over here early anyhow." Rafael tried to reassure her.

Olivia only nodded.

Rafael watched as she stared out into the middle distance. She looked so broken and out of place. A million questions flew through his head.

" Olivia?" Rafael tried.

Olivia slowly turned to look at him.

"What?" She asked softly.

"If you want to talk I'm here." He said. He hoped that she wouldn't completely shut down.

"I…I don't even know where to start. I'm so used to being on the other side of these situations. I guess I'm still processing everything." Olivia stated. Her voice was calm and steady but it seemed so far away.

"Well I know everyone is here for you." Rafael said.

Olivia only nodded. Her eyes traveled over Rafael. He was wearing dark pants and a hooded sweatshirt. It looked as if he had managed to shave and comb his hair. His green eyes were hard to see in the limited light but she could make out the dark circles under them. She could tell just how exhausted he was.

"Thank you for coming. I know how tiered you are." Olivia whispered to him.

"Never a problem Liv. You're always there for me when I need to blow off steam after a case even if you're exhausted. Why wouldn't I be here for you now?" Rafael stated; adding the rhetorical question to the end.

"Still you've already done a lot for me. You all have." Olivia said. Her voice slowly faded away and she looked at him again.

"What is it?" Rafael said with a ting of worry in his voice.

Olivia shook her head.

"I was really rough on Elliot. I just…I thought the next time I saw him would be different. After talking to everyone else I was already losing my cool a little and I didn't mean to blow up on him. "

"He's a big boy he'll be fine. After what I've heard you say about him I think he probably deserved worse."

"He helped find me though. He helped Nick get me out of the cabin. Helped save me." Olivia said quietly.

"You said he worked at SVU with you for twelve years?" Rafael asked.

"Yeah." Olivia answered.

"Then he knows how these situations can go. How many survivors yell, cuss, cry, throw things, try and run away or push you away?" Rafael asked; phrasing his question carefully. He would never call Olivia a victim. She wasn't .She didn't see herself that way and neither did they. This would change her but she wouldn't let this break her. This would be like everything else horrible that had happened in her life she would learn to build on it. She learns to use it to make herself stronger. Because that is who Olivia is she is a survivor not a victim.

Olivia nods.

"You're right… As usual." Olivia replied with a slight laugh.

Rafael watched her for a moment.

"I don't know how or when or even if I should tell anyone what all happened but if you have questions you can ask. I know I look rough but I promise I won't break." Olivia said after realizing Barba was staring at her.

Rafael swallowed the lump in his throat.

Rafael had so many questions. He thought hard a handful came to mind that he really wanted to know. Olivia and him always talked straight they didn't beat around the bush. That was one of the things that made their friendship work. It made their working relationship so much more fluid. They knew there was no place or time for judgement. And with that he decided that he would ask her the questions buzzing in his head.

"Olivia… I do have questions. Frankly I have a lot of them and I know that the squad does too. You need to know that we care about you and we won't push you. We all know how this works. Healing and recovery from something like this is going to take time. And Olivia Look at me…" Rafael said waiting for Olivia to meet his eyes.

" I will be here for you. Those are not just words. That is a promise. You are not alone. Ok?" Rafael said watching Olivia.

Olivia only nodded. Tears began to run down her face. She thought of how blessed she was to have people in her life.

"We are honest people Olivia. We don't walk on eggshells around one another. I don't want to hurt you but I do want to ask some questions. Mostly just for my own sanity. But I need you to know that if you feel like you can't or don't want to answer I'll understand. I want assume anything by the lack of answer. Are you still okay with talking about this?" Rafael said. He held his breath slightly waiting for her answer. He really did want answers to some of his questions but he didn't want to upset her more.

"It's fine. Ask your questions. I'll…I'll try and answer them." Olivia said

Rafael nodded slowly. He ran his hand over his face once again. He took another sip of his coffee trying to decide what the best way to go about his questions. He was not a cop. Although given everything that had happened in the last couple of days it was beginning to feel like that. He had never spoken with a victim in the hospital about their attack it had always been days or weeks later when a person responsible had been caught and they were beginning to prep for trial. He didn't see Olivia as a victim or broken. But she had been through something horrific and traumatic. He was there to make her feel better. He was not there to take a statement or interrogate her. He was so heartbroken over this whole situation he needed answers.

Olivia held herself still, her body was in a lot of pain. Her mind however had quieted. She was no longer afraid of the darkness in the room. No longer afraid of the noises around her. She was not alone. She was not with Lewis.

"When did Lewis show up at your apartment?" Rafael said. His voice was level and calm. His emotions ran rapid inside of him. He knew that if he wanted to ask the questions and not upset Olivia he would ask with a calm tone void of emotion. He asked her the way he had watched Olivia questions victims. He questioned her with compassion but not with pity.

"He was in my apartment when I got home. I don't know how he got in." Olivia replied flatly.

Rafael let that seep in before he asked his next question.

"Why did you call me? Why didn't you call 911 or someone on the squad?" Rafael asked his question more personal. He felt his chest tighten. He had gotten the third degree over that question when he had walked into the squad room in panic and showed them the voicemail.

"I hit redial. You were the last person I called…I couldn't remember who I had talked to last. I was just reaching out. I… I was hoping that whoever I was calling would answer and hear what was going on. Hoping that whoever I was calling would come and help me. I… I felt like I was as good as dead when I hear the voicemail start….Things got bad after that." Olivia said. Her voice was like a distance whisper.

"I'm sorry Olivia. If I had gotten that call sooner I would have broken your door down myself. " Rafael stated with regret in his voice. He had told Elliot that he had gotten the call as a redial. But this was conformation. It also was the most likely situation. They talked every day. On almost any day he was her last call and she was his.

"It was a long shot anyhow. I'm just thankful you're here now." Olivia said. She looked at Rafael. She saw how broken up he was about this. She hoped that the pain of this was not affecting the rest of the squad as bad.

Rafael nodded. " I'm glad to be here. And I am so thankful that you are still with us."

Olivia turned away from Rafael. She was glad to be out of Lewis' clutches but she knew that it wasn't over. Somehow the thought of 'Still being here' was not as appealing as she thought it would be.

"Do you want to stop?" Rafael asked as he watched Olivia turn away from him. There was only a table light in the room so while he could see her it was not great lighting. He thought he could see tears brimming in her eyes again.

"I'm alright. If you have more questions ask them." Olivia said with determination.

"Okay" Rafael replied

Rafael took a moment to think.

"I saw some of the burns while we were helping you out of the cabin. What's the worst of them?" Rafael asked. His mind had gone into hyper drive and then numb when he had seen all the blood on Olivia. She was covered in burns cuts bruises. His stomach rolled now just thinking about it. He had only asked because of the way she was positioned he could see one of the bandages that covered one of the burns.

Olivia felt tears well once again in her eyes. Her throat felt as though it was closing up on her. She took a large gulp of her now lukewarm coffee.

"Rafael, come here. " Olivia said lightly patting the bed where next to her.

Rafael's body moved without thinking. He set his coffee down on the small table next to her bed and rose from his seat and sat next to her on the bad one leg slightly tucked under him so that he could face her. Olivia was sitting up in the bed. The blanket fell loosely over her lap.

"Pull my gown up." Olivia stated not making eye contact with Rafael.

"What. No Liv. It's okay. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Rafael said. His voice held a slight squeak as he spoke. He was completely taken aback by her request.

"It's okay. You're my best friend. I know you won't hurt me. Honestly I'd rather have you see firsthand then allow you to take what I say and make it worse in your mind." Olivia Whispered.

"Are…are you sure?" Rafael asked.

Olivia only nodded

Rafael felt sick. He moved his hands as they shook. His fingers reached the edge of the blanket and pulled the blanket slowly off of her lap. He looked to her for a continued approval. She slowly nodded and he then took the edge of her hospital gown.

Her thighs were marked with dozens of cigarette burns. Rafael tried to maintain his composure.

" He was trying to get me to react, to scream, to fight back…These were the last of the burns. I was numb…I didn't feel them…I didn't feel anything." Olivia said here voice almost an echo.

Rafael stared at the burns in horror as he listened to Olivia's description of how they occurred. He could not imagine himself in a situation where that kind of pain would not make him react. Rafael realized he was still holding the bottom hem of her hospital gown. He wondered if this was what she wanted to show him of just a painful step on the way to the worst.

"Are these the worst?"

Olivia shook her head.

Rafael slowly pulled her gown up higher to reveal cotton shorts underneath. He continued to pull the gown up until her stomach was exposed. Rafael looked at the bright read burn makes on her stomach. There were two made by what looked like keys and three that were clearly the end of a cigarette matching the burn makes on her thighs.

Rafael's eyes traveled over the damaged skin. Each burn had been dabbed with a small amount of burn cream however they were not bandaged.

"The cigarette burns are from the same time as the ones on my legs. He just wanted to hear me scream. The key marks are from before I called you." Olivia said

She pulled the top of her gown down slowly. Reveling that each of her breasts held several cigarette burns and each had an angary key mark.

"My god Liv." Rafael said in a gasp as he took in her horribly marred body.

"You asked for the worst though." Olivia whispered.

"Rafael had seen most of her body at this point. His mind raced. 'What could have been worse?' he wondered.

Olivia's slowly moved her right hand past Rafael's hands that still held her gown up and grabbed at the top of her shorts. She slowly pulled them down just enough to see a bright red in print of her badge. She gently pulled her shorts up again careful not to run the material against the very painful wound.

Rafael lowered her grown and returned the blanket to her lap. He slightly tucked her in like parent would do for a child. He did this very cautiously not to hurt her. He kept his eyes on his hands. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. He just sat next to her on her bed quietly absorbing what he had just seen. He felt so angary and sad that he wondered if it was possible to ever feel anything else again.

When his eyes finaly broke from his hands he looked up to Olivia. Her face was covered in tears. Rafael reached a hand to her face slowly and shipped away the tears.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you Olivia. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to put him away after Ms. Parker. This never should have happened." Rafael said softly looking back into his lap as tears began to prick his eyes.

Olivia slowly moved a hand to his back and gently rubbed circles. It hurt her to hold her arm like this with a sprained wrist but her friend needed to be comforted and she would push past the pain.

"It's not you fault Rafael…Lewis is the only one I will ever hold accountable for what has happened." Olivia replied.

N/A So I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Hopefully have the next chapter up soon.