Strange Attraction

Law & Order: SVU

by RoadrunnerGER

Disclaimer: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: Thanks for your reviews. :D I'm sorry for the long wait. Chapter thirteen was jinxed. LOL Btw… Mike will be back, but we need to reach the conclusion first. :) Enjoy.

13

Confession

Five weeks later Elliot and Kathy sat once more in the office of a marriage counselor. As Dr. Robson had finally proven a talent to piss off Elliot they had decided to try and find someone else. Dr. Beatty was a woman in her thirties, young, open minded and yet experienced enough to make them feel like they were in good hands.

Today they were talking about trust and honesty. It was not the first time they had tackled the subject, but each time they took it on, they made another step in the right direction. The exercises Dr. Beatty asked them to do at home obviously seemed to work. They took their time together, just sitting with each other in their bedroom… and talked. They talked about all sorts of things until they could open up to talk about their wishes and dreams, too… and slowly got to know each other again.

Only in the last week Kathy started to suspect that there was something Elliot wanted to tell her but did not know how. His secret made him restless. It burdened their newfound relationship and made Kathy edgy. So she had decided to confront him during their session with Dr. Beatty.

"I'm glad to hear that this strategy is working out," Dr. Beatty had just said. "I get the feeling that it's releasing a lot of tension for both of you." She looked from one to the other and both nodded. Then she turned to Elliot. "Still, Kathy told me that she wants to address one subject here. Can we do that now?"

Frowning slightly he looked at his wife, but he nodded.

"Elliot," Kathy started, "there seems to be something troubling you. You don't want to talk about it at home, so I thought that we could manage to work it out here. Will you please tell me what it is?"

Elliot's heart started to thump wildly. He had known that he would finally have to talk about it but over time it had become more and more difficult. Uncertainly he looked at her, his reluctance clearly readable in his features.

"Elliot? Please."

It really seemed to torment him. His internal struggle was visible with every change of his features. Still, he did not turn away from Kathy. That must be a good sign, she thought.

Both women sensed that Elliot wanted to talk, but neither of them dared to push now.

"You know, Kathy," he finally said, "in my heart we never got divorced. For me that's just a piece of paper arranging our legal affairs. But it doesn't change what I'm feeling for you."

Kathy held her breath. Often she had been under the impression that he felt that way, and she wondered why he did not act accordingly. This was the first time that he admitted to it. With surprise, she noticed that he was blushing.

"That's why I felt as if I was cheating on you when I spent one night with someone else while we were separated," he mumbled.

That was my fault! Kathy felt a sudden pang of jealousy. Suspecting that Elliot was together with someone did not hurt as much as knowing it. She could not help but be hurt by his admission. I let him believe that I gave the documents to court, she berated herself. So why am I so surprised? Or hurt?

"It was the only time I've ever been with someone other than you, Kathy," he said right then.

That admission made her blush.

"It was just this one time, and…"

"Don't, El," she interrupted him. "Don't apologize. It was your right. I let you believe that we were divorced and we both have needs."

"But…"

"No. I don't want to know," she declared firmly.

"But you have to," he insisted.

"Why?" Kathy frowned. Why is that so important for him? "Have you slept with Olivia?"

"What?" He was honestly surprised, no, shocked by this idea. "No!" Still, she will freak when she finds out about Mike…

"Um… so what's the problem? What's so bad that you think I have to know even if I tell you that I don't care?"

Now or never! He took a deep breath, then another.

"Actually, I… I… spent the night… with a… man."

What?!

The word echoed in her agitated mind, but it never left her gaping mouth. Did he just say that he was together with a man? Her heart beat like a drum in her narrowing chest. He did not confess that he was with a man. No way has he been with a man.

"Thank you for your honesty," Dr. Beatty said when the silence threatened to suffocate them. "Kathy, I know this admission was surprising, but I want you to try and talk about it. Do you think you can do that?"

Surprising?! Are you kidding me? My husband, with a man! Kathy still sat with her mouth hanging open, trying to gather her thoughts.

"Surprising doesn't even come close," Kathy finally gasped. "That's the understatement of the century."

Elliot looked quite sheepish.

God! I can't believe it! It's too… horrible! It can't be true?!

"Who?" Kathy suddenly asked, unable to keep her hurt out of her voice. Betrayal gnawed at her. She did not want to let it take over, but she was at a loss how to prevent it.

"No one you know," Elliot replied.

Bitterness rose. What difference would it make if I knew the guy? Elliot with a man, for God's sake! That's ridiculous! God, I'd prefer Olivia. How could he do that to me? That's so, so… demeaning.

Looking at him made her heart ache. She could not describe the look on his face other than with pitiful. Kathy knew him so well. She could imagine that he tormented himself, especially as he had said that he never believed in their marriage being over. Having cheated on her had to be burdening him.

And still he told me about it… after I said that I didn't want to know what he had done in the time we were 'divorced'. She took a deep breath. He didn't have to tell me. So why did he do it?

We've come so far with our sessions! Kathy had to bite back a sob. I thought we had found that intimacy again that we shared in our first years.

And that's why he told me… why he had to tell me. He could not bear to revive our relationship with that burden on his shoulders.

But how can I forgive him? I can't! It hurts so much!

"Kathy?" Elliot mumbled, clearly embarrassed. "I'm so sorry, but I had to tell you. I… I have made my peace with it, but… how could I let us start over on that secret? It might have come out on its own eventually, so… I chose to tell you the truth now, so we can deal with it and move on with a clean slate."

He swallowed hard. Obviously he was not finished yet.

"I can understand if you can't stay married with me after what I did that night. If you finally turn in the documents I'll have to accept that. But… I… I couldn't hide from you. Keeping things from each other made us drift apart. It almost destroyed our marriage. I don't want to make the same mistake again."

A mysterious smirk played around his lips.

"I still can't tell what the magic was that night. It just felt right. For as long as it lasted it made me whole again and I don't regret it."

Seeing her mouth open to start arguing he held up one hand to stop her.

"Just one second," he pleaded. "You can believe me when I say that I was very, very surprised by what I had done."

"Surprised…" she gasped. "Yes, well…" Haven't we heard that word before?

Then she turned to her husband. "I think the only thing that might have surprised me more would be to discover that you were once a woman."

Elliot had to swallow a chuckle. "Sure… in the first twelve years of my life before you knew me!"

Somehow that broke the spell. Kathy giggled and Elliot could not help but join her. The doctor was forgotten.

"Someone you already knew?" she queried.

Elliot was uncomfortable with that question. "He's an acquaintance."

"Will you see him again?"

"No," he said without hesitation. "At least not to do… that. Maybe I'll run into him at McGinty's if we go for drinks after work, but that would be all."

Silence fell again.

"So he's a cop," she mused.

"Yes."

Once more awkward silence filled the space between them.

"Do you know why you did it?" Kathy finally wanted to know.

Elliot frowned at her. That was one thing he had thought about over and over again and he could not tell her more than what he already had tried to explain.

"Right at that moment it seemed to be the right decision. We just… reacted to each other… and then we did it."

"Okay. But why did you do it?" Kathy insisted to know.

"I don't know. Maybe… because he could not be dangerous. He could never compete, no, compare with you. It meant nothing."

Then his features crumbled and tears welled in his eyes.

"It happened… just a few days… after I gave you the s..s..signed… papers," he stuttered. "I felt so… lonely, so… lost." He swallowed. His voice was barely audible when he added, "He made me feel wanted and desired…"

Now tears were standing in Kathy's eyes, too.

"I hadn't…" he blushed dark crimson, "hadn't felt like that… for months. I was… kind of… starving…"

Her index finger over his lips stopped him.

"Don't," she whispered.

A sudden surge of guilt washed over her. She knew she was responsible, at least partially. Keeping her distance and starting the divorce procedure she had tried to force him to realize that he needed to work on their marriage. All she wanted was for him to come and talk with her, spend time with her… make love to her. He could have had what he desired without running into another person's arms, but she had given him the wrong signals.

Now his trembling lips seemed to burn her fingertip and the look in his sapphire eyes burnt her from the inside out and sent icy chills down her back at the same time. Neither Kathy nor Elliot had any idea when they had looked at each other like that for the last time but both knew that they would do way more than looking after that look.

Then Kathy bent forward and kissed him, tentatively at first then desperately… desperate to take his pain away.

As desperately as she was trying to ease his misery he was responding to her. If it would not have been for Dr. Beatty he could have caved and taken her right in the doctor's office. In his mind's eye he saw themselves on the couch in the corner or right on the doctor's desk. Judging by the heat her kiss transported she harbored similar thoughts. Readily he opened himself to her, rejoicing in the passion he felt flow through her kiss into him. It took one hell of a lot of restraint to leave it at kissing.

When they finally parted both their cheeks were reddened with the heat of excitement and Kathy's blond hair was as ruffled as his shirt was disheveled.

All the time Dr. Beatty was sitting behind her desk, watching the couple and guessing what would happen next. She saw them discuss and kiss and knew that their session almost was over.

"What now?" Kathy suddenly turned to her.

"Well," the doctor started, "Is there something you want to talk about while you're still here so that I could give advice if necessary?"

Kathy and Elliot looked at each other again, thinking about what they had learned and shared during the last minutes. Both came to the conclusion that they did not want to talk anymore. At least for now they were beyond talking.

"I don't think so," Elliot finally said.

Kathy took a little longer, unsure about her decision.

"Actually there's something I would like to talk about."

It was all Elliot could do not to groan with frustration. He was fed up with talking, at least the supported talk here with Dr. Beatty.

"What about?" he asked before the counselor could beat him to it.

"The papers," Kathy said, looking crestfallen. "I… I shouldn't have lied to you."

"That's okay," Elliot said.

Kathy's eyes widened with astonishment. How could he just shrug that off? A few minutes ago he confessed to her that he had a one-night stand with a man because he was left devastated by her turning in the divorce papers and now he simply shook off the fact that she lied to him about turning in the documents.

"Me keeping the papers for months without signing them was unfair towards you. I have no right to judge you for having scruples or being insecure, or whatever reason you had."

God! Someone has switched my husband!

"I trust you," Elliot said. "I love you. I don't need to know more."

That's true, Kathy thought. One more look into his sapphire eyes made her melt.

"Let's go home," she murmured.

Nodding Elliot got up and held out his hand for her. Taking it she stood, too, and let herself be led out of the office and to their car. Suddenly she could not wait to get home with him.

tbc…