Here it is, the very last chapter. And extra long it is to. So please read and review (i like long reviews too!) and tell me what you thought.

There is the rescue and references to jelly and Rayne and I can't promise a happy ending.

I do have ideas for a sequel if there is demand (well the end of the story should leave you begging for one...hopefully!)

Chapeter 13: Goodbye Wonderland

"Gorramit!" Jayne bounces off the broken chair off the door again and glares at the bit left in his hand. Zoë hands him another piece of furniture and he takes it gratefully.

Wash is still rubbing the back of his head and sitting on the sofa, the only intact piece of furniture in the room. "That hurt! I mean who shoots an unarmed man…"

"I do," Jayne says not even breaking his rhythm as he smashes another chair into kindling.

"What person shoots an unarmed man?"

"Mal does," says Zoë evenly.

Wash throws his hands in the air in exasperation. "We need a miracle."

At that moment there is the sound of two sharp gunshots and the lock blows in on the door.

Jayne swears. "Shen sheng diyu!" And then checks himself for holes.

The door swings inwards and he is hit at full force by a flying cloud of dark hair and long limbs. He manages to blurt out "River?" as she hits him.

River leaps at him and her legs go round his waist. "Jayne!" She kisses him forcefully.

She finally releases his lips but stays clinging to him like a limpet, her arms round his neck.

"River baby I thought you were dead."

She shakes her head. "Thought you were dead too."

Jayne hooks his hands under her backside and stares at her for a long moment. "Love ya baby girl."

"I love you too," she kisses him again.

Meanwhile Inara steps into the room.

"Nice to see you again," Wash deadpans.

"You too Wash," she says smiling grimly. "I have news. Kaylee is fine. Your son too. She stayed well hidden."

Wash's eyes briefly flick heavenward. "Thank God."

"Where's Mal?"

"They took him. Three men hauled him out. Mentioned a parlour." Zoë sees Inara's knuckles go white as she grips the rifle she is holding.

"You'll be needin' these then doll." Jack steps into the room, proffering guns.

"Hello Jack," Zoë takes a gun from his hand. "What did your help cost?"

He grins rakishly and glances at Inara. "Not what I'd wanted but it'll do."

"I'll bet."

"Unless you want to change the deal?" he winks at her leeringly.

Zoë shakes her head. "No thank you Jack."

She takes another pistol and hands it to Wash.

"Let's go rescue your dashing captain," Jack grins.

Zoë looks over at the whispering River-Jayne huddle. "Jayne?"

He looks round. "Yes?"

"Get River out of here. We'll meet you at the ship. Jack's men are around," she tosses him a pistol, "Don't shoot them."

Jayne looks down at his wife and nods resolutely. "Be careful Zoë."

He leads River to the doorway and they disappear down the corridor.

"A parlour?" Jack holds out his data reader with the house plans visible on it. "Probably that one."

"Right I'll take point. Jack you take up the rear. Wash left flank. Inara…" Zoë looks round. "Inara?"

Inara is already running up the corridor in the opposite direction to the one Jayne has taken.

"Gorramit!"

Kaylee hears Simon snapping "Shut up!" as she enters the room hesitantly.

Simon is pointing the pistol at an older man whom she can only assume is his father. Kaylee pauses just inside the door.

Simon's mother is sat in an armchair, her hands folded in her lap. "You must be Kaylee," she says gently.

Kaylee nods dumbstruck.

Simon looks over his shoulder at her. His eyes are chips of blue ice. "He knew Kaylee. He knew!"

Gabriel says nothing, but just stands there looking at Simon, his hands by his sides.

Simon jabs the gun muzzle into his father's chest, glaring at him. "You ruined my life. You chùsheng xai-jiao de xiang huo!"

Gabriel just looks at him with no reaction at all and stays silent.

"Talk to me!" Simon yells. "Nî bù dông what you've done do you?" His voice drops and it has a core of steel. "You let them drive a beautiful innocent little girl insane. When I rescued her she had a needle stabbed through her forehead into her brain!"

Kaylee blinks. What? She knew they hurt River but until now she had not let herself imagine how.

"Why? Why did you do it to us? What did she ever do to you?"

"She was more important to them." His father's voice is steady.

"Them? What about me? I hate you." Simon digs the gun harder into Gabriel's chest and his finger twitches on the trigger.

"Simon stop it!" Kaylee cries in distress, hearing the venom dripping from every word.

Simon turns his head to look at her, gun remaining exactly where it was. "Why? What reason can you possibly give to stop me killing him?"

"River…" Kaylee says feeling tears at the back of her eyes.

He laughs and the sound chills her. "River wouldn't care. He put her in that place. He is the reason she's rutting crazy!"

She has never ever heard him say that about his sister. "You're a doctor Simon you don't…" she swallows.

"Kill?" he smiles mockingly. "I broke my oaths on that a long while ago. Sure it gets easier."

Kaylee feels physically sick at the almost gloating tone in his voice. Simon's eyes have a cold blaze of anger in the blue. She heaves and puts her hand over her mouth.

Regan stands and keeping her hands out in a non-threatening manner moves quietly to Kaylee's side. She touches her arm gently, motherly, gives her a small reassuring smile then looks back to her son.

"There won't be any coming back from this."

Kaylee sees a muscle in Simon's cheek twitch at his mother's soft voice.

"Simon, my brave boy just don't."

For just a moment Regan sounds so like River that Simon blinks. Then he lowers the gun and steps back.

"Tāmāde húndàn!" Simon swears at Gabriel. Then looks him straight in the eye and spits in his face. "You have no son."

Gabriel doesn't even react, just lets the spittle run down his cheek.

Kaylee flinches and Simon walks to where she and his mother are standing. He shoves the gun into his waistband as he does so. He stops and looks at his mother.

"I'll wave you," he says, suddenly the awkward Simon Kaylee knows so well. "And I have to tell you before I go," he takes a deep breath. "River's pregnant."

Kaylee gasps. Regan pulls her son into a tight hug and silently thanks God that he put down the gun. Her baby girl is pregnant by a cradle-robbing mercenary but River is happy. Her children are happy now. She will let them be happy. She steps slightly out of the hug. And keeping hold of his hands says with a soft laugh, "Now you really had better wave me."

Simon smiles and nods.

She squeezes his hands. "I really am proud of you. And I like her," she nods to Kaylee who blushes.

Simon goes a little pink. "I'm pleased. Wo ai ni," he says softly.

"Wo ai ni my baby boy."

Now Simon really flushes red but leans forwards and kisses her on the cheek. "Goodbye."

Regan looks to Kaylee. "It was a pleasure to meet you." she turns her attention back to her son. "Goodbye Simon."

She lets go of his hands and he takes hold of Kaylee's. He gives his mother one last smile and leads Kaylee from the room.

Mal's eyes go flitting wildly to the door when he hears it bang open with violent force. Saffron looks up from her position in front of him. She has been taunting him with undisguised glee for the past few minutes. If Mal were able to move he would have throttled her with his own hair just to shut her up.

"You!" she snaps standing.

Mal tries to move to see who it is but all he can do is flicker his eyes madly. The next moment the person speaks and answers all his questions.

"Yes me." Inara glances down at Mal briefly. "You bitch!"

Mal only sees her booted feet go flashing past his face and Saffron's pained shriek.

Inara is shaking her hand in pain from the full force punch to Saffron's face.

"You hit me you whore!"

She blinks. Saffron just called her a whore. She can just about stand that from Mal but this little…Inara drops the rifle she has been carrying and flies at Saffron. Saffron shrieks again and starts to run towards the door. Only to find it blocked by Zoë and Jack.

"Come here!" Inara screams at Saffron. She grabs at the back of Saffron's jacket. Saffron struggles clean out of it and carries on running. Inara throws it down and leaps after her.

"Ooo girl fight," Wash jokes from the hallway. "Good thing Jayne can't see this. Anyone got any jelly?"

"Or mud," Jack grins.

Saffron clambers clean over the sofa, Inara on her heels.

Inara grabs her by the hair and pulls her back. Saffron screams and scratches at Inara, all flying fingernails. Any pretence at being wellborn is gone. A stream of curses comes out of her mouth.

"How did you do it?" Inara spits at Saffron, shaking her forcibly.

Saffron only responds by trying to grab Inara's hair. Luckily Inara's ponytail isn't so easy to get hold of.

"Want help?" Zoë asks from the doorway with a grin.

"No I'm fine thank you," Inara answers politely. Then she punches Saffron again. Saffron goes down like a sack of potatoes, unconscious.

"You kicked ass Inara," Wash says approvingly.

Inara stares down at the woman. Then turns and drops to her knees next to Mal.

"Mal? Mal!"

"Uhhhnnnn" he attempts to speak. All he can manage is to meet her gaze. Then flit his eyes across the floor to the metal hair stick lying there.

Inara blinks then picks it up. "This is what she used?"

Mal tries to intensify his stare and knows he looks like a crazy person with his tongue hanging out.

Zoë is in the room and searching Saffron. She unceremoniously yanks the second metal stick free of the red hairdo and drops beside Inara.

"I'm always saving your ass sir," she says with a smile, as she jabs the sharp end against the side of his neck.

"Uhhhnnn" he glares at her. "Aaatt urrtt!"

Then he blinks. Hey I can blink he thinks to himself. Slowly the feeling returns to his body and Mal finds that he can twitch a little. Zoë has frisked Saffron and come up with a key to the handcuffs. She unlocks them and Mal can actually feel her doing it.

"Anx," he slurs. "Tat bisch."

Jack and Zoë haul Mal into a sitting position against the sofa. Inara steadies his head, which still threatens to loll to one side. Mal feels like a puppet of some kind.

"I'm glad you're okay Mal," Inara says softly.

He looks at her. She has two scratches on her face from Saffron's nails. He has never seen her dressed all in black combat gear with minimal make-up and her hair pulled back. Somehow she looks younger, softer in a strange blend with the hardness. Another warrior woman. Mal has never wanted her more than he does right now. He breathes in deeply and tries to will the feeling away before his body betrays him.

Eventually he manages to move his lips, licks them, swallows a couple of times and speaks. "'Bout ruttin' time you showed up."

"We'd better get going," Jack snaps, looking around edgily into the corridor.

"Yeah yeah Jack. You just wanna get back to my ill-gotten gains."

Inara picks up the long black rifle that Mal recognises as one of Jayne's – Mary he thinks it's called - and holds out a hand to help Mal up. Zoë offers hers as well on the other side.

Mal pulls himself to his feet. "I'm fine girls. I….Whoa…" he wavers like a tree in the wind and Zoë has a steadying hand on his arm.

"I got you sir."

Mal smiles at her. "Thanks Zoë."

She looks at him with a mixture of something in her eyes that Mal can't quite understand. They turn and go to the door. Behind him Inara is murmuring with panic and disbelief in her voice. "Oh Buddha what have I done? I'm never going to be able to work here again."

"What about her?" Wash asks, looking down at the unconscious Saffron.

"Leave her," Mal says.

"But…" Wash starts.

"I said leave her."

Zoë tries to hide the smirk on her face. "One day you'll regret not killing her sir."

"One day that I might."

Kaylee is unusually quiet on the walk back to Serenity, but she does keep a tight hold of Simon's hand. They find Jayne standing on the ramp and River pacing up and down.

"Simon!" River shrieks upon spotting him.

Jayne nods to Simon who just nods back.

River runs over, stops in front of him and stares at him wide eyed. "What did you do?"

"Nothing, I did nothing."

Kaylee looks away, spots Jayne and runs to him. She throws her arms around him and hugs. "You're okay!"

"Glad to see you too Kaylee" he says dropping a swift kiss on her forehead.

"Where are the others?"

"Not back yet," River says with despair in her voice.

Simon hooks an arm around her shoulders gently. "Don't get worked up River they'll be here soon."

Before anyone can retort there comes the sound of the mule heading towards them. Kaylee scampers down the ramp, River hot on her heels.

"Cap'n!" Kaylee cries loudly as the mule comes to a stop.

He gets off the mule slowly and nearly gets knocked over by Kaylee throwing herself at him.

"Hey Kaylee," he says tiredly. "Good to see you." He glances up at the ship above them. "She all shipshape?"

"Yes sir!" Kaylee grins. Then she turns and hugs Zoë and Wash. "You'll all okay!"

"That we are," grins Wash back.

Inara is thanking Jack and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"That's quite enough of that." Mal pulls Inara back towards him. "Now you skidaddle Jack before I get tetchy about what my rescue cost me."

Jack grins. "Love ya too Malcolm." He throws a salute at him, a wink at the ladies and turns and walks away.

"Let's get your rugrat and get going shall we?" Mal says to Zoë.

The next day they are as far from Osiris as they can possibly hope to be. There is a tension in the air that no one can quite pinpoint. And none more so than between Simon and Kaylee.

He finally gets her alone in the corridor leading to the bridge. She puts her head down and makes to go past him.

Simon grabs her arm and swings her to face him. "Why won't you look at me?"

She tries to breeze it away. "What? Don't be yu ben de Simon…"

He narrows his eyes. "So I'm silly now?"

"That's not what I meant. I'm looking at you now aren't I?"

He shrugs. "Not in the eye. I know you knew before last night. Since Icarus I'll bet. I know Inara told you."

Kaylee's eyes go wide and she doesn't say a word.

"You slept alone last night. Nights before I got snatched too. Won't kiss me…"

"Simon you killed two men."

"I know." His hand is still tight around her upper arm.

"You murdered them Simon."

Something flashes darkly in his eyes.

"Jayne knows doesn't he?" she asks in a small voice.

Simon nods.

"Mal?"

Simon pulls her very close to him. "You look at them. You won't look at me. Am I worse than them?" A pause. "Am I?"

Kaylee is silent.

Simon drops her arm and steps back as though burnt. He bites his bottom lip. "Now I know." He turns away and says barely audibly. "I'm sorry I came back."

"Simon…" she reaches for his shoulder, hesitates.

"I did what I had to. To keep her safe." He has not turned round. "But not one of you asked who they were. They were from the Academy. They found us. And I did what was necessary. Shepard Book said his prayers for my soul, and River cried for me and Jayne covered for me." There is a hitch in his breath. "I can't take back what I did but that doesn't make it wrong."

"I'm sorry…I didn't know…" Kaylee stutters. "Its just…you're so cold about it…"

"Cold? You think I don't care don't you?" he spins to face her. She notices his eyes are wet looking. "I care. I have to live with it everyday. But I'm glad they're dead so I can't make peace with it! It goes against every oath I ever made as a doctor. So go on, judge me against Jayne or the Captain!" he spits. "Judge me and damn me!" His voice drops to a tired whisper. "I'm so sick of fighting. Sick of running. I'm tired and I've tried. It doesn't work. Just leave me be."

Kaylee reaches for his hand but he pulls it away, looks at her as if he is looking at her for the last time and walks away.

River finally plucks up the courage to tell Jayne. She catches him in the cargo bay half way up the stairs.

"Jayne?"

He turns and looks down at her. "Yes baby girl?"

River walks slowly, barefooted up the stairs until she is standing a step below him. She takes a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

Jayne doesn't react in any of the ways River had pre-planned and practised responses for. He looks her over appraisingly with a cocked eyebrow. The he grins widely leans down and kisses the top of her head.

"Huh. Well I guess that means you had better meet all the folks back home."

He continues up the stairs whistling, leaving River open mouthed below him.

The End.

Translation Notes

Shen sheng diyu - holy hell

Chùsheng xai-jiao de xiang huo - animal fking bastard

Nî bù dông - you don't understand

Tāmāde húndàn fking bastard

Wo ai ni – I love you

Yu ben de: stupid, foolish, silly