12/28/14: Now, two years later, time for a few more revisions...how long have I been working on this fanfiction, good gosh.

12/28/12: I didn't rewrite this one. Mostly just did some revisions:

*sobs* Oh gosh, this has taken waaaaaaay too long. Writer's Block had hit me like a ten thousand pound train and caused a wreck that took, like, almost 9 MONTHS to fix.
It wasn't until I discoverd the soundtrack of Neon Genesis Evangelion that my writer's block disappeared. I also found some of the soundtracks from Mirai Nikki and Sankarea to be a bit helpful. Even so...this chappie is SHORT. And when I say short, I mean this chapter only mananged to fill 7 pages in Microsoft Word, and the seventh page isn't even full.
I would've kept typing for the 13th chapter, but I decided to go ahead and start bleeding into the 14th chapter so that I could go ahead and get that one started up. I also wanted to go ahead and get the 13th one up already, since it took so long. Right now, I'm about 430 words into the 14th. (pun not intended)
I hope that I never take this long on a chapter ever again... Thank you for all of your reviews and the few people that PM'ed me with concern and stuffs. You all are beautiful, beautiful people~

It seems that this time, thirteen really was an unlucky number.

-JD

DISCLAIMER: I hardly put these anymore, but just so you know, -Man is not mine.

The Asian Branch of the Black Order was teeming with new energy and life. The medical ward was on top alarm, caring for the newly arrived and exhausted exorcists and finders. Everyone's attention was on the warriors of God.

Especially on Allen.

Sure, they had seen the white-haired teen chow down before…but never like that. Allen had been, quite frankly, starving. Her stomach had been empty for several days and now that food was in her reach, she was taking complete advantage of it. She had a table all to herself, food piled not only on trays on the table, but some were stacked beside her. There was a cart full of empty trays behind her that she dumped the newly food-deprived platters into.

Chicken dumplings, tri-tip steaks, green bean casserole, hamburgers, pasta, sushi, lo mein noodles, vegetable curry, biryani, tandoori chicken, croissants…the whole world of food was on her plates, and she devoured it like it was a simple snack.

Many of the more sensible scientists watching, mainly the women, cringed at the different combinations of foods that they knew were going to mix into her stomach. Others winced at it as it went into her mouth, but knew that her black hole of a stomach would digest it all perfectly as it always had.

Overall, nobody really minded that she ate as much as most of the scientists already knew the nature of Allen's stomach. A select few of the men specifically didn't mind because they were too shocked by looking at her chest.

Allen was so focused on fulfilling her appetite that she didn't remember that her shirt had opened during the fight. She didn't notice that she was reaching over her chest to grab more food or that the clothes that she wore left little to the imagination. Sure, they covered her whole chest, but bras are meant to be under the clothes and they didn't leave too much to the imagiation, something that Linali and Kanda noticed upon finding her table, though it wasn't a struggle to do so.

The Chinese girl had run into the cafeteria, mouth open in a dainty smile, ready to thank Allen for saving her and wanting to ask her questions about her innocence. Kanda had come following her simply because he'd been given a clean bill of health due to Allen's innocence and had nothing better to do, also contemplating whether he'd get something to eat or not. Both of their processes stopped once they saw the white-haired girl.

The girl paused mid-chew of a chicken leg to smile, mouth closed, and wave at the two of them. She then hurriedly chewed the rest of the meat that was in her mouth before speaking to them.

"Ah! Linali-chan! Kanda! You guys have got to try this! They have so many different foods here, even better than the last time I was here!" she called over to them, a grin on her face.

She was waving her right hand in the air, cheeks turned pink from health coming back to her body, food crumbs dotted around her mouth. The back of the girl's hair had gotten a bit longer, so it curled around her neck and slightly over her shoulders. The white shirt that she still had on was unbuttoned and waved around her body, her shirt sleeve rolled up as to not dirty it with the food surrounding her.

Kanda couldn't help but pay especially close attention to how her teeth shined white despite all of the food going into it, or how her lips were a splendid shade of a very light apricot. They looked really smooth, too…

He looked away from her hurriedly.

"Mou! Allen!" the Chinese girl fussed as she stomped over to the girl, heels clicking against the floor.

She allowed the younger teen to place her food back onto her plate before roughly grasping the sides of the loosened white shirt and crossing it over her chest.

"Really! You've got to be more conservative!" she reprimanded heartedly, a blush crossing her face.

She flinched at how confused Allen looked.

Said girl tilted her head to the side, puzzled as to what the other meant. She then opened her mouth to say something when she finally noticed exactly how cold her chest was. She blinked, then again. It was usually the hottest part of her body, but at the moment, it felt unnaturally cold. With all the clothes she would have piled up on her chest to keep it concealed, she shouldn't even feel air in that spot. Not to mention, she could also breathe a lot easier than usual. A perplexed look on her face, she looked down.

Ah.

Where was her vest?

The look on her face was quite priceless, eyes wide open with her mouth gaped in a small, triangle-like shape, looking down at her chest as if it had just suddenly popped up that way. Kanda fought a snicker away from his lips and throat. Of course she just noticed.

Linali could see the questions passing through the girl's face like a wildfire, knowing that they were showing up faster than anyone could answer them. To prevent her from just plain yelling out something that she may regret in the future, she grasped the young woman's right hand, getting her out of her seat, and rushed her out of the cafeteria, ignoring her cries to return to her food.

"W-wait a second, Linali! I wasn't done eating yet! Linali!" she cried, stumbling after her older 'sister'.

Those left in the cafeteria were left silent, watching as the young women retreated from the scene. Kanda stood there like a log as well, just blinking, but he shook it off. Shrugging, he walked over to the ordering area, ready to get some much needed soba.

"Really, Allen! When you're around other people like that, you have to always make sure that you're well covered!" the Chinese girl reprimanded, still holding onto said girl's hand, taking her to the women's restroom.

"Ah, well, I didn't notice my vest was gone. It'd always been there before…" Allen trailed off.

Linali paused in her walking to look back to the girl and contemplate what she just said.

'Always been there before…'

"Allen? How long have you been…binding your chest?" she asked, shoulder length hair waving lightly as she moved closer to Allen.

The teen looked at her straight in the eyes for a few seconds before looking up and contemplating the question, her left pointer finger on her chin, "Hmmm…I'll be honest…I don't quite remember. I'd always done it."

"Why?" the older of the two asked, curiosity settling in.

Allen's eyes became downcast, "Well, living at a circus isn't the greatest place to be. There'd be drunkards who'd drift around, looking for trouble. More specifically, a lay."

She suddenly covered her mouth with her left hand, thinking that she'd said too much. She looked anywhere but at Linali's face, not really wanting to see her expression.

'No! I'm getting somewhere here!' the older thought frantically.

"A lay? As in…sex?" she asked, a horrified expression developing slowly.

"Umm…I don't know…should I really be telling you this?"

"Allen," she began, grasping the girl's shoulders, "You're free to talk to me at any time. I'll listen to what you have to say, so please. I'd like to learn more about you, even though we've known each other for a while."

Allen looked straight into her eyes, searching for some sort of joke or lie. When she found none, her shoulders slumped and she averted her gaze to the ground, not wanting the elder one to see the shock on her face. No one, none other than Mana and Neah, and nearly Kanda, had told her something like this.

Sure, plenty of people would ask her if anything was wrong with her, but it just wasn't the same as wanting to actually learn about the person. Others were concerned for her well-being, but there's a difference between that and digging deeper than just the surface problems and finding out her though process and why she did the things she did. But now, thinking about it, maybe this is what the others she knew were trying to do, but they just didn't phrase it in a way she could recognize. They all cared so much for her…

Her hands reached up slowly and held onto Linali's hands, which were on her shoulders holding her lovingly. Linali began to close the distance between the two of them, walking forward unhurriedly.

"Let me listen to your wishes, Allen," she said, an affectionate smile on her face.

Her body jolted seconds after Linali spoke.

'My wishes…'

Her hands suddenly grasped Linali's with a grip not meant to harm, but certainly meant to hold heavily. Ripping the elder's hands off of her, she pushed herself from Linali's grasp, panting heavily as if she ran a race all across the surface of the Earth.

'No…not my wishes…'

Linali's hands were still where they were when she had grasped her shoulders, alarm displayed in her facial features. Linali brought her lightly throbbing hands back toward her own body as she began to slowly approach the younger teen, noticing how her body trembled slightly.

"Allen?"

Allen looked up at her, but she wasn't seeing or hearing Linali, white disrupting her vision.

She saw and heard Mana.

The man was right in front of her, his clown suit off, make-up absent from his face. His smooth black hair waved around the middle of his neck a bit, two strands of hair in front of his forehead as his bangs. He had a thin mustache lining the skin above his top lip ranging from one side of his mouth to the other. His face was gentle yet concerned, kind eyes twinkling as he smiled at her, hoping to comfort her. He began to reach out to her, the fingers attached to a kind, large hand splaying out to show his openness toward her.

"Allen, are you alright?"

Suddenly, he was no longer human.

He was now a black, Dark Matter skeleton, his name written on the forehead of his skull with an upside down star, the white in the background having transformed into a rolling mass of blacks, dark purples, and deep grays. He no longer had hands, now only what would he his wrist. Even so, Mana still reached out for her.

Her hands grasped the sides of her head, eyes widening as tears developed in the corners of them, backing away out of fear.

"You turned me into this, Allen! Why?! I'll curse you!"

The arm reached forward and seemed to grab her. She felt her back connect with a wall as she opened her mouth to scream.

"I love you…Allen…Allen. Allen! Allen! Allen, it's me! Allen!"

Allen blinked. She was no longer surrounded with the mass of darkness, now facing an extremely worried Chinese girl. The hallway came back into view behind the girl, the dark green of the paint and off-white of the pillars making her just a tiny bit nauseous.

Linali's heart felt like her heart was breaking. She had been calling out to Allen after she noticed the fright that came onto the young woman's face. She watched her and she began to tremble and cry. As her hands came up to the sides of her head. As she almost screamed.

"N-no…no…Linali."

"Huh?"

"I can't…" Allen swallowed heavily as she calmed herself down, eyes downcast, "I can't tell you my wishes. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry."

She then ducked from Linali's grasp, which had been lightened after what she had said, and ran down the hallway, supposedly searching for the way to a much quieter, much more secret place. Linali stood there for a while, paralyzed. Finally letting her arms drop down to her sides, she placed her forehead on the wall, her just-past-shoulder length hair creating a curtain around her head, shading her tears from sight.

With that, the conversation was over.

Lavi lay in his hospital bed in his dim medical room, the only light being from the large window that let light from the hallway into his room and the little lights on the machines attached to him, monitoring.

His visible eye was glazed over with tears he refused to let leave it. The pain that was shifting through him from his wrists was unbearable. No matter what the scientists did to try and sate him and sooth his agony, nothing worked. The crystals had grown to stick straight out of his wrists, pointing to the sky. Even though he knew that it wasn't as high as he thought it was, it seemed as if red sky scrapers were growing out of his wrists. It hurt so much. He looked to the left, noticing the scientists that were outside of his room. Distantly, over the noise of the beeping and whirring of the machines in the room with him, he could hear them speaking with each other.

"What else can we do? We've made sure that he is as comfortable as we can get him, fed him, and gave him pain killers. It's just not working," the tallest of the three said.

"I've never seen a crystal-type before. I heard that Linali has one. Was it as painful with her as it is with him?" the shortest of the group asked.

"I had already read over the date from the Main Branch about Linali's innocence. She had bled quite a bit and was in pain, but not nearly for as long as Lavi has been," the middle-sized one replied.

"I can't help but wonder what's causing his innocence to develop so slowly."

"I wonder as well. But, if I'm correct, Lavi is a Bookman. Developing a crystal-type innocence would mean he'd have to dedicate himself to the Order, wouldn't it?"

"I believe so. For all we know, it could be his mind holding him back."

Lavi stopped listening once the middle one said what he had. His own mind holding him back…that probably was true.

He'd given up everything, even his own name, to follow Bookman and his ways. He had 49 past selves that he had developed to do his job as he had needed to. He was so used to moving around. He was so used to watching the world move along in front of him, he wasn't sure if he knew how to move in the cycle of life with it. He wasn't supposed to get too close to people as to create sturdy connections with them.

On the other hand, Lavi held too much of a connection to the Black Order, more specifically, their members.

Lavi had always held a friendship with Yu, even if the Japanese male had the habit of denying it. He didn't always mind when Mugen would come flashing at him threateningly. At least the guy didn't ignore him. He knew that if Yu really didn't like him, he would've ignored him, like the male usually did with the finders. If Yu recognized that you were there, he held some form of 'like' for you, be it as small as a fruit fly or as big as a flax seed. Lavi chuckled at his similes.

He also held a friendship with Linali. Of course, that's what the Order thought it only was. He would talk about other women that he saw only because he didn't want others to notice how romantically he felt about her. Komui would kill him if he displayed his love for the Chinese girl. She also returned his feelings, which reassured him greatly; he noticed the subtle things she would do, like the small winks and smiles when no one was paying attention. Once again, Komui would kill him.

And then came Allen…she was like a sister to him. With his enhanced memory, he saw flashes of the times he saw Allen smile. When 'he' was eating, when 'he' was having fun with their 'family', when 'he' was talking to him, they all flashed through him. He loved her like he was actual siblings with her. He wished nothing but the best for her and hoped that her life would improve. He would be by her side, even if the world turned against her. Yu, Linali…they all would.

Just as he was about to go into thought about how bad her life had seemed to be before, he heard his door creak open slowly, a large ray of light entering his dimmed room.

Speak of the devil.

There stood Allen, nervous eyes peeking in and looking around at the different machines that hummed and beeped inside of the room. Once her eyes caught onto his limp form, a small smile began to grow, until she noticed the bloody crystals that grew from his wrists. Being as cautious as she could, she tip-toed her way in, turning around to close the door silently behind her.

"You don't have to be as silent as you're being, you know…" his voice rasped, hoarse from pain.

He chuckled a little when she jumped, the hair on the back of her head bristling and her shoulders stiffening. She turned around to look at him, staring at him a bit before grinning cheerily, her embarrassment clear on her face. She found a fairly plush chair to sit in that was near the window before grabbing it and taking it to Lavi's bedside. She then sat in it, placing her arms on the very edge of his bed. Adjusting her arms to where she was comfortable, she settled down and looked at his face, smiling.

"Good morning, Lavi," she said quietly, still mindful of the pain he was in.

"G'mornin', Al-chan," he replied, managing a smile in return.

"I would ask how you're feeling, but…" she trailed off, glancing at his wrists.

"Yeah, that'd be a bit redundant."

"That's what I thought."

Then there was silence for a few minutes. Allen remained at his bedside while he rested, both thinking about the wellbeing of the other.

"Allen, you look a lot better."

"Thank you. The cafeteria food is always good," she replied, grinning.

"Ha ha, that's Al-chan for ya."

"Mmhmm."

"So, I'm guessing everyone knows now."

"Knows what?" she asked, confused.

Lavi laughed a bit at her expression, "That you're a girl, silly."

"Oh…oh…yeah. I guess they do," she replied, remembering how she'd gotten dragged from the cafeteria by Linali.

She then also remembered the somewhat painful conversation the two had. Her head bowed, feeling rather disheartened. She could've sworn that the Chinese girl had started crying or something after she left her. She knew Linali never meant any harm…

But Mana hadn't either.

"Al-chan?"

Allen started a bit, Lavi's voice bringing her back to reality. She stared at his face, a tired expression plastered on it, and gave him a mediocre smile in return.

"Yeah, sorry. I blanked out a bit there."

"It's alright…but are you sure you're okay?" he asked, worry in his raspy voice.

The weight of the scratchiness in his voice made her cringe, imagining the pain he must be in.

"I don't think we should be focusing so much on me right now. Aren't you the one in pain here?"

"Yeah…I guess. But I don't want you to hurt either."

"I have a clean bill of health after I ate, you know," she stated in a matter of fact.

"Hurting doesn't only happen on the outside…you know that full and well," he replied, face somber.

"…You should really stop getting bedridden. It gives you time to think and makes you say wise stuff," she growled, no actual venom in her words.

She managed to get a chuckle out of him again.

"Yeah, stay out of bed so I don't get too smart. Never heard that one before, Al-chan," he joked, his smile widening as his visible eye closed in mirth.

They stayed quiet for a little while after that, enjoying each other's company. Then, as Allen had said, being bedridden gave him time to think. Thus, he had an idea.

"Hey, Allen?"

"Yes?" she asked, startled a bit that he called her without a nickname.

"What's wrong…what's going on with my innocence? Why is it taking so long? Why is it…" he trailed off, turning his face away from her. The last question didn't have to be said.

'Why is it so painful,' Allen thought, completing his question in her head, her expression solemn.

She shook her head and put a smile on her face, knowing that he didn't see it as he was facing away. It was more of a comfort to herself then to Lavi. She began to look off to the side, fidgeting nervously.

"I think I can figure that out for you. I haven't tried it before, but allow me…"

She saw him look up at the ceiling, the thought rolling through his head. He then closed his eyes. He nodded, submitting himself to his supposed fate.

Allen sat up straight in her chair and closed her eyes. She glanced at Lavi's glistening crystals before she breathed in. Her first breath was heavy, and then she began to breathe as if she were meditating.

The innocence within Allen's hand began pulsating a bit more, causing resonance with the crystals. As Allen's hand glowed brighter, her hair began to float up a little as well. If her eyes were open, they would be glowing green.

Lavi kept his eyes closed, but he could feel his innocence pulsing. It wasn't painful, and in fact, it seemed that the resonance soothed his agony, even if just a bit. It was like water was washed over his skin, starting from his wrists. He sighed, the pain almost completely ebbing away.

"Your innocence…is waiting," she whispered

Lavi's eye reopened at that, interrupting his thought process.

"What?" he asked, moving his head to look at the whitette beside him.

She was looking off to the other side of the hospital room, both irides glowing bright green and pupils silver, her hair floating a bit, "Your innocence is waiting on you for something. I myself am not sure what it is, but your innocence is waiting on you to make a choice."

The instant she said that it was waiting on a choice, Lavi knew what it was. The innocence wouldn't finish evolving until he chose which side he would be on. He sighed, knowing full and well that it had to be soon. He looked down to his own innocence, the red crystals glowing a bit. Then he watched as the Heart's eyes faded out from their previous glow, silver irides, and black pupils coming back into place.

Suddenly, the water-like feeling began to back away, pain coming back into place. He almost wanted to tell the whitette to keep resonating with him until all was over, but he knew that saying something like that would be selfish. He groaned a little, feeling the pain from before settle in even more than before.

"Lavi? Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

Lavi's eyes scrunched up as he groaned and muttered under his breath. After a second, he reopened his eyes, irides trembling a little from the shock of discomfort that ran through his nerves.

"Maybe," he murmured.

Allen's expression of worry didn't change. She bowed her head a little as she sighed before standing. Bending over the side of the bed, she placed her hands on the edge of it as she moved some of his bangs out of his face as he couldn't do it himself. Then, her pointer finger of her right hand poked his head lightly.

"Please hurry up and figure yourself out," she whispered to him, concern and care in the tone of her voice, "I hate seeing you like this, you know."

Standing up straight, she moved the chair from its spot by the bed to the wall near the large windows that had been behind her. She gave one last smile to the bedridden redhead before she left as silently as she came.

The teen's eye was still wide open from what Allen had said. He moved his gaze from the door to stare up at the ceiling. The white paint stared back at him, glowing eerily from the light outside. The paint seemed to question him as well.

In his head, he imagined that he were at the intersection of a "Y" pathway. Everything was dark except for the roads themselves, the paths a dark grey. Along the two different paths, there stood a form of himself.

One of the forms appeared as his child self. The child had a whole line of others behind him, the bodies slowly growing taller as they got older. His younger self had an expression of expectancy on its face, darkened eyes narrowed and lips pursed. The child was his duty.

The other form was him as he appeared before his wrist injury, only it had a few changes to it. The skin of its face was cracked akin to that of a cracked plate. Even so, its visible eye was warm, a small smile present on its face. This one held its hand out to him, beckoning him closer.

What side?

Who do you choose?

Do you choose who you've always been?

Or do you choose who, in your heart, you want to be?