Disclaimer: I don't own Glee
Chapter 13
He gripped the glass with shaking hands and brought it to his lips like a child learning to use his first baby cup.
Like a child the liquid dribbled down his mouth and chin as his throat was too tight to let the water in, he lurched forward and grabbed for a napkin, wiping the spillage away.
As he looked up he noticed with dawning embarrassment that the waitress was hovering around him, notebook in one hand, pen in the other, tapping the paper impatiently.
He nearly chocked in his eagerness to respond to her disapproving eye and raised eyebrow.
"I said would you like anything with your water there dear?"
"Oh no, I mean yes, l-later, I'm expecting company"
"Hmn, nice evening with grandma-?"
"Boyfriend, thank you" he said irritably, deciding quite quickly that he didn't like this particular waitress, with her bored drawl and expression so hard and judging that it made him flinch just to look her in the face.
Her eyes shot up, suddenly looking him up and down, "Hmn…I look forward to hearing your decision"
He forced a brief smile in response and reached for a breadstick that was sitting with a number of others in a small basket just to satisfy impatient hands and to be doing something else then looking at the waitress.
Giving him one last once over she moved onto the next table which distractedly sat three brutish looking teenage boys who seemed to be finding him quite interesting.
It struck him odd that three young guys would hang out with each other at 8.30pm in a family orientated Italian restaurant, but what was more pressing on his mind was the fact that Blaine was an hour and a half late.
He broke the breadstick in two, then into four, than just began crumbling the whole thing between his hands in impatience.
"Come on Blaine, come on, come on Blaine, come on" he whispered like a mantra.
Kurt closed his eyes, listening to the raucous laughter coming from the three boys on the table behind him.
He let his gaze drop to his glass, watched the ice float on the clear surface, began to draw letters into the condensation: B-l-a-i-n-e.
He scrunched his fist up and began to thump it onto the table.
It began to fall into a rhythm, he couldn't help it, he always thought it the strangest thing for people not to have rhythm; it came so easily to him, so easily that it was impossible for him to ever fall out of it. He tried it, but just ended up going on the off-beat.
He closed his eyes again but was jolted awake when he felt a hand close over his fist.
"I'm so sorry Kurt"
"Blaine? Blai-where have you been? I've been waiting here for nearly two hours, what's-?" Kurt's voice came out high and raspy, but grew in volume.
Blaine's handsome face was lined with worry and dark bags showed under his eyes, his usually well kept hair was sticking at all angles and his clothes were creased and worn.
He looked awful, and it stopped Kurt before he could start his rant, all his irritation and anger melting away.
The young man sat down wearily, pushing his hand through his messy hair.
They sat in silence for a bit, Kurt giving Blaine time to settle himself down and gather his obviously jumbled mind.
"How are/so what?-"
They both stopped, laughing dryly as they spoke at the same time.
"Do you/what is?"
"You first" said Kurt.
"So, um, how have you been?"
Kurt stared at him hard.
"Since when do we make small talk?" he said quietly.
Blaine looked at him with shame on his face, before casting his eyes to the table and rubbing his neck.
"Just tell me, it's me, just tell me"
His boyfriend looked like he was about to cry, he took a deep breath, "Kurt-"
"And here he is, my my, aren't you a lucky boy, it was certainly worth the wait, so what will it be gentlemen?" she said in one dry, sarcastic, emotionless breath.
"Um, a- just a water please"
The woman blinked, clearly unimpressed, looking briefly to Kurt as if expecting an apology from him then back to Blaine.
"Wow, what an adventurous couple, it might be a bit of a wait for the chef to prepare your order" she said as she wrote, "1 water", on her notebook and underlined it with a role of her eyes.
Blaine looked baffled at her retreating back, "What did I-"
"Don't worry, just, Blaine, you were-" he grabbed Blaine's hands and held them tightly in the centre of the table, rubbing his thumb over Blaine's knuckles.
The three boys on the other table laughed louder at the sight.
"Just ignore them, Blaine?"
Blaine's eyes held so much fear and hesitance that it made Kurt's blood run cold.
"Blaine, you're really starting to scare me now-"
"I'm moving"
Kurt didn't quite understand.
"Pardon, what- what does that mean?"
Blaine took his hands from Kurt's and, shaking, brought one to his mouth as tears began to fight their way from his eyes.
"I'm sorry, I've tried so hard to find the courage-"
"What do you mean your moving, why are you crying, where are you going?"
"London"
"London! Why on earth are you going to London!"
"My father, has a job-"
"Whoa, hold on, what are you, no! No, you can't just…leave, I've just found you, you can't-"
"Kurt please-"
"No! NO! This is, this isn't fair! I've got, I've got to go….moving?"
"Kurt! Just listen to me!"
But Kurt couldn't listen; he was too confused, too angry.
In truth all he wanted to do was throw his arms around his boyfriend and beg him to stay, but perhaps the news hadn't quite sunk in, perhaps he didn't believe what he had been told.
He pushed his chair backwards and, bumping heavily into the corner of the table, to the intense amusement of the three laughing boys, strode from the restaurant, Blaine in tow.
"Kurt wait!
"You're joking, tell me you're-"
"Oh God Kurt please, please don't make this harder then it already is"
They were both outside now, still in view of the boys who were craning in their seats to watch the argument like some television drama.
"You listen to me! You came into my life, let me believe that it was worth living, let me believe that someone could….lo-"
"I do-"
"How can you! If you did you wouldn't do this to me!"
"If you'd let me explain!"
"Explain what? That you're abandoning me?"
"Oh Kurt, its not abandoning, its just London, we can still phone each other-"
"Don't kid yourself, you'll be out there drinking tea, and-and-"
"Don't be ridiculous-"
"Ridiculous! Ridiculous! No, you know what's ridiculous, that I ever believed I could be happy"
Blaine's eyes filled with tears, trying to grab onto Kurt's hand.
"I came to tell you I was moving, but that I still want us be to together, to keep in touch!"
Kurt stayed silent then, looking deep into the other man's eyes, feeling the cold evening air on his skin, ignoring the onlookers passing them by.
"I love you, no wait, let me finish, I love you….and I loved my mother, and I tell you now, it hurts too much, it hurts too much, I can't do it again, so please….can we just keep it to one goodbye".
He turned his head, pulling his hand away from Blaine, trying to ignore the other boy's shouts and pleads as he walked away.
He always imagined drowning to be quite, peaceful. Watching it must be silent, just a ripple on the surface of the water.
He felt like he was drowning now, his mouth and nose filling with tears, his throat closed tight shut, the panic, the weakness….and no, drowning was not quite…it was deafening.
GGGGG
The slam of the door shot Burt Hummel out of his doze. He had been just nodding off to the flickering of the television when his son thundering up the stairs brought him smack bang back to waking life.
"Kurt, is that you son, Kurt!"
He sighed, pulled his cap half way off his head, scratched his scalp.
"This better not be about boy's" he groaned.
He trudged wearily up the stairs, just hearing his son's high-pitched sobs coming from the bathroom.
"Kurt, come on kiddo, what happened, please come out"
"Just leave me alone dad, please, just leave me alone"
Burt was leaning one hand against the door now, trying to hear his son as best he could through the wood.
"Ah, you see I can't do that, my son is upset and I need to help him, it's just the way it is, so come on, and we can…talk"
A few muffled sobs could be heard.
"You wouldn't understand"
"Oh yea? Try me"
Burt gave his son time to think, than moved away as the door opened slowly to reveal his puffy eyed child.
"Blaine's moving"
"Blaine? Your boyfriend Blaine?"
Great, it was about boys, maybe he wouldn't understand after all.
"He's moving to London".
"What? What's he doing that for?"
Kurt sniffed, "I didn't really stick around much to hear why"
"Oh Kurt"
Burt put his arm around Kurt, squeezing gently.
"You'll find someone else-"
"No!"
Kurt tore from his fathers embrace.
"No I won't! That's it dad, he was the one, the only one-!"
"You say that now, but there will be someone else, look at me and Carol-!"
"This isn't about you!"
"Don't shout at me-"
"I don't care dad, because right now that's all I want to do, I want to shout and scream about how unfair this is-"
"Of course you do, that's natural, but don't take it out on me, this isn't my fault"
Kurt threw his arms up exasperated.
"I know dad, I'm not- God, I can't talk to you!"
He pushed past his father, running down the stairs.
"It's going to be ok-"
"No dad, it's not going to be ok, none of this is ok, we haven't been ok for a long time"
He motioned with his hand between the both of them.
"You know it, I know it, ever since Karofsky and Dalton and Blaine it hasn't been the same between us"
"Come on son, that's not true"
"It is! It really is, we've been awkward around each other, we can't talk properly, I feel weird being in the same room with you, you know sometimes…sometimes I feel like my father died along with my mother!"
Burt raised both his hands into the air in frustration, but Kurt, feeling his instincts from school kick in, flinched violently, waiting for his father to hit him.
Burt froze where he stood, letting his arms fall slowly down.
"Kurt…? What are you?"
Kurt opened his eyes timidly, ashamed of his reaction.
Burt stood in shock, feeling like he'd been hit by a truck. He promised himself that he would never make his son look at him like Kurt just did.
"Have I ever hit you? Have I ever given you reason to think that I would?"
Kurt, wide eyed, shook his head quickly, whispering, "No, no"
"Cause I would never ever do that, I- my God son? What's wrong with you?"
The tearful boy snapped his head round, staring in disbelief.
Burt knew he had said the wrong thing.
"No, Kurt, I didn't mean that"
"Just leave me alone dad please"
"Kurt, come on, we need to sort this out!"
"I said leave me alone!"
He slammed the door to his bedroom, sank to the ground and cried.
He'd never felt so alone.
GGGGGGGG
The morning had been strained, Finn didn't know quite what had happened, but knew it had been bad.
Father and son managed to completely avoid each other, never meeting each others gaze, never interacting, both wanting nothing more then to apologize but neither of them finding the courage to do so.
Finn thought it would be a good idea to drive Kurt to school, so the two found themselves driving in silence.
The only words spoken on the whole trip was: "Oh Finn, when did everything go so wrong?"
Kurt sat blankly in the choir room, staring into the nothingness of his turbulent mind.
It seems to eradicate a bad thing an even worse thing needs to happen and that seemed to be Kurt's life at the moment; getting Beist fired had seemed bad, then being thrown in the dumpster, then getting Karofsky expelled and the flack he received from that, then Blaine and now his father. He was almost too afraid to live another day in-case of what might happen next.
Mercedes could sense something was wrong, it wasn't just her intuition as a friend, anyone could see from a mile away that something was wrong, and had been wrong for a long time.
Kurt just wasn't Kurt, it was a like a stranger was sitting next to her in mismatched designer clothes.
"Kurt baby, I'm so sorry about Blaine"
She tried to reach him again, but anything she said he just ignored. Sometimes she could catch him humming 'Blackbird'.
Will Schuester entering the choir room gave Mercedes a welcome distraction; being around Kurt at the moment wasn't very fun.
"Hello fellow stars, we've got a lot to fit in today so I think we should get going….who's turn is it for the next solo?"
Rachel's hand shot up.
"Rachel, you've already done-"
"No Mr. Schue its Pucks turn but he isn't here because it seems he can't keep himself out of juvie"
"Wait what?"
Kurt's head snapped round, the only sign of life he'd shown all morning.
"What happened?"
Rachel turned her head towards Kurt, an odd expression on her face.
"It appears he discovered who threw you in that dumpster…and beat them up, badly"
"What?"
"Oh my Lord"
Finn put his head in his hands and Mercedes felt like she could scream in anger at that boy.
"I wanted those guys to get their comeuppance, I told Puck to do what he had to do but I didn't mean beat them up!"
Finn groaned loudly, "I should have known this would happen, I said we should take matters into our own hands, teach them a lesson but I meant embarrass them or something, not…hurt them"
"Apparently Azimio is in the hospital" piped up Rachel.
"Wait, what, Azimio? Azimio wasn't involved, what's going on here!"
"I don't know Kurt, but it seems like a lot of people are getting in trouble for you"
"Heh heh, whoa whoa, lets not start turning on each other, Puckerman made his choice, he protected his friend, I would hope in the same circumstance we would do the same…well, not beat anyone up, but, urgh…. Kurt, are you ok?"
Kurt nodded, but really he was miles away.
Finn patted his brothers back, "Come on Kurt, this isn't your fault, none of us knew what he was planning to do, don't beat yourself up"
"He won't, he'll just get other people-"
"Enough! Right, come on then, we'll talk about this later, right now we've got some solos to get through, Artie, your next, come on up to the front, your singing 'Endless Night' from The Lion King am I right?"
Artie nodded, giving Kurt that same odd look that Rachel had done before, he knew what it was; people were starting to turn on him.
As the first bars of the music started Kurt couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling he had inside; why was everyone he got close to leaving him? Now Puck was gone he felt selfishly unsafe and more alone then ever now the Glee club were starting to turn their backs on him.
He couldn't believe that Puck had been so stupid, and for him of all people.
But what about Azimio? Had Puck beat him up too because of the encounter they'd had earlier? It was possible. But the last time, Karofsky had been wrongly blamed and expelled as the one who'd put Kurt in the dumpster, by Coach Humbert….and now Azimio had been beaten up even though it was nothing to do with him…was the Coach responsible for this too?
He squirmed in his seat at the possibility and tried to ignore the waves of guilt pulsing through him.
"It'll be ok Kurt, Pucks a big guy, he's in and out that place all the time, he can handle himself" Finn whispered.
It didn't stop the guilt.
"Where has the starlight gone?
Dark is the day
How can I find my way home?
Home is an empty dream
Lost to the night
Father, I feel so alone
You promised you'd be there
Whenever I needed you
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere
I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare"
Ok, all this symbolism was getting too painfully ironic.
GGGGG
He opened up the draw, brought out his notepad and picked up his pen.
He popped a gummy worm into his mouth, sour lemon flavour.
Bringing the pen to the paper he wrote the name Azimio Adams under Will Schuester and Dave Karofsky and then straight after drew a line through it.
He then turned the page to read, smirking slightly, he has a brother, this complicates things, Puckerman could be a problem too. Perhaps not as much as a problem as first imagined, if Puckerman delivers his end.
He happily ripped the page out and put it through the paper shredder, he then turned back to the previous page writing neatly Noah Puckerman under the newly added Azimio Adams and also put a line through it.
"Let them obey that know not how to rule" he said again.
"Let them obey that know not how to rule…".
His eyes now moved up and focused on Will Schuester.
GGGGG
A/N: I had such a panic with this, cause I wrote the whole thing, then started on the next chapter then suddenly the computer went crazy and froze and crashed and just arrghh! I was so sure I'd lost everything, but I found it! yay! Which is so good cause I'm back to uni again and really wanted to write some more before I started, so I'm glad I got it back! ^^ I'm going to try my best to keep writing during uni, I've got too many plans for this story to leave it! I like it too much! :)
Thanks everyone for the reviews and favs/alerts! ^^ love you all!
The song Artie sang was 'Endless Night' from the broadway show of The Lion King. ^^
Oh and a quick note to say that I won't be adding anything into this story that's currently happening in season three, obviously, as in my story Blaine is leaving whereas in real Glee he's a part of McKinley! :D