A/N: This story has totally spun out of control. It started as a one-shot in my head. That warped into a five chapter one and now I'm thinking it's going to be twenty chapters in total. And lots of stuff still doesn't make sense with the ending I got planned (but now it's kind of happy). But that's fan fiction for you. Hopefully most of your questions will be answered!

This is sort of part 1 of chapter 13 which is why it might feel like nothing happens! And yes I have a thing for kitten pictures so Rachel does too! *urg* and why do I keep wanting to call Takata Randal instead of Donald! It's the universe conspiring against me!

Also this fic is not being put on hold but there will probably be a few weeks until the next update because I'm doing NaNoWrMo "camp" and school + work is starting soon! If I get bored with my WIP novel; ART OF STOP! (Which I think some of you people might like. It has a witch, a vampire, a bunch of werewolves, little bit in-love-denial on the main character's part and an evil conspiracy!) DreamScape will be the first project I try to work on!

Listening to: 21 Guns by Green Day

Thirteen

- Paradise is not a place which we go after we die. It's a place we create as we live. –

July 12th

"Ouch," I said while dabbing at the cut on Ivy's forehead. By all right she should be the one complaining. But she was not even looking discomforted. So I was making pained sounds for her. "It might not need stitches but it looks kind of nasty. At least it's not bleeding anymore."

"Please Rachel. I've had worse scratches than this and all you did was frown at me."

"I never frowned at you. Well, I did sometimes. But that's not the point," I trailed off and stopped fussing with her wound. It was about as clean as it was going to get and we were out of band-aids. That seemed strange because Ivy was always stocking up on things she called "useful." I swear there could be a siege and we'd have enough toothpaste and pickles to last us a year.

Ivy got up from the chair and headed over to the kitchen window. She closed it, looking at the dark clouds that had started moving in as we left the scene of the werewolf attack. Ivy had thought it best if we didn't get involved and the I.S. officers had disappeared in pursuit of the werewolf not giving Ivy or me a second glance. Even though I had wanted to see if they caught the Were, I had figured it was best if Ivy stayed clear of police stuff for a while. After all she had killed someone.

"You want dinner?" I asked, suddenly desperate for something to do. I wasn't sure why. Maybe because we were alone in the church and I had so much I wanted to say, only I couldn't ask the questions I wanted to.

I wanted to ask her about Gordon Goliath, if he was the wolf she had killed. I wanted to ask her to bite me, but when I had brought that up this morning she had totally shut down. It was strange, because I had thought being with Ivy would mean sharing more thoughts and worries than… not being with her. Now I was too concerned I would say something that would freak her out and hurt her.

"Not really hungry," Ivy said and stared out the window. She didn't turn back to look at me, as if she knew I was itching to talk to her about something, but was still working up the courage to do so.

"Tell me about something happy," I blurted out. "I mean tell me about a happy memory."

"What?" she asked turning to me. She looked genuinely confused. "Why?"

"Does there have to be a reason?" I asked getting up and closing the first aid kit. I looked back at her."Can't I just ask because I want to know?"

Ivy put a hand to her head. I thought because her head must be throbbing, or maybe digging through her memories was causing the pain. My stomach tightened as I thought about the memory in my dream. Little Ivy in the beautiful but still so horrible white dress…

"Okay," she said slowly. "There was this one Christmas. Erica was just a baby; I was about thirteen. My dad got this really big tree. I mean it was huge." She smiled at the memory and I leaned back against the table to watch her.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It went all the way to the ceiling." I nodded, able to appreciate just how big the tree would have had to be because I had been to Ivy's parent's house. The ceiling was like 20 feet."So we spent half the day decorating it then…" she surprised me by smiling wider. Even her eyes crinkled with this smile. They shone in a way I had never seen before.

"What?" I asked walking over to her, now having to know the end to this story. She looked away, small red spots on her cheeks. "Come on," I took her hands,"tell me."

"Well when my dad was getting the star up he somehow managed to flip the tree over." She shook her head. "I don't know how. But it was way too big for us to do anything about. Or maybe we could have, but my dad said it was fine like that. We'd just have a horizontal tree instead." She looked down at our entwined hands. "That was a great Christmas."

"Is that your happiest memory?"

"Yes. I guess. Kind of lame," she said with a little shrug. I could tell she wasn't telling the whole truth. She tilted her head up a little and pulled her hands away from mine. "Your mother's car just stopped outside."

That was one way to change the topic.

"How…" I wondered just how she knew what my mom's car sounded like but I supposed they had been spending some time together while I was in the hospital.

There was a knock on the door.

"You better get that," she said and turned to open the fridge. I guessed she was hungry after all. I trotted down the hall and into the sanctuary. The pixies squealed, making my eyeballs hurt.

"Hey," I called up to them. "It's going to start raining soon. You should go out to the stump." There were more shrill noises, and I shook my head before opening the door.

"Rachel," my mother said cheerfully before hugging me. She thankfully pulled away quickly and I didn't have to feel too awkward. Takata was standing a little bit off looking like he really didn't belong in his purple suit. "You look better. Do you feel better? Is there anything you need? Donald and I were just leaving for the airport but we could stay if you need us." She reached forward and put her hand on my forehead. "Are you taking your meds? Do you feel sick at all?"

"I'm fine mom," I said pulling away from her hand. I was feeling surprisingly good considering the day's events. "You should go I'm good I just…I..." I looked towards the corridor. Ivy hadn't come to say hi to my mom. It wasn't like they were bestis or anything but I had maybe wanted to…what? Introduce Ivy as my girlfriend? I wasn't sure we were ready for that.

"You sure sweetheart? Our plane leaves in three hours but we could-"

"Actually," Takata…or um…Donald interrupted, perhaps sensing I was so not in chatty-mom-mode. "It would be better if we left now. It takes some time to check in and find-"

"You're right," my mom said turning to him. Changing her mind she turned back around and hugged me again. "You stay safe, you hear me!?"

"Yeah I hear you mom." I patted her shoulder before letting go of her. She took one step down.

"Oh, I nearly forgot." She spun around again. "Here is your bag." She handed me the bag I had been using the day of the attack. I took it, surprised. I figured it would have been covered in blood or something. It looked just like I remembered from my flashback, not one stain or rip in it. Except for the mustard stain that had been there since last new year's eve.

"Thanks," I said uncertainly looking into the bag, half expecting blood inside it instead.

"Feel better Rachel," Takata said as he took my mother's hand. "Try not to get shot again. Or anything else too horrible." He smiled over his shoulder but there was real concern in his eyes, which I guess was nice.

"I'll do my best," I called after him as they walked over to my mom's car. I hoped they would make it to the airport before the rain, and possible storm, the clouds above us clearly promised. That I had been complaining about the sun a few hours ago was hard to believe. A gust of wind threaded to topple the cherry three our neighbor had planted last month and I wished I was wearing something more substantial than a tank top.

Takata and my mom drove off and I went back inside walking back towards the corridor. Ivy was heading over to meet me, a small bag of chips in her hand.

"Hey." I said softly, stopping her right outside her room."Why didn't you come talk to my mom?"

"I wasn't sure you wanted me to," she said with a shrug and ducked into her bed room. I knew following an eating vampire who was trying to leave wasn't the smartest thing to do. Still I put the bag my mom had just given me down and followed her.

"I just thought-"I said as Ivy sat on her bed, slowly pulling a chip out and putting it in her mouth.

"What about you?" Ivy interrupted me and raised an eyebrow. "Happy memory?"

I paused for a moment, unsure why she was changing the subject. Her face was blank. She tilted her head and chewed the chip slowly, giving nothing of her mode away. Hesitantly I sat down next to her on the bed. There was something fragile about her. Her loneliness, her sadness that had seemed temporarily banished as we went shopping, was back. I decided to let it go and answer her question.

"I don't have any really happy childhood memories." I had been too busy being poked with needles and watching my friends die."None about Christmas or trees at least," I said with a little smile. Living with Ivy had brought me lots of new things, one of them being Christmas trees. Vampires might be supernatural baddies but they still believed in Santa.

"What about grown-up memories?" she asked as I stole a chip from her bag. She raised an eyebrow and her pupils widened. While I normally loved Ivy's beautiful brown eyes the way they were, her widening pupil sent shivers all over me. And not in a bad way.

I raised my eyebrows."That sounds suspiciously kinky, Ivy." Ivy shook her head at me but smiled as she laid back on the bed. "How about now?" I moved so I was next to her head. "Now is a pretty nice memory."

"Really? That's the best you got." Ivy snorted.

"Fine." I took the chip bag from her. "I think…" I laid down too, our heads and bodies inches apart. "The first time our auroras merged, maybe?" She tensed. That had been a pretty fantastic memory. Her teeth sinking into me, our bodies so close and our auras becoming one. Amazing and fantastic barely covered it. Until she lost control and nearly killed me. "Or maybe when Kisten took me to lunch once and it started raining so we ate in the Corvette. And the first winter solstice we spent here. I guess it's hard to pick just one."

"Not for me," she said. "I have one that…that changed me. A memory that even when I think about it now it makes me happy. But I wasn't sure if I should tell you. It's even more stupid than a horizontal Christmas tree."

"That wasn't stupid."

"I never told anyone about the tree, you know." She turned to look at me at last her dark eyes full of an emotion I couldn't quite place. "It seemed stupid to find something so silly, marvelous." She paused. "The best memory I have, the one I used to focus on when things got bad…I doubt you'll remember." She looked away shyly.

"It was a while after we moved here. I don't know exactly when. You were spelling; you had been for most of the day. Sleeping potions. No, wait it was some new spell you were trying out. I was at my computer. You and Jenks were cheerful, and he kept making you laugh. I had spent the day just watching, amazed you were even letting me just witness the moment. The happiness."

Her words made me feel sad rather than any emotion close to happiness. I couldn't even remember the day because there were quite a few days like that. Still it was always a big concern for me. Ivy didn't take part in mine and Jenks' easy ways and smiles. She was so burdened by her past and her future as an undead. To say it bothered me was putting it lightly.

I wanted to tell her I was sorry she felt like an outsider, that I didn't know how to make her happy. Or how to include her. It was hard not to understand her, she was like this onion but no matter how many layers I peeled away I could never quite figure her out. And I was sorry for that. But before I could say any of it she continued.

"Then after you were done spelling, you were all sweaty and your hair was a mess, you looked at me like it was the first time you realized I was in the room." To my surprise a tear suddenly rolled down Ivy's cheek. She wiped it away quickly as if hoping I wouldn't see it. I took her hand, wanting to make it better but not sure how.

"And you pulled up a chair, so close to me I could smell everything on you. You must have known. Or you didn't and just... You just didn't seem to care that I was so close. You weren't scared at all." She reached out to touch my face but stopped before her fingers could reach my cheeks, pulling away." "You hijacked my computer, Jenks landed on the table."

"And I pulled up this website with cat pictures," I said, suddenly realizing what day she was talking about. I had felt silly, trying to get her to cheer up a little by showing her some stupid pictures. "Jenks started laughing at it. So hard he fell over." I remembered waiting for her to laugh or do something. I wasn't sure back then where we stood in our fragile roommate situation. I had just wanted to make her day better.

Ivy nodded."And you turned to me, with this little smile, like you were waiting for me to agree it was funny before laughing yourself." She wiped another tear away. "I don't know why I'm crying. Maybe I have brain damage."

"It's okay," I whispered and wiped another tear from her face.

"It's stupid. I just…that was the first time I felt truly included. Like I was a part of something good and simple. And untainted." She sniffed and shook her head.

"That's funny. When I look at your aura and then mine…you're the pure one." I turned onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. "When they merged…I almost felt like I was the one getting you dirty."

"A person's aura doesn't tell everything," she said softly and sat up, her legs dangling over the edge of the bed. "But the past…I'm not letting it define me anymore."

"What is it?" I asked as she got off the bed and walked slowly over to the window pulling the curtains back.

"It finally started raining."

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