Caleb sits across from me with a plate of toast in front of him. I notice that he has started to eat the insides first, just like he did back when he was still my brother.
"What do you want to know?" My voice sounds tight. I do not want it to. All I want is for my brother to be back, for him to remember me and grieve with me. I want him back the way he was.
He pauses, the piece of toast in his hand hovering halfway between the plate and his mouth. "Well, I want to know about me. What I was like. What our family was like. Everything."
I try to process his words. It is both hard and easy at once. "Caleb. Our parents were Natalie and Andrew Prior. They probably told you that. Didn't they?"
He nods. This time, he does not look eager. Just thoughtful.
"She was from this place and went to our old city - Chicago is what they call it here - to try to stop the government from becoming corrupted. She wrote a diary. You can probably ask to see it later. Our dad was from the city originally. From Erudite."
"They got married, even though our mom was supposed to come back in a few years. So here we are." I stop talking as my head fills with thoughts of our parents. It is bittersweet.
Caleb looks at the table. "But...Beatrice, can you tell me little things about me? Things I used to do or say?"
I pause before speaking. "Well, you call me Tris. After I joined Dauntless, that's what you called me. When we were four our mom fell outside of our house and broke her arm. You held my hand the whole time at the hospital. When we were really youn, you scolded me for not giving my jump rope to another girl. You were always the selfless one."
"You joined Erudite when we turned sixteen. I was surprised, because you'd always been so selfless. So we parted ways. But after Dauntless and Erudite attacked Abnegation, you came back to me. We stayed in Amity, but then Erudite found us and we had to go to Candor. You told me you went back to the remaining people of Abnegation." I can hear my voice begin to shake.
"But you didn't. You went to Erudite. And when Jeanine threatened to kill people if a divergent didn't turn themselves in, I went to Erudite headquarters. She tortured me with simulations and then, I saw you there, Caleb." I stop talking and inhale deeply, running my hand up and down my legs in an attempt to comfort myself.
"Tobias rescued me. The factionless and Erudite got into a big war. The factionless were going to kill you, but we took you with us when we left the city. We stayed here at the Bureau for a while, and then they were going to release memory serum and reset everyone in our city. We had to stop them."
"We had a plan. You were supposed to go into the Weapons Lab and release the memory serum in the Bureau instead. But the Weapons Lab was guarded by death serum. There was no way you could have survived. So I went in instead, because I am divergent and there was a chance I could resist the serum. I did. But David, the leader of the Bureau, was in there too."
"I almost didn't survive. I was shot several times. But then I woke up in the hospital, and they told me you had lost all your memories. Because we thought you were going to die, we never inoculated you against the memory serum. So here we are."
Caleb is silent. Then he reaches out and takes my hand. "Bea- I mean, Tris." He looks up. His eyes, like mine, have tears in them.
"I'm sorry," he says, and his voice sounds thick. Very thick. It makes me feel small and squeezed on the inside.
"Don't apologize for something you don't remember," I tell him. "The past is the past. Just use your guilt to remember to do better next time." I find myself quoting the Abnegation.
I hope my parents can hear me.