Fate/Revenant Sword
By: James D. Fawkes
Chapter XIII: The Path You and I Walk
— o.0.O.O.0.o —
In the end, the gambit was successful and everything turned out as they'd hoped; Sakura survived, Zouken was gone. And despite that...
Shirou was not ashamed to admit that he didn't sleep well.
No, that was an understatement.
Shirou was not ashamed to admit that he had been plagued by nightmares most of the night, the majority of which consisted of either Archer taunting him for his failures or the multitude of things that could have gone wrong when he, Rin, and Saber had tried to save Sakura.
Trying to save Sakura had been incredibly risky; Gáe Bolg was a spear designed to kill, so much so that it reversed causality in order exact its curse of impalement. It was a weapon whose only purpose was murder, a spear that always struck the heart. The damage it did was almost guaranteed to be fatal, and only someone with the sort of luck Saber had could avoid that sure-kill strike once it began.
Using a weapon like that on Sakura in order to save her from Zouken was insanity. It meant that she would die, no matter what. Her heart would be pierced and shredded. The only thing that had saved her was Avalon, the miracle that had so many times saved his own life.
But even with Avalon, there were so many things that could have gone wrong. A single miscalculation and Sakura would have died. A single mistake would have made Shirou a murderer, and worse, the murderer of someone he considered family. All it would have taken was a mistake in transplanting Avalon, a mistake in making the pass between Saber and Sakura, or a single miscalculation in getting rid of Zouken, and it would have meant Sakura's death.
Those possibilities had dogged his sleep. Those possibilities had transformed into nightmares that refused to leave him be. His dreams became a whirling kaleidoscope of horror and terror and despair.
The worst of the dreams, the ones that twisted Shirou's heart the most, were the ones where Sakura woke up as he used Gáe Bolg on her, and her eyes would widen, filled with hurt, betrayal, utter empty hopelessness, and crushing despair, just as the spear pierced her chest and destroyed her heart. She would scream — not loud, echoing screams, but silent, breathless screams that never left her mouth. She would scream, and he would have to watch, completely helpless, as he killed her in order to save her.
And then he would wake up in a cold sweat in the dark with her silent screams ringing in his ears.
The other nightmares that really got to him were the ones where Sakura just didn't wake up at all. The terrifying red spear, Gáe Bolg, would thrust into her heart and do its job, only too well; the strike that was supposed to kill only Zouken killed Sakura, too. Then, Rin and Saber would look at him as they all realized what had happened, as they all realized that he had killed her, that Sakura was dead, and that it was Shirou who had done the deed.
In some ways, the horror and betrayal on their faces as they looked at him were worse than the fact that Sakura had been killed.
That was how Shirou woke up that morning: tired from the troubled sleep, dogged by a worried conscience, and dragged down by lingering doubts as the remnants of a nightmare played in his ears. It didn't matter that he knew how the situation actually had played out, that Sakura had been mostly fine (and Zouken-free) just minutes afterwards, his mind still played endless back-and-forth what-if games as though it were determined to drive him crazy.
Not even Saber's warmth beside him, nor the lingering smell of vanilla in his nostrils as his eyelids fluttered open, dispelled the horrors that had flitted through his mind in the midnight hours.
He lay there like that for a while, trying to drive the nightmares away with nothing more than sheer force of will as the stripes of sunlight grew longer and brighter, but when, what must have been an hour later, that elusive peace still evaded him, he decided to give it up and just get out of bed.
He was careful not to rouse Saber as he untangled his arms and legs from hers; there was a moment when she rolled over and murmured something as he was standing up, but when she did nothing else, he breathed a sigh of relief and brought the blanket back up to her shoulders. He would have felt bad about disturbing that peaceful little smile on her face.
Shirou dressed quietly, and mused about how strangely at ease he was with the idea that Saber could wake up and see him at any moment. That nervous modesty that he'd had — where did it go? What had changed between them that he was so comfortable with baring his body to her?
After dressing, he decided that he might as well go prepare breakfast, so he opened his door, took one last lingering glance at Saber's peaceful little smile, and shut it behind him.
The next thing Shirou did was check in on his guests. Ilya and Sakura were peacefully asleep, and were it not for Shirou's own knowledge of what had and was happening to their bodies, he might have thought it completely natural. But Ilya was filled with no less than five Heroic Spirits; her body was falling apart on the inside, deteriorating, decaying — she would doubtlessly sleep through the day, and then the next day, and the day after that until the War was over and the Grail had been manifested and used (or destroyed).
Sakura…well, Sakura had just had her heart systematically destroyed and regenerated. Just the day before, Zouken had tried to possess her and would have undoubtedly killed them all if he'd succeeded. With the degree of mental and physical trauma she'd suffered, she might just sleep as long as Ilya did.
And the worst part of it all was that he couldn't do anything for either of them.
Fuji-nee's room proved empty, so Shirou figured that she must have left sometime the night before. No doubt, she'd panicked about oversleeping and had thrown herself out the door as quickly as she could, screaming her head off about how late she was.
When Shirou entered the living room, however, he discovered that he was not the only one who was already awake.
"Good morning," Rin greeted from the table. She took a sip of the tea in her hand.
"Good morning," he responded, more on reflex than on intention.
"I stayed up all night watching Sakura," Rin offered as an explanation. Shirou could believe it — there were faint rings of purplish-black under her eyes from lack of sleep. She took another sip. "She's doing well, all things considered."
Some of the tension that had followed him since he'd woken up dissipated.
"That's good," he said. "I have to admit, I was kind of worried."
"I don't blame you," Rin told him sympathetically. "I'd be surprised if you got much sleep either — I certainly couldn't. All I got was a few minutes here and there while I was watching over Sakura. Nevertheless, at her current rate, Sakura should make a full recovery by noon, if she hasn't already."
She gave him a tired but triumphant smile. "We did it, Shirou. Zouken's gone, and Sakura will be fine."
He couldn't stop himself from smiling, too.
It put most of his worries at ease. Hearing that Sakura would be fine, hearing that their plan had worked and all of their troubles with Zouken were over — he had to admit, it was like a load had been removed from his shoulders. It was like an invisible burden had been weighing him down and had just been lifted.
"Well," she went on when he didn't say anything, "I suppose that only leaves Lancer, doesn't it? One more, and this whole thing will all be over."
"Yeah." He strode past the table and over towards the kitchen. "Mind if I cook this morning?"
"Go ahead," she waved him off. "If I tried to cook, I'd probably fall asleep in whatever I tried to make."
"Thanks," he called over his shoulder. He grabbed some pots and pans and started pulling ingredients from the fridge. Technically, Rin's turn had been yesterday, and today was Sakura's turn, but as Rin had been held hostage when it was her turn and Sakura was in no condition to cook right then, he would be cooking for the third day in a row.
No, wait. That was dinner. They alternated cooking dinner. Right. So Rin would probably decide to cook dinner to make up for missing it the day before (he'd cooked because Rin was practically glued to Sakura's side, and in the end, only he and Saber had actually eaten).
"So, tell me, Shirou," Rin said casually. There was a pause where he imagined her taking another sip of her tea. "How does it end?"
"How does…what end?" he asked distractedly.
So, rice was a staple, not only of Japanese cooking, but of the Japanese diet. Trying to have breakfast without rice wouldn't work out too well, especially since Saber and Fuji-nee ate so much of it.
"The Grail War," she said matter-of-factly, with an unspoken 'duh' tacked onto the end.
If he'd been walking, he would've stumbled. That actually would have been nicer than what actually happened — his right knee jerked forward and slammed painfully into the stove. His knee burst into pain like an exploding star, lances of agony that shot up and down his leg, and though it certainly had nothing on turning his nerves into makeshift Magic Circuits, it wasn't exactly fun, either.
He groaned. There was no Avalon to give him instant healing this time.
"Geez," Rin said, and though she didn't laugh, her voice certainly gave away just how funny she thought it was. "What a reaction I got from you!"
"Tousaka," he moaned.
"Don't worry, I haven't told anyone," she said with what he imagined was a dismissive wave of her hand. "But really, it seems so obvious when I think about it now. I mean, there were so many signs — the way you'd react to the most random of things, the way you seemed to know about certain stuff but were so oblivious to other stuff…I'm surprised I didn't realize it sooner. But I suppose that when someone is acting strange, your first thought isn't 'time travel,' is it?"
The pain in Shirou's knee throbbed, but the worst of it had subsided. "Tousaka —"
"No, don't tell me," she demanded before he could really start. "It's better if you don't tell me what's going to happen so that I don't screw anything up. If you told me anything, I'd be too tempted to change it, so it's best if you don't tell me anything at all."
Wasn't that the entire point, though? Hadn't he been trying to change the events of the Grail War using the knowledge he'd gained from his first venture through it? With that kind of opportunity…why would Rin give it up? The chance to change the future, the chance to reroll the dice, this time in your favor…
It was a heady temptation.
"Tousaka," he started.
"Anyway," she cut him off again. "What are you planning on doing now, Shirou?"
He sighed and gave up. Rin really was a rather stubborn girl.
"I'm going to take Saber out on a date today," he admitted calmly.
Now...Now, the only enemies left were Gilgamesh, Cuchulainn, and Kotomine Kirei. He had only a few more days remaining until he had no other choice but to fight them, only a few more days until he had to say goodbye to Saber — for good, this time. There would be no third chance, and even if it was offered, he had already decided he wouldn't take it.
Nearly all of his other memories of her, even the ones he cherished dearly, were tinged by the urgency of battle and conflict. Even if it was only this one, he wanted a memory of them as normal people simply enjoying each other's presence.
So, he had to take it. This day of freedom, this day where nothing else would interrupt them, he needed to take it and enjoy it with Saber. If he didn't, then he would regret it for the rest of his life.
There was a moment of silence. The laughter Shirou had expected didn't come.
"I should probably laugh," Rin began, "but I imagine you did something like this last time, right?"
"Yeah."
"And I laughed then, didn't I?"
"You did."
"Then I won't laugh this time," she concluded succinctly. "If you're serious about this, Shirou, then I give you my blessings."
He wasn't exactly sure what to think about that. "Um, thanks."
"It's no problem." He could imagine her shrugging. "I actually kind of like you guys. And I'd have to be blind and deaf not to notice how compatible you two are and how well you get along — how many times have you woken up snuggled together with her in the morning?"
Shirou flushed and stiffened for just a moment — an involuntary reaction — but that was all Rin would need to know that she had hit the nail on the head.
"That's what I thought," she said. "It's kind of strange, though. Saber, being the kind of person she is, I expected her to be pretty uncomfortable with that sort of thing."
To be honest, so had he, but up until that morning when she had asked to simply lay in bed together, he couldn't be sure she'd ever known that he had snuggled up to her in the middle of the night. He wanted to believe that she had, that she had willingly and knowingly allowed it to continue for whatever reason, but…
But if he was wrong, then…
At that moment, the living room door opened. Shirou glanced over his shoulder — it was Saber, dressed in her usual clothing and looking as though she had slept rather soundly. At the same time, Saber glanced at him and met his eyes, and he saw her lips twitch as though she were recalling some fond memory and holding in a smile.
Then, the moment passed, and Shirou turned back to the breakfast he was cooking.
"Good morning," Saber said politely.
"Good morning," Rin greeted back.
"Morning, Saber," Shirou called out to her.
"Sakura is still asleep, then?"
"She is," Rin answered. "Her condition has improved tremendously, but I don't think she'll be waking up again for another few days. Her body and mind both need time to come to terms with what happened to her yesterday."
"I see," Saber said neutrally. "And Ilyasviel?"
"Won't wake up for a while," Rin replied succinctly. "She'll probably sleep through the rest of the Grail War, and to be honest, that's probably a kinder situation for her to be in than if she were awake."
"You're probably right," Saber agreed. "Ilyasviel is the vessel for the Grail, so it cannot be especially comfortable to carry the power and energy of five Heroic Spirits inside of her body. Yes, it's for the best that she remain asleep for now."
Shirou made one final adjustment to the last dish, then turned off the stove. Breakfast was ready.
"Saber," he glanced back over his shoulder at her, "could you give me a hand with these plates?"
"Of course, Shirou."
After a quiet "Itadakimasu," breakfast was eaten in silence, as usual. It was something that Shirou took pride in, the fact that no one wanted to distract themselves from his cooking with small talk. It was intensely gratifying to know that people liked it that much.
The only time anyone said anything was when Shirou mentioned Fuji-nee's absence, which was a bit strange, because she absolutely loved his cooking and practically refused to go a day without it. Rin gave him a short, quick answer — Fuji-nee was busy up at the school, where the police investigation had finally concluded and the teachers were meeting to discuss plans to fix the damage and reopen classes.
If Shirou were honest with himself, he'd forgotten about the issues up at school entirely. So much stuff had happened in the past few days that it had, quite naturally, slipped his mind. Well, it wasn't especially strange, he figured. The Grail War was taking up a significant portion of his time and concentration, so it wasn't like it was odd that he'd forgotten all about school and the fact that he would inevitably have to go back to it.
"Alright, then," Rin said once everyone had finished. "You two have a busy day to look forward to, so I'll take care of the dishes, okay?"
Saber, who had reached for her dirty plate as she started to stand, stopped. "A busy day?"
Instead of answering, Rin turned to look at Shirou and quirked a little smile. That was supposed to be his cue, he supposed, so he cleared his throat a little.
"We're going on a date," he stated clearly and concisely.
Saber's brow furrowed and she slowly set her plate back down on the table. On the other side, Rin looked as though she were enjoying the latest episode of her favorite drama.
"A date," Saber repeated flatly.
"A date," Shirou confirmed unflinchingly.
There was a moment of silence as Saber frowned and seemed to mull it over in her head. He had no idea what she was thinking about, nor what she would say when she finally finished whatever thought was foremost in her mind. If he had to hazard a guess, on the other hand, then he was willing to bet that she was going over the pros and cons of spending the day out in town.
…Which was a bit strange, now that he thought about it. Last time, Saber hadn't even known what a date was. How did she recognize what it was this time?
Rin, on the other hand, seemed to take her silence as a lack of understanding of the term.
"A date," she began with her infamous lecturing pose, "is like a sort of rendezvous, where a man has the chance to —"
"I know what a date is," Saber said a little impatiently. "I was merely considering the advantages of doing such a thing today."
Rin blinked, but didn't let it deter her. "It's not about strategy," she started. "It's about a man appealing to a woman —"
"Very well," Saber interrupted again. Rin looked flustered that she had been cut off twice. "Yes, there are many things that we must discuss today, Shirou, so I will go on a date with you."
Shirou grimaced. He supposed that talking was one of the things you did on dates, but it was usually about likes, dislikes, interests, and that sort of thing, wasn't it? You talked about serious stuff, but only as it pertained to getting to know the other person.
From the feeling he got, Saber wanted to talk about the War. She wanted to talk about the stuff they hadn't really discussed the day before, when he'd revealed Escalvatine and Sarras to her.
Well, he had promised…
— o.0.O.O.0.o —
They left the house in silence. Rin hadn't seen them off — she was still stewing after having been interrupted by Saber twice in the span of a minute. Shirou led the way, but Saber said nothing as she followed him, not even to ask where they were going. He figured that she was probably waiting for him to choose a place for them to sit down and talk, but damn it, that wasn't what he'd planned for the day.
It was supposed to be a date, where he treated her to food, took her places she might enjoy going, bought her things she wanted, and things like that. He was trying to earn her affection, not discuss the reasons why he had made the choices he made recently.
Absently, he realized that he had gone in the wrong order. Sex and sleeping together was supposed to come after you started dating someone, not before.
"Let's head to Shinto," he said to the open air. "We'll take the bus from the intersection."
"Very well, then," Saber agreed quietly.
The road was silent and abandoned but for them and their footsteps, but Shirou still couldn't help feeling somewhat tense. It wasn't anything Saber did or said, necessarily, just that he felt like things weren't going his way and everything he had tried to plan for this day was falling apart around him.
It was supposed to be a date. Today was supposed to be about Saber just…enjoying herself, forgetting about the trials and tribulations of the Grail War, forgetting, for one day, that she was a warrior and a king.
It was supposed to be a day where he could forget the War, forget Gilgamesh, forget Kirei, and the Grail, and all of the other things that could, at any moment, intrude on their lives. It was supposed to be a day where he could forget being a hero and an ally of justice and all those other things that came with it.
It was supposed to be a day where the two of them could just be a boy and a girl out on a date.
Damn it, he wasn't going to let the Grail War or his own stupidity ruin this.
He spun around and grabbed a startled Saber by her shoulders. Her mouth fell slightly open and she blinked up at him incredulously.
"Shirou —"
"Today," he told her firmly, "we're going to forget about the Grail War and everything else and we're just going to have fun! We can talk later — now, we're going out on a date!"
"O-of course!" She said the words as though on reflex, because they were higher and more emotional than Saber usually got, but Shirou decided to take what he could get and let that settle things.
They got on the bus shortly after, and Shirou steered her towards the back — aside the driver, they were alone. As little as an hour ago, there would have been plenty of others, but they were alone, and Shirou was simultaneously thankful and unnerved by the silence as they sat down.
The bus lurched into motion and started towards Shinto. Shirou and Saber remained in silence — what was there to say? He wanted to say something, but every time he opened his mouth, his mind went unhelpfully blank.
It didn't help that Saber was staring wordlessly out at the passing scenery. In the morning sunlight, her figure was haloed in gold. Every time he turned to her, he was reminded of both that first night, when he had first gazed upon her, and of those last moments on the hill where she confessed her love for him.
His heart thudded loudly in his chest, and he wondered at how Saber didn't hear it. His pulse was like peals of thunder in his ears. His mouth was suddenly painfully and conspicuously dry.
In the chaos of the Grail War and everything that was involved therein, he kept forgetting just how beautiful she actually was, how her hair seemed woven from golden silk, how her eyes glittered and shone like emeralds, how her skin was as pale and smooth as porcelain. He had forgotten just how much she had captivated him that first night, when he first laid eyes on her.
The announcer jerked him from his thoughts with a simple declaration — the next stop, Shinto station, was coming up. They would be arriving shortly.
In that case, he should probably have some idea of where he was going to go. Last time, he'd basically taken Saber to all of the places he thought she might like (most of which were places that he thought girls liked), and it hadn't turned quite like he might have intended. In fact, Saber hadn't seemed to enjoy it much at all, with a few notable exceptions.
Well, the one place he would definitely take her was the stuffed animal store. She'd taken quite a shine to that little lion plush toy, and he certainly didn't want to lose the chance to see her pick it up again. It was one of the moments where Saber had seemed the most human, like a regular girl rather than the Servant and warrior she had always tried to be.
They stepped off the bus and into the crowded station roughly half past nine o'clock. The station square was packed with people; it was after nine o'clock on a weekday, but the station square was as crowded as it ever got on the weekends. Oddly, Saber didn't look nearly as uncomfortable as she had the last time, and Shirou couldn't help wondering why, exactly, that was, but it wasn't important, so he took her hand in his and led her towards their first destination.
The first place they went was to a bowling alley, and after quietly equipping themselves with a pair of bowling shoes each, Shirou picked a moderate-sized blue ball from the rack and handed it to Saber, then picked a similar red one himself.
"Shirou," she began, examining the bowling ball curiously, "what is this?"
"It's a type of game," Shirou explained patiently. He led her over to the lane that had been set up for them. "The objective is to knock down all ten bowling pins by rolling your ball down the lane."
He pointed at the red-ringed white pins standing in a triangular formation on the other end of the lane. "Each player gets ten turns and two tries per turn. At the end, the person with the highest score wins."
Saber stared down at the bowling pins, absently rolling her ball around in her hands as her brow furrowed in thought.
"So," she said slowly, "it is a competition, then."
Shirou smiled and chuckled a little as he registered their names into the computerized scoreboard.
"Friendly competition," he corrected. "The objective of the game is to win, but it's supposed to be fun, not intense."
"I see," she said. She looked down at her blue bowling ball and frowned at it thoughtfully. "And how exactly do you roll this ball down that lane? Is there some sort of special method or technique?"
"Kinda, but it's a bit hard to explain." Shirou stepped away from the scoreboard and up onto the wooden runway that stood in front of the long, shiny, waxed bowling lanes. "Here —watch me."
Shirou turned away to face the white bowling pins, slipped his fingers into the three holes, and corrected his stance, then took three quick steps forward, cocked his arm back, swung it forward, and let go of his ball. It spun and landed loudly on the bowling lane, then rolled swiftly towards the pins with a roar not unlike thunder.
The crash of the bowling pins being knocked down was a unique sound — the thud of wooden bokkens smashing together was similar, but still altogether different.
It was a strike.
"There are three holes in the bowling ball," he explained as he turned back to Saber. "You put your thumb in one hole and your middle and ring finger in the other two. The rest is just momentum and wristwork."
"I see," Saber nodded.
"So, I just rolled a strike —" his red bowling ball rumbled up the return mechanism "— which means I don't go again until my next turn."
"Which means it's my turn," she concluded. "Very well, then."
Her first roll wound up rather mediocre — at the end of her first turn, she'd managed to knock down only seven pins in total. Her second turn was only a little better, but by her third, she got a perfect strike. Shirou didn't do nearly as well as she did after his spectacular first roll, and it was only belatedly, three games later, as he watched the scoreboard display her nearly perfect score for the third time in a row, that he realized that she probably had some sort of advantage as a Servant that he as a human didn't have.
Game on, he thought, consumed by a rare competitive spirit.
The fourth game, Shirou won. He cheated, of course, by using Structural Grasping to understand the build of the lanes as he threw his bowling ball, but when he looked at how narrowly he came out on top when the final score was tallied, he felt that it wasn't necessarily unfair. He'd just…leveled the playing field, so to speak.
Like that, an hour passed, and Shirou, half amazed, wondered how it all went so quickly.
"So, did you have fun?" he asked as they left the bowling alley.
"Yes." She said so quietly, in a voice that is half wonder and half pleasant surprise. "I cannot recall having ever played such a game before, but I cannot say that I didn't enjoy it. It was...quite fun."
Shirou couldn't stop the smile. "That's the point," he told her. "Games are supposed to be stuff you enjoy doing. If you don't have fun, then there's no point in playing."
Saber gave him her own serene little smile.
"Yes, I see," she said simply. "In that case, Shirou, I did enjoy going 'bowling.' I cannot say I would be adverse to going again sometime."
The second place they wound up visiting was the aquarium he'd taken her to the first time, and he wasn't disappointed at her reaction. He took a secret pleasure in the look of wide-eyed wonder on her face as she gazed at all of the different creatures of the sea that swam above and around her.
"I know that this is unnatural," Saber said with a whispered sort of childlike awe. "Creatures that once swam wherever they desired, stripped of that precious freedom and trapped here for the amusement of those who visit..."
Her right hand started to rise, as though to reach out through the glass and touch one of the silvery fish that flitted about above her, but fell back down to her side.
"I know that this is unnatural," she repeated, "and yet, I cannot help but think it is beautiful as well. For some reason, even though it is unnatural, it is also so very compelling."
This time, her hand did reach towards the ceiling. "It is strange, the difference between imagining it and seeing it with one's own eyes..."
The look on her face was one of wonder and amazement, like someone who had been blind her entire life and only now had been granted sight. It was the look of someone who had just discovered how wonderful and amazing the world actually was, the miraculous beauty of what lay in wait just beyond reach.
It was a look that suited her, he decided. Saber, who had sacrificed her humanity for the sake of her kingdom, was regaining what she'd lost in the service of her people.
Most of the second hour was passed wandering around the aquarium, visiting specific exhibits and generally exploring all it had to offer. Shirou could imagine that she hadn't seen most of the creatures on display — for her, the ocean was always an obstacle to cross, and it invariably brought enemies to her country. Taking the chance to see exactly what the world under the water offered would never have been a very high priority.
Oddly enough, not once did Saber let go of his hand while they walked. Oddly enough, not once did she seem to feel as though it were entirely unordinary.
It was strange, and a little off-putting, to see Saber acting like it was the most natural thing in the world to hold his hand in hers. Not that it wasn't welcome, it was just…strange.
After they left the aquarium, the next place they went was for lunch — even though it hadn't left him entirely satisfied the last time he'd visited, he picked the same restaurant Rin had recommended the first time through and sat down across from Saber (who flushed and seemed only then to realize just how long she had been holding his hand the moment he let go). He picked it because he remembered that Saber liked the tea.
They ate their lunches rather silently. Every now and again, he or she would comment on the flavor or express satisfaction or dissatisfaction with one thing or another, but generally, they didn't really talk while they ate. If he were honest, Shirou preferred it that way — he was sure that if he had tried to hold a conversation, he would have been distracted rather often by the grace and magnificence with which Saber carried herself, as well as the radiant beauty of her face haloed in the late morning light that streamed in through the window.
As he watched her, he couldn't help thinking that this was the way she should live. She was a warrior, a king, a fighter, a Servant, a hero — she was all those things, but she deserved to be a woman, too. She deserved to have peace and contentment, a life where she didn't have to fight and kill and sacrifice herself.
And wasn't that what he was fighting for in the first place?
After lunch, he led her towards the stuffed animal store, and he had to admit that he was a bit disappointed when she didn't react quite as spectacularly as he thought she would when they finally stepped foot inside. He expected her to look surprised and overwhelmed, but all he got was the surprise, and even then, it wasn't nearly as dramatic as he'd expected it to be.
Once the surprise melted away, it turned into something resembling melancholic nostalgia.
"This is…"
It was said in such a quiet whisper that it was nearly lost in the sea of voices that surrounded them.
But he still heard it.
"Yeah," he said lightly. "This is the biggest stuffed animal store in town. I don't really come here, though, because it's a sort of unspoken rule that men aren't allowed."
As if to reinforce that fact, every girl within his sight was glaring at him as though to forbid him from entering their sanctuary. Shirou thought it came across as a little ridiculous — yes, it was a place for girls to hang out without worrying about guys, but what happened when a guy wanted to buy a stuffed animal for his girlfriend? Was he just supposed to send his mother in to buy it for him?
Ridiculous.
"So," he went on, "is there a particular animal you like, Saber?"
He asked the question, but he already knew the answer. Again, though, as he had known since the very beginning, there were some things that he couldn't pass off as his father's teachings, and even though he planned to tell Saber about his time travel later, at this point, he wasn't going to complicate it like that.
"Lions," she said a little distantly. Her eyes were only half-seeing as she gazed around the store. It was like she was reliving a cherished memory. "I must admit to having a particular fondness for lions. Do you think that's strange, Shirou?"
He didn't quite laugh, but he couldn't help the smile. "Of course not," he said. "I think it suits you, actually."
She blinked and looked over at him.
"How so?" she asked him curiously.
"Well, lions are considered very regal, aren't they?" he explained. "People tend to think of lions as sort of the royalty of the animal kingdom, right? So I just thought…as a king, you'd appreciate that a whole lot more than most people would. It's sort of…things that are similar tend to attract one another, right?"
"I see," she said softly. "Yes, I think you may have a point, Shirou."
They continued on through the store, but as they were going, more and more Shirou started to notice that Saber seemed to be gravitating towards the collection of stuffed animals containing the plush lion toy she'd taken a liking to so much last time. It was strange, and if he didn't know any better, he might have thought that she already knew where to go.
Even still, it was nearly three hours later when they finally left the store. The plush toy that Saber had chosen — it was, in fact, the exact same model that had caught her eye the last time, too — was tucked snuggly in the backpack he'd bought on their way out. On the western horizon, the sun was beginning to set.
After a rather long day, it was about time to go home, so they turned towards the bridge and started walking. The wind picked up as they went, and Shirou had to stop himself from staring at her several times so that he didn't trip over his own feet. It seemed like the World was going out of its way today to remind him just how beautiful Saber was as many times as it could.
Suddenly and without warning, Saber stopped and looked out over the river and the bay beyond it. Shirou stopped, too.
"I had forgotten," she murmured to no one.
"Saber?" Shirou asked. He glanced out over the water — there, piled up so high that it jutted out of the river, was the remains of the ship Saber had destroyed in the Fourth Grail War.
"In the chaos of everything else that has happened, I had forgotten," Saber said a little louder.
"About the ship?" Shirou clarified.
She turned to him. All trace of good humor had vanished, and the happiness that had sparkled in her eyes throughout the day when she'd enjoyed something was entirely gone. In many ways, the expression on her face was not unlike the calm, indifferent one she wore in battle.
"I know," she told him flatly and without ceremony.
Shirou's heart fluttered nervously. "Huh?"
"I know," she repeated.
"Know what, exactly?" he asked. He tried to stop his heart from pounding as his imagination conjured a hundred different things that she could be talking about, but the one that was both his greatest fear and which would bring him the greatest relief was that she knew of his time travel.
"Everything," she said. "The Grail, Kotomine Kirei, the fire ten years ago, the orphans trapped at the bottom of the Church…"
She trailed off and looked away, out into the harbor and the dying sun that colored the water a brilliant golden yellow.
"I know," she said with deliberate slowness, "that you have already seen the end of this War."
Shirou swallowed around the lump in his throat and forced himself to speak. "That's how you knew I had Avalon."
She nodded. "Yes."
A hundred different things that he hadn't really paid any attention to before popped into his head. Suddenly, all of those little things that he hadn't bothered to think about, those little, tiny inconsistencies that he'd written off before, came together and formed a picture.
"That's how you knew that there were still three Servants left," he realized. "That's why you didn't want Ilya to go to Kotomine's church. That's how you knew what I was going to make you promise before our last fight with Berserker…"
"The bond between Master and Servant allows them to peer into the other's past in their dreams," Saber explained quietly. "As I slept by your side, Shirou, I dreamed of the Grail War you fought. I saw the terrible things that occurred, the horrible events that you could not stop no matter how hard you tried. I saw the Grail and its tainted curse, and you fighting through that curse with nothing more than sheer force of will."
She smiled, then, the same radiantly beautiful smile she had graced him with atop that hill.
"I saw us fall in love together," she whispered.
"Saber…"
He wasn't sure exactly what to say or what to do. He wanted to reach out to her and take her hand or hug her, but in the end, he couldn't force his arms to move, and he just stood there stupidly until her expression hardened again.
"I no longer seek the Holy Grail," she told him plainly. "Nor, indeed, do I have a wish to make upon it. I will still fight as your Servant, and I will support you until the end, but I have no desire to make a wish nor any wish to make. And so, Shirou, I relinquish the promise you made to me at the beginning of this War — you no longer need concern yourself with fighting for my sake."
She smiled again. "But you will anyway, won't you?"
"Of course," he said. As though there was any other option. "You told me once that I was your sheath, Saber. Just because you haven't said it yet doesn't make it any less true."
"And I am yours," she added. "Even if the day should come when you no longer need my assistance in combat, please rely on me. So long as you do, I shall never leave you."
— Always alone, striving for Utopia —
He couldn't help the smile. How much of an idiot he'd been. To think that he'd actually believed that his path was a long and lonely one. That was wrong. The fact of the matter was…
He was never alone.
He'd always had her.
"I'm so stupid," he said with a careless laugh.
Saber blinked. "Shirou?"
"In the process of going back in time, I forgot the most important lesson I learned the first time," he said wistfully. "Geez. I really am a bonehead."
He sighed, but he couldn't stop smiling, even when his cheeks started to hurt.
"I forgot how to put all of my faith in you, so I tried to do everything by myself," he told her. "And because I tried to do everything by myself, things wound up the way they did."
Saber being forced to use Excalibur, Ilya capturing him, Archer's betrayal, Caster stealing Saber's contract, Zouken summoning Assassin…It all happened because he'd tried to do everything on his own. If he'd had help, if there'd been someone to collaborate with and help him do everything that needed done, then none of those things would have ever happened.
"It is you who taught me that we should never regret the past, Shirou," she began quietly. She stepped forward and placed one small, dainty hand over his heart. "There is no need for you to lament the effects of your mistakes. If the burden becomes too heavy, then I shall help you carry it."
How stupid he'd been. Hadn't he said it to her himself at the very beginning of the War? This was a partnership. Master and Servant were just terms — they were together, equals with equal input. Trying to carry everything by himself was a mistake.
He wouldn't make it again.
He brought his hands up and placed them over hers. He bowed his head, closed his eyes, and focused the entirety of that moment on the warmth of her hand and the pleasant feelings of belonging and love that filled up his chest. Like that, he let out a slow, even breath, and with it, all of the pain and regrets that had been piling up on his shoulders for the better part of the last two weeks.
The past was the past. They were mistakes, but he would learn from them. He would not forget them, but he would not regret them. There was no going back. The only path was forward.
And Saber would walk it with him.
— Never alone, striving for Utopia —
Shirou's eyes opened slowly and he looked into Saber's. "Then you know what we have to do."
She frowned and her hand dropped. He let his fall, too.
"The church," she said softly.
"We'll have to destroy it," he said. "Kotomine, Lancer, and Gilgamesh will all be taken care of at once."
It was a ruthless strategy that would systematically annihilate the three remaining enemies in the War. Uncomfortably, Shirou realized that it was a strategy akin to something Archer might suggest, and it was clear from the look on Saber's face that she didn't like the idea of being so underhanded about it. If he were honest, Shirou didn't either.
But it was their best option.
Between the two of them, defeating Lancer and Gilgamesh in a straight-up fight was not an impossible idea. Shirou had his new sword, and if he used it on Gilgamesh before he could unleash Ea at full power, then defeating even the King of Heroes was possible. Saber could defeat Lancer as long as Gáe Bolg wasn't used, and if she got Avalon back, then even that dreaded spear would be ineffective.
Which reminded him; they should check up on Sakura when they got back.
But even with the advantages they had, it wasn't a sure thing. Gilgamesh was still a superior enemy, and he could rain Noble Phantasms down on Shirou faster than Shirou could charge Escalvatine to full strength. Lancer didn't need to hit Saber; he just needed to kill Shirou, or else use that flying spear to destroy them both at once.
And the worst was Kotomine, who could very easily screw everything up.
The best option was the simplest one: destroy the church. With the church gone, so, too, hopefully, would be Kotomine, Gilgamesh, and Cúchulainn, and at the very least, Gilgamesh's source of Prana, the tortured, half-dead orphans, would be gone, too, and finally put to rest.
"I understand," Saber said with a grimace. "I cannot say that I like it, Shirou, but I understand the necessity. That church is a place of great evil. If it is to be cleansed, then it should only be us who take up that burden."
Shirou nodded.
"We'll take care of it in the morning," he promised. "The light will be less noticeable that way, especially if we get there early enough to do it as the sun is rising. If we're lucky, we'll get all three of them at once. After that, all we need to do is have Rin show us where the Grail is, and we can take care of that, too."
Saber shook her head. "We may not have the chance for that, Shirou. By that point, Ilyasviel will have manifested as the Lesser Grail, and we —"
"Destroying the Lesser Grail is only a temporary fix," Shirou interrupted. "It's in one of those books Rin gave me — destroying the Lesser Grail will end the War, but it'll just start up again. If we want to dismantle the whole system, we need to destroy the Great Grail. The only problem is that the pages detailing the Great Grail's location were missing from the book."
A look of understanding passed over her face.
"Rin," Saber caught on. "She did not want to risk your taking advantage of the knowledge, so she made sure to remove anything from the books that would give you such a significant advantage."
"Which is why we need her," Shirou concluded. "I'm pretty sure she probably knows where it is, so with Ilya out cold, we'll have to rely on her to take us to it."
"And with the Grail system dismantled," Saber said quietly, "all the Servants summoned under it will return to their proper places."
"Yeah," Shirou nodded. "So even if we don't get Lancer and Gilgamesh —"
"Including me," she whispered. Shirou stopped cold.
He'd forgotten.
How had he forgotten?
At the end of the War, when the dust had settled and it was all over, Saber would return to that hill, that moment of her death. When the Grail disappeared, so would Saber. There was no future for her there, and there was no future where they could remain together. Saber would return to her own time, and Shirou would have to remain in his.
She could not stay.
He could not follow her back.
Inevitably, they would be separated.
And he had forgotten.
He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
He already knew. It wasn't a matter of wants or desires. Saber couldn't choose whether or not she would return to her own time. When the Grail vanished, so would Saber.
It was fact. There was no changing it.
"It's all right," Saber told him quietly. "Shirou, this is a fact we have faced before. We cannot allow it to trouble us."
He couldn't stop the smile that spread over his lips.
This girl…
She was amazing.
"Come on." He held out a hand. "We'll worry about the fine details later. For now, let's go home."
She smiled back at him and took the hand he'd offered with one of her own. "Yes," she said simply.
Without saying another word, they crossed the rest of the way across the bridge and went down into the park. The sun had set while they were talking, and somehow, it was already eight o'clock. Everyone was inside their houses, eating dinner or preparing for bed, so the park and the streets were empty as they went.
They traveled slowly — they were in no rush — and as Shirou enjoyed the warmth of her hand in his, he thought that he had most certainly been embarrassed by it the last time through. But then, this time, he'd made love to this girl, he'd slept with her by his side. Compared to that, holding her hand was so tame, and yet so intimate, that it really didn't measure up.
What was there to be embarrassed about?
Tomorrow, he was going to have to say goodbye to this girl. At least for now, he could enjoy the moment. At least for now, nothing could interrupt this precious happiness that he would remember for the rest of his life.
"And just where do you think you're going, Faker?"
Everything froze. Shirou felt Saber's grip on his hand tighten, even as his grip on hers squeezed down.
Nothing could interrupt it…except the greatest threat in the entire War.
"You shouldn't take things that don't belong to you."
Shirou looked towards the voice and met a pair of cruel red eyes.
Gilgamesh.
— o.0.O.O.0.o —
To be continued
Disclaimer: I don't own Fate/Stay Night.
Originally, this chapter was going to be a whole lot bigger, probably doubly so. But then, I received some advice from a friend of mine, and I decided to cut it in half so that I could finish it sooner. That's why it's a little bit shorter than usual.
In other news, I'm going to make an E-Book out of this story once it's all over, complete with a Table of Contents, a Front Cover, and maybe even a Back Cover. When and how it'll be available for download will be specified at a later date. Included at the end will be a "Word from the Author," and which should contain, at the very least, all of the vitally important parts of the Author's Notes from all the chapters. If needed, there might, in fact, be multiple editions, but the most recent should always be available.
One more chapter, and then the first ending.
Everything I've done…has been leading up to this one moment!
James Daniel Godric Alan Fawkes
James Daniel Godric Alan Fawkes(Signature best viewed in Wendy Medium font style)