Precious

Chapter 13 - Not a Lone Wolf

There were alcoholic beverages in the fridge of the kitchen. They were cheap beer, mostly labeled as "Spark White!", but I didn't mind. I was not too picky on what will drown me out of my misery. I grabbed a glass and added some ice cubes before I started to plunge into alcoholic relief.

The moment I started to take the liquor made me think a lot. The thoughts of me being alone hadn't bothered me until recently. Fox said that he could be a friendly rival, but that was another thing. I still felt awkward about it, especially because the shame he had given me as the second-best pilot had never been eased. First glass. I wanted to have comrades that actually appreciate what I have been doing. The fact that Panther wouldn't hesitate to leave the team the moment Krystal asks him to, and Leon... now that he had found emotions, he would rather stick to his "close friend" than me. That was a hard blow, because he had been in my team since the beginning. Second glass. But then I asked myself - why was I having this doubts about them? They hadn't really shown any reluctance at my command. It was only until recently had I begin to doubt them - but only because they had interacted to other people with a very close distance. Maybe... I hadn't actually got to know them quite well. Maybe I didn't deserve their company after all because I never bothered to understand them more...

I began to chug on my third glass when a familiar silhouette came in. I could tell that it was Fox, but I didn't care. I wanted to enjoy my escape from the cruel reality.

"Wolf..."

"What?" He just stood there, looking at me as if he was pitying me. Being pitied... now that was something I never liked. "What do you want?"

"About what Leon said..."

"I don't care." Why did my voice say that? I cared. Why did I have to deny it?

"He just probably didn't know that you actually liked their company. And you were really a bit hot-headed earlier so..."

"That's not it, damn it!" I shouted back at him. Again, I felt my cheeks running with tears. Damn beer, not doing its job. "For once in your life, wouldn't you want to be appreciated because you did something for them? The fact that I'm getting rejected before I could even show what I could do proves that no one wanted... me..."

"Wolf... what are you saying? You aren't like this at all." To tell the truth... yeah.

"I am also asking myself the same question! Why... why are we acting like this?! We weren't all mushy and emotional until we took the mission! Whatever penetrated Star Wolf... it is doing a fine good job at tearing us apart!" I cried out again.

"You finally got to socialize with other people without a mercenary mindset?" His response felt like I was being oblivious to the truth.

"B-but we approached this mission as people who are entirely dedicated only for the mission!" I was getting irrational. I was complaining like some immature wolf over something so trivial. Was it because my rough exterior had been shaken down to the core?

"Look... Wolf," he told me with a calm voice, "just... let's just go to sleep. When you wake up, you'll feel better. Try to talk to your teammates like a real person, and not like a tough leader." He really cared... I could feel it.

"You really think so?"

"Yeah," he smiled.

I stood up and followed him. I was pretty much amazed - he was younger than me, granted that he was only a year younger, but he acted quite mature towards me. I only whined and cried about things that normally would be solved by being rational and diplomatic. It was, I guess, part of my flaws as a person.

"I..."

"What is it, Wolf?"

"I... could cry... when no one's looking around... save you," I said to him as a whisper while walking towards our cabin. "I... I can't explain why."

"Maybe... because you see me as an equal, and that you believe that I can understand you because we are equal?"

"Maybe," I spoke back. The effects of the alcohol didn't last on me. After all, I could still feel a rather warm feeling when talking to him.

It looked like the frog wouldn't be sleeping with us. He wasn't in the room. "Oh right... Slippy and Krystal remained in the sick bay to look after Panther. I hope he recovers soon."

"Well, I guess it's just you and me, huh?" I asked while changing my clothes. "Not that it's different like last time."

"Yeah," he answered while climbing to his bunk. I rested myself on my bed when he suddenly asked, "Say Wolf... Do you miss your father?"

Why did he suddenly ask that? "What do you mean?"

"You said that he died in front of your eyes when you were young... Have you ask yourself how your life would've been when he didn't die?" It... it hadn't actually occurred to me. The reconditioning made me forget most of my life and it had only been recently since I began to cherish his memory again. "Oh... sorry if I suddenly asked that. I was just wondering... because I had asked myself how I would've grown up with dad. I would've been a fighter like today, only more skilled because he was with me... and I had better memories about him."

I could have better memories as well. I could have grown up like you. We could have become teammates or friends. After all, your father and mine were best friends. "I... I really don't know what to say. I guess I'd be a usual fighter pilot, but then again, I might find some other interests in life." Something still stopped me from telling him the truth.

"Ah well... I see..." I could tell that he wanted to learn more, but I'd rather not share it with him right now.

"Night, Fox."

"Goodnight."

I woke up quite early, and I felt... comfortable, as if I had removed a thorn from my chest. I glanced back at the room, seeing the frog sleeping and Fox still asleep. I decided to check out Panther, hopefully still asleep too so that I could calculate some things to say to him. Fox told me that I should talk to my teammates about how I really see them, that it would hopefully make me understand them clearly.

As soon as I entered the room, I saw Krystal talking to Panther, who seemed to have recently awoken from his coma, and Leon, who was just there being company. "Star Wolf," I murmured. Yeah, it was the four of us then, until she left.

"Oh, hello Wolf," Krystal smiled. "Panther's just opened his eyes. He was hungry!"

Panther then laughed, "I wouldn't want Leon to be spoon-feeding me, now would I?" The chameleon smiled for a bit, but I knew he would make a joke had I not entered the room.

"Say... um... Krystal," I asked her, "Could I... talk to them for a while... in private? I'll tell you when it's fine. If you don't want to though, it's okay."

"No, I'm fine with it. In fact, I think that's a good idea," she smiled, leaving a hot porridge to the table beside Panther's bed. "Heh, you'll have to eat later, Panther!" She exited the room and waited outside, leaving me, the chameleon, and the panther.

"So gonna sermon us?" Leon said with a rather annoyed voice. I decided to keep it cool. I wouldn't move forward if I would lose my temper.

"N-no," I responded while keeping a low, humbled voice. "I just..." My words were a bit tangled in my head, but I wanted to tell them my thoughts in a clear fashion. "I... Sorry if I seem like a person who wouldn't care... I... I just really had a hard time showing it to you. I... I wanted to become a good leader... Maybe because I want to show Fox that I was a better leader. Maybe because I want to show to everyone that I can do it too. I dunno... But I know for sure that I wouldn't treat you like pawns or anything! I know you guys exist too, and... as I said before, you are both my responsibility!" I hadn't pause for a slightest bit.

Panther just smiled. "I know."

The chameleon followed. "Same." He then gave a smile - a rather friendly and warm smile. "It's just that we were waiting for you to actually say it to us. You know, like a real person?"

"Guys..."

"To be honest, I was doubting about it, but when you showed your worried self - albeit hot tempered, when this cat here was nearly dying, I know for certain that you really do care for us," the chameleon added.

"He what? Now, now... that is something I wanted to hear!" the panther commented. "I'll ask Krystal later."

"Heh... guys..." For a moment there, I wanted to cry. It seemed it was not only in front of Fox that I could show my real emotions. "Oh... anyway, I shouldn't be keeping you from your meal... See you around." When I exited, I looked at Krystal and gave a smile.

I heard her say, "Well done, Wolf."