Kiki

Kiki. She's always hated that nickname. It had started off with her father and then her mother, and then it all together stopped the day she left and she couldn't have been more pleased. It was her father who began calling her Kiki and she loved it then. It was when he died and her mother adopted the pet name that she grew to despise it. It soon replaced her real name and that's what made her mad more than anything else.

Kiki was her father's nickname. It was her father's choice to call her that when she was a child. It was her father who'd call her Kiki when she was being childish and stubborn. But she was always his Kiki. No one else's. It was more of a nickname for moments of tenderness. When she had done something he disagreed with she was reverted back to Karen. But even when he was stern, there was tenderness towards her. He'd never use Kiki when he was angry with her. He'd never call her Kiki if she was angry. It had become a mutual agreement when they were both angry, the nickname Kiki would never be used.

With her mother, the nick name Kiki had become her favorite word. Kiki go get me some milk. Her mother would say. Or Kiki can you not sit on the couch that way. There was never tenderness and as much as her mother tried to make it seem believable, nothing ever seemed to be. Her mother was so used to faking everything, the line between truth and a simple lie got blurred. The lines for Lois Delaney always were blurred.

As Karen waited for her mother to arrive at the coffee shop, she was glad she hadn't given her son a nickname. It wouldn't have pleased him much to be called J. Or Jo. Jonah was enough of a nickname she thought; even if it was his whole name. She eyed a woman who was with who Karen assumed was her daughter; fixing the girls dress. The woman tugged the hem of it down, flattening out of creases, fixing her daughter's bow in her hair; something that reminded Karen of her own mother. It was not pleasant. It was the chime of the bell that brought Karen's attention to the door and to her mother.

"Kiki," She said happily opening her arms wide. Karen, as usual went to her mother and was enveloped into a hug. "You've changed."

"I've had two children," Lois looked surprised at her daughter. "I've had two boys. Two boys are a lot bigger than girls."

"Where are these two sons of yours?" The pain flashed briefly across Karen's face.

"Jonah is out with his father, and my other son is dead." Lois's small smile disappeared.

"When did you have your first son?"

"Didn't you get my letter?" Karen asked her mother before drinking some of her coffee. "I sent you a letter with a picture."

"Oh Kiki I didn't get it," She let the nickname slide. For now. "I've been traveling so much lately."

"It wasn't lately. It's been years." Karen eyed her mother who sighed and smiled at her daughter.

"So where is Jonah? You mentioned he's out with his father? Who is his father?"

"Do you remember Will Truman? He's a friend of Jack's; the man who came down to your bar that one year?"

"I remember Jack. But Will,"

"He was with the red head," Lois shook her head, her face lighting up at the sudden remembrance

"He was the other gay one right? How did you get him to fall in love with you Kiki?" Karen took a deep breathe. Knowing Lois, it wasn't intended to sound harsh. But it did.

"It happened mother. And now I have a son." Karen reiterated. "It tends to happen when you sleep with someone without protection."

"So you aren't married to him?" Karen held up her left hand to show off her engagement and wedding ring. "But is he still gay?"

"Honestly mother," Karen sighed.

"It's a simple question Kiki. I wouldn't want my grandson to be living a lie."

"My name is Karen mother. Not Kiki and no Will is no longer gay. Yes he still admires men but he sleeps with me. And my son knows what a lie is and what the truth is. Something I had to learn about on my own." With that Karen stood grabbed her coat and walked outside. She nearly made it into the cab, before her mother's hand caught her wrist, pulling her back onto the sidewalk.

"I'm sorry Kiki. I didn't mean to make you angry. I was-"

"You were doing what you always did mother. I'm not a child anymore. I'm a grown woman who has a life of her own. I don't need you telling me how to raise my son. Jonah is big enough to know what's right from wrong. He knows that his parents love him and each other. And the most important thing is, my six year old son knows that whatever happens to him when he gets older, I will always, and I mean always, always be there for him. He won't have to deal with the same pain I did growing up. I will have the decency to show up at his first wedding instead of sending him a post card from wherever I'm currently at, scamming my way to another vacation spot!" Karen hadn't noticed the pairs of eyes that were currently looking at her as she took her anger out on her mother. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get home to my son."

With that Karen Truman called a cab and got into it, leaving her mother standing speechless on a New York street. There was something other than pride that Karen was feeling. There was lightness on her shoulders. The years of pent up anger and guilt that she had been feeling suddenly vanished. She was feeling quite proud of herself for standing up to her mother the way she did. It wasn't something she'd ever do. But she was a different woman now. The Karen Delaney, years before, even when her son Will was a live, wouldn't have dared talk to Lois Delaney that way.

Karen's smile didn't disappear as the car came to a stop at Riverside Drive, it remained on her face as she rode the elevator to her apartment, and it grew wider as her son threw himself at her once she made her way through the door. "Mom, Daddy and I went to the zoo! Look!" Jonah lifted up his sleeve, revealing a tiger tattoo. "Isn't it cool?"

"Very," Karen said before pressing a kiss to her son's hair and watching him run off in the direction of his room. Karen put her coat down along with her purse on a chair by the door and made her way into the kitchen, where her husband was watching her. "The Zoo? I promised him I'd take him,"

"He knows." Will said, reaching for her hand. "He wanted to go before so that way he could be your tour guide," Will smiled as he brought Karen to him. "How was your morning slash afternoon?"

"Boring and yet extremely eventful." She smiled. "I met my mother for coffee,"

"And how did that go?"

"She didn't know I had children," Karen said sadly. "And she called me Kiki,"

"Why would that-"

"My father called me Kiki. I only liked hearing it from him. He made it sound special. My mother makes it sound redundant and boring." She said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. She took his wine glass and left the kitchen.

"Kare," She turned around to face her husband, the only one who'd kept calling her Kare, instead of Karen. She smiled.

Like her father, Will used the nickname in a sweet gesture. He didn't use it when he was completely angry with her. And when he did use it, she felt safe. Every time he used it there was a certain undertone to it. Everything he wanted to say he said it in that one word. It made her realize how much she loved him. She preferred to be Kare when she was with Will. She preferred to be Karen with everyone else. She'd never be Kiki unless she was with her father. That wouldn't happen. Karen Truman was going to live forever.