Special thanks to: Fanatic Sketcher (who was always helpful in the development of this hole-ridden plot and unbelievable character) and S. Rain. C (for being such a good friend and for helping me get off of my arse when I wasn't updating)

Last time on Mary's Beautiful Tale of Woe and Angst; Destiny had peacefully disposed of a powerful, yet piteous killer named Sanguine D. Hasselhoff.

A few days after the "Sanguine Incident" the crew decided to stop on a random island to recuperate; little did they know it was a marine base island. DUNDUN DUUUUN! *PRECISION THUNDER AND LIGHTNING STRIKE!*

It was a bright and sunny day on the deck of the Moby Dick. The crew was off running errands, leaving a lovely gold-fringed, white, chiffon-clad 5'7 beautifully, angelic girl and two important dudes off on their own.

"I wonder what adventures await us Markykins! ~ 3" Destiny said cheerfully from the helm to her newly appointed love interest, Marco, as she navigated the ship across the water. Although it's only been a couple of days, she became a master navigator, isn't she a clever girl?

"It doesn't matter as long as you're by my side my angel preciousness swan~!" Marco cooed while he noodle-danced over to her.

"This looks like an island that is sure to keep the marines off our tail! ~ 3" Destiny sang cheerfully as she accidently ran over five marine ships.

"Shanky-Chan, would you please get the name of this darling island please? ~ 3"

Shanks melted into a heart-shaped puddle on the floor.

"Yes, my dear angelic princess!"

He looked through the binoculars and spotted a large sign with the Marine symbol painted in the middle of it which read:

Welcome to the MARINE BASE Island

Cracktopia

"Oh. My. Kami!" Shanks exclaimed girlishly.

"What is it Shanky?" Destiny looked over at her second potential love interest concernedly with iridescent orbs like no man or angel has ever dreamed of or fathomed.

"There's a sale at Penny's!"

"Really?" Marco hopped off the boat and sailed through the air and into Penny's.

Now that he was out of the way, the two potential lovebirds could now have some quality time!

SOCIAL LINK GO!

Shanks gazed at the enchanting blonde as she expertly guided the ship over a dozen small Marine boats.

She's so beautifully perfect; her golden hair, her lovely emerald- azure- umm Beiber purple eyes and her melodic musical dainty laugh. I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

"Destin- err, Destiny!"

Destiny turned her lovely countenance towards the red haired man, her golden blew gently in the wind as she answered in a harmonious voice,

"Yes?"

He looked deeply into her warm, piercing, incandescent, rosy winter sky eyes.

"Dearest DUMBASS the BOOB the second, I have watched you from afar for these past few weeks. Whenever you came by my heart skipped a beat, every glance made me swoon, and butterflies filled my stomach at the very mention of you, literally."

He burped and a dozen golden butterflies flew out if his mouth, cuz that's romantic.

"Before I met you, my life was meaningless. Sure, I am one of the most powerful people on the planet and I have a crew that loves and trusts me, but that all meant nothing before I met you!"

"Shanky-Chan… I-I feel the same about you."

She slowly glided to him and laid a cool, lithe, pale hand on his cheek.

"From the first moment I saw you, there was a connection that I have never had with anyone else, Shanky."

He gently brushed a stray lock of golden hair away from her stunning porcelain features as he gazed deeply into her star-encrusted midnight blue gaze. They leaned in for a kiss, Destiny stopped herself.

She lightly brushed her lips against his forehead and tearfully tore herself away and whispered,

"But there is something else."

Shanks put his hand on her one of her delicate-perfectly shaped shoulders, "Is it another man? Who is it? I swear I can take care of you better than any other man can."

She quietly pushed his hand off her shoulder,

"No…yes. There is somebody else, several of them actually. But I can't risk losing someone that I care about because of my… never mind."

"What is it angel?"

"No, you wouldn't understand." She stared angstily off of the side of the ship, which actually gave a nice view of the village the ship just ran over since no one was steering anymore.

He went up behind her and put his arms around her voluptuous, yet slim, physique.

"I will love you no matter what happens; you know that."

She tore herself, yet again, away from him.

"You see, when I was born I was cursed by a wicked fairy. Since her invitation got lost after an unfortunate incident between the royal mailman and a three-headed bulldog, she assumed that my parents had forgotten to invite her. So she flew over to our castle and cursed me with *sniff* ultimate beauty."

LE GASP!

"I was the reason that my homeland, Mohara, and everyone on it got destroyed! It's because of this stupid curse that was put on me when I was a baby. I'm so beautiful that wars are literally started over me; people die because of me, people who I love and care about! People now call me Helen of Toei because of all the trouble I caused!"

She broke down sobbing into Shanks's chest and they just stood there for a couple of minutes until...

"FOO GET YO HANDS OFFA MI WOMAN!"

Marco dropped his ten shopping bags and dropped kicked his new Haki stick into Shanks's eye.

"Dude, that's my eye!"

And so, the battle of this story began.

Somewhere in the shopping district of Cracktopia the crew of Whitebeard are being arrested for unruly behavior by a group of Marines

"Darn! I thought this was a non-Marine base island!" Whitebeard struggled against his sea stone cuffs.

"Sir, I told you shouldn't have thrown a house at that merchant." Thatch replied, combing back his now, normal-looking hair.

"That ho said that he was all out of Crisco, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP MY STACHE IN BADASS CONDITION IF I DON'T HAVE CRISCO TO KEEP IT UP?"

"I understand that you have a pretty daughter Whitebeard." Commander Red Shirt said slyly.

"FOO DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY DAUGTHER!"

Red Shirt stalked away smugly.

"Come on boys; let's go pay her a visit."

AN: Oh my; what is with the puns in this story? I s that even how your pronounce Haki? Toei is the name of the animation company that One Piece is associated with. Suggestions are welcome. I used Crisco as reference from a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. Does anyone know what being a red shirt means? Anyone who does gets a giant… PANDA!