Author's note: Giving credit where credit is due. This chapter contains lyrics by Patty Griffin and Rachel Yamagata.
Those three weeks were going by way too fast for Jessie and Katie. They constantly tried to make time stop, or at least slow down, but it never worked. The time they spent together always went by too fast. The only time it would go slowly was when they'd have to say goodbye for the night and then they were alone…waiting for the sun to rise so they could see each other again. School became a refuge for the girls. Katie would sneak out of her classes to go meet Jessie in whatever class she was in at the time. She only got caught a few times, but it was so close to the end of the school year, that Katie was always let off with a warning.
It was now the Saturday night of the prom. Jessie sat on the couch, just pondering every thought that came through her head. She was dressed in jeans an a long sleeve shirt, obviously not formal enough for a prom. Jessie hadn't been asked to the prom. Not that she cared. She wasn't exactly in the mood to go dancing at the downtown Marriott right now, anyway. She and Katie had briefly discussed the prom, but they both decided to skip it. Besides, they wouldn't have been able to go together, anyway. It would have raised too many questions, but at this point, Jessie was starting to not care if people knew about them. Katie suggested just hanging out and watching movies and eating pizza, instead. Jessie was fine with that. But she began to grow more and more uneasy as the minutes passed by. It was 7 o'clock. Katie was supposed to be here at 6:30. That's 30 wasted minutes. Thirty minutes without Katie. Katie was leaving in four days. Her last final is on a Wednesday and as soon as it's over, she's catching her flight to LA. Jessie hated thinking about it, but at this moment, it completely consumed her thoughts. She could feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes.
"So…how do I look?"
Jessie turned to see Grace looking incredibly beautiful in her dress.
Jessie smiled at her step-sister. "You look okay, I guess."
"Gee, thanks."
"I'm kidding. You look amazing. Wow. You're definitely gonna turn some heads tonight," said Jessie.
"Thank you. And to think, it only took me three hours to look this good," joked Grace, as she sat next to Jessie.
"So…what are your plans tonight?" asked Grace.
"I don't know."
"Yes you do."
"What are talking about?" asked Jessie, half-heartedly.
"Well, word on the street is, Katie's skipping the prom. Lord knows she's had people lining up to take her, but apparently, she could not be persuaded. I wonder why."
Jessie grinned at Grace. She knew exactly what she Grace getting at. "Maybe she just thinks proms are stupid."
"Could be. Or maybe she'd rather spend the night hanging out with some blonde sophomore who stole her heart."
"Shut up." Jessie nudged Grace.
"It's okay, Jess. I think it's cute. Besides, she's leaving soon, right?"
"Four days," replied Jessie, solemnly.
Grace was silent. She could see the pain on Jessie's face and hear it in her voice. She put her hand on her step-sister's knee. "It'll be okay, Jess. Besides, you're just 'friends,' right? I mean, it's not like you're together, or anything."
"Would you mind keeping your voice down? My dad is upstairs," whispered Jessie.
"Sorry. Look, Jessie, just tell me. Is she your girlfriend? You can trust me."
Jessie looked down. She believed Grace and for a moment, actually felt like she had an actual sister she could confide in. As thoughts of Katie entered her mind again, Jessie started quietly weeping. She couldn't hold it in any longer. She had to tell someone about this. Someone had to understand the pain she was feeling, and it seemed Grace already had an idea of what was going on, anyway. Jessie sighed deeply. "Do you remember that night we had rehearsal in the gym?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I never told anyone this, but there's a reason why I didn't come home that night."
"Yeah, you were at your moms, right?" replied Grace.
Jessie shook her head. "Not exactly."
"What…were you with Katie, or something?" Grace asked, jokingly. But she got serious when Jessie nodded.
"We sort of got locked in the gym for the entire night," said Jessie, shyly.
"What?!?! You spent the entire night trapped in the gym with Katie? How did I not know this??"
"Shhhhhh….Grace, please. Not so loud. Anyway, yes. We were locked in there together and just…I don't know, really hit it off. And from then on, we were just…together. It just seemed to fit."
Grace took a moment to let this news sink in. "Wait, so you've been together since that night? Oh my God. I mean I knew SOMETHING was going on, but I didn't know it had been going on that long. Wow."
"Please don't tell anyone." Jessie tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, but they kept pouring down.
"No, no. I won't. I swear. Come here," Grace stood up and pulled Jessie up into a hug. Jessie continued crying, trying not to get any tears on Grace's shoulder. She didn't know why she was crying like this. Maybe it was the relief of finally saying it out loud to someone. Maybe it was the thought that she may never see Katie again. Either way, Jessie just blurted out to Grace exactly what she was feeling.
"I love her."
Grace was taken aback by Jessie's words. She thought it was an innocent, mutual crush that she could tease them about. She knew they really liked and cared for each other, but love? This she did not expect. Jessie was in love…with Katie. Grace didn't know how to react to this statement, but at that moment, she finally realized the pain Jessie must have been feeling. The person she was in love with was leaving her. And that can't be an easy thing to deal with, especially at fifteen.
Grace was about to say something to Jessie when Lily walked in.
"Oh, wow Grace. You look gorgeous. I have to get a picture of this."
Jessie pulled away from Grace, trying to hide what was left of her tears.
"Mom, please. My date's gonna be here any minute."
"Just one picture. Jessie, get in the picture with her."
As Lily took the picture, the doorbell rang. Jessie's stomach churned excitedly in anticipation, hoping it was Katie. She ran to the door, but was disappointed.
"Grace, your date's here."
As Jessie watched Grace walk out the door, she looked at her watch: 7:15. Forty-five wasted minutes. Where the hell was Katie?
The door hadn't even closed yet when Jessie saw a familiar face walk through. Her face lit up as she saw Katie standing there.
"Hey!"
"Hey, Jess. Sorry I'm so late. I tried to get here as fast as I could."
Jessie nearly knocked Katie over with a hug. She saw Katie was holding a brown paper bag.
"Are these the movies?" asked Jessie, but Katie quickly pulled the bag away.
"Nope. Actually, there's been a slight change in plans."
Lily came back in the room. "Oh, hi Katie."
"Hi Lily."
"So, you decided to skip the prom?"
"Yeah, it's not really my scene. Besides, with all the packing and stuff I've been doing, I think it would have just been too stressful. But I was wondering if it's okay if Jessie and I go out. I don't really feel like spending one of my last nights cooped up indoors."
"I'm sure that'll be fine. Jessie, I'll just let your dad know. Go ahead."
"Okay, thanks Lily." Jessie grabbed her jacket and they were out the door.
As they were walking down the driveway, Jessie looked at Katie, trying to figure out what she had in store. Katie looked back at Jessie and grinned. "You're just DYING to know, aren't you?"
"Yes I am. But you're not gonna tell me, are you?"
"Of course not."
"Yeah, and that's why I hate you."
"Oh, you love me and you know it," responded a smug Katie.
"Ummm….yeah, not so much right now. You're leaving me on Wednesday, you showed up 45 minutes late, and you just expect me to get in the car with you without knowing where I'm going? What if you're kidnapping me?"
Katie rolled her eyes. She realized that Jessie had definitely been hanging around her too much. "Would you shut up and get in the car?"
Jessie accommodated Katie's request and got into her car. Katie climbed into the driver's side and started the engine. She looked over at Jessie. "And you're right…I am kidnapping you."
Jessie smiled. "Sweet!"
As Katie put the car in park, she looked over at the younger girl and watched her face as the corners of her mouth twitched, beginning to form a smile. It was a smile that turned into giggling which soon turned into genuine laughter. It was a sound that would keep Katie company during those lonely moments when Jessie can't be with her.
Jessie looked over at the other girl. "Are you KIDDING me? This is where you brought me? You kidnap me, and this is where you take me?"
"Surprised?" asked Katie.
"I'd have to say, yes. I'm surprised. I can't even handle this."
"Handle what?"
"How cute you are. This is so sweet," said Jessie, as she got out of the car.
Katie joined her and took her hand as they walked up to the Upton Sinclair High School Gymnasium. When they reached the door, Jessie saw that it was padlocked.
"Um…well, it was a nice gesture."
"Jess, there was a reason I was late," said Katie as she dug through her paper bag and pulled out a key. "Murray was kind enough to let me borrow this. But he made me swear if we got caught, I never mention his name."
Jessie was amazed. Katie obviously went through a lot of trouble for all this. Katie took Jessie's hand. "Look, Jessie. For the record, I would have LOVED to have taken you to the prom. I just wasn't exactly in the mood for---"
"I know," Jessie interrupted. "It's okay. As long as I can be with you, it doesn't matter where we are."
Katie blushed as she fumbled with the lock and key. She finally got the door open and allowed Jessie to go in first. Jessie was awestruck by what she saw. The lights were off, but a circle of candles surrounded the spot where they had fallen asleep on that fateful night. In the middle of the circle were tons of blankets and pillows, along with a bottle of pinot noir. There was also a tray of chocolate covered strawberries, something which Jessie loved to indulge on. Next to the strawberries was a plate of donuts…which was always Katie's food of choice. Billie Holiday was playing on cd player strategically placed on the bleachers, so it was able to fill the entire gym with music. Jessie's mouth was wide open. She was simply astounded. She turned to look at Katie, who coyly placed her hands in her pocket, eagerly anticipating Jessie's response.
"So…do you like it?" asked Katie.
Jessie couldn't find any words. She managed to choke out a few sounds, but none of them made any sense. All Jessie could do for a response at that moment was jump into Katie's arms and kiss her. Katie caught her and gladly accepted the kiss, enthusiastically.
When Jessie's mouth finally came around to forming coherent words again, she finally spoke.
"I love it. I love you. I love everything. This is perfect."
Katie closed her eyes and let those words take over her. All she ever wanted was to make Jessie happy and she knew that, even though she'd be leaving in a few days, maybe this night will stay fresh in Jessie's memory and she won't resent Katie as much, and with any luck, she won't forget about her. This was Katie's biggest fear.
"So I know we're underage and everything, but I figured since this is a special occasion, wine might be appropriate. But we don't have to drink it if you don't want to," explained Katie.
"Oh, who are you trying to fool? You just wanna get me good and drunk so you can have your way with me. You're such a bad influence," retorted Jessie.
"You caught me. It's frightening how well you know me." They both knew Katie would never try to force Jessie into doing something she didn't want to do. And vise versa. They actually hadn't made love again. Not since that first time. Both of them had thought about it, what with Katie's impending departure, but neither of them had brought it up. Things were complicated enough as it was and they didn't want to add to that.
The Billie Holiday song faded out and a new song came on. The words began to speak to both of them, which was Katie's intention when she made the cd. They stood there, entranced in each other's eyes, neither girl knowing exactly what to do or say next. They stood there, taking each other in as Patty Griffin's voice filled their ears.
"I don't know nothing except change will come
Year after year what we do is undone,
Time gets moving from a crawl to a run…
…When you break down, I'll drive out and find you
When you forget my love, I'll try to remind you,
I'll stay by you, when it don't come easy…"
Katie brought Jessie into the circle and they both knelt down. Katie reached into her bag and pulled out a little box.
"Here. I got this for you." She opened the box and handed it to Jessie. "It's a claddagh ring. It's an Irish symbol. The hands stand for friendship, the crown stands for loyalty, and the heart…the heart is for love. I love you, Jessie. I wish there were a thousand different ways to say it because I feel like it might start to sound mundane to you, but I can't stop saying it. I love you." Katie's voice began to tremble and tears began to fall from her eyes. "You don't have to wear it if you don't want to. But I just thought that whenever you miss me or think about me or wonder if I'm thinking about you, just pull this ring out and know that the answer is yes. I am thinking about you. Always."
Jessie took the ring and placed it on her finger. Her lips began to move, as if she was going to say something, but no sound came out. She just continued to look at Katie, wondering how it was possible to hold this much love inside her heart for one person. She reached her hand out to Katie's face, which was wet with tears. She pulled Katie in to her and kissed softly, trying her best not to cry herself. She quietly whispered to Katie, "It's beautiful. I'll never take it off. I promise."
Katie smiled and felt a sense of relief wash over her, as their lips crashed together once more, this time more insatiable than the last. The feeling of Katie's lips against hers drove Jessie to new heights of insanity, simply because she knew that this would be one of their last kisses and she didn't want it to end. Every time Katie pulled away to try to get some air, Jessie wouldn't let her and pulled her in even tighter. This went on for a few minutes. Katie would try to pull away ever so slightly just to catch her breath, and Jessie simply would not allow it. Katie was growing dizzy. It was a mix between lack of oxygen and the euphoria she felt knowing that Jessie needed her so badly. Jessie finally gave Katie what she needed and pulled away, only to move down to Katie's neck and begin kissing it.
"Please don't leave, Katie," Jessie pleaded.
This broke Katie's heart. "I have to. You know I don't want to, but I have to."
"Do you love me?"
"You know I do, Jess. I don't know what I'm going to do without you."
"Then don't go," said Jessie.
"Jessie, please. Let's not do this right now. This is supposed to be a good night. A happy night. Let's just have fun and think about all the bad stuff tomorrow." The music faded out once more and switched to another song. Katie stood up and reached out her hand to Jessie. "Come on. It's prom night. We should have at least one dance."
Jessie took the older girl's hand and Katie led them to the center of the gym. She wrapped her arms around Jessie's waist as Jessie put her hands on Katie's back and pulled her into her. They both swayed to the music as Jessie buried her head in Katie's shoulder once more. It was the safest place in the world for her. The only place she felt like she belonged. They let the music and the words carry them away as Katie memorized the feeling of Jessie's body against hers.
"If I could take you away
Pretend I was queen
What would you say
Would you think I'm unreal
'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Want to be your everything
Everything...
Everything's falling, and I am included in that
Oh, how I try to be just okay
Yeah, but all I ever really wanted
Was every little piece of you
And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Everything will be alright
If you just stay the night…"
As they danced, their lips found their way to each other from time to time. Katie refused to let go of Jessie. She was sure, at that very moment, that if Jessie hadn't been right there holding onto her, her legs would have given out and she would fall. As the song ended, the girls went back to the circle and got comfortable on their pillows and blankets. They spent the next hour eating, talking, and joking with each other. It was as if they had completely forgotten about their imminent separation. They loved to make each other laugh and tonight was no different.
Jessie began to caress Katie's hand. "Thank you for this. This night has been incredible."
Katie nodded, looked down and swallowed hard. She knew this was gonna be hard to say to Jessie. "It's been incredible for me, too. Almost perfect, to be honest. Which is why…" Katie grabbed Jessie's hand and held it tight. "I think that maybe we should say our goodbyes tonight."
Jessie was bewildered. "What??? Why? You don't leave until Wednesday."
"I know, but…it's just that this night is so perfect. The next few days are going to be hectic, with finals and packing and basically uprooting my life and that's not how I want to remember you. This is how I want to remember. Like this. Right here in the gym, with you in my arms and…it might just make everything easier. I'm not gonna have a lot of time in the next few days and I don't want you to think I'm pushing you aside or that I don't have time for you."
"But, you mean you don't even want me to come to the airport to see you off?" asked Jessie.
"Honestly, Jess, I think if you did that, I would lose it. I would be a wreck and just lose it completely."
"So this is it? I thought we'd have another four days together."
Katie held on to Jessie tighter. "I really need you to be okay with this, Jessie. If you're not, then okay. We'll see each other, but I need this. For my own sanity. I need to remember you like this."
Jessie knew Katie was serious. And even though she so badly wanted to say 'No, it's not okay. I need to see you,' she nodded her head and gave Katie what she wanted. She understood. She knew how hard this was going to be for both of them. Katie pulled Jessie on top of her and moved her lips slowly up from her neck to her chin and they finally rested on Jessie's mouth. Katie's hands began to move all over Jessie's body and Jessie doesn't seem to mind at all. Every moment now seemed more crucial than the last, therefore every touch, every breath, every kiss grew more and more urgent and needed and passionate. Katie knew where she wanted this to go. Jessie felt the same way. They wanted each other. It wasn't planned, but they both knew at this point, there was no other option. They had to have each other. It was just a natural necessity. Like water or air. It came so naturally to them, yet they knew they would not survive without it. So it happened. They made love for a second time, the candlelight enveloping them. They made love in this gym, at this spot. The spot where they had fallen in love. The spot where fate brought them together. The spot where they knew that in just days, fate would be ripping them apart. But they refused to part from each other this night. They held on for as long as they could. As long as they had each other, nothing could touch them. Nothing could part them. Nothing could distance their hearts, not even 1,500 miles.
To be continued……