Bo grinned wide, "you are starting to get more and more bold, Dr. Lewis." She kissed me again on the mouth, and whispered, "I love you." She twirled around and rushed out of the apartment, leaving me in the quiet apartment with my cup of coffee and my thoughts. My life was so different than it was a week ago. I shoved off from the kitchen table and went around cleaning up after Kenzi, pizza box, pizza crumbs and folding up the blankets she used. I walked the blankets back to the closet and turned on the light, setting the blanket on a shelf inside, my eye caught the box. Kenzi had put it back where she found it. I sighed hard, and reached up, grabbing it and taking it out of the closet. I set it down on the coffee table and set the box in front of me. It was just a plain, brown office storage box. I lifted the lid off, the contents inside were placed neatly in there. I smiled at how delicate Kenzi had treated the things inside. I lifted the pictures up and set them off to the side, I moved my paper works and stack of letters and lastly at the bottom I pulled out my dog tags. I held them in my hand, they were still dirty and had spots on them. Whether the spots were dried mud or dried blood, I couldn't remember. I had taken them off as soon as landed home and never looked at them until now. I ran my finger over the bent and dented corner, remembering. My stomach began to turn and I dropped the tags back into the bottom of the box. I grabbed the pictures and flipped through them, it was a long time since I last looked at them. They were of me in my desert fatigues smiling with the other staff of the unit I was stationed at. We were smiling because it was the beginning of the tour, we were full of hope and on a mission. I dropped each of the photos one by one into the box until I got to the last one, it was taken on my last day in the desert. I was alone, standing on the edge of the cliff overlooking the desert, my hair scattered around me. I could remember clearly who had taken the picture because everything that had taken place shortly after would always taint my memories, cementing so much pain that I shut down that part of my past. What and who I lost that day always on the surface unless I continued ignoring it.

I threw the picture into the box, and covered them up with my discharge papers holding them up and reading the Captain Lauren Lewis in fancy script, I turned it face down along with my few commendations I had received. I closed the lid and walked over to the closet and shoved the box onto the floor, kicking it to the back of the closet. I closed the door and leaned it against it. I went to the couch and laid down, turning on the TV and letting the empty noise of the shows replace the thoughts of bo, Trick, and my past mashing together in my head. I had to work soon and I needed to settle my head.

I ran from my research lab and all the way down to the trauma bay, I had gotten multiple pages for a code call with multiple patients. I had been working on Bo's injections and missed the first two pages. I was out of breath when I pushed the doors open and saw the trauma ward packed full of activity.A random crazy had shot up a convenience store, shooting two people and injury a few others when they all tried to fight him off. I saw Ann and she yelled for me to follow her, I did and was taken to one of the rooms where there was a younger guy, blood everywhere and he was panicking as the nurses moved around him. Ann started yelling, "GSW to the stomach and sternum, it looks like a large caliber and through and through, but he is bleeding heavily." I snapped into action, ordering iv's and meds for the guy, I began looking to find why he was bleeding so much. HE was still yelling asking what was happening, I tried ignoring it so I could focus on his injuries, until he reached out and grabbed my arm, "doctor, am I going to be okay?" I stopped and looked into bright blue eyes looking to me for answers and help, I couldn't back down from it, "we are working on making you okay, just relax and settle down." I pulled his hand off of me and set it onto the bed, "what's your name?"

"My name is Aiden." He leaned back against the pillows as nurses pushed ivs into his veins, "I tried to save as many as I could, but the guy kept shooting, I didn't know what to do but just push as many as I could away. My combat experience was not enough…"

I stopped for a second and looked at him, "are you military, Aiden?"

"yes ma'am, army, two tours in Afghanistan and Iraq." He smiled a little and relaxed, I smiled back and whispered, "me too. Army medical corp." Aiden instantly relaxed and let out a sigh, "I am in good hands then, doctor." I patted his hand and nodded, "I will do my best." Aiden calmed down and we were able to work faster and got him stabilized and up to surgery to repair his bleeding. Before I left him in the elevator with the nurses I told him that I would check on him as soon as he was out of surgery, he threw a weak salute and nodded, mouthing thank you.

I let the elevator doors shut and let out the breath I had been holding, Aiden reminded me of all the kids I saw come through my unit, my head throbbed. I returned to the ward and finished up the rest of the patients that needed me. three hours later, I went to go visit him. Aiden was awake and smiled when he saw me, "ma am." I smiled at him and waved his formality away, "I am not a captain anymore, just a normal doctor. How are you feeling?"

"sore."

I checked on his wounds and saw that they had left one of the gunshot wounds open to let it air out, and packed it with gauze, I was concerned about it but left it thinking the surgeon had a reasoning. "it looks like they patched you up and you should be fine in no time." I checked his chart then stepped to him, the blue eyes reminded me of so many, I swallowed hard. He looked at me, "thank you for calming me down, where did you serve, if you don't mind."

"Afghanistan, near the border in the 76th medical unit, Canadian royal army medical corp." Aiden smiled, "a canuck! I am us army, just out a month, up on vacation in the city when that nut ruined my day, I am just kidding doc, I had a few friends end up in that mash unit and you guys put them back together. Thank you for that, and for helping me."

I nodded, "you are welcome."

Aiden smiled and as he was asking if the Canadian army issued hockey sticks, he stopped and looked at me, his face going pale, "doc, I don't feel well…." He looked at me with panic. I touched his forehead and he felt cool and clammy, I checked his vitals and they were slow and diminishing, that's when I saw the red stain appear on his bed sheets, I ripped the blankets back and saw that the gunshot wound that he surgeon had left open was bleeding out. The blood was pouring out, I acted immediately and stuck my hand in trying to find the source, the stitches on the cut artery had torn off and Aiden started hemorrhaging. I started screaming for nurses to come as my hand was trying to pinch the vein close. Aiden had stopped talking and passed out, "no, no, stay with me, not like this. You are home now."

Nurses came in and I started yelling orders and trying to get a clamp so I could clamp the artery and get him back up to surgery. But there was so much blood, and I heard him flat line. I pulled my hand out and grabbed a nurse, "clamp his artery!" I began chest compression, yelling for blood. I pumped and pumped and pumped until a nurse had to grab my shoulder, "Dr. Lewis, stop….he's gone. There was too much blood loss and we couldn't recover." I knew it was true but I didn't want to accept it, I pumped a few more times until another doctor came in and told me the same thing. I was angry, and yelled at anyone I could and rushed out of the room. I tried scrubbing the blood off, watching it swirl down the drain, the only thought in my head was that I had lost another soldier, anger surged and I threw the scrub brush against the wall and walked out. I told Ann that I didn't feel good and was leaving for the rest of the shift sick. I kept my composure until I got to my apartment and lost it, collapsing at the floor of my bed sobbing until my chest hurt. I had lost patients before, but this one I couldn't deal with. I was too raw from my past being brought to the surface, flashbacks over-riding my mind. I cried until I passed out.